Vault Hunters Wanted
by Samuel Keller
Summary: Two generations of Vault Hunters have come to Pandora and still it isn't safe. That means the third generation will just have to be better to finally free Pandora from its oppressors. Basically Borderlands 3 with DLC content planned.
1. Chapter 1: To Sanctuary We Go

**If you are reading this, you are one of two groups of people. The first group are my current fanbase who are scratching their heads nad saying, 'the fuck is Samuel thinking?' Well I'd like to clarify that i ma perfectly sane at the moment and I did this on purpose. I want Gearbox (the guys who made Borderlands 1 and 2) to see this stuff so they might add some of it into Borderlands 3. I personally don't care how they add it, I just want my name in the credits, like a minor post-it or something. Believe me, I'd know if they took an idea from my stuff and the pride of that would make it completely worth it. Now I won't abandon any of my stories, so please don't worry. This is just something I really wanted on paper. **

**Now the second group of people have absolutely no idea who I am and just want to read a really good story, so I hate wasting your time. So go on ahead.**

* * *

The cargo barge floating through the air that afternoon may have been mistaken for a flying scrap heap. In all fairness, it was patched and glued together from three different crafts. When you didn't have a legitimate factory, you relied on duct tape and spit in your backyard. At least, that was how the Crimson Raiders put it.

"We got ten minutes left before we hit Sanctuary" said the pilot turning to the passengers behind him. "Get ready."

The four passengers noted this with different levels of attention. All of them had various weapons on them, and they weren't your ordinary citizens.

One of them, a particularly tall and lean one, looked around. He wore faded armor that appeared to be from Dahl scraps and carried a huge mace-like weapon at his waist. "Well ladies and gents, I feel like we should get to know each other."

He pointed to himself. "I guess I'll start. Name's Baldemar. Expert inventor and technician. If it was built by someone, I can take it apart and put it back together in half the time."

"Interesting" noted another man on the barge. Oddly enough, he had light lime hair that was very messy and looked like a ball of fuzz. Despite this flamboyant hair, his face and eyes were very downcast, as if he rarely slept. His eyes were a deep blue and his skin was deathly pale. He wore a skin suit that was colored completely white with touches of padding over his chest, shoulders and knees. Over his neck and arms were elegant pinstripe tattoos that were colored completely black. He also had a white cloak that wrapped around his shoulders and clasped over his right pectoral with a golden circle.

"Who are you then?" asked Baldemar. "Your hair makes me…curious about you."

"Curious eh? That sounds mildly gay, but whatever. I'm Dion. I like killing things and I came here for a purpose. That's about it."

The female of the group smirked. She wore a cowgirl-like outfit, complete with a duster jacket and a black large hat. She had a deep tan that looked beaten into her skin and had short black hair. "Figured guys like you would be so blunt. You got that look in your eyes. My name is Taika if you wanted to know."

She turned to the fourth person on the barge. "But I can't even see your eyes, so I don't know what to think of you."

The fourth member was covered head to toe in what looked like a biohazard suit. His face was covered partially with a gas mask that covered his lower jaw, but he also had a pair of goggles over his eyes. His skin color was a slight grey color that made him look like a corpse.

"I apologize for not showing my face" he said in a menacing bass. "It is something I cannot avoid without costs."

"Well either your body can't adjust to Pandora's atmosphere, or there's more to you than meets the eye" said Baldemar.

"There is always more" muttered the masked man. "And if you want to know, my name is Saprus."

"Saprus eh? Nice name" responded Taika.

Something hit the side of the barge and all of them snapped to attention.

"What the hell was that?" asked Baldemar.

"Whatever it is, I hope I can shoot it" muttered Dion.

The pilot turned. "Don't be too worried. The bandits have started doing these air raids, but…"

An explosion rocked the ship and the pilot struggled for control. "Prepare to fight! I'll…"

The side of the barge ruptured the four passengers struggled for grip.

A marauder slammed into the hold, his jetpack still warm. He raised his gun, but something quickly fired back.

Dion stood tall, his hand glowing a light green. His tattoos were shining a jasmine color and his eyes were notably white.

He ran forward and grabbed the stumbling bandit. Gripping his head, he twisted it violently and sent the marauder to the floor.

He pulled out a large Jakobs pistol and loaded a single round into the downed bandit's skull. Ripping off his jetpack, he threw it onto his own back.

"Get moving shit-stains" he ordered sternly.

He turned and pressed a button on the jetpack. He flew out of the barge, his pistol still in hand.

The pilot looked out. "What the hell is he doing?"

"Helping get rid of the air raiders" explained Baldemar. He knelt down and opened up his SDU. "Well, no point in just letting him go alone."

He pulled out a similar looking jetpack, but this one looked rather professional. It appeared to be Hyperion tech, a rarity at the current time.

"Let's go" he said running out of the barge. He activated it and spun into the air, following Dion closely.

Taika grinned. "Boys will be boys I guess."

She went over to the hole and knelt down. Drawing a Maliwan sniper rifle from her SDU, she began taking crack shots at the Banshees around the barge.

Saprus looked out the hole. Indeed, they were being attacked by bandits. While Sanctuary in the distance was the primary target, they obviously were fine in attacking them as well.

"How troublesome" he muttered. "And here I thought I'd have a relaxing day."

He adjusted his gas mask. "I'm not sure how I can help them. They seem to be doing a good job as it is."

* * *

"Wahoo!" yelled Baldemar sailing through the air, firing his Vladof assault rifle. He was being chased by a Banshee and had rockets and bullets and all sorts of shit flying around him. It felt awesome.

"I'm happier than a slut in a men's locker room!" he yelled doing a barrel roll.

He felt something breeze past him and turned. Sure enough, Dion had barely clipped him to attack the Banshee behind him.

The green-haired man slammed into the aircraft and grabbed the pilot. Looking at him coldly, he threw him from the cockpit and looked around.

"I'll just take your little plane for a moment" he said gripping the joystick.

He manipulated the Banshee up and around, smashing it into a second Banshee near it.

Dion jumped and the two aircraft exploded, covering him in flames and shrapnel.

He dive-bombed for a little while, then skyrocketed upwards.

"God I love doing shit like this" he muttered adjusting his flight pattern.

Baldemar grinned. "Having fun?!"

"You have no idea" replied the green-haired man smiling slightly. He looked like he was drowning in ecstasy, with his eyes half-lidded and a small grin on his face. He really did enjoy killing people.

Suddenly a Banshee near them exploded and began to fall. As it fell from the sky, they noted how it was rotting away. Unlike most acid that was weaponized for military use, this was an odd black fluid that looked more like magma.

They looked and saw that Saprus had taken his right glove off, revealing his hand. It was a sickly dark purple color and looked like it was covered in scars and sores.

"That's revolting" muttered Baldemar.

"I would say the same thing, but I got something similar on my cock once" replied Dion doing casual rolls with the jetpack.

"That's even grosser."

"I'm not sure that's a word."

They stopped when they realized that there was a huge Badass Banshee approaching them, firing everything from rockets to bullets.

"Well, let's kill this thing new best buddy" joked Dion.

"Roger that."

They flew at the thing, only to note that someone was rapidly firing sniper rounds into it. Judging by the fact that Saprus didn't have one, they assumed Taika was taking the shots.

"Just call me butter, cause I'm on a roll!" yelled Baldemar flying around the huge aircraft, firing his machine gun one-handed.

Dion was firing a Bandit shotgun in his fist, pumping it by moving his entire arm at once. Had to love the irony of that one.

"I met puddles of cum smarter than you bricks" he taunted reloading his shotgun and continuing his assault.

The Badass Banshee exploded violently and the two flying men stopped. Turning around, them saw Taika had a large grin on her face and a smoking rifle.

"Damn. She got the last shot" murmured Baldemar.

"Now I'm pissed off" said Dion. "Better find a few more things to kill later."

They flew back to the ship and landed inside. Saprus was taking a nap judging by his pose, and Taika was cleaning her sniper rifle.

Dion ripped off his stolen jetpack and threw it out the window. It spiraled uncontrollably and exploded, something he noted with delight.

"Awesome" he muttered looking at the explosion.

Baldemar slid his jetpack into his SDU and sat down. "Well, I think that's a decent way to start off our introduction. We protected Sanctuary from a little attack."

"Not really" replied the pilot. "That was a tenth of the attack force. But you did help out. Saved my ass anyway. Appreciate it."

Taika nodded. "Always willing to help."

"There was murder involved. I was more than happy to go along with the idea" said Dion sitting down.

The pilot resumed flying the aircraft, but he did have a small smile on his face. "You must be some Vault Hunters eh? Only real badasses fight like that."

"I guess you could say that" murmured Saprus without moving. "I did come here to find some of the Vaults."

"It's the biggest money I can make, so that's why I'm doing it" said Taika leaning on the side of the barge.

"There's cool shit in the Vaults I want" stated Baldemar. "technology we have never seen, and it could be worth so much money. I can't wait."

"Personal reasons" muttered Dion.

The pilot nodded. "You'll definitely get along with Lilith then. She could use guys like you in the Raiders."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the introduction. Now I do have a few more characters (*cough* a lot) but these are the four base guys for the moment. Leave a review and enjoy the rest of your day!**


	2. Chapter 2: Meeting with a Siren

Lilith studied the four people in front of her, noting each of their appearances and weapons.

"So, Baldemar, bother to explain to me what this thing is?" she said holding up a small device.

He smiled, proud of his invention. "It's a digistruct system I use. It can generate clones of myself, which I use for distraction and diversion. They are capable of firing guns and throwing grenades, but disappear after enough damage has been taken. I can only make one at a time, but it's pretty damn effective."

"Sounds awesome" she noted putting the device down on the table.

"I hate to interrupt a pretty lady when she's talking, but I got urgent business to talk with ya" said Dion. He rifled a hand through his green hair nervously, but he seemed determined.

"Hold your stuff. Just because you're kinda cute doesn't mean I'll give you special treatment."

"Of course Siren."

She stopped. "Why you calling me that?"

"It's what you are, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but that's not a name I get a lot. Why you calling me that?"

Dion adjusted his suit, a sudden nervousness having entered his bones. "I…I'm a Titan."

Lilith whipped an eyebrow. "Really? Never met one in person until now."

The Titan nodded.

Taika glanced at them sideways. "Hate to sound like an idiot, but what is a Titan?"

"A Titan is the male counterpart to a Siren" answered Lilith. "They have powers similar to ours, but are notably more unstable and aggressive."

"Unfortunately, that's completely true" said Dion. "I've been getting more bloodthirsty the longer I stayed in Pandora."

He looked at his right hand. It glowed slightly green and he sighed. "I wonder; have you had similar effects?"

"Sort of. But I think if you want advise for the whole Siren/Titan thing, you outta talk to Maya."

Dion nodded. "Of course. But I will help you as much as I can for the time being."

"How noble" muttered Saprus.

Lilith looked at him. "Now you intrigue me. Why the mask?"

"I wear it so I don't injure those around me" he explained bluntly. "It's a precaution."

"Fair enough. Now, you…"

The Siren turned to the other female. "You seem like a strong, independent woman."

"Well when you live in a shitty place like Pandora, you have to be" answered Taika crossing her arms over her chest.

"Good that. Hope you can survive with these guys."

Baldemar threw an arm around Taika's shoulder. "If anything happens, I got her back."

"I'd prefer if you got my front big guy" she said smiling slyly. "That's where all my good stuff is."

"I beg to differ" said the inventor looking behind her.

She slapped him, even with the small smile. "You're not getting this, I hope you know that."

"If he knew that, he wouldn't be trying" said Saprus analytically.

"Well hopefully he'll figure it out" said Lilith. "Because you four are going on an adventure."

"Cool" said Baldemar grinning.

"Are there people to kill?" asked Dion blankly.

"It's Pandora. There are always people to kill."

"I love it. Where are we going?"

The Siren tapped a button on the table and it lit up, revealing a map of Pandora.

"After Hyperion cut a good chunk of their influence off from Pandora, we began to expand outwards into the areas they originally cut off from us. That includes this huge region here."

She pointed to an area beyond The Dust.

"We call it The Dirt for a simple reason: It's full of dirt. While it is a bit like a desert, the closest definition is a plateau."

"Interesting. What's so important in there?" inquired Taika.

"There are several caravans traveling around that place. One of them is incredibly important to us. It has two twins there, Mel and Del. Now I'm pretty sure that one of them is a shield-crafter, and that's exactly what we need. If you haven't noticed, Sanctuary isn't exactly well-defended."

She pointed to the rubble in the next room. A lucky bandit had shot a hole through the wall and it was still smoking.

"We need the twins to craft a shield for our city if we hope to survive any more attacks. It might take some convincing, but I'm sure we can enlist their help."

"Getting there will be slightly difficult" noted Saprus. "I have been to The Dirt a few times. It is a treacherous place."

"Yeah, but we got something to help with that."

Lilith tapped a small sphere on the map. "This is Tiberius Outpost. A little while back we made a city out of an old Atlas mine. It's nowhere near as profitable or populated as Sanctuary, but it is a safe haven."

She picked up a note on the table. "An old buddy of mine lives there. Just hand him this note and he'll help you."

Baldemar took the note. "Duly noted ma'am. Anything else?"

"Not really. Just go and take the fast-travel station when you're ready."


	3. Chapter 3: Tiberius Outpost

Saprus smashed into the ground, having just taken a trip through interdimensional space. He could still see the blue lights of the teleporter and hear the noises it made.

"God, I hate going through that" he murmured adjusting his gas mask and hood.

Baldemar landed beside him and dusted himself off. Flicking his armor back into place, he looked around.

They appeared to be in what looked like a broom closet. The Fast Travel Station was the only source of light in the room, and also appeared to be the only advanced machinery as well. The only other thing in the room was a couple of shelving units and a broom. It had maybe thirty feet of actual floor space and it was pretty cramped.

"You're stepping on my foot" muttered Dion trying to adjust his shoe.

"Sorry greenette" said Taika cheekily.

He scowled. "You seriously called me a greenette? I can't help my hair color you know."

"Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties gnarled. But you seriously do have lime-colored hair and that qualifies you as a greenette."

"Is that even a word?" inquired Baldemar curiously.

"It is now" stated Saprus blankly.

They all began to feel really stuffy inside the room all of a sudden, so they began to make to the door.

"Okay, since I am the obvious leader, I go first" stated Taika.

"Obvious leader? Leaders are measured by responsibility and intelligence. I have patented twenty different inventions, all of which are still being used by weapon manufacturing companies" said Baldemar.

"I don't care who the leader is, as long as we get out of this room" muttered Saprus to himself.

"I'm a bloodthirsty Titan, so I don't think I can lead effectively" explained Dion.

The inventor glared at the huntress. "I'm the leader."

She smirked. "Okay handsome, you're the leader. But ladies still go first."

With that she grabbed the doorknob, swung the door wide open, and stepped out with a dramatic swing in her hips.

"You had that one coming" murmured Dion smiling to himself. Even Saprus was chuckling into his gas mask.

"Shut up. Who asked you guys anyway?" spat Baldemar stepping out next.

They all exited the room and looked into the new area they were in. It appeared that the thing they exited was a shed, since they were outside. Or as outside as it could be.

The 'roof' over their heads was a natural one made of stone and rock that extended almost a hundred feet upwards. Around them rose buildings that looked more or less stable, with an occasional bad welding job and duct tape solution here and there. The most notable attribute was how freaking bright it was. Hundreds of floodlights were mounted into the rock celling and shone down in every direction.

"Tiberius Outpost" muttered Saprus. "Old Atlas mine. Looks like something they would make. Just look at the huge crevices their drills left in the rock."

"Unnecessary data bro" stated Baldemar. "Where's this guy we need to get to? That's important data."

Dion shrugged. "Well, there isn't any point lollygagging here. If I know most leader types, he'll have the coolest building around here."

They began to walk down the streets of Tiberius Outpost, passing a few people along the way. All of the people seemed friendly enough, but stayed a good distance from them at all times. Being on Pandora, even strangers could be dangerous people.

They reached a courtyard and saw that a large generator-like device was wired there. It appeared to have a large reactor core in the center, spiraling with blue plasma. It ran like an old gasoline generator, but had the notable hum of electricity.

"Shield generator" murmured Saprus.

"Now that is important data" said Baldemar, encouraging his partner to keep going.

"Such devices are used with a large plasma core at the heart. The groaning noise it makes is the machine adjusting itself to emit another thousand pulses of energy. Thought I must question why they need it here. I mean, this city is underground. It's not like…"

Suddenly the ground beneath them began to shake violently and rocked the ceiling above them. They stumbled slightly, but then the quake stopped just as quickly.

"Ah, earthquake deterrent" muttered Saprus. "With such a high-energy shield around the outpost, earthquakes would be quickly nullified."

"Like when you got fruit in gelatin?" asked Taika.

"That's a rather rough description, but accurate enough."

Baldemar nodded. His technical mind was already imagining such a device and its applications. He rubbed his fingers, a force of habit when he was around such great pieces of machinery.

"If only I could take it apart" he whispered licking his lips.

Dion shrugged. He could care less about stuff like that. "Let's get going people. I want to get paid and kill things."

They began walking to the tallest building in the Outpost, noting that it had a sign boarded to the front of it with CITY HALL in neon colors. It made it pretty obvious that some leadership lived there.

They reached the building and saw that two Crimson Raiders were posted at the front door. They held huge machine guns and looked rather intimidating.

"You got an appointment?" asked one of the guards.

"Well Lilith sent us" replied Baldemar.

"That counts" said the other guard. He then opened the door.

"By the way" warned the first guard, "Don't mess with the west wing."

"Yeah. You'll get your ass electrocuted" explained the other.

They walked inside and immediately noticed that the west wing of the building was sealed off with caution tape. They could hear small explosions coming from it and something that smelled like gunpowder.

"I think we should go forward" proposed Dion.

"Agreed" stated Saprus.

They reached a set of stairs and began walking up to the second floor. There was another guard at the top of the stairs, who gestured to them.

"Try not to get too close" he warned. "Oh, and don't eat anything he offers you."

They nodded and reached the door he had marked. Opening it, they looked inside.

It was a small office space with a simple wood desk in the center. The back wall was a huge sliding door with dirty glass that lead to a balcony. Standing on that balcony was a man.

The man wore a long green jacket that appeared to be a military uniform. Covering his greying short hair was a cap with a square bill positioned in front of his face. He stood tall, almost seven feet in height.

The man turned and looked at them blankly. "Ah, you are new. Why are you here?"

"Lilith asked us to deliver a note" stated Dion handing it to him.

The man grabbed it and read it. Even as he scanned the piece of paper, his facial expression didn't change. One notable thing was that his eyes were a deep red, almost glowing with some odd luminescence.

"So you're the newest generation of Vault Hunters?" he said almost sadly.

"That's about right" replied Taika.

"Well, good luck to you all. I was a Vault Hunter once."

"Why did you stop?" inquired Saprus.

"Personal reasons. But that's irrelevant."

The man pulled out a cigarette and lit it with a strike match. Blowing a cloud of smoke, he sat in a simple leather chair.

"Now I can predict that our relationship will be a long one" stated the man adjusting his cap. "For that reason, I might as well tell you my name. I am The Captain."

"Just Captain?" asked Dion.

"Just Captain" confirmed The Captain. "Now you are trying to track the movements of the caravans in the Dirt. To put it simply, that's difficult to do."

He pointed to a map on the wall. It was a map of the Dirt with multiple colored lines crisscrossing over each other.

"Each caravan has a certain formula to their methods, due to the way they operate. They act as merchants for our cities, allowing us to transport goods that normal teleporters cannot. We have notable contacts in Lynchwood and Overlook. It works similar to a triangle, but the problem is each caravan have their own methods of getting to each location."

He inhaled on the cigarette. "Now, the easiest solution would be to stay here and wait for the right merchant. The problem is, that could take weeks since they go by locomotion, or automobiles to those less educated."

"Not to mention trying to track a specific caravan is probably impossible" added Taika.

"Very good huntress" complimented The Captain. "You are correct. However…"

He inhaled on his smoke-stick again. "I do know someone who can track them. Convincing her is…going to be difficult."

He stood up and smashed the cigarette into an ashtray.

"Come on" he said walking past them. "Don't stick your arms and legs too far off the path though."

They followed The Captain closely, noting how easily he moved. He seemed to move like a panther, his body shifting like a wraith. This added onto his coat, making him appear all sorts of awesome.

"I grow envious of your long coat" stated Dion. "I wish I had a badass one like that."

"It's a uniform" countered The Captain.

"Well someone doesn't like small talk" murmured Baldemar.

"He's a man on a mission" countered Saprus. "I can respect that."

"He's really handsome" muttered Taika.

"He's totally not your type" joked the Titan.

"How can you tell?"

"Simple. He's too badass to fall in love."

They reached the west wing and this time they went through. The Captain ducked under the caution tape and kept walking, moving through what looked like a trail. The walls of the west wing were full of metal scraps and sparking circuits, like an eccentric repairman lived there. It was rather odd to look at. But apparently a basic path had been chiseled out; otherwise they never would've gotten through.

"What kind of person lives here?" asked Dion.

"An inventor" answered Baldemar. "These are the results of dozens of failed experiments that the inventor is too aggravated to get rid of."

"You're more right than you know" said The Captain blankly.

They reached a small room and heard another explosion go off. This time, they could see it. It seemed to be coming from a panel in the floor. Inside was a circuit of some kind and what appeared to be a set of skinny legs.

"God fucking damn it" spat a distorted voice from the hole, probably belonging to the legs as well. "That's the third try."

The Captain tapped his foot twice on the edge of the panel.

"Oh, you're here" said the voice. Even when it was rather broken and slightly shaky, it was obvious that the voice was annoyed.

"I have something to ask of you" stated The Captain in his monotone voice. "We have guests."

"Are they hookers?" asked the voice.

"No."

"And like that, I lost interest."

The Captain narrowed his eyes. "Get out. Now."

"Ugh, you suck" said the voice. "Fine. You better not look up my skirt as I crawl out."

The legs moved slightly and then began to grow, the owner of them obviously moving out of the hole. Then it was added with a short plaid skirt that barely went to mid-thigh. It was quickly joined by a black jacket and a set of arms. Then the head came out, revealing that the person was indeed a female.

"Who the fuck are these guys?" she asked removing what appeared to be a bucket. It was some sort of helmet meant to withstand explosions, obviously since it had huge burns on the side and was still usable. Her hair was rather short and colored red, which accented with her jacket and skirt. She was rather cute actually, even though her face was covered in cuts and soot.

"They are our guests" stated The Captain.

She stood and adjusted her skirt, wiping some of the soot off her face as well.

"You couldn't give me ten minutes?" she asked rather offended. "Some of these guys are kinda cute."

Baldemar grinned. "You kidding? Nothing is hotter than a woman after a long day on the grindstone."

"Well hello than handsome" she said smiling dangerously. "Wanna get a drink some time?"

"You still can't drink" reminded The Captain.

"Just because I'm only twenty doesn't mean jack shit on Pandora" she countered. "Besides, they never had those laws here to begin with."

"I could care less about the laws of alcohol" stated The Captain. "But you do stupid things when you are drunk."

"Everyone does stupid things when they're drunk" added Dion.

"Yes, but her things are notably idiotic" said the leader. "She once glued my hands to my doorknob and proceeded to take pictures of me shirtless."

Taiko looked at the other female. "Nice job."

"I thought so too" said the female inventor. "I'll send ya the pics. They're hot. Too bad he got unstuck when I was about to take off his pants."

"Gaige, stop pressing my patience" spat The Captain. "These people need help."

"Oh right, that whole caravan shit" she muttered. She looked around.

"I know I had something here to help with that."

"How did you know what I was going to ask?" inquired The Captain.

"Oh, I installed listening devices in your office" she said nonchalantly.

"So that's why you gave me that odd painting the other day" muttered the leader.

"That's one of them. But stop distracting me."

She jumped over a pile of rubble and began digging further.

"God damn it I was looking for this!" she yelled looking at a magazine. "This is my favorite mag to…uh…probably should just tuck this somewhere that no one can see it."

Then she yanked out what appeared to be a Frisbee.

"Booyah!" she roared dusting off the device.

She handed it over to The Captain. "This thing tracks the movements of the merchant caravans and shit. Even identifies which caravan is where at any time. Just slap that sexy piece of machinery onto any vehicle and you got a caravan GPS."

"Thank you" stated The Captain.

"Thank you?" repeated Gaige. "That thing is a goddamn piece of art."

"You had it stuffed into a pile of junk."

"A pile of art!" objected the female inventor.

The Captain sighed. "Whatever."

He turned to the four Vault Hunters. "Here's how you'll find Mel and Del."

"Oh, you're looking for those two?" asked Gaige. "So that sexy babe Lil is finally getting someone to make a shield for Sanctuary. About time. I don't live there since it's so undefended."

"You don't live there because you blew up a quarter of the city" reminded The Captain.

"That was an accident!"

Baldemar chuckled. "Goodbye pretty lady. I hope to meet you again."

"So do I handsome"

The four Vault Hunters walked out with their new tracking system and made it outside.

"Do you make it a habit to flirt with every woman you meet?" asked Dion looking at the inventor.

Baldemar grinned. "I do actually."

"That's sleazy" spat Taika.

"That's smart business" protested Saprus.

They looked at him surprised.

"You APPROVE of that?" inquired the Titan amazed.

"That's how I met my wife" said the man with the gas-mask.

They all paused.

"You're…married?" asked the huntress.

He glared at her. "I was."

She gulped. His eyes looked like empty pits of hatred. Obviously she had pissed him off.

"Sorry" she murmured quietly.

"It doesn't matter" said Saprus coldly. "She's dead…and I can't do anything about it. Might as well stop getting angry about it."

Then he walked off, seemingly radiating anger.

"Damn. I'm terrified of the guy now" whispered Baldemar.

"I already was. The gas-mask was the first sign something was wrong with him" added Dion.

**The only thing I gotta say is please review and tell me what you thought.**


	4. Chapter 4: Wardrobe Change

They reached the vehicle bay of Tiberius Outpost, armed with their new tracking device from Gaige.

"You think she'd go out with me?" asked Baldemar.

"Dude, she's got the body of a twelve-year old" countered Dion. "Don't tell me you're a pedo."

"Oh come on! She's wearing a school-girl outfit! That would bring out the pedo in any man!"

"That theory works, as long as the chick wearing it is like twenty-five."

"Technically, Gaige is twenty" stated Taika. "She said it herself."

"She's flat-chested and she doesn't have a single scar of acne" said the Titan. "She looks like she belongs in middle school."

"Then explain how she was taller than you" taunted Baldemar.

"Dude, tons of people are taller than me" muttered Dion. "Unfortunate side effect of being a Titan."

It was true. The greenette Titan was maybe five foot and was the shortest member of the team by far. Even so, he definitely gave the impression not to mess with him, mainly from the tattoos.

Saprus looked behind him, adjusting the gas mask. "Try not to get too worked up over that girl. She didn't look capable of holding a real relationship."

They looked at him curiously. A moment ago he had hatred written all over. Now he was offering relationship advice. He truly was an odd man.

"You never know" stated the inventor. "I hope to get into a real relationship with a woman."

"And you're looking for that in an eccentric, hyperactive inventor schoolgirl?" asked Dion.

"Admittedly, not my best move."

"Good luck to you" said Taika. "I don't believe in weird relationships in real life, but I always did in anime. So I guess it could work in this universe?"

"Maybe" muttered the Titan. "I guess anything's possible if two people are trying to get laid desperately."

"Amen to that" murmured Saprus. "Unfortunately, that's how I fell in love."

"See? It's completely possible" stated the huntress.

"Just don't trust Hyperion if your wife develops the shivers" spat the gas-mask man. "I'm glad those motherfuckers are gone."

They paused. Obviously he had something he was hiding from them, but didn't want to tell.

Saprus stopped in the vehicle bay. "If we're heading to the Dirt, we might need to change. It's incredibly hard to breathe in the Dirt, and it's hot as Hell."

He walked over to a Customization Station and began typing onto the console. Then a blue light washed over him and his outfit changed.

The gas-mask man now had a hood over his head and goggles around his eyes. It appeared to be part of his suit now, since there were no seams between them. His suit also appeared to have a coolant tank on the back, as if it was air-conditioned.

"I think I'll keep my outfit" said Taika. "It's meant for adventuring."

"I wanted to see what I looked like in orange" said Baldemar walking to the changing station.

His armor gained distinct auburn edges and yellow interior, making him appear brighter.

"You look freaking Naruto" muttered the huntress.

"He totally does" agreed Dion. "Not the older one though. The younger, annoying one that I despise."

"Definitely changing" stated Baldemar typing in a few more commands.

His armor returned to its normal faded brown, than changed to a deep crimson red and burnt orange.

"Now that's badass" spoke the Titan.

The inventor chuckled. "Thanks. Now shouldn't you change? I mean, the dirt will get your suit dirty."

Dion looked at his outfit. It was true he was wearing only white.

"Naw. This suit can't get dirty."

They glanced at him curiously.

"How?" asked Taika.

He smiled. "It's made of synthetic rubber. It can't get stained."

"Well that's good" said Saprus. "Because the Dirt is very well named."

He then strode over to the Catch-a-Ride station and began plugging in some numbers.

"Major con-grats to you, my millionth customer! For your continued coperation and stuff, there is a thing of Captain Morgan Freeman Rum in the passenger seat."

Dion glanced at the Bandit Technical they had summoned. Indeed, there was a bottle of rum in the passenger seat. He lifted it up.

"I didn't know the captain on this bottle was a black guy" he muttered. He shrugged and popped the cork. "Must've been too drunk to notice."

He took a gulp. "Nice stuff. If only I had a cola with me."

"The one thing you ain't getting is the driver seat" stated Taika. "I'm only going with a sober driver."

"Then you drive" spat the Titan. "Or does the stereotype of bad women drivers completely true?"

She snarled. "No it ain't true. I'm a damn good driver."

"Go on ahead" said Saprus hopping into the back. "I can't see much with my goggles."

Baldemar hopped onto the turret near the middle of the Technical, adjusting the various parameters.

"Hmm, a barrel launcher? Not bad" mused the inventor shifting himself into the seat.

Taika jumped into the front seat and turned on the gas. Gripping the wheel, she grinned to herself. She loved driving these things.

"Lad's, let's get dangerous" she said flooring the gas pedal.

"Wahoo!" roared Dion gulping down his rum.

Taika turned the wheel and they barreled down the path ahead, into a tunnel. Obviously the place had been designed for vehicles to only enter and exit one way.

Rounding a corner, she saw the literal light at the end of the tunnel. Driving forward, she finally made it out of Tiberius Outpost.

They immediately hit ground and a huge cloud of dirt flew around them.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" cried Baldemar. "This place really is a plateau!"

Taika narrowed her eyes to help her concentrate. Grabbing the small device that Gaige had built, she slapped it onto the dashboard in front of her.

"Good afternoon. I am your personal guide, beyoch" said the device in a broken interpretation in Gaige's voice. "I have a total of two million and some odd destinations programmed into my _delicious_ hardware. Which destination did you have in mind?"

"Take us to Mel and Del's caravan" said the huntress into the device.

"Oh, the two handsome rogues eh? Don't worry, I understand why you're going to _see_ them" said the device slyly.

It beeped for a few seconds. "Drive north for fifty-seven miles."

"Oh son of a bitch" murmured Dion. "That's going to take forever."

"Patience is a virtue" reminded Saprus.

"Too bad I don't have any fucking virtues" spat the Titan.


	5. Chapter 5: Damn Merchants

"Teenage bestial homosexuality, are we there yet?!" exclaimed Dion throwing up his hands.

"No" murmured Saprus reading a small book. It had no markings on it and appeared to be very well-worn.

"Ugh! I ran out rum and I'm pissed off!"

The Titan buried his head in his hands. "If I'm not killing something or drinking something, I get irritated."

"That must make sleeping very difficult" commented Baldemar grinning slyly.

"Sleeping is difficult you idiot" spat Dion. "I can't sleep much unless I take pills. It freaking sucks."

"I know that feel" stated Saprus shifting a page.

"What book are you reading?' inquired the inventor glancing at him.

"One I stole from a library."

Dion laughed. "What's it about?"

"Not sure. Something about murder and incest."

"Game of Chairs?" proposed Taika from the driver seat.

The infected chuckled through the mask. "Unfortunately, I haven't found any off the illegal ECHOnet's. To be honest, most of the downloads are crap."

"Dude, I totally know that feel" murmured Dion leaning back. "I've been trying to get the next season of The Striding Undead, but I haven't had any success."

Taika beeped her horn twice.

"What was that for?" inquired Saprus looking up.

"We're arriving at our destination" she answered adjusting her hat. "I recommend you all get ready."

Baldemar nodded and shifted one of the armored plates on his chest. Since they were mostly stitched together, he constantly had to move them.

They finally reached their destination: a pair of caravan trucks. Since this was Pandora, the vans were composed of scrap metal and appeared mostly like trains. They were all wired together, but could detach into individual segments at a single button press. Despite this bulky look, it was fairly easy to manipulate.

Taika got out of the Technical and stood on her seat, her hands behind her head.

"Merchants, we are not bandits" she said simply but loudly. "Allow us to talk."

A man stepped out of the caravan, holding a huge machine Bandit machine gun. It looked like it had at least a hundred bullets in it at the minimum and appeared to be explosive.

"You the ones Maya called about?" asked the man simply. He was a dark-skinned man with dreadlocks slicked back and in a beanie cap. He wore a set of sunglasses and had a bandana across his face. Combined with his choice of weaponry, he looked like a bandit. Despite this, he appeared quite sane judging by his stance and speech.

"Yeah, brother" said Baldemar standing up.

The black man chuckled. "Brother? You must be from Eden-4. Never believed in that kinda philosophy."

The inventor chuckled. "Sorry brother. Even if you don't believe in it, I can't stop saying it."

The bandit man shrugged. "Whatever dude. Listen, Del is waiting for you in the front car. Just knock and he'll let you in."

The four Vault Hunters walked out of the Technical and approached the caravan train. They all slung their weapons up to not show hostility towards them.

Taika knocked on the door, tipping her hat to show more of her face. "Excuse me Mr. Del, we need your assistance."

The door opened and exposed the leader of the caravan, a single man. He was about six foot, but had the overall youthful appearance of an adolescent. His hair was long and shaggy, a deep mud brown. On his back was a huge claymore that appeared to be made of a shiny black metal. His overall appearance was of a casual biker, since he wore a spotless leather jacket and dirty jeans. Around his throat was a huge metal choker with spikes along the edges, coupled with similar bracelets and three belts. He looked like the member of a grunge band formed out in the middle of the countryside. He also didn't have an undershirt, exposing his toned chest that had multiple scars across it.

"Toon poon, who are you pretty lady?" asked the teen curiously.

Dion burst into laughter and collapsed onto the dirt, rolling slightly on the ground.

"Holy fucking shit I love this guy!" roared the Titan. "Barely five seconds and he already said something like that! Man, now I remember why I like Pandora so much!"

Taika looked at him slightly shocked at his comment, mainly since she wasn't expecting something like that from a guy she had just met. But this was Pandora…

"Listen, which twin are you?"

He grinned slightly. "Ah, straight to the point eh? I can respect that. Now I hate to disappoint yeah, but I'm Del, and I ain't the one you're looking for."

The other Vault Hunters looked at him curiously.

"What do you mean?" asked Baldemar cocking his head to the side.

Del sighed and leaned on the doorframe. "Listen, my brother is the shield crafter of the group. Unfortunately, he fled here a year ago to chase after some stupid girl."

"Why didn't you tell Lilith that?" inquired Saprus logically.

"Well, I was kinda embarrassed about it" admitted the teen grimacing. "To be honest, I couldn't stop him from leaving and explaining why he left is incredibly painful."

"Lilith said both of you are famous" analyzed Taika coldly. "If Mel is the shield crafter, what is it you do?"

"Me? I'm the best smuggler there is on Pandora" stated Del grinning. "Pretty lady, believe me, I could outrank Marcus if I had access to the air ways. I'm one of the best businessmen this side of Pandora, and I'm only seventeen."

"Impressive" noted Baldemar. "I have high respect for young entrepreneurs such as yourself."

"Well dude, I got things I need to do. I got a huge shipment I'm delivering to Lynchwood, and I need as much time as I can spare."

"Can you tell us where your brother has gone?" inquired Saprus adjusting his gas mask. "I hate having my own time wasted as well."

"Well masked man, I can answer that. My brother is deep in the Arid Nexus, in the section known as the Deadlands. Out of all the parts, that one is the most desolate. It might as well have dropped off the continent for how much life there is. What is there is dangerous and powerful wildlife."

"Sounds freaking awesome" murmured Dion brushing a strand of green hair from his face. "I needed to kill something."

Del chuckled. "You Vault Hunters are all the same. Anyway, I can mark the location on your map."

He grabbed Taika's ECHO and began typing numbers into it. Ten seconds later and he handed it back.

"Try not to get killed looking for my idiot brother" said the teen yawning. "He's not worth the effort. If you really wanted a shield for Sanctuary, you can probably steal one from one of the space ships flying in orbit."

He looked up at the sky, even though it was impossible to see any of them. "Freaking amazing isn't it? Only three years after Hyperion got their asses kicked out, and everyone else is scrambling for the leftovers. Vladof, Maliwan, Jakobs, even Dahl is coming back here. None of them truly realize how much shit Pandora's been through, and we won't give up easily. Hell, I'll pick up my gun again just to make sure no one tries to take over again."

"Agreed" stated Saprus. "I've grown on Pandora for all my life. Letting it all go is something I cannot do, no matter what."

"I…I just really want to put my hands in someone's ribcage right now" said Dion looking at his fingers. "I ain't proud of it, but I…can't get the notion out of my head. The violence…I became addicted to it."

"Well you'll like my brother just fine" added Del rubbing his eyes. "Now listen, I'm gonna take a nap. Good luck finding Mel, but I ain't even sure he's still sane enough to help anyone anymore."

He closed the door and began walking off, seemingly staggering over different objects inside the trailer.

"He was a total delinquent" murmured Taika.

"Naw, he was just tired" replied Baldemar. "Young genius's need their rest. That's why I take so many naps."

"I agree" said Saprus. "Course, I ain't young."

"Can you two stop your dick-fighting contest and come on?" asked Dion walking back to the Technical. "I want to find this Mel guy so I can ask Lilith some questions and all."

Taika nodded. "Let's go."


	6. Chapter 6: The Deadlands

"Hell's Bells, this place looks like Hell" murmured Baldemar looking out.

The Arid Deadlands were exactly as they sounded. The ground itself was pitch black and it appeared to be raining ash. The ground wasn't full of Eridium or lava like the Eridium Blight, but it still looked destroyed. Everything was rotten and dead, even the rocks and trees.

"What happened? I detect no Eridium mutations or volcanic eruptions, and radiation is fairly low for Pandora" stated Dion sniffing the air.

"You can tell that from a simple sniff?" inquired Saprus slightly shocked.

"Being a Titan allows me to gauge any scenario I can walk into" said the Titan closing his eyes. "I can see and hear anything I need to. Sirens have the ability even better than I do. I can tell the gas levels of various toxins in the air though. It appears that some sort of biological warfare happened here."

He looked around. "Judging by the density of the smoke, I can only guess that some sort of huge war occurred. It's like millions…no…billions of explosives went off in here over the course of years."

"War? I don't remember something like that happening anytime soon" stated Taika not even looking up from her steering wheel.

"I can only tell the effects. I can't tell why."

Saprus nodded. "If the ECHO castings I've heard are correct, it appears that someone was practicing bombs out here" he said calmly.

Baldemar glanced at him. "Dude, the sky is raining ASH. Even a whole company couldn't cause this much explosive fury."

"Torgue might've" murmured the infected.

Dion chuckled. "True that. But I thought Mr. Torgue was helping the Crimson Raiders?"

"He is" answered Taika narrowly avoiding a huge pot hole. "But that doesn't mean he doesn't have a company to run. He could've just used it as testing grounds."

They stopped talking when they saw something in the distance. It looked like a small hut was built precariously on a cliff way over their heads. The thing was maybe the size of a regular building, but it was definitely sewn and fused together from scrap.

"That must be where our man lives" stated the huntress. "How are we going to get up there though?"

Saprus analyzed the cliff the building was built on carefully. "There is an elevator to our left."

She turned and saw that indeed there was. It wasn't near the building exactly, but it would definitely get them up there.

Taika drove the car towards the elevator and parked it. "Well, we go on foot."

"About time" said Dion jumping out of the car. "My legs were going asleep with all this sitting around."

They all reached into the elevator and noted how utterly shitty it looked. The thing appeared to be held together by duct tape and prayers.

"We're all gonna die" muttered Baldemar before he pushed the button.

They rose up rather quickly, the entire elevator shaking creakily and wobbly. Despite this, no cables snapped and nothing exploded.

"Ya know, this guy must be a real idiot to come out here" mused Dion aloud.

"What makes you say that?" asked Saprus sarcastically.

"Well, apparently he did all this shit for a girl? Even I wouldn't go that far."

The infected sighed. "Clearly you don't understand love than."

"Come on. That Del guy was maybe fifteen. This Mel is probably close to the same age. You can't really fall in love in your teen years."

"But he thinks he's in love" clarified Saprus. "And because he thinks so, he acts like it."

They reached the top and noted that they were closer to the building. It appeared to be a workshop of some kind, since it had steam chimneys and some good old fashioned fire forges around the edges.

"Uh…why are there bandit corpses everywhere?"

They quickly noticed that scattered across the ground of the workshop were dozens of corpses. They all appeared to be dismembered and had dozens of laceration wounds.

"Damn. You think this Mel guy did all this?" inquired Dion.

"Probably" said Baldemar.

Suddenly the front door of the shop opened and someone sprinted out. It looked like a psycho, but this one was not doing its typical mad behavior. It appeared to be terrified and wasn't carrying any weapons. It was covered in blood that was still dripping from its skin and various organs.

"Run!" it yelled running from the shop. "He's…"

Suddenly a huge blade flew from the inside of the shop, smashing into the psycho. The blade then began to saw, eating through the psycho's chest and ribs.

The psycho collapsed and the blade stopped, revealed that it was a claymore. The odd part was the luminescent blue teeth that made it look like a chainsaw. It appeared to be part of a digistruct system, adding even deadlier implements to the weapon.

Someone walked out of the workshop, wearing a leather jacket and black jeans. He had a large visor over his face that functioned as a face guard. His entire outfit was covered in blood and soot, like he had been forging a sword made of blood.

The man grabbed the sword and pushed a button. Instantly the saw teeth disappeared, leaving a regular claymore.

"Damn. Another attack" said the man from behind his visor. "This is getting more annoying."

He turned to the four Vault Hunters. "Oh, visitors. Are you here to try and kill me?"

"No" answered Saprus. "We heard that you were a shield crafter."

The man sighed. "Yeah, I am."

He removed the visor, revealing his fair face. He looked barely sixteen, with a small bit of stubble around his chin and jaw. His hair was the same color as Del's, mud brown, but was cut more jagged and went only to his chin. He was actually fairly handsome for a young man, except for the huge scar that ran from his forehead down to his cheek across his left eye.

"My name's Mel" he said sliding his claymore onto his shoulder, "and if you want me to make a shield, I'll have to ask a favor."


	7. Chapter 7: Star-Crossed Lover

"Well, I'm sorry about my mess" said Mel walking into his workshop. He tossed his blast visor onto a small table, shuffling at least a dozen items, before smashing into a chair. He promptly placed his feet on the table and pulled out a small package.

"Well, I can offer you all some tea" he stated opening the package, revealing that it was gum. "It's sweet tea though, cause I hate that unsweetened shit."

"I'll gladly take some" responded Baldemar.

"Wouldn't mind having a glass myself" added Taika.

"One for the black guy and the pretty lady. Aye."

The teen reached out and grabbed what appeared to be two jars. They were full of a light brown liquid and had a date stenciled on the side.

"I made this patch three days ago" he explained handing it to them. "Don't worry. It's part of the process."

The huntress nodded and twisted open the top. Sipping it, she nodded in approval. "Damn. You make good tea."

Mel smiled. "Thank ya kindly. But I think we should talk about business."

He reached out and grabbed an open jar of tea and gulping it down.

"I know you're all here to ask me for a shield" he said calmly. "Anyone who isn't trying to kill me wants one. It's what I do best."

"So, you're the one who makes shields?" asked Saprus blankly.

"Ah, you met Del I presume? Yeah, my big brother isn't as gifted as I was in shield making. But he is a damn good merchant."

Mel shrugged. "To be honest, I only left for one reason: A…"

"A girl" stated Baldemar grinning, a small glob of tea on his lips.

The teen laughed. "Hell yeah I did! God, I love her so much! Her smile, her laugh, everything about her is addictive!"

"Young love" murmured Saprus. "I'd praise you, if it wasn't probably misguided."

Mel chuckled. "Well, if it's misguided I sure as hell hope I find someone better, because I love her with all my heart."

"Does she love you back?" inquired Dion.

The teen slumped in his hair, letting a pout cross his face. "Unfortunately no. I sent her typical romantic shit, like chocolate and flowers, but I think that just made her mad. Well, the flowers did. She liked the chocolate."

"How much did you give her?" asked Baldemar.

"Only a box. Then she demanded I fork over the entire crate I had smuggled from my brother. And of course I did it, hoping to catch a date. I didn't."

"Wow. You suck" snickered Dion.

Mel smashed his head into the table. "Don't remind me! It's hopeless! She'll never love me! My future-reading 8-ball and ten different fortune cookies told me!"

He grabbed a large black plastic sphere and shook it furiously. It looked like a giant 8-ball, and made a weird slushing noise when he shook it.

"See!? It even says, 'Not Likely'!" he exclaimed throwing it back onto the table. He quickly reached for a fortune cookie and snapped it in two.

"'The object you seek is not the one you wish to have'. I don't even know what the fuck that means but it doesn't sound good!"

Taika smiled gently. "Hey, you never know. She's probably nice and will see that you really care and you're a nice guy. Unless she's a total bitch."

"Oh no! She is the utter definition of kindness and serenity!" he yelled leaning back in his chair with a huge smile. "Her very eyes are enough to make me melt and I could look at her beautiful face and never grow tired of it! I feel like a beggar who caught a glimpse of Aphrodite!"

"God, you need a hobby" spat Dion. "It ain't healthy to be that attached. Or to have that much poetic references."

"My apologies" stated Mel gulping down more tea. "I tend to get a little…odd…after I kill stuff. That's the fifth attack this month. I'm getting tired of this shit. Anyway, let's talk business. Like really talk business."

He put the jar down. "Who am I designing a shield for?"

"Sanctuary" answered Saprus simply.

"Okay. Which of you weirdoes is named Sanctuary?"

Dion snickered. "Sanctuary is a place you idiot. Base of the Crimson Raiders, governed by a super-hot Siren? Ring a bell?"

Mel swore loudly. "Fuck yeah that rings a bell."

He collapsed in his chair. "Damn it. A shield for an entire city? I can barely imagine that."

He rubbed his head. "Man, I get headaches just thinking about the one I made for Tiberius Outpost. Damn thing took me forever."

"How long will this one take?" asked Taika. "I hate to rush you, but we have urgent business."

"Thankfully, I know ways around typical procedure" stated the shield crafter cocking an eyebrow. "The problem is, I need a special ingredient. And I only know one person who has it."

He sighed happily. "My dearest beloved."

Dion sighed. "Goddamn it. She isn't stubborn right?"

Mel looked up. "Uh…"

"Ah damn" murmured Baldemar. "What should we do?"

"Well…the first thing to do is not to even mention me" said the teen slightly embarrassed. "Considering the way she thinks of me, I have no doubt that she won't even talk to you if you bring me up. I'm sure…"

He snapped his fingers. "That's it!"

He laughed. "Listen, you'll have to trade her for the part I need. There's two things that'll convince her."

He withdrew a map. "You'll find both of them inside the old Hyperion base out here. It got overrun by rats, but that won't be a problem right?"

"Not a single one" responded Dion. "In fact, the violence makes it all the better."

"Excellent. Now, don't question the map at all. Believe me, she literally likes the shit I'm pointing out. Just get it than drive to the destination with all the hearts scribbled around it."

Taika opened the map. On it were three symbols: Their current location, the Hyperion Base, and some X with a bunch of hearts next to it and the words, 'My Beloved!' frantically strewn over it.

"That's adorable" she murmured giggling.

He chuckled nervously. "Yeah. Now, could you go quickly? I need to prepare for making that shield."

He sat up and stretched his arms. "God, I needed to work on something new anyway."

**Guess who his love interest is? Go on, guess. Seriously, do something. I'm dying for a review. I ain't mad, I just really want to know what I can do make this shit better. There's always room for improvement. **


	8. Chapter 8: Action Skill Activated

The four Vault Hunters traversed the Arid Deadlands, kicking up dirt and ash with every turn of their tires.

"So what's the first item on the list?" inquired Saprus.

"Well, it appears to be salads" replied Baldemar.

"Salads?" repeated Dion skeptically.

"Yep. Totally on the list."

The Titan rolled his eyes. "Why would any sane person want a salad? I can't stand salad."

"A beautiful woman must always maintain her appearance" stated Taika playfully. "Besides, salads can be downright yummy if you make them the right way."

"Yeah, if you deep fry them and cover them in bacon" muttered Dion.

"You're a carnivore aren't you?" asked Saprus blankly.

"Of course I am. Protein takes a lot more energy to burn and gives a lot more. Besides, meat tastes really fucking good no?"

The infected chuckled. "I agree. But we're not on this mission for us. We go for whoever Mel has a crush over. And we do it so we can get that shield and get paid or whatever."

Baldemar nodded. "Agreed dude. I'm in it for money."

"The Vaults" murmured Saprus.

"The challenge" said Taika still handling the vehicle.

"The answers" muttered Dion looking at his right hand, which was beginning to glow a slight green.

They all stopped when they caught a glimpse of the Hyperion base. It was devastated, with huge holes inside of it and some bits that appeared to have once been burning. It was obvious it had been abandoned, especially with the additions that had been added. Judging by the spikes and blood everywhere, bandits had taken over the base.

"Goddamn it" murmured Baldemar. "I hate rats."

"I think everyone does" replied Taika. "That's why they called them rats."

"If they wanted everyone to hate them, they would've called them French" said Dion grinning slyly.

They all laughed cheekily at the comment.

"Uh, where exactly are the salads?" asked Saprus. "I mean, does it label the base at all?"

"No" replied the huntress. "You see, all our objectives are inside."

"Well at least we won't have to waste battery life" noted the inventor.

They reached a large fence and noted that it was impossible to drive their car through it.

"Let's kill stuff" said Dion. He pulled out a Bandit shotgun and slid a hand affectionately down the blade attacked to the pump.

Baldemar unsheathed his Vladof assault rifle and loaded a magazine inside.

Taika drew a Maliwan Incendiary sniper rifle, adjusting the scope ever so slightly.

Saprus withdrew a Dahl Corrosive SMG, sliding the adjustable stock to his shoulder.

They walked through a small hole in the fence, Dion going first. Followed closely was Baldemar, with Taika right behind him. Bringing up the rear was Saprus.

"It's too quiet in here" murmured the inventor.

"It's not quiet if you have my hearing" noted the infected calmly.

"What do you hear?" inquired Taika. "I can't even hear."

"It sounds like water dripping. And I am fairly certain I hear some gas leaking through a pipe."

Dion glanced back at him. "Damn. That's impressive."

The huntress flicked a set of glasses onto her eyes, which were colored blood red.

"I don't see anything" she stated calmly. "No plants, no rodents, nothing."

The Titan sighed. "Are we being paranoid or something? Why are we doing this crap if there's nothing going on?"

Suddenly a bullet smashed into his chest, eating straight through one of his lungs.

"Ow" he murmured looking around. He had a huge grin on his face and the wound on his chest was healing itself. "That felt great."

They all looked around and saw that they had been completely surrounded. Rats were firing down from the building and debris around them, not offering a single chance to find cover.

"I'm going to dismember you all!" roared Dion. His skin charged up luminescent green, causing him to glow like a star.

The Titan bucked and his hair exploded outwards, stretching to his waist and becoming wild. His eyes flashed bright white and his skin paled up significantly. The tattoos glowed a deep jungle green and spread up to his neck, moving in their typical tribal style.

He raised his hand and fired a huge beam of energy, punching a hole clean through a Rat. It quaked in agony before collapsing, smoking intensely.

"I will bathe in your pain!" he yelled sprinting across the field, kicking up dust as he began firing beams from his hands.

"Damn. I'm jealous that he can do that" murmured Baldemar. "But I have much better idea."

He pressed a button on his gauntlet and another copy of him appeared on the field. It had only a pistol, but it had the same shield unit on its waist and the same grenades hooked to its belt.

"Clone, dispatch targets!" ordered the inventor firing his Vladof rifle.

The Clone slid behind a patch of cover and tossed a grenade, taking potshots while staying hidden.

Saprus turned and saw a Goliath approaching the group. He narrowed his eyes and flicked his left wrist. Ten different gauges overloaded and opened, releasing a black smoke from his skin.

He flared out his hand and the black smoke flew to the Goliath, moving like a swarm of bees towards him.

As soon as the cloud touched the Goliath, he began to scream. His skin was rotting away and burning, the armor he wore doing nothing against it.

"Totally pathetic" he muttered raising his SMG.

Taika smiled to herself. "Boys, boys, boys. Always trying to outdo one another."

She pressed a small button on a device at her hip and a digistruct creature appeared beside her. It looked like a dragon, made of light and numbers. It flexed its wings and flew into the air, gliding graciously even as it became more solid.

"Go Roosevelt!" she yelled encouraging her digital pet.

Dion leaped onto the second story of the building, still in the middle of his rage. He turned and fired repeatedly, taking down enemies even from all the way down the hall.

Then he saw two Baldemars joining him, backing him up from his flanks.

"Am I seeing double?" asked the Titan slightly confused.

"It's a combat clone" explained the original Baldemar. "It's just like me, albeit it doesn't last as long."

Dion laughed, his mind deep in the gutter. "That's what she said!"

Then a round smashed into the clone, completely disintegrating it.

"Well shit" muttered Baldemar. "There's a sniper over there."

Dion was about to run to it, but then his glow stopped.

The Titan collapsed, coughing up blood as he did so.

"Shit. My Plasma Rage is completely out" he said grasping at his heart.

Baldemar grabbed him by the collar and threw him into cover, sliding into it as well.

"I can't go out" stated the inventor. "My clone has to recharge and he knows where we are."

"Fuck" spat Dion.

Suddenly an incendiary round smashed into the sniper's head, cleaning burning off half his body.

"Did you guys forget about me?" asked Taika sheathing her sniper rifle.

Looking up, her pet Roosevelt landed beside her, glowing intensely from its back and chest.

"That's an interesting little pet" noted Dion. "Where did you manage to find that?"

"I constructed it" admitted the huntress.

"It looks like a skag with wings" murmured Baldemar.

"I decided making it look like a dragon was a little too typical."

They stopped when they heard Saprus approaching, his left hand still smoking black.

"But your disease interests me greatly" said Taika. "What is it?"

"I don't know" stated the infected blankly. His glove snapped close again, stopping the smoke. "The Hyperion assholes called it Plaque IX. Well, they did after they injected my wife with it when they tried to cure her brain shivers."

"Damn" muttered Dion. "That freaking sucks."

"Considering how she didn't survive the disease, definitely" said Saprus. "I did however. And I promptly killed them all."

Baldemar grinned. "Well, that's a bittersweet ending at least."

The infected shrugged. "Whatever. Let's go find the stuff on that list."

**Basic Run-Down on their Action Skills:**

**Taika: Summons a wyvern that attacks enemies. Think Bloodwing/Deathtrap**

**Saprus: A cloud of DPS damage on one enemy**

**Baldemar: A Clone with a pistol who can throw grenades and take cover**

**Dion: Rage mode with beam abilities and damage reduction**

**And yes, I'm publishing their skill trees when this is over. It'll be fun! **


	9. Chapter 9: Brutus and Bunnies

"We got everything?" inquired Dion wrapping the package in twine.

"Completely" said Taika checking the list. "Now all we have to do is…"

They stopped when they heard something walking above them. It sounded like a giant above them, with an odd third step mixed in as well.

Then the ceiling above them exploded, sending all of them straight to the ground.

The giant stood, what appeared to be some kind of Goliath-like creature. It had a huge cannon for a weapon, which it appeared to be using as a walking stick. Despite the fact that he scraped the ceiling, he appeared rather ordinary, with no odd protrusions evident on its body. It was wearing a set of plate armor with a large helmet that looked like a fortress, combined with his shoulder pads. He looked like a medieval knight mixed with an entire castle.

"I am Brutus" said the giant gripping his cannon-staff. "And you killed all my men. So I'm going to kill you all now. No offense."

He smashed his cannon into the ground, throwing them all backwards.

Saprus opened his glove and fired a bolt of Plaque IX, covering the giant in it.

Brutus barely reacted and fired, exploding one of the walls and leaving an immense hole.

"That's an impressive weapon" noted Dion. He charged himself up, his arms glowing green. "Sadly, I'm a weapon all by myself."

He fired a beam of energy, walking straight forward without a fear.

The giant shot him in the chest and the Titan barely reacted, even though half his ribs had been crushed.

Taika summoned Roosevelt, firing her Incendiary sniper rifle rapidly.

"God, this guy doesn't die!" roared Baldemar conjuring his Clone.

Roosevelt flew around the room and settled on a small pile of debris.

Then he fired a beam from his mouth, hitting the giant clean in the head.

Brutus stumbled slightly, giving enough time to be shot by multiple Vault Hunters.

"You all are powerful, but that won't be enough" he spoke in his deep bass tones.

The giant twirled his cannon-staff and aimed it at the floor. Then he fired.

The floor collapsed beneath them, sending them a level further down.

Dion collapsed, his Plasma Rage gone again. He raised his shotgun, pumping the action rapidly.

"How much health does this bastard have?" muttered the Titan slightly annoyed.

Taika scoffed. "Too much."

She reached into her SDU and pulled out a huge Torgue rocket launcher.

"Holy shit" murmured Baldemar. "How can you even carry that damn thing?"

"I learned how to handle big things once I hit puberty" she said cheekily.

Then she fired.

The rocket smashed into Brutus, releasing an explosion that knocked them all away.

Then it exploded again, releasing a set of miniature grenades around the giant.

The giant looked up at her, his helmet leaving his face blank. "Fuck you."

"I bet you would" said Taika grinning.

Then the grenades exploded, blowing the giant off his feet.

Brutus smashed through a wall and lay still, bleeding profusely from his chest.

Dion laughed, sliding his shotgun into his SDU. "Man that was fun."

He stopped when he saw where they had landed. They were inside a room he had dubbed sealed a few minutes before. Inside was a weapons chest, one that appeared to be from the old Hyperion army.

"Loot!" he yelled running over to it.

He popped it open and it revealed the contents. Inside was a purple-rarity Jakobs revolver, a green-rarity Hyperion pistol, and a green-rarity Dahl assault rifle.

"I want that rifle" said Saprus.

"I'll settle for one of the pistols" spoke Baldemar.

"I'm okay" murmured Taika.

"I want the revolver" stated Dion.

After a moment of intense negotiation, they all ended up satisfied. Saprus got his Dahl rifle, Baldemar got a Hyperion pistol and Dion got a Jakobs revolver. Taika was perfectly okay, seeing as how her rocket launcher and sniper rifle kicked enough ass already.

They walked back to the vehicle, the Titan carrying the bundle they had come for.

"That chick better be fucking happy" murmured Dion. "I ain't going to find any more salad, especially in this place."

"You know technically, all we had to do was go back to Sanctuary and buy some of this stuff" stated Saprus logically.

The Titan stopped. 'You're not serious."

"Unfortunately, he's right" said Taika rubbing her temples. "All of this stuff could've been bought."

"God fucking shitty slut bucket!" roared Dion infuriated. "I wasted my bullets for this?!"

"You had fun right?" asked Baldemar smiling.

"Of course I had fun! Killing stuff is always fun!"

"Then was it worth it?"

The Titan sighed. "I guess. You got me there."

They got inside the Technical and began driving to the second point of the map, the one with all the hearts and goo-goo-gaga shit written all over it.

"I wonder if that chick's pretty" mused Baldemar. "I'd be happy to make her acquaintance."

"Oh come on. Only a short while ago you were hoping to get in Gaige's pants" stated Dion. "Now you're after a chick you haven't even met?"

"I'm lonely. Let me have my peace."

Taika laughed. "You know, I'm sure whoever this girl is won't be interested in you."

"What makes you say that?"

Saprus audibly smirked. "You have the same attitude Mel does, and this girl doesn't like him. So you get the assumption…"

"Oh, that's not cool!" yelled the inventor. "That Mel guy looked like a druggie anyway."

"Who uses the word 'druggie' anyway?" asked the Titan.

"I do!"

"Obviously."

Taika sighed. "Break it up you two."

"He started it!" yelled both of them simultaneously.

"Do I need to give you two a corner to stand in?" inquired Saprus cheekily.

"Shut up!"

They crossed over a ridge and caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a cave. It was covered in blast scars and looked like it had been carved from bombs and dynamite.

"That's it" said Taika parking outside.

Dion glanced at the burn marks. "What happened here?"

"Someone made themselves a natural house" explained Saprus. "It's a smart idea. There are more bombs on Pandora than buildings after all."

"I think this chick might be just as crazy as Mel" murmured Baldemar.

"Does crazy turn you on?" inquired the Titan grinning brazenly.

"All women are crazy. You just have to find the crazy you can tolerate."

"I second that" said the infected.

"As do I" muttered Taika. "I am a little crazy after all."

They entered the cave and noticed that it got larger from the entrance. It did indeed appear to be made from explosions, since the entire interior was black from soot.

"Is that…a bunny?" asked Dion cautiously.

"What are you talking about?" inquired Saprus.

"There's a freaking bunny on that wall."

They all stopped. Indeed, it appeared that there was a stenciled bunny head on the wall with a cutesy smile and huge ears. It looked like it had been drawn by a five year old.

"Don't tell me this chick's got kids" murmured Baldemar. "I hate having responsibilities."

"She might be married" proposed the masked man.

"So we're gonna have some Troy and Helen bullshit happen, is that it?" asked the Titan slightly annoyed.

"Uh…even I'm not sure" said Taika rubbing the back of her head.

They kept going and began seeing more of the bunny sketches. Some of them were huge, stretching to nearly ten-foot murals, while others were tiny and were about the size of a hand.

"Okay, that's kinda impressive" noted the huntress.

She was standing in front of a huge bunny head that was made of smaller bunny heads, an interesting take.

"This chick must have some little Picassos running around" muttered Dion.

They all stopped when they saw another mural. It was apparently a bunny war, with hundreds of heads fighting off with over-exaggerated guns. Some of them were firing ferociously, uncharacteristic anger over their cute faces. Others were lying dead, little X's representing their eyes to indicate their deceased nature.

"Okay, those kids need some counseling" said Saprus adjusting his mask.

They reached the end of the cave and saw that there was a campfire going on. Around the campfire was a large jar with a top hat and a doll. They were seated facing the fire, as if they were people. Close to the fire was a tent, with a rustling noise emitting from it.

"Uh, hello?" called Taika.

Someone popped their head out of the tent, wearing what appeared to be a fedora. It was a young woman, maybe sixteen, with short bleach-blonde hair and a relatively fair skin complexion.

"Whadup?" asked the woman. "Listen, I was kiiiinda in the middle of sometin or another, so I need ya to hold up for a sec, kay?"

She pulled her head back into the tent and more rustling noises were heard.

"Was that chick a teenager?" asked Dion pointing to the tent.

"I couldn't really tell" murmured Saprus.

"Well sucks to be you Baldemar" taunted Taika. "Yet again, you get sucked into the stereotype that you're a pedophile."

"Hey, I never said I was interested" he muttered pouting.

The woman popped out again, this time wearing a cowboy hat.

"Whadaya think? Too country?" she asked fumbling with the hat.

Dion sighed. "If you're asking us, we can't see the rest of your outfit. A hat only works if it's complimented by a similar outfit."

"Beyoch, did I ask for your OPINION?" snapped the woman.

He snarled. "Do I need to smack a bitch?"

"How can you smack yourself?"

The Titan tightened his fists. "Someone hold me back."

Saprus grabbed him, and just in time too.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY GIRLY?! I'LL FUCKING SLAUGHTER YOU! I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR RIBCAGE AND BASH YOUR SKULL IN WITH IT!" yelled Dion struggling against his bonds.

"Hmm. Quite" murmured the woman. "I agree. The cowboy hat is too country."

She shifted back into the tent again and the Titan roared in anger.

"I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION YOUR DAMN HAT YOU BITCH! GET YOUR FACE BACK OUT HERE SO I CAN SHOVE MY FOOT IN IT!"

"That's not very polite" said Taika. "You just met her."

"YEAH, AND SHE'S PISSING ME OFF!"

The woman appeared again, wearing an ushanka. "Too Russian?"

Baldemar glanced at her sideways. "Why are you trying on hats?"

The woman sighed. "Because I like hats. And I can't find one that suits me. It's becoming a major pain in the butt and crap."

Dion finally cooled down and began inhaling deeply.

"Listen, we got a delivery for ya" he said wiping the sweat from his raving fit.

"Oh?" asked the woman aloud. "What is it?"

The Titan dropped the bundle next to the campfire. "Apparently, salads and chocolate chip cookies."

Suddenly the woman burst from the tent and flung her arms around the Titan. She nuzzled his head deep into her chest, which he noted was rather large for a young girl.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" chanted the woman rubbing his head even deeper into her breasts. "I haven't had my food in so long, I nearly STARVED out here! Do you know how painful starving is man?! It's like…twice as bad as getting kicked in the nads!"

"I don't know…but…suffocating…definitely hurts…" whispered the Titan. "At least…I'll die…in a very comfy spot…"

The woman gasped and let go of him. Instantly he plopped to the ground.

"Oh crap! Did I kill him! I swear I didn't do it!"

"He's probably hoping you'll give him CPR" muttered Taika.

"I would hope for the same thing" added Baldemar.

The woman was definitely a pretty one, with her outfit making it even more obvious. Her figure, which was very buxom and curvaceous, was covered with an incredibly tight shirt and a short skirt, with a couple of bandages wrapped around her legs and arms.

She knelt down to Dion, grabbing his shoulders and proceeding to shake him violently. "Shorty, WAKE UP! Damn it, why is my shaking making you go to sleep faster!?"

"Uh, you probably should stop that" said Saprus. "He might get vertigo."

The Titan opened his eyes, than instantly went green. "Gonna puke…"

He turned his head to the side and vomited, leaving a red and pink stain on the cave.

"Why does your vomit look like strawberry milkshakes?" asked the woman.

"I have a high meat diet" he explained wiping his mouth.

Then he blushed deep red when he realized the woman was sitting on his waist, practically straddling him.

"Goodness woman get off me!" he yelled trying to force her off.

"Why?" asked the woman cocking her head to the side. "You gonna puke again?"

"He might do something else with the view you're giving him" said Baldemar grinning.

"You know you're enjoying it too!" shouted the Titan glancing back. "But seriously, get off me!"

"Oh, okay."

The woman stood and dusted herself off. "I apologize for my unprofessional behavior and my breach of protocol. It's just that my supply of sweets has declined severely in the last week and I was going increasingly more agitated."

"Uh…when did you ever talk like that?" inquired Dion curiously.

"Since I started talking. How didn't you notice it Shorty?"

"Stop calling me Shorty!"

"But you're short, aren't you?"

The Titan snarled, but still blushed slightly. "Don't talk about it."

The woman smiled slightly. "Of course Shorty."

"BITCH!" roared Dion jumping to his feet. Only a quick grapple by Saprus stopped him from strangling her.

The woman giggled. "You're cute."

She extended a hand. "Name's Not-So-Tiny Tina. And I am hoping you'll stay for my tea party."


	10. Chapter 10: A MOTHERHUMPING TEA PARTY!

"More tea, Duchess Taika?"

"I would love some, Queen Tina of Blowupyourfaceheim."

Tiny poured more of the brown concoction into the huntress's cup, reaching straight across the campfire without the slightest worry about being burned.

"There you go" she said cheerfully.

"Thank you" said the huntress sipping it. "This is very good tea. Earl Grey?"

"I believe so yes."

Baldemar was calmly sipping his own cup, clearly relaxed. "May I have another crumpet, my Lady?"

"Why of course!" exclaimed Tina grabbing one from the tray. "Here you are."

The inventor nibbled on the treat and smiled. "Tastes as good as it looks."

Dion sighed. "I don't see why you guys are having so much fun."

"Oh come on Shorty!" yelled Tina wrapping an arm around his shoulder and throwing her teacup into the air, splashing some tea on the ground. "It's a tea party, and you should have fun at a tea party! CHANGE SPOTS!"

Suddenly they all sat up and randomly went to another seat, carrying their plates and cups as they moved.

"I swear I have no idea how I got myself into this" murmured the Titan.

Baldemar laughed. "Just go with it. She might invite you into her tent if you play along."

"I don't want that you perverted old fart!"

The inventor scoffed. "Old? I'm barely thirty."

"Yeah. Old. What part of that did you not get?"

"Oh you son of a bitch. I'm…"

"Boys!" yelled Tina from across the campfire. "We're not at the official dueling portion of our tea party. I am afraid you're going to have to settle with insults at the moment."

"Suits me fine" murmured Dion. "You're a greasy shitbag."

"You're a twat and a bloody wanker" spat Baldemar sipping his tea.

"I can't tell if I'm talking to your face or your asshole."

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man."

"I hope your asshole grows taste buds."

"The sound of your pissing hitting a urinal is feminine."

"You're the opposite of Batman."

Tina burst into laughter. "Shorty got that round!"

"I am NOT short, woman!" roared the Titan glowing slightly green.

"Oh I understand. Must've hated drinking your milk when you were younger, right?"

He gripped his fists tighter. "I do hate milk actually."

"How can you hate milk? That's the stuff all the good stuff in the universe is made of! Like cheese and milkshakes and butter and pudding and cakes and ice cream and…"

"Okay I get it!" yelled the Titan. "I eat…most of that stuff. I just don't like milk by itself."

Tina narrowed her eyes. "Switch spots!"

She glared at him. "Not you Shorty! You stay right where you freaking are!"

Taika chuckled. 'You're in trouble."

"Shut up" snapped Dion.

They switched places and Tina plopped down right next to the Titan.

She pulled out a small bottle filled with a white liquid.

"I want you to drink this" she said holding it out.

He scowled. "Not a chance."

"Please?" she begged patting her wide eyes.

"No."

Tina snarled. "Do I need to shank a bitch?"

"How can you shank yourself?" joked Dion.

She laughed. "Ha! That would be original, if I hadn't said THE EXACT SAME FREAKING THING!"

"It's called irony you stupid bitch!"

She growled and began drinking the bottle of milk.

"I'm going to get back at you" she threatened lowly.

Dion grinned. "Try it."

She kept drinking, then stopped and grabbed the Titan.

Pulling him close, she kissed him on the lips.

Dion's eyes widened and he stared at her shocked. Then he felt something cold slide down his throat and he tried to force her aside.

Tina was grinning into the kiss, a smug look on her face. She was forcing the milk she had stored in her mouth into his, practically breathing down his throat.

"Aaaaaaand I got you!" she yelled breaking the kiss. She wiped her mouth and grinned. "So how did it taste?"

"If you hadn't poured that white shit into my mouth it would've been nice" he murmured spitting out some of the milk.

"I don't kiss a lotta guys, so better be happy" she pouted.

"I would be happy. But…the milk…ugh."

The Titan shuddered. "I hate that shit."

Taika laughed. "You two are so cute together."

"We ain't together! Single ladies FOREVER!" yelled Tina.

"Amen to that" said the huntress raising her cup.

They clanked them together and kept drinking.

Tina glanced over at the fourth Vault Hunter. "Masky, you haven't had a drop. Something wrong?"

Saprus glanced at her. "I can't eat or drink. I gotta have my mask on."

"Damn" murmured the Queen.

"It's a shame. It looks really good" mused the infected glancing at the cup.

"Well there's no point in being polite at this point! If any of you want something off Masky's plate, just grab that suckadub and suck it up!"

"Gladly" stated Baldemar grabbing the untouched crumpet.

"You're eating those at an alarming rate" noted the infected calmly, not even bothered that he just had someone swipe some food away from him.

"Reminds me of myself a few years ago" muttered Tina. "All I ate, like ever. Crumpets are CRAAAACK!"

"Totally agree with you my Queen!"

They clacked cups together, spilling some tea on the fire.

"Goddarn it that was my third cup!" roared Tina aggravated. "I didn't make that much tea!"

"You can have mine" offered Saprus.

She laughed in joy and grabbed it.

"Thank you so much Brigadier General Masky!" she yelled sipping her now fourth cup of tea.

"No problem Queen Tina."

"Queen Tina of Blowupyourfaceheim" corrected Taika.

"Of course it is."

Dion smashed his head into his palm. "How can you all play along with this?"

"It's easy. Just let yourself get absorbed in it and have fun" said the huntress.

"Yeah, that's what I did" added Baldemar.

"Even I'm playing along" murmured Saprus, "and I'm not even eating."

The Titan rubbed his head. "Okay, whatever. I'll play along."

He sipped his tea. "Heh. Not bad."

He smiled softly. "So, what nickname did you all give me?"

"Count Shorty!" yelled Tina excitedly.

"Goddamn it woman!" roared the Titan crushing his cup.

**You all have no idea how much fun it was writing that. Now PLEASE review on what you thought of it! I want to know what I'm doing right/wrong.**


	11. Chapter 11: Explosive Crafting

"You sure we should've left her there?" asked Saprus seated in the back of the Technical.

"She didn't want to leave" reminded Taika.

"I know, but isn't there somewhere else she could stay?"

"Oh yeah, let's take her to Mel's house, whose crazy obsessed with her" said Baldemar.

"She could go to Sanctuary" proposed the infected.

"Something tells me she wouldn't like that" muttered Dion.

"Oh really? Did you share a psychic connection when she kissed you?" asked the huntress grinning slyly.

"First of all, that was a bullshit kiss she gave me. The whole milk-siphoning thing totally ruined it. Second, we Titans can do something similar with the Sirens when we touch foreheads. For humans its possible."

"How do you know that?" inquired Baldemar. "Kissed a few Sirens?"

"Once. She was a hot bitch too."

"But why are you certain Tina won't move to Sanctuary?"

"Dude, there's no reason to deny a person what they have. If she wants to live in a cave and draw on a wall, that's her business."

"Aye" agreed Taika.

They reached Mel's house and quickly ascended up to his house.

* * *

"Did ya meet her?" asked the shield crafter anxiously.

"Yeah, and she gave us this" said Dion tossing a small box.

Mel grabbed it and kissed the object softly.

"I'd be ashamed of taking it from her, if you all didn't need it" he murmured opening the box.

"Your obsession is beginning to worry me" muttered Baldemar.

"I can see why he's obsessed" countered Dion. "Tina is definitely worthy any man's time."

Mel glared at him. "Never speak a word of her. I'll decapitate you."

"Easy man" said the Titan holding up his hands. "You can have that crazy chick all to yourself."

"Suits me fine" said the shield crafter grinning.

He walked over to a large door and opened it.

"Just wait here for a moment and I'll get your thing ready. Try not to touch anything or I'll have to sew your fingers back on."

Taika glanced at some of the objects in the room. Half of them were covered in sharp blades and the other looked explosive.

"I think that's some good advice" she muttered absently.

They heard some loud banging noises coming from the room, which sounded similar to a jackhammer going off.

"Fuck!" roared Mel from the other side of the door. "Shouldn't have dropped that."

They heard what sounded like an explosion and smoke rose from underneath the door.

"Uh…you okay?" asked Dion nervously.

"Don't come in. I have my pants off" stated the shield crafter.

Taika was stunned for a good ten seconds. "Why would he..?"

"Sometimes you work better when you're only wearing a shirt and boxers" explained Baldemar. "I know that feeling well."

Finally, Mel emerged. Thankfully, he was wearing pants. He had soot plastered all over his face and his sleeves were burned off, but he looked okay.

"That plasma core was a bit more reactive than I imagined" he muttered. "And it wasn't the right size, so I had to hammer it in."

"How big is this shield thing?" asked Baldemar. "I mean, the one in Tiberius Outpost was huge. We can carry it, right?"

"There are ways around it" said Mel grinning. He held up a small SDU. "It's all stored in here. Place this on the ground anywhere in Sanctuary and the shield will start working. It doesn't really matter where it is."

He held up a small manual. "This will help with the set-up. I wrote it a little while ago."

"Wow. You're a fast typer" noted Saprus.

"Actually, half of it is empty" admitted the shield crafter. "I just added it so that the manual didn't look too thin."

Baldemar chuckled. "How can we repay ya?"

"None needed" said Mel smiling. "Lilith just sent me a huge payment."

He held up a small book. "This little thing is the newest issue of my favorite series: Deadman Summerland. I wanted to catch up on it and she sent me the entire series. I didn't even need to ask."

Dion grinned. "I love that freaking series. Even better as a show in my opinion."

"Well, she didn't give me that" murmured Mel. "But a guy's gotta be content with what he can get on Pandora. Least I ain't on Promethea."

The shield crafter sat in his chair and began reading. "Oh, and in that room over there is a Fast Travel Station. I just wired the thing to go to Sanctuary, since it took me forever to figure out how the damn thing worked. You can use it to move to and fro from here, free of charge. Just…don't walk into my bedroom without knocking would ya?"

"Warning received" said Taika. "Let's head back to Lilith for our payment."

"Maybe she'll give me the same thing she gave Mel" wondered Dion. "I wouldn't mind."

"I thought you wanted answers" commented Saprus.

"I was joking. But I'll gladly take either if she offers."

Baldemar walked over to the Fast Travel Station and began typing in numbers.

"Come on ladies and gentlemen, time to get paid."

**If you're wondering, Deadman Summerland=Deadman Wonderland. There's a lot of references in this work.**


	12. Chapter 12: An Unexpected Visitor

"So, how did it all go?" inquired Lilith leaning on a pillar.

"Oh, you know, same old shit really" stated the man with his boots on the table. He had wild grey hair that adorned his head like a mane and went down to mid-back. He wore a short-sleeved shirt that exposed his tattooed arms and long black pants. His shoes were steel-toed combat boots and he wore a pair of spiked cuffs over his wrists. His eyes were feral red and looked like they belonged on some kind of animal.

"I assume that you didn't leave any of them alive, correct?"

The man laughed. "Do I ever?"

"No. It's kinda creepy."

The man smirked. "Sorry sweetheart, I ain't much for leaving people alive. It's not my fault this time either. They smelled so damn good."

"That's even creepier."

They both stopped when four Vault Hunters walked into the room.

"Ah, these must be the guys you talked about" said the man glancing at them.

"Why yes it is" stated Lilith smiling. "Did you get that shield?"

"Right here" replied Baldemar holding the SDU. "Just open this up in a spot with plenty of room and it'll be operational."

"Sick shit" snarled the man grabbing it. "I'll get to it later."

"Baskerville" snapped the Siren. "You'll do it now."

"Ah come on sweetheart" begged the man.

"Get to it!"

He sighed. "Fine whatever. PMS bitch."

He walked out, clacking his boots on the floor as he did so.

"Associate of yours?" inquired Saprus.

"He's from an old Hyperion experiment" explained Lilith rubbing her temples. "They tried to make werewolves and shit like from the horror movies. Most of them died, but a few of them did survive. Baskerville is one of them. He's more close to a skag than anything else though."

"Werewolves?" muttered Taika. "Interesting. I fought some were-skags once. Vicious. Never fought a real werewolf before."

"Technically, wolves don't exist on Pandora" said Dion. "They have to be imported from off planet. And since no one comes here anymore of their own free will, it's hard to find them."

"Yeah, but Hyperion managed" muttered Lilith. "Either way, I guess it's time I paid you all. Now, how would you prefer to be paid?"

"Can I engage in intercourse you?" asked the Titan bluntly.

Taika smacked him. "Don't be a pig!"

"What? Would you prefer if I had used some second-hand innuendo to cover it up? Sometimes, you just gotta grit your teeth and get it over with."

"Now that was an innuendo" muttered Saprus.

"That's disgusting!" yelled the huntress.

"No, that's hilarious" objected Baldemar.

Lilith sighed. "Enough you idiots. To answer your question, no."

"Damn" spat Dion disappointed. "Well then, can I have some answers to questions about Sirens and Titans and shit?"

"Of course. Ask away."

The Titan inhaled deeply. "Okay. First question: Do you know any other Titans?"

"Not personally" admitted the Siren. "I think Baskerville met a few."

"Okay, I'll ask him later. Second question: Why am I so obsessed with consuming Eridium?"

Lilith sighed. "That one is easy. We Sirens are addicted to it as well, but it's at a far worse level than the Titans. You all mostly crave violence."

"I can agree on that point" said Dion. "Third question: Do you know of any other Sirens?"

"I only know of three" replied the Siren. "There's myself, there's Maya, and…"

She paused, looking slightly grief-stricken. "Angel was one, but she died."

"Hmm, okay. Fourth question: How can there always be six Sirens or Titans?"

Lilith rubbed her eyes. "That's something Maya was wondering about too. It seems that when one Siren or Titan dies, it is immediately replaced with a new one. Since people are born every second, it's not hard to imagine really."

Dion nodded. "Thanks for answering my questions."

"Well, here's your pay" she answered handing him a raw chunk of Eridium. "I can tell you're withdrawn judging by your eyes. You haven't had any for a while, correct?"

The Titan nodded and grabbed the rock. Licking his lips, his hand grew green and quickly absorbed the Eridium.

"I am feeling much better" he muttered blinking and yawning.

Lilith turned to the others. "I guess cash for the rest of you?"

"That'll do nicely" said Baldemar. "Oh, and if you could get me Gaige's number, that would be appreciated as well."

The Siren smirked. "Testing the waters with the schoolgirl huh? I'd be careful, Gaige is kinda crazy."

"I like crazy" stated the inventor.

Lilith chuckled. "Here you are then. Her number is on top."

"Sick."

Saprus chuckled. "Good luck with her comrade."

"Masked man, you take cash?" asked the Siren.

"Of course ma'am."

"Ma'am? Do I look like a ma'am to you?" inquired Lilith putting a hand on her hip and whipping an eyebrow.

"With your empowering aura and posture, of course" said Saprus.

She smiled. "Well you got yourself out of that one fast."

She handed him his payment.

"Now for the real leader" she said turning to Taika. "How's it going sister?"

"Not too bad" responded the huntress. "The boys keep to themselves mostly. The Titan and the inventor are starting to piss me off though."

"I'm sure you can keep them in line" encouraged Lilith handing her the payment. "You're very strong and independent."

"Yo sweetheart" said Baskerville walking into the room. He had his hands in his pockets, but it was obvious that the CPU was still in them. "Listen, this guy was at the front door, saying that he knows ya. Can I eat him?"

"No, it's rude to eat guests before they even piss me off" reminded the Siren.

"Ah damn" murmured the were-skag. "Fine. Here he is."

The man that Baskerville had brought in was a simply clothed man wearing a long brown shirt with slacks. His hair style was neat and short and he wore a long bandana across his throat that had a slide on top of his collar.

"Good afternoon Ms. Lilith" said the man in what sounded like a British accent.

"Who are you? I don't remember your face" stated the Siren cautiously.

The man chuckled. "It's not surprising that you do. My name is Stanton Dahl. I am the owner of the Dahl corporation, and I require an audience with you."

Instantly all of the people in the room rose to attack. The most noteworthy of them were Lilith, Dion and Baskerville. The Siren had wings of energy from her back while the Titan held a ball of plasma. The wereskag had transformed his right arm into a claw and had it draped across the man's torso, ready to slice him apart. The claw looked like it belonged to a bear, albeit far more flexible and longer.

Stanton chuckled. "It appears that my reputation precedes me."

"Damn right it does" spat Lilith. "You bastards are the reason Pandora is so fucked up. Doing all this shit and just leaving. That's messed up, no matter which way you spell it."

"My entire damn town was ransacked by bandits because of you" said Baskerville, the right side of his mouth growing huge fangs that cut into his lips. "And when you left, Atlas and Hyperion swarmed in like flies."

Stanton sighed. "I do heavily apologize for such actions, and I hope to make it up to you all. But killing me is not the way to do so. I will understand if you do so however."

Grudgingly, they all lowered their offensive tools, with Baskerville being the last.

"Start talking, or I'll let my associate eat you like he said earlier" threatened Lilith.


	13. Chapter 13: Aggressive Negotiations

Stanton Dahl was tied to a chair and handcuffed, with two guards standing behind him with guns trained at him.

"I am sure you do this for a good reason" he said shifting his hands. "Although I cannot deny that it is uncomfortable."

"Shut it" ordered Lilith sitting on the opposite side of the table. "What do you want to say?"

"Well, I am sure you've already noticed from your floating palace" stated the CEO politely. "The other corporations have been colonizing Pandora. While we've avoided this continent due to the control Hyperion had on it, we are now moving towards you."

"Try to take us over" threatened the Siren. "We can take anything you throw at us."

"There is no need to throw threats at me" replied Stanton. "I have no intentions of destroying the Crimson Raiders or Sanctuary. In fact, I wish for an alliance."

The others in the room scoffed.

"I get the feeling you are laughing at me" said the CEO. "I do not appreciate that."

"Why should we trust you? You corporations only care about money and power. It's no different with any of you."

"While that's true for companies like Jakobs or Maliwan, we at Dahl are an exception. If we cared about money, we would've stayed on Pandora for longer. The only reason we left was the Atlas corporation. We had nowhere near the same military strength, so we had to run. Surely you understand such a tactic. After all, you did lose New Haven."

Baskerville reached out and slashed him across the face.

Stanton chuckled. "Call your pet away. He's lucky I'm bound to my chair, or I'd show him why it's a bad idea to mess with me."

"Back away Baskerville" said Lilith calmly. "I want to hear what he has to say, and we can't have him dying."

"Fine" spat the wereskag. "I'll back off."

He moved to the edge of the room and began licking the blood off his claw.

"God, he even tastes like asshole" murmured Baskerville. "No wonder I don't like him."

Stanton smiled, even though he was bleeding rather profusely. "So now you wish to listen to me? That's good."

Lilith nodded. "Now listen. I don't care about that past shit. I want to know why we should trust you now. There are only a few people I'd trust that own a company as large as yours. We're already allies with Torgue, and we're debating about allying to Jakobs or Maliwan."

The CEO chuckled. "Torgue? Jakobs? Maliwan? Psychopaths, rednecks and artists. You have some great allies."

"At least they didn't leave millions of people behind and possibly doom an entire planet."

"Will you shut up!?" roared Stanton ferociously.

They all paused at his outburst, the calm man from before being replaced by this figure of rage.

"There are wolves at your doorstep you idiots! There are companies out there who would plow you into the dust just because they could! There are men out there who are not as sane as I am! Let go of your anger and malice and listen to what I have to say!"

Lilith paused. "Fine. I'll listen."

Stanton took a few deep breathes to calm himself down.

"Okay, I'm good" he said finally. "I wish to ask for your help in colonizing this continent. I will not make any demands that remove parts of your territory and will allow full trade with any other cities, even if they aren't under my control. In addition, I will gladly supply your cities with our off-planet resources. We are one of the largest companies in existence."

The Siren nodded, digesting the information. "And what about our previous alliance with Torgue?"

"No problem at all. I personally adore the Torgue corporation" responded the CEO smiling. "Their little obsession with explosives is so entertaining. While I would prefer they had a less destructive leader, I can deal with him."

"Good."

Lilith stopped. "Who do you think is more likely to attack us?"

Stanton thought deeply. "I would bet my money on Maliwan or Jakobs. They both have relatively simple thought processes, which go along similar lines. They just want to wield more power, not even caring about money."

"Anyone else?"

"I wouldn't trust Vladof, but that's because their leader is a total psycho, even more so than Torgue. Tediore only cares about their money, so it's debatable. Anshin will probably attempt diplomacy, and I trust their leader, while Pangolin will be okay with just simple trade."

"What about that new company? Bellum or whatever?"

Stanton scoffed. "They thought they could just shoe-horn their way into the market. Probably thought they could fill the void both S&M Munitions and Atlas left."

"I don't know. Their guns are pretty good" said Baldemar. He held up a SMG, which was painted a deep black and red. "Good fire rate, great magazine size, pretty good damage. They took all the good stuff from Atlas and got rid of the expensive upgrades. The only bad thing is the recoil, which will take your freaking arm off. And they don't make elemental weapons."

"I really don't care how good their stuff is" spat the CEO. "Their leader is a total warmonger. He charges into any battle he can't win with diplomacy and is as blunt as a baseball bat."

"So what you're saying is he's not trustworthy?" inquired Lilith.

"Completely."

The Siren nodded. "Well, I think we can ally ourselves with you."

Baskerville glared at her. "Sweetheart, I ain't working with these assholes."

"You don't work with them. You work for me and me alone" said Lilith firmly. "And since you work for me, you do as I say. Understand?"

The wereskag snarled. "Of course sweetheart. I never questioned you. But I don't trust this asshole, and neither should you."

"Please. Would you rather trust the incestuous rednecks at Jakobs or the arrogant aristocrats of Maliwan?" asked Stanton coldly.

"Least they didn't…"

"Yeah, leave you all behind and possibly cause the death of every single soul on Pandora. I've heard that from your lips too many times."

"It's true. Even Hyperion didn't cause as much death as you did" said Lilith cruelly.

The CEO narrowed his eyes. "You compare me to Handsome Jack? His atrocities are so severe that I can't even describe them. No, you didn't compare me to him. You say I'm worse."

Stanton's eyes flashed with anger. "You know, you may be capable of negotiation and an honest leader, but you're a total fucking bitch."

Baskerville leaped across the room and tackled him to the floor, his entire right arm and shoulder now in its skag form.

"I'll kill you for that!" he roared putting his claw to the man's neck.

"Baskerville!" yelled Lilith. "Get off him!"

He stopped, panting deeply.

Then he spat in the CEO's face, mixing it with the blood he had consumed.

"I still hate you" said the wereskag.

"That's fine" stated Stanton calmly, not even bothered by the saliva and blood all over his face. "I don't like you either wolfman."

"I'm a skag" said Baskerville standing up. "Get it right."

The CEO stayed on the ground, mainly since his legs were tied to the chair, smiling with an odd mix of anger and amusement. "You Crimson Raiders are so entertaining."

He glanced over at Lilith. "Don't worry. I still wish to become allies, even if your associate is most annoying. I will not hold this against you personally."

"Good" said the Siren. "And I will ignore the shit your company has done. It's water under the bridge by now anyway. We have a deal."

"Wonderful. I'd shake your hand, but it's tied to my other one at the moment."

"Point taken. Guards, free him. We have many things to talk about."


	14. Chapter 14: Fine Wine

The four Vault Hunters and Baskerville were seated in the other room of Crimson Raiders HQ, eating lunch calmly. The only one not eating was Saprus, who still refused to take off his mask.

"Fucking asshole" spat the wereskag ripping into a leg of some creature that may have been dead a few minutes ago. "I hate that Dahl cum-sucker."

"Same" stated Dion gnawing on a plate of beef ribs. "Guy carried himself like he was humble, but I can read people pretty well. He's just like the rest of them: Total jerks."

"I think you're all just prejudicing him" replied Taika.

"Naw, we're using his past actions to judge his character" countered the Titan. "Last time I checked, that's how you're supposed to judge people. By their actions."

"They do speak louder than words" agreed Baskerville.

Saprus grunted. "I'm not sure. We only know what he did years ago. He could be changed."

"Exactly!" said the huntress glad someone was in a good mood.

"But he could be exactly the same. You never know."

Taika sighed. "Ugh, you boys suck."

She glanced at Baldemar. "You've been awfully quiet for once. What's got your mind in a bundle?"

The inventor sighed, eating what looked like a red bean bun. "I don't know what to think. This guy…I used to work for him."

He pointed to his armor, which were indeed scraps of Dahl machinery. "I never directly knew the guy though. I only got my orders from him. I was a mercenary in his usage. I quickly figured out that Dahl has…a unique way of looking at things. They seek whatever can benefit them the most at any given time. Wherever that be diplomacy or nuclear warfare, they are willing to do anything, as long as it gives the maximum gains. They one thing they don't do is make bullshit alliances, since they don't like to make enemies. That would affect business practices you see. So I think we can trust them in this alliance, I'm just not sure I want them to be a part of it."

Taika smashed her head into the table. "Is it only the girls who see the good things in people?"

"Oh, I see the good in him" said Baskerville. "He's an asshole, but he's definitely courageous if he wasn't intimidated by me. Most people never even knew my project existed, and werewolves are urban legends to begin with. A wereskag is even worse."

"If he betrays or leaves us again, I'll gladly take his head for you" offered Dion.

"I'd rather have the torso. I prefer the intestines over the brain."

The wereskag grinned. "True story."

Taika stared at him. "You're a cannibal?"

"Technically, I'm half animal. Being labeled a cannibal doesn't really apply to me. Besides, what else am I supposed to do? Bury the guy, on a crapsack world in the middle of nowhere? No. I have a better idea."

He exposed one of his arms, revealing that there were names scrawled all around it.

"I put the name of each man I kill on my arms and back" said the wereskag rubbing the tattoos. "It's only right. Maybe this will they'll be remembered for a little longer than a tombstone would."

Saprus nodded out of respect. "I can't mark my body to do so, but I write a page for each man I kill."

"Really?" asked Taika curiously.

"Yes. I just say I have to go to the bathroom when I leave to do it."

"That explains a lot" murmured Baldemar. "I was trying to figure out if you were a girl or a guy and the fact that you don't even show your face doesn't help. I was following you, no creepiness intended."

"I'm a man" said Saprus bluntly. "I thought my voice would've made it obvious."

"You'd be surprised" commented Dion. "I've known some pretty high-pitched guys and low-pitched chicks."

Just then Lilith walked in, a blank look on her face.

"How'd the negotiations go?" inquired Taika.

"Ya, did the asshole make any comments to ya sweetheart?" asked Baskerville leaning back and looking at her upside-down. "Man, why can't you be wearing a skirt right now?"

She scowled at him, but still had a small smile along with it. "He is actually quite reasonable. It's true. All he wants is to be able to talk to us at any moment in case something goes on. And he requested that he never talks to Mister Torgue. Like ever."

"Man, I know that feel" murmured the wereskag. "His yelling gives me a migraine. Every time."

Stanton Dahl walked into the room, his hands deep in his pockets. He was no longer bound, but he carried himself like a nervous guest at a party. "I am going back to my ship now. I hope to see you all again, hopefully after I've convinced a few others to work with us."

"You're going to do that?" inquired Dion glancing at him.

"Of course. I am a skilled diplomat. I managed to convince you all to accept me after all."

Baskerville grinned slyly. "You haven't gotten me yet, but whatever. Good luck asshole."

"Same to you. Pup."

The wereskag laughed. "You're fun. I wish to mutilate you."

Lilith cleared her throat. "Girls, girls, you're both very pretty. Stop arguing about it."

"Course sweetheart" said Baskerville eating the leg of meat. "Just a little antsy. I can't go anywhere cause my condition and it pisses me off."

"Well that's too bad" said the Siren dismissively. "You are getting old you know."

"So are you" spat the wereskag. "The only difference is, you got better with age and I didn't."

"So I'm like a fine wine?" inquired Lilith smiling slyly.

"Damn straight" replied Baskerville grinning dangerously. "And man I'd like to have a taste one night."

"Oh God I want to throw up" muttered Dion. "You two are like school children."

"Ya ever seen a kid rip open someone's ribcage?" asked the wereskag licking his lips of blood.

"Do midgets count?"

The Siren cleared her throat. "Listen, I need you four Vault Hunters to help us with something."

"Does it involve killing?" inquired the Titan.

"That's Plan A."

"Perfect. Just give me the word."

Lilith flicked a strand of hair from her face. "Since we might have to engage in warfare with the corporations, we're going to need a ship to use in space. And not our little stealth fighters either. We need a mother-ship in case full-on space warfare breaks out."

"So you want us to get the materials necessary to build one?" proposed Saprus.

"Nothing so complex. We just need you to steal a ship."

Baldemar laughed. "Because that's so simple. In case you haven't noticed, there aren't that many combat-worthy vessels on Pandora."

"Who ever said that the ship was ON Pandora?" asked Lilith grinning. Unlike her usual persona, she actually looked quite scary. "We aren't taking a piece of scrap metal on the planet to use. We're getting the top class mother-ship available to us."

"You know, I would offer you one" said Stanton. "But I can't spare even one. I do know someone who can though."

He grinned, revealing that his canines were golden. "You ever heard of the _Diffusion Symbiosis_?"

**No comments, but please review. I would appreciate that so I can get some ideas. Hell, if you toss me some ideas for later parts of the story, I'd love that. I am kinda a one-man band at the moment. Don't worry though. I can do this thing.**


	15. Chapter 15: Jump

Dion clamped his newest helmet onto his suit, calmly hooking up the oxygen supplies and air condition units.

"So we're going to attack a mother-ship with stealth ships?" inquired the Titan slipping his gloves on. "I hate to sound like a party-pooper, but that's not really a good idea."

"Don't be so idiotic" snapped Lilith, connecting her boots to the rest of her suit. "We'd never win against a ship that size with only stealth ships. That's why we only attacked the ship when we had a reliable ally. Dahl will be supplying reinforcements."

"We can trust them?" inquired Saprus. Unlike the others, his suit was more or less functional enough to be used in space. All he had to do was completely seal it up to prevent decompression.

Baldemar admired the suit he was wearing. It was supposed to be designed to allow space travel and it was fairly advanced. He strongly wished to keep the suit so he could experiment on it.

"What's the plan Lilith?" asked the inventor.

"The plan is simple. The _Diffusion Symbiosis_ is an old Hyperion ship. It was an experimental project to use Eridium as both a weapon system and generator. This thing is powered by Eridium, and it fires blasts of pure energy. It's one of the biggest experiments Hyperion did, and it still works. The thing is, it hasn't been abandoned. Hyperion left it here since inter-planetary flight was never part of its function. If it tried to do so, it'd probably split in half."

"And we're going to take it" said Taika. She was upset that she didn't have her hat on, but she would have to get over it. Suffocating in space wasn't something she wanted to do.

"Of course we're going to take it" replied Lilith. "In hindsight, we should've kept the Hyperion moon base to use for our own purposes. But killing everyone in there would've taken days, believe me."

Dion loaded his Jakobs revolver and sighed. "Because of the nature of this suit, I can't use my Titan powers. If I tried, the entire suit would shatter."

"Same here" said the Siren. "The rest of you are probably alright though. Except for you Baskerville."

The wereskag snarled. "Damn it. Oh well. Probably can't take my suit off while I'm on the ship either, right?"

"No. Hyperion is full of tricky bastards. I would bet that they'd depressurize the sections we attack. Just like the moon base."

Saprus nodded. "To be safe, I won't open my suit to expose my left arm. I'll have to refrain from using Plaque IX as well."

"I can summon Roosevelt just fine. He's technically not a living thing" stated Taika rubbing the gadget at her waist.

"My Combat Clones will survive as well" added Baldemar.

They all stopped when they looked out of the ship and saw their destination. The Hyperion ship was indeed huge, so big that they could barely see end to end. It could hold at least a hundred of the ships they were in and they could do it while only using the cargo bay.

"Fortunately, this ship was never equipped with support units" explained Lilith. "All we have to worry about is the one big ship. The problem is that thing can blast us clean in two if we aren't careful. We have to float like bitches and sting like badasses."

"What?"

"Sorry. Something a friend of mine would've said."

The captain of the ship glanced behind him. "Hold onto your lunch ladies and gentlemen. We're doing evasive tactics, and this ship's gravity controls only work so much."

Then they immediately dodge-rolled to the side and several members flew from their seats.

"Poor gravity controls? No shit" spat Baldemar. "I could make a better system in my sleep."

"Hey, can the peanut gallery shut up?" snapped the captain. "I'm busy trying to pilot this piece of crap."

"Oh don't worry" said Dion. "We have like five main characters on this ship. We'll be fine."

"What are you talking about?" demanded Baldemar.

"Come on. We're Vault Hunters right? Name one time a Vault Hunter died while their plans were still in action."

"Roland, the first Commander of the Crimson Raiders" said Lilith. She sounded slightly sad at her comment, and ducked her head.

"Damn" muttered the Titan. "So we're in a plot where any character could die instantly? That's not good."

"Okay, stop breaking the fourth wall" ordered Saprus. "You're just going to confuse yourself if you constantly talk about it."

Dion shrugged. "Fine, whatever."

They heard a huge blast come from outside and what felt like a miniature earthquake vibrate around them.

"Crap, you didn't say the weapons were that powerful!" roared the captain of the ship.

"I warned you that it would instantly crush us, didn't I?" replied Lilith.

"Yeah, but that's godly power right there! That thing would've split Sanctuary in half!"

"So dodge it you freaking idiot! Do a barrel roll or something!"

They felt the ship twist and turn and heard their guns go off.

"Man, it's like flies punching a rock!" roared the captain in anger. "I can't even take out the exterior guns with our firepower!"

Suddenly they heard an explosion go off on the ship, like it had been hit by something.

"Crimson Raiders, need some assistance?" sparked the radio. "Name's Valentine. Sergeant Jessie Valentine of the band of Hyperion Ship Slayers, here to assist."

"Well Mr. Valentine, get to destroying the exterior guns of that ship!" ordered Lilith.

"Yes ma'am."

They suddenly saw a ship fly past them, at least twice as large as theirs. It had massive guns on the side that were firing red-hot bunches of plasma. The ship had the Dahl emblem on it and was colored dark brown, but someone had added a hot-pink heart to the sides with a winking smiley face in the middle of it.

"I've been ordered to personally back you all up" said Jessie waving at them from the cockpit. "Where you all trying to land?"

"The cargo bay" answered the captain of their ship.

"Well that's smart. I'll clear a path for you all."

Valentine's ship flew ahead of them and began firing at the ship, manipulating his controls expertly.

"Why does he need to clear a path? All the support ships left this ship" muttered Dion.

"Yeah, but there are self-guided missiles" stated the captain following him.

"Can you shoot those out of the air?"

"I can't, but let's hope that Sergeant can."

They reached the cargo bay and noted that it was completely sealed off. The blast doors were not even close to being open.

"Shit" spat Lilith. "I don't want to bust those down so we can't use them."

"I got an idea" said Sergeant Valentine.

"Spill it."

"Well, every ship's got small entrances for single-man units to walk through on the outside of the ship, airlocks and stuff. Naturally, that includes the cargo bay, especially if they needed to fix the doors. If you pulled up close enough, you should be able to just jump onto the walkway."

"Roger that" said Lilith. She stood and walked to the back of the ship.

"Get ready" she stated adjusting her suit. "We're taking a jump."

"Approaching drop zone ma'am."

"Why did I know this would happen?" murmured Dion.

"Baldemar, can you hack the door controls when we get inside?" inquired Lilith ignoring the Titan's comment.

"Of course" replied the inventor loading his Hyperion pistol. "Their tech is child's play."

"Drop zone approaching. ETA five seconds."

"Open the hatch."

The back of the ship opened up and the six people clamped onto the wall supports. They were nearly sucked out, but managed to stay inside.

"There it is!" yelled Lilith over the roar of the vacuum of space.

"Then let's get to it!" roared Baskerville.

He let go of the support and flew from the ship, a huge Torgue pistol in his hands.

"We ain't gonna let him go alone are we?" asked Dion. "Come on bitches!"

He leaped from the ship as well, whooping in joy.

"Those idiots are going to get themselves killed" muttered Baldemar. Then he jumped from the ship, calculating his trajectory and acceleration.

Taika breathed in deep.

"This would be so much easier if I wasn't afraid of heights" she murmured before leaping.

Saprus glanced at Lilith. "Ladies first."

She scowled. "Chicken."

"I'm not scared. My suit was designed for this. You're the one who should be nervous."

"Wow, thanks for reminding me _buddy_."

"No problem."

The Siren rolled her eyes and leaped into space.

Saprus sighed and raised his Dahl assault rifle.

"Here we go" he said a moment before jumping.


	16. Chapter 16: Space Detour

Baskerville slammed into the side of the Diffusion Symbiosis, his suit nearly tearing itself right there. He grunted in pain and grasped at the edges, slightly annoyed that he couldn't use his claws to help. But if he did, then he would be crushed and pulled by the vacuum of space, something even he couldn't survive.

"This was an idiotic idea" he spat finally getting a grip.

Dion landed next to him and managed to remain attached as well.

"Are we having fun yet?" asked the Titan sarcastically.

"Butt loads" murmured the wereskag.

Baldemar landed right on the walkway, about five feet to their left.

"You two missed" said the inventor blankly.

"Yeah, we did" snapped Baskerville. "A little help?"

The inventor reached out and grabbed the wereskag. Gripping the railing, he threw him onto the walkway.

"What about me?" asked Dion. "Don't leave me hanging bro!"

Baldemar rolled his eyes and grasped his teammate. Pulling him onto the walkway, he made sire he himself wouldn't drift off.

"Where's the others?" inquired Baskerville looking around.

"Right here" answered Taika landing next to him. She turned and grabbed the hand of Lilith, who hadn't calculated her trajectory.

"Thanks sister" said the Siren stepping onto the walkway.

"No problem."

Saprus landed beside them and nodded. They were all here now.

"Who goes first?" asked Lilith.

"I do" stated Baskerville. "I'm itching to kill stuff."

He raised his pistol. "Let's go."

He walked further down the walkway and reached the access door of the cargo bay. Grabbing the handle, he opened it.

"Shit" he spat. "This airlock can only fit three at a time."

"I'll join you" said Dion.

"As well I" added Taika gripping her sniper rifle.

The three of them walked into the airlock, closing the door behind them. Pushing one of the two buttons, the chamber was filled with oxygen.

"A damn shame I can't take off my suit" murmured the Titan. "But I ain't taking a chance of getting my lungs sucked out of my chest."

"Same" commented the wereskag. "But I do have my sick-ass weaponry."

The door opened and they looked inside the cargo bay. It was full of crates of ammunition and supplies, half of which were open. It didn't hold a single ship or other device, which meant that most of it was open space.

"Plenty of room to park our ships" murmured Baskerville.

They were joined by the other three and Baldemar walked forward.

"I need to get to the controls" said the inventor. "Where do you think they'd be?"

"That little room there" answered Lilith. "It's got direct lines-of-sight to the doors."

Baldemar walked over to it and quickly noted that it looked abandoned. That concerned him, but he ignored the itching feeling in his stomach.

"Shit" he murmured pressing a few buttons. "Well, this thing used to be able to open the doors. Obviously they didn't have enough staff members to defend this position, so they put the main controls on the bridge and left this empty."

"So it's useless?" asked the Siren bluntly.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Shit" swore Baskerville punching the console.

"We have to get to the main deck" stated Saprus. "That'll be the most defended zone, next to the weapon systems and generator units of course."

"We go to the bridge" ordered Lilith. "Stay here Baskerville. We'll need you to keep this position secure."

"Oh come on. That ain't cool" murmured the wereskag.

"What are you talking about?"

The Siren then punched a huge red button on the wall. A loud alarm rang through the air, practically shaking the walls with it.

"With that alarm, a bunch of Hyperion forces will be coming to this location."

Baskerville grinned. "Okay, now that's cool."

He cocked his pistol. "Get moving. I want them all for myself."

Dion chuckled. "Man, I wish I could stay behind."

Lilith gestured to the rest of them. "Come on boys and girls. We have to get the doors open to properly clear the ship."

The five Crimson Raiders ran to the edge of the cargo bay, going to the part of the ship where the main bridge had to be. Hopefully they wouldn't run into the troops that Lilith had summoned.

"Did you have to hit the alarm?" asked Baldemar slightly annoyed.

"Hey, my boyfriend was being a total bitch" she complained. "What else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Give him a kiss or something?" offered Dion.

"He doesn't like mushy shit like that."

"Figured. He looked like that kind of guy" said Taika.

They rounded a corner and came to a staircase. At the top of the stairs was a massive machine gun, as tall as a person. It immediately rounded upon them and began firing.

"Shit! Get to cover!" roared Baldemar sliding to the side.

They all hid behind the edges of the stairs, the machine gun stopping immediately.

"How are we going to get past?" asked Taika.

Lilith winked slyly. "Watch this."

She disappeared completely, fading out of sight.

Then she reappeared behind the turret, beyond its line of sight.

"Baldemar! How do I disable this thing?!"

"Tear out any wire you can find!"

"Does it matter which one?"

"Not really."

She reached inside and began tearing out the wires of the turret. After the third pull, the thing sputtered and died.

"That was freaking cool" said Dion. "I wish I could do that."

"Well I just figured out that I won't tear my suit doing that" she said honestly. "It was more a force of habit than anything else. But as long as I don't activate my wings I should be fine."

"Lucky" murmured the Titan. "I still can't use my ability."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, my dear, sweet homicidal Titan" said the Siren throwing an arm around his shoulder. "You can still shoot."

He grinned. "Right. And if I can shoot, that means I can still kill stuff! Wahoo!"

Then he ran forward, withdrawing his old Bandit shotgun with one motion.

"Oh nice work, you got him excited" muttered Baldemar. "Let's catch up so he doesn't get himself killed."


	17. Chapter 17: The Bridge

Dion burst through the door of the bridge, leaping across the room dramatically. He landed right on a table and proceeded to strike a dramatic pose.

"That's right fuckers, you're all going to die!" he yelled tossing his gun into the air. "You're about to watch the utter ass-kicking powers of the mighty Plasma Titan!"

He heard a small ringing sound and he turned in surprise. Someone had placed a sticky grenade on the main window, which meant that any second it would detonate and depressurize the entire room.

"Ugh…cock-sucker" spat the Titan.

The grenade blew and the entire room began to get sucked out of the window. Obviously the Hyperion staff inside had planned for this and were wearing their helmets and suits.

Dion turned while mid-air and fired his gun, surprised that it was still able to shoot. Supposedly, guns couldn't fire in space since there wasn't that much oxygen.

"You know what? Fuck it. I'll just roll with it" he said pumping his shotgun. "Maybe I'll ask Baldemar how this works."

He turned and saw that the Hyperion soldiers who had followed him were trying to shoot him now. Apparently their guns worked too.

"Crap" he spat frustrated. "I shouldn't have rushed in like an idiot."

* * *

"**Main Bridge Room Decompressing Alert. Immediate Quarantine and Seal of area in progress."**

"Shit" snapped Lilith sprinting ahead. "We gotta get there!"

They saw a huge metal slab begin to descend from the floor, supposedly locking in the depressurizing zone.

Lilith simple phased clean through it with her ability and kept running.

Baldemar slid underneath it, followed closely by Taika.

"Come on Saprus!" urged the inventor.

The infected grunted and felt something hit the back of his suit.

He turned and saw that a Hyperion solider was firing at him. He quickly raised his pistol and blew his head off, instantly killing him.

The infected chuckled and disappeared into a cloud of green fog.

The others gasped out of shock and the cloud flew through the barrier, bypassing it entirely.

Then Saprus appeared behind them, adjusting his hood.

"What was that?" asked Lilith amazed.

"What? They call me the Black Wraith for a reason" said the infected calmly. "Weren't we doing something?"

"Yeah. Let's go save your dumb teammate."

They then began to feel the weightlessness of space and floated ever so slightly.

"I always wanted to be a space marine" muttered Baldemar.

"I think I'm going to vomit" murmured Taika.

Saprus said nothing, instead calmly propelling himself forward.

"How come you aren't getting sick?" inquired Lilith. She didn't feel so bad due to the fact that her Siren abilities actually involved flight to a limited extent.

"Because I can" he said simply.

She rolled her eyes. "Always the mysterious one?"

"I tend to be."

They finally reached the door to the bridge and noted that almost everything had been sucked out. Including Dion.

"Help!" yelled the Titan from far outside the ship. "I have flown out into space and I cannot get up!"

"Does that even make sense?" asked Baldemar.

"Probably running out of oxygen from his suit. He was breathing pretty hard" said Saprus logically.

Taika pressed the device on her hip and her digistruct wyvern appeared.

"Get him Roosevelt!" she ordered.

The digital creature flew through space, seemingly not even affected by the lack of gravity.

"What the hell is that thing!" roared Dion terrified. "There are dragons in space!?"

"That's Roosevelt you idiot!" yelled the huntress.

"Who the hell is Roosevelt?"

"That dragon thing! Oh, and he's a wyvern, not a dragon!"

"Wow, geeky much!?"

The dragon (*cough* wyvern) grabbed the Titan by the arm with its claws and began to drag him back to the ship.

"Why are you so heavy?" inquired Roosevelt.

"Hey, that's mostly the suit. Wait did you just fucking TALK!?"

"Of course I did. I am a digitally designed wyvern. All rules of nature do not apply to me."

"Jesus, where did Taika find you?"

"I just say I was designed. She built me."

They reached the ship and the wyvern dropped him inside. Well, technically it was more like a throw since there was no more gravity in that room.

"You got a kickass pet" said Dion looking at the huntress.

"Thanks. He does aim to please."

She reached out and began scratching Roosevelt's chin, who happily purred like a cat.

Lilith slammed a big switch on the wall and the window began to close itself.

"**Main Bridge Room now secure and pressurized. Lifting Quarantine and Seal."**

The gravity came back and Dion slammed into the floor, the only one who hadn't adjusted yet.

"Crap" he spat standing on his feet. "That's what I get for rushing ahead without a plan."

Lilith walked over to the control panel and began typing things into it.

"Attention all Hyperion personal" she said into a microphone. "We have taken over the ship. If you do not want to die painfully, I recommend you drop your weapons and surrender. Otherwise, we'll just have to kill you."

She paused. "Oh, and Baskerville? You can take off your suit now."

Something immediately exploded in the cargo bay, causing all of them to pause in shock.

"What is he doing?" inquired Baldemar slightly concerned.

"Going crazy" admitted the Siren. "He's probably gone full wereskag by now."

She loaded her SMG. "I'll stay here and make sure the ship remains under our control. Start clearing the ship. Try not to kill everyone. First thing's first, make sure my boyfriend's doing okay, alright?"

"Roger" said Dion. "Does that mean I can take off my suit?"

"Of course. They can't decompress any area of the ship now that I can instantly shut it down. You'll be fine."

The Titan whooped in joy and ripped off his helmet. Tearing his gloves off, he stretched his now glowing hand.

"Oh man. I'm gonna kill so much" he muttered excited.


	18. Chapter 18: Boss Battle

The four Vault Hunters walked into the cargo bay and quickly noted the huge amount of corpses everywhere. They all had been hacked into pieces and some of them were more liquid than solid.

"Jesus. Did he do that?" wondered Baldemar.

"I haven't seen slaughter this bad for a while" murmured Taika.

Baskerville was sitting on a crate, munching on what appeared to be a human arm. His right hand was full wereskag, wrapping possessively around the limb. His other one was wiping the blood and gore from his mouth, seemingly savoring every drop.

"God these bitches tasted good" he muttered licking his lips with a slightly longer-than-normal tongue. "I didn't even need to bring my special sauce."

"So you really are a cannibal" said Dion.

The wereskag grinned, exposing that he had ligaments and flesh in his fangs. "Not my fault they taste and smell so good. Besides, I'm half animal remember? Technically not cannibalism."

He then picked up a small pen from his pocket and began writing into his skin.

"Hmm, what was that idiot's name?"

He glanced at the small device on the severed arm.

"Corporal Jenkins. Well, that's what I'll put."

He wrote the name on his lower bicep, doing so with a great calm.

When he was finished, he tossed the arm aside since it had little left on it.

"So you write their names down as soon as you eat them?" inquired Saprus. "An interesting practice."

"If I don't do it now, I forget to do it" admitted the wereskag.

They all stopped when they heard something walk out of a door. It sounded like a giant was moving into the room.

"Well this'll be good" said Baskerville grinning. He flared out both of his arms and made them into claws.

They all turned and immediately paused. The giant was a huge Hyperion Loader, as tall as the entire cargo bay, which was about thirty feet tall. It had two massive arm cannons that probably belonged on tanks but now were the thing's main weapons. Strapped to the front of the robot was a Hyperon soldier who looked at them coldly.

"So yeah…this is a boss encounter at the end of the mission" said the soldier calmly. "So that means you're supposed to fight me and I'll kill you and you'll respawn and keep trying to kill me until you do. Then you take the loot I drop and go on with the next mission. Oh, and I'm worth a crap ton of XP as well. Just a side note. Okay, now that my little fourth wall breach is gone, let's get to kill each other. Oh, and the name's Jupiter, like the planet. So now let's kill each other."

"With pleasure!" roared Baskerville sprinting forward. He leaped forward and raised one of his claws to attack.

Jupiter calmly raised his gun and fired.

The wereskag flew backwards from the force and slammed into the ground. Then he bellowed in pain.

"Holy shit that hurts!" he yelled rolling on the floor. "What the hell are you shooting?!"

"Makes sense. These are hollow points" said Jupiter calmly.

"What kinda sick fucker uses hollow points with a huge cannon?! That's like overkill!"

"Apparently not. You're still alive."

The Hyperion man stopped when a huge digital wyvern smashed into his chest, nearly knocking him off balance.

"Was that a wyvern?" inquired Jupiter.

"Finally someone got it right!" yelled Roosevelt.

Saprus unclasped his left glove and fired a bolt of Plaque IX. It hit the Loader and began to eat away at the metal like an acid.

"DPS detected" muttered Jupiter. "Crap you guys got a solid plan. Send in the tank, which I assume is that skag-guy, then apply regular damage. Who's the healer?"

"Uh…no one" answered Baldemar awkwardly. "We…uh…haven't figured out how to heal one another."

"Hmm. Then you're really going to hate what I'm about to do."

He aimed at the floor with both guns and fired.

A huge nova released from the ground and caught them all in the blast, sending them to the extremities of the room.

"Shit. He's got crowd control" noted Baskerville. "What are we gonna do?"

Dion grinned. "Let me show you."

He grabbed his hair and roared, glowing intensely green.

"Come on Jupiter!" yelled the Titan. "I'm gonna make a lamp out of your skull!"

"Hmm. Duly noted."

Dion sprinted forward and began rapidly blasting the Loader.

"Damn those hurt" muttered Jupiter. "Activating healing cycle."

"Screw that theory!" shouted Baskerville leaping onto him. He made both of his arms into claws and dug in.

"Man, this is not going well" murmured the Loader. "I don't know how to deal with this."

He cringed in pain as a part of his suit exploded.

"Health at 50%" he muttered. "Well, that can only mean one thing."

He threw his attacker off and raised both of the guns.

Instantly a set of rocket launchers appeared from his back, flipping out and pressing down onto his arms.

"Weapon improvements received. Dispatching AOE damage."

He then began firing rapidly, mowing down the area with hollow points and rockets.

"Jesus! This guy is a freaking beast!" yelled Baldemar. He had one of his Combat Clones out, but it didn't seem to be doing anything.

"I appreciate the comment. Now hold still while I kill you all."

Baskerville grinned and crouched down. "Well do it than dick."

Fur exploded from his back, ripping clean through his shirt. It reached his head and expanded outwards. It wasn't like a regular skag though. It was like his head was a mass of eyes and teeth, barking and glaring angrily.

"Now you know why I'm called Baskerville!" roared the wereskag. His voice was twice as harsh and ravenous, like he was speaking through broken glass.

"The Hounds of Baskerville. Clever. Damn good book" noted Jupiter.

"I don't think that's what he's referencing" stated Saprus.

"Hmm?"

The conversation was interrupted by Baskerville leaping onto the Loader, gnawing on the metal with jagged teeth. He was now fully in his skag form, without any human qualities beside his stance.

"Damn. What big teeth you have" murmured Jupiter.

"All the better to kill you with my dear" taunted Baskerville eating the robot's right shoulder.

Baldemar raised his gun. "Come on! He's got him distracted! Load that bitch up with lead!"

"Freaking aye!" yelled Dion firing away.

The four Vault Hunters kept shooting, trying their hardest not to shoot their wereskag ally. Even when a few rounds hit him, it didn't seem to even faze him. The mass of fur practically ate any bullet that hit it, actually absorbing it inside of itself.

"Damn. I don't have my life stone on" murmured Jupiter collapsing to a knee.

He grimaced as Baskerville bit onto his own body, tearing into his arm.

"Well shit. I guess I'll have to give you the XP then" muttered the Loader operator. "But you'll have to finish the job than. Go ahead. You can't leave me alive. That's not how the game works."

The wereskag grinned, then bit clean through his chest, severing him in half.

Baskerville roared his approval, blood and gore splattered over his fur.

"Excellent! You were a fine opponent! I've never felt so alive in so long!" shouted the wereskag. "Thank you Jupiter! You made this aging beast feel a little bit younger!"

He began to shift back to normal, his head being the first thing. The eyes and teeth all over his body slowly disappeared, replaced by skin and muscle. He was wearing only a tattered pair of shorts, being the only thing his fur hadn't shredded through, and it exposed all the names he had etched into his skin.

Baskerville extracted his pen from his pocket and began writing over his heart, engraving the name of his most recent opponent on his chest.

"I've only met ten people who made me feel this alive" he murmured. "I write them over my heart, because they were so close to taking my heart from me and making it stop beating. That kind of thing isn't something that should be underestimated."

"Ceremonial one, aren't ya?" inquired Dion.

"For this case, definitely. Normally it's very casual at best. But this man…"

He grinned, his teeth still jagged. "Jupiter is definitely a man worthy of my respect, especially now that he's dead."

"Well that's great and all, but we got loot to divvy up" stated Taika. She was holding up what appeared to be a Vladof sniper rifle, obviously claiming it for her own.

"Holy shit this is new" murmured Baldemar holding up an SMG. It looked to be Jakobs, but it was radiating a light pink, making it hard to tell what element it was.

"The Heartbreaker" said the inventor studying the name. "Does extremely high damage, but hurts the user wielding it for compensation."

He chuckled. "I love it. I'll treasure it always."

Dion grinned, holding up a SMG. It looked like a Tediore weapon, with a definite Shock capability to it. It was a dark blue color and very slick, like it had been made by an artist.

"The Dusk" he read from the side.

He paused, noting something odd in the description on his HUD. "It says that it changes whenever I reload."

He fired off a round and reloaded, throwing the gun aside.

Suddenly the gun changed to another Tediore gun, this one Incendiary. It looked like an exact copy of the original gun, but now it was a bright orange color.

"The Dawn."

He finally got it. "An alternating weapon. A genius idea. Provides both benefits in a clever new way."

He slid it into his SDU. "Well, I think we should clock in to Lilith. That was definitely the last guy."

Baskerville nodded. "Correct."

He stood on top of a pile of crates dramatically. "Gentlemen, the ship is ours."

**If you're curious about what Baskerville looks like, just look up Baskerville Hellsing on Google. He's the dog. **


	19. Chapter 19: Jakobs

"Well I see you had no trouble getting the ship under your control" noted Stanton Dahl calmly.

"Yeah. Thanks for the help by the way" said Lilith casually leaning in the captain's chair.

"No problem. Assisting you is like assisting me, my newest ally."

"Don't try to make nice" spat Baskerville. He had replaced his shirt, but was still mostly covered in blood.

"I'm not. You wouldn't notice if I was really trying to impress you pup."

"Duly noted asshole."

Lilith cleared her throat. "Now boys, keep it in your pants. You can have your dick-sizing contest later."

"I don't need a contest. You know damn well how good it is" joked Baskerville grinning.

"Shut up!" snapped the Siren. "You don't say things like that in public!"

"I'll just pretend I didn't hear that" murmured the owner of Dahl. "Now, you have a ship."

"Yeah, we do. What now?"

"Well, we have a problem."

Stanton rubbed his temples. "You see, the owner of Bellum, their entire corporation is a problem. Unlike most of us, they only manufacture weapons. Nothing else, just guns. That's reflected by who they are. They're psychopaths, bloodthirsty marauders. Even Vladof and Torgue can be negotiated with and have pretty good reasons for what they do. Those people at Bellum though…"

He shuddered. "I saw what they did on Promethea. I've never seen so much blood in my life."

"I bet I've seen that much" said Baskerville coldly.

"No doubts, since you live on Pandora. But they did things I cannot describe on a full stomach. Even the likes of you would be slightly disgusted."

"Yeah. I heard what happened as well. I couldn't sleep after I read it" replied the wereskag.

Lilith glanced at him. "Really?"

"Totally. It was the most inhumane, disgustingly cruel thing I've ever read. And the worst part was that the town they attacked surrendered in five minutes. And there were women and children."

Baskerville looked at Stanton. "While I don't like you, I want to destroy Bellum after what I read. They're monsters."

"For once, I agree with you pup. Even the bandits around here have some moral codes."

The Dahl owner adjusted his bandana, tightening the slide keeping it together. "Now we must discuss our allies. We already have Torgue with you all, while I have made a friend as well."

"Really?" inquired Lilith. "Go on."

"Oi, what da fuck were ya 'all doing in here?!" demanded a loud voice from the doorway.

They turned and saw that a large man was standing in the doorway. He was short and stout, with a prominent beer belly. Despite this, his arms were as thick as logs and were very veiny. He was bald and he wore a baseball cap over his head. His shirt was splattered with beer and sweat, and his jeans were ragged.

"Montgomery Jakobs, please don't push your luck" said Stanton. "These people aren't tolerant of rudeness."

"Well dey can fuck off! I've been sober for da last three days because of dis shit! Even the Raiders love a good drink, so I was hoping dey could point me in da right direction!"

"Montgomery Jakobs, the most recent generation of Jakobs" murmured Lilith.

"Oi, dere was a lady in here?" he asked bluntly.

He stopped and bowed, his gut digging into his belt. "A thousand apologies miss."

He nervously wiped his mouth, blushing slightly. "I would've cleaned up better if I had known ya was a woman. It ain't right to look like my normal grimy appearance in front of women. Even if they ain't dat attractive."

He blushed deep red. "Not that I'm saying that ya not! It's just, I don't want ya to think I'ma asshole and I only try to look good in fronta of good-looking women miss! I…God I hate acting like this. I've been sober fah too long."

"It's okay Jakobs" said Lilith smiling. She found him surprisingly cute, despite the beer gut and shitty clothing.

"Thank ya miss."

Stanton sighed. "Didn't I warn you that the Crimson Raiders was run by a woman?"

"Oi, shut da fuck up! I was as drunker than a bat in a bucket! Uh…did dat metaphor make any sense to anyone?"

"No, not really" replied Baskerville.

"Well shit. I really am deprived. What does dat word mean again? I read it in a comic once."

"Disadvantaged, poor, run-down" proposed Lilith.

"Thank ya miss. I understood two of dose words."

"It amazes me that they let you run a company" murmured Stanton.

"Says da spineless bitch who fled as soon as Atlas showed their gun. At Jakobs, we shoot any fucker who tries to intimidate us."

He raised his left fist, which had a huge metallic gauntlet over it. It looked like an exaggerated brass knuckles set, with the twin on his other fist.

"I give dem da old one-two. And by one-two I mean a double tap in da face."

Baskerville grinned. "I like this guy. I really want to have a beer or twenty with him."

"Well despite da fact you got hippie hair, I'll gladly drink with ya."

The wereskag snarled. "Hippie hair?! Just because it's ragged as shit and goes to my waist doesn't mean I'm a hippie."

"I never said dat. You just have hippie hair."

Baskerville scoffed. "Damn it you're right."

"Ha! You got beat in a battle of wits with a drunkard redneck" taunted Stanton Dahl.

"You got your ass kicked by idiots wearing red armor and shitty guns" replied Lilith grinning, referring to Atlas.

The owner of Dahl scowled. "Touché."

Montgomery Jakobs leaned against the doorway, pulling out a cigarette in one motion.

"Ya 'all don't mind if I smoke do ya?" asked the redneck.

"Not at all" replied Lilith.

"Thank ya miss."

He put it to his lips and snapped his fingers. The metal gauntlets actually sparked and lit the cigarette for him, like a lighter. Blowing some smoke out of his nostrils, he sighed.

"So what are we discussing? Something about Bellum eh?"

Stanton nodded. "We will need your support if they choose to attack us."

"Well, I already gave it to ya. I trust Dahl enough, and if Dahl trusts da Raiders, I trust da Raiders. No need to make shit complicated."

Lilith grinned and extended a hand. "Welcome aboard."

He shook it gently, showing a tenderness that they hadn't even imagined he could have.

"Good ta finally get some help. Dose bastards at Bellum are fucking crazy. Even Vladof can't compare."

"Speaking of which, we have a proposition" said Stanton.

Montgomery glared at him. "Not a fucking chance. Vladof is still crazy. He won't ever help us."

"How insane is he?" inquired the Siren.

"Well, their owner is called Nicholas Vladof, otherwise known as Nick the Decapitator" responded the owner of Dahl.

"Decapitator?" repeated Lilith nervously.

"Yeah. Dat bastard loves taking off people's noggins" confirmed the owner of Jakobs. "Puts on pikes, makes murals with 'em, I've heard stories where he played bowling with da fucking things."

"He sounds like a bandit."

"Technically, Nicholas Vladof grew up on Promethea."

"That explains a lot" murmured Baskerville. "I grew up on that shit hole. Anyone who's not crazy on that planet is dead or dying."

"Precisely. But Nicholas has one thing that even Jakobs doesn't have: Intimidation. No one wants to mess with them, since everyone knows what happened last time."

Lilith looked at him curiously. "What did happen?"

"Well, you ever heard of Eden-3?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"One of their cities was attacked on that planet. The attackers lost and surrendered, but Nicholas was so pissed off he had them all impaled on the battlefield they marched on. Not only were they still alive, he had it done so that the spikes they were skewered on ran through all the way, coming from their freaking mouths."

"Wow. That's…"

"Oh it gets better. He left them there for weeks, then when they were done and rotten he had their heads mailed to the corporation that had attacked them. He then rebuilt the eastern wall of that city with their corpses and the metal from their guns."

Baskerville burst into laughter. "Shit, that guy is creative!"

Stanton stared at him. "You honestly think that's entertaining?"

"Come on, the fuckers asked for it! Who attacked them anyway?"

Montgomery glimpsed out of one of the windows. "I did."

The owner of Dahl glanced at him. "Figured out pretty quickly not to do that, eh?"

"I lost two hundred people from that battle, and didn't take a single damn soldier on their side. I had to pay so much compensation to their families. Cost me two million. I never want to fight Vladof again."

"That's why we need them as allies" protested Stanton. "Keep your friends close, but you're enemies closer."

"Well you can do that. He's probably still pissed at me."

"That incident was a year ago."

Montgomery glared at him. "You think that matters? He still hates Maliwan for what they did to him on Promethea, and that was when he was still a child."

"True. He's okay with me and he has no opinion of the Crimson Raiders."

Lilith nodded. "We've had our share of dangerous allies, believe me. We can use a guy like him."

Stanton smiled. "Excellent. But to impress Vladof, you'll need a display of complete cruelty. Something that makes it impossible to sleep."

Baskerville grunted. "Even I can't do that much. I don't fight women and children, so I'm probably not the best for that job."

Lilith chuckled. "We know someone who can supply that act of cruelty. Just make sure he's watching."

Stanton rubbed his temples. "Of course. I don't even want to know what you're going to do. Just…make sure to impress him on your first try or it'll be even more difficult."

"Oh don't worry. We have a guy who couldn't disappoint even if he tried. He's a true psycho."

**Just take a guess on who that guy is. Who can impress Vladof?**

**Oh and an important announcement: I'm publishing the first volume of my original work on . It's called Dying Soul: The New Demon Hunter. It's a fantasy novel that I plan on publishing alongside a few other volumes, which I call story arcs. It's under my pen name, Samuel Keller (HUGE coincidence) and I would love it if you gave it a look and a review. That's all!**


	20. Chapter 20: Walking In

"So please explain to me what we're doing back here at Tiberius Outpost" stated Dion. "I was kinda drunk last night after our victory."

"Well that's simple. We'll be meeting The Captain" explained Baldemar.

"Why?"

"Something to do with this guy we need to find."

"Oh yeah. We're finding some guy who can impress Vladof. That'll be fun."

Taika nodded. "I worked with Vladof once."

"Really?" inquired Saprus. "How was that?"

"Well, he paid good, but I've never seen a guy who loved violence so much. Not that he wanted to kill everything. He just loved doing the worst possible things to people."

"Like impaling them?" proposed the infected.

"That was a part of it. Some of the things he did I can't even describe."

"I believe it. I've done things so terrible that I can't sleep at night" admitted the Titan.

"As have I" added Saprus.

Baldemar glanced at them. "Don't tell me you two are about to go all mopey on me. We don't have anyone to replace either of you, so don't even try it."

Dion chuckled. "Me? Quit? I can't even imagine not fighting for more than three days. I love violence. I hate saying that, but it's like a narcotic for me. Better than any drug."

"I do not wish to stop fighting" stated the infected. "I see no reason. I have no skills in anything else. I fight for money and only money. For when all things are done, the only thing you can count on is money."

"Not true" objected Taika. "The only thing you can count on is your closest friends."

"Even that is incorrect" said Dion. He grabbed a small amulet on his chest, with a little wooden cross on it. "When all is said and done, the only thing you can count on is your god."

"Never thought you were a religious guy" noted Baldemar.

"Have to be. My soul's going to Hell otherwise. I don't want to spend my afterlife burning in sulfur."

Saprus nodded. "A very simple and good reason. I respect that."

"Thanks. Just don't expect me to quote some Bible verses or shit like that. I ain't very zealous or prideful."

He pulled out a bottle of rum and began sipping it. "If any of you want to stop me from drinking, you better smash this bottle right now."

"No point. You're still not driving" joked Taika.

"Bitch."

"I won't deny your statement."

They reached the City Hall of Tiberius Outpost and began walking inside. They noted how the guards were standing around awkwardly, as if something odd had happened.

"Something tells me we're about to walk into something uncomfortable" murmured Saprus.

"Good thing I got my brain bleach right here" said Dion holding up his bottle of rum.

When they reached the office of The Captain, they began to overhear what was going on. It appeared that the normally stoic man was yelling at someone.

"Goddamn it Gaige!"

"Oh come on! I was just being curious!"

"That is no excuse!"

The door flew open and a young girl was literally thrown out of the room. The thrower was none other than The Captain, wearing only a towel. It appeared that he had just gotten out of a shower since his hair was wet. Thankfully the girl he threw was clothed.

Gaige landed on her ass and looked up at him. "Oh come on Cap. It's not my fault I'm curious!"

"Taking pictures of me in the shower is one thing, but walking in naked is definitely crossing the line!" he roared. As he did so, he revealed that his teeth were jagged. They were like Baskerville's, but more orderly and precise.

"What line? I didn't see a line when I walked in there! You got some lovers I don't know about?"

The Captain scowled. "Get your ass back to your shop! If you try that again I'll take your other arm!"

"Ah, no fair! I need that arm to mas…to do stuff with!"

"I have no doubts" he murmured narrowing his eyes. "Now get out of my sight. I am really pissed right now."

She smiled. "Sure thing sexy. Just call me whenever ya need me."

She stood up and glanced at the Vault Hunters behind her.

"What? Don't judge me!"

"I ain't judging" muttered Baldemar. "You can step into my shower any time."

"Smooth" taunted Dion chuckling. "Really smooth bro."

Gaige smiled and traced a finger over his chest. "Sure thing. Just give me an address."

"Fine. I'll give ya a call."

"I'm kinda concerned about how you know my number, but that's irrelevant. Just makes it easier for me."

She returned to her shop and The Captain glanced at the four. "What do you want? I am kind of in the middle of something."

"What was that something?" inquired Dion grinning. "Something naughty?"

"Definitely not. That idiot inventor walked in on my shower."

"Then why wasn't she naked when you threw her out?" asked Taika logically.

"I managed to convince her to get her clothes back on before I tossed her" he explained. "Good thing too, considering how you all were here. She'd probably ask for…something…if she was naked in front of you."

Baldemar smiled. "I wouldn't have minded."

"I have no doubts. But seriously, why are you here?"

Taika stepped forward, not at all bothered by his half-naked body. "We came here with orders from Lilith. It has something to do with a place called Kronos Reformatory."

The Captain's eyes widened. "Oh shit."

He walked back into his office. "Come on in."

They followed him and he moved towards a small sink in the corner of the room. Washing the shampoo out of his hair, he threw his coat over his body before dropping the towel. Tying the strings in the front of his coat, he stood mostly dressed, thankfully with nothing major exposing.

"So the prisoner has escaped from Kronos?" he questioned.

They all looked at each other confused.

"Uh, no" replied Taika.

The Captain raised an eyebrow. "Than what is it? Is he to be moved to another facility?"

"As far as we know, she wants to let whoever it is out."

The Captain narrowed his eyes. "Nonsense. Kronos Reformatory was built for the sole purpose of housing that man. Letting him out of is not only dangerous, it's suicidal."

"Why? How dangerous is that guy?" asked Saprus.

"Dangerous enough to have a facility built only for him" explained The Captain. "That man was the most dangerous Vault Hunter we ever had at our side. He is a monster, the worst I've ever seen. He wields death in his right hand, with hatred in his left. We don't even know why he does it. He's irredeemable."

"Well ya see, that's kinda the point" said Dion. "We need to impress Vladof, so this guy is our best shot."

The Captain sighed. "Damn it. Then this man is definitely the best for that job. Even Vladof can't compare to him."

Taika's eyes widened. "You're not serious."

"He is. He's worse than the bandit clans. No reason, no remorse, no mercy. The ultimate killer. We were terrified of him. That's why we sealed him away."

"Surely he didn't go along with the idea" murmured Saprus. "He probably resisted."

"On the contrary, he was the one who proposed we lock him away. It seems that he has developed some sort of conscience to remain stable. Otherwise he probably would've destroyed himself by now."

"Well there's no point arguing about it. We need him" stated Baldemar. "We need the key and we were told you had it."

"I do, but we knew that having one key would not be a good idea."

The Captain brushed a wet strand of hair from his face. "There are three keys. One of them is held by me. The other two are with the other most trusted people Lilith has at her side."

"Ah shit. We gotta go back to Sanctuary to strangle it out of Baskerville?" spat Dion. "I liked that guy though."

The Captain chuckled lowly. "Baskerville is a good friend, but he's too reckless. She gave the key to one of her oldest friends and the man who saved her life."

He reached inside his coat and withdrew what looked like a card.

"This card is one of the three. When you press them together, they form into one layered card. Only then can it be read by the scanner that opens the door."

"So where are the other two?" questioned Taika grabbing the card. "We're kinda in a hurry."

"No problem. I will mark them on your map. Even though I think is a horrible idea."


	21. Chapter 21: Tha Monster

"So we're looking for an old friend of Lilith's, eh?" inquired Dion resting in the back of the Technical.

"Yep. Apparently he's out here somewhere" stated Taika manipulating the vehicle.

They were in the Highlands, looking for a small town named Overlook. The guy they were looking for wasn't in the town, but he usually stopped there. They hoped they would find him so that they wouldn't go for some long goose chase.

"Why do I get the feeling that we're going to be spending the entire day looking for this guy?" wondered Saprus.

"Because it would be boring otherwise?" proposed Baldemar.

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

They reached Overlook and quickly noticed that the residents had built a wall to bar anyone from coming inside. It wasn't that well-built, but it did the job well enough.

"Hello?!" yelled Dion. "Where the hell is everyone?"

A little girl strode over to them, skipping lightly. It looked like she wasn't even bothered by the notion that she was on a crapsack world like Pandora. She was just as happy as any little girl could be.

She stopped in front of Baldemar, the tallest of the group. Looking straight up, she smiled.

"Excuse me mister, but who the fuck are you?"

Dion burst into laughter, leaning against a streetlamp for support.

"I love Pandora!" he roared.

Taika was smirking slightly, and Saprus appeared to be in a happy posture.

Baldemar smiled at the little girl. "Hello young lady. I and my friends are Vault Hunters."

"A Vault Hunta? Like tha man with tha goggles?"

"That sounds like the man we're looking for" murmured Saprus.

"Well he was here yesterday. He went out tah hunt tha big monster."

"Monster?" inquired Taika curiously.

"Tha one on tha lower ridge. Tha big one."

"The big one" repeated Saprus. "I do not like the sound of that."

"Where can we find this monster young lady?" questioned Baldemar.

"Oh, it's in dat direction" she said pointing somewhere to the south.

"Thank you" said the inventor. "Let's get going."

"Be careful Vault Huntas. It's a big one!"

She spread out her arms. "Like this big!"

Taika chuckled. "Duly noted miss. Don't worry. We're proper professionals."

They walked back to the Technical and got inside.

"The big monster" murmured Dion. "Why do I get the feeling that we're walking into something dangerous."

"It's Pandora. It's always dangerous" said Saprus.

They drove further down the road and saw what appeared to be a field of grass. It appeared that it had been trampled upon thousands of times by flocks of animals. The field had large mounds of dirt strewn across it, like moles had been living there.

"Signs of migration" muttered Taika. "The mounds though…I've never seen that in a migration route."

"Perhaps they're mounds of refuse" proposed Saprus.

"Possibly. But they're all the same size."

Dion shrugged. "Fuck it. This is the southern ridge. Let's kill everything."

"I like the way you think" commented Baldemar. "I agree."

Suddenly something burst from the ground in front of them, from one of the mounds. It looked like a huge blob of some sorts.

"Jesus take the wheel!" roared the Titan letting the car fly over the field.

They slammed back into the ground and exited the car.

"Threshers!" yelled Taika pulling out her rifle. She clicked the device at her gauntlet. "Go, Roosevelt!"

"Right!" exclaimed the wyvern flying into the air.

Dion extracted his SMG, grinning like a mad man. "I'm gonna kill you so hard right now!"

The Thresher threw its spikes at them, clearly pissed off. It was a fairly large one, but it was an odd shade of blue. It obviously was a local kind.

"This is the monster?" murmured Baldemar summoning his Clone. "Kinda disappointed."

Then three more copies appeared around them, flanking them.

"Well shit" spat Saprus. He removed his left glove and fired a bolt of Plaque IX at one of them.

"That little girl forgot to mention there were a few of them" muttered Taika.

"Does it matter?" asked Dion. "More kills means more fun. I see nothing wrong with this."

"Neither do I' murmured Baldemar. "Practice is never a bad thing. I was getting rusty."

They began swiftly dealing with their own individual target, shooting and tearing with their guns and abilities.

"Well I'll give these things credit, they're tough!" roared the Titan blasting it with a palm full of energy. "I've never met something that could take a dozen headshots in my Rage."

"Same. I've hit this thing at least three times with the Plaque" muttered Saprus. "It's skin as hard as iron."

Taika pulled out her Torgue rocket launcher, chuckling lowly.

"Everybody duck" she ordered aiming it.

She twirled and began firing it, throwing rockets at the four Threshers around them.

The Threshers exploded violently, throwing body parts all across the field.

Roosevelt landed beside her, flapping its wings.

"Not bad ma'am."

"Thanks Roosevelt."

Dion reloaded his Dusk, turning it back into Dawn. "Only four? This sucks."

They felt the earth beneath them shift, as if it was splitting in half.

"Oh my God" muttered the Titan. He grinned. "Come on. I got one helluva hard-on going right now."

A huge tentacle burst from the ground, as thick as a tree. It whipped out and smacked them across the field.

"Oh yeah!" roared Baldemar. "Come on! Bring it bitch! I'll kill you, then you can dig yourself back up and I'll kill you all over again!"

"Let's go best buddy!" yelled Dion. "I'll help ya lodge your fist in that thing's skull while I plow my foot in its neck!"

"Then let's go!"

They ran forward, hauling their guns to fight.

"I get the feeling we're going to have stitch them back together" muttered Saprus.

"Yeah, I'm getting that vibe too" added Taika.

"How can you stand these two idiots?" inquired Roosevelt.

"They're entertaining to say the least."

The tentacle fully extracted itself from the ground, revealing its body. It was at least five stories tall, towering far over them. It was a navy blue color and had bone spikes all across its skin.

Then it opened its mouth and roared, blowing the grass away from it.

Dion activated his Rage and fired, throwing a pillar of energy from his palm.

Baldemar began firing the Heartbreaker, his chest being punctured ever so slightly. He felt the wounds the gun was inflicting on his own body, but he saw how effective the gun was on his opponent.

The huge Thresher slammed its feelers into the ground, the spikes growing even larger.

The spikes hit the Titan dead in the chest, puncturing at least his stomach and possible one of his kidneys.

Dion's blood flew from his mouth, but he kept grinning.

"You bitch!" he roared, despite the smile. "That fucking hurt!"

"You asshole! I'm going to kill you for hurting my friend!" shouted Baldemar.

"Did you idiots expect not to get hurt?" inquired Saprus coldly.

"Well not that bad!" yelled Dion.

"You two are dumbasses" mumbled Taika.

"While your statement is accurate, I am still hurt by it" muttered the inventor.

"I…completely agree with what she said" said the Titan calmly.

He collapsed to his knees, chuckling lowly. "Well crap. I think I'm bleeding out."

"You dumbass. Stay still" ordered the huntress crouching down next to him.

He pushed her aside and stood uneasily. "That thing's…still here…I can't…give up…"

"If you bleed to death, that won't help any" said Taika frustrated.

"Fuck that…It's…my job…"

He chuckled, practically holding in his intestines. "It's my job to protect my friends."

Saprus glared at him. "Stay still."

He gently pushed the Titan down to the ground, holding his gun. "I'll protect you."

The infected turned to the Thresher. "Come on you little hentai mistake. I'm going to open up a can of whoopass."

The Thresher backed up and raised all of its feelers, than something flew through it.

The head of the monster split down vertically, going all the way through the skull.

"Damn. It's like God swung his sword through it" murmured Baldemar.

They turned and saw someone walked across the field. It was a man holding a sniper rifle, the ends of his coat blowing in the wind. He wore a set of goggles over his eyes and metal gauntlets and boots.

"Center shot" muttered the man.

"Who the hell are you?" inquired Saprus.

The man chuckled. "I'm the oldest Vault Hunter mi amigos. El Cazador."

Taika's eyes widened. "The Hunter. I never thought I'd see you in person. It's an honor."

"Who is this guy?" asked Baldemar.

The man smiled. "Obviously my reputation isn't as widespread as I would like."

He slid his sniper rifle onto his back. "I'm Mordecai."

Something black flew through the air, with wings that looked like steel. It twirled around the hunter and settled on his arm. It was a large black falcon, with razor sharp claws and a bloody beak.

"And this is Nightrazor" he said holding the falcon.


	22. Chapter 22: El Cazador

Mordecai walked back into the cave, having led the four new Vault Hunters up the mountain. It was obvious he had been there for a while, due to the packages of ramen and milk scattered across the ground.

"Nice diet" murmured Saprus. "Last time I checked, you can't live off ramen and milk."

"Hey, gotta take what I can get" said the hunter. "Besides, this isn't the cheap shit you buy at a dollar store. That stuff is high-quality, meant to be lived off of."

"You weren't quite what I expected" commented Taika. "El Cazador."

"Yeah, the name I got coined when I opened the Vault" he explained tipping back a bottle of whiskey. "I thought everyone forgot about me. The second gen was a lot cooler than me. But if my guess is right, you are the third."

He sighed. "Damn it I'm getting old. I'm almost forty."

"Forty is the new twenty" said Saprus. "Believe me, it is."

"You remind me that Zero guy" muttered Mordecai. "Well, at least you're funny. That ass was weird. Didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't even talk. No redeeming qualities."

"I hate to rush you hunter, but we need something from you" said Dion.

"Go ahead. I just got done with that refreshing kill. Ask away."

"We need your key to Kronos Reformatory."

The hunter spat out a mouthful of booze, clearly surprised. His falcon cawed and flew away, not wanting to get wet.

"Ah shit! Sorry Nightrazor!" he exclaimed looking around for his bird.

"Caw!" yelled the bird.

"Ah man."

He glanced over at the Titan. "Why do you want that key? There's only one prisoner in Kronos, and that guy…"

He shuddered. "That guy was the worst."

"We need him. Believe us."

"Even if I was flat-out drunk, I would never let that guy go."

Dion snarled. "Lilith ordered it."

Mordecai's eyes widened. "What? Why? Did you get her drunk?"

"No. You can call her if you want."

The hunter sighed. "Damn it. You wouldn't be bull-shitting me if you knew Lilith."

He reached into his shirt and pulled out a necklace. Ripping it off his neck, he handed it to him.

"If you know about the key, I assume you know where to find them" he said calmly.

"Yeah. We got the one from the Captain, so we only need the final one."

"Ah, that's good. The last guy lives in…"

Something smashed into his chest, interrupting his sentence. He flew to the ground, sliding across it.

"Holy shit!" roared Dion.

They all turned to the entrance of the cave, where a new man stood. He was carrying what appeared to be a huge bow, with knuckle grips where the arrows were supposed to be held on the string. His armor appeared similar to a samurai, with a deep brown color all across it. His hair went all the way to his ankles, wild and untamed.

"Nice job" complimented Mordecai sitting up. He sipped his booze. "You hit me right in the center."

He stood up, grabbing his sniper rifle. "Brigadier General Arcum Sagitta. One of the top guys in Bellum's little army."

"Correct" said the bowman. "Now fight me back."

He drew the bow, an orange glow radiating from it. An energy arrow appeared in the string, spinning slightly like a rifle bullet.

"Come on. I didn't track you down all the way here just to wait" stated Arcum.

Mordecai fired his sniper rifle, smashing the man in the chest. He flew out of the cave, falling straight down the mountain.

"Center shot" murmured the hunter. He stood up and ran out of the cave.

"Hold on. This won't take too long."

He leaped out and slid down the slope, not even bothered by this turn of events.

Arcum was still falling and tumbling, but he quickly threw himself into the air. Adjusting himself, he drew his bow.

"Center shot!" roared Mordecai firing his rifle.

The Brigadier flew back even further, crashing to the base of the mountain. Leaping backwards, he kept firing his bow.

The hunter reached out his arm and Nightrazor landed on his gauntlet.

"Tear him to shreds!" ordered Mordecai.

The bird flew back into the air and sailed over to its target.

Arcum swatted the bird aside, firing more arrows.

Mordecai got hit in the shoulder and he grunted in pain.

"Nice shot" he complimented. "Not a center shot, but still a good one."

He reloaded his rifle and jumped onto one of the mounds in the field.

"Center shot!" he roared firing again.

The Brigadier got hit in the stomach, his back hitting the ground.

Then Nightrazor cut into his chest, tearing down to the ribs.

"Damn it" he spat. "How could you take all those shots?"

"I could ask the same question" said Mordecai. "You took three of my center shots. Not many can do that."

"I hit you ten times."

"Ten? I didn't count all that many."

Arcum grinned. "Sonic arrows. I fire ten at a time. Faster than bullets."

"Oh my. You really are a worthy adversary."

Mordecai sighed. "This is the third time you've tried to kill me. This time, you really made an effort. You gotta tell me, why does your boss want me dead?"

Arcum stood. "I never said my boss did."

He snarled. "I want to kill you so I can be El Cazador!"

The hunter narrowed his eyes. "You're not serious."

"You're the ideal hunter of men! You are the idol for all of those who search and destroy. Even more so that Zero, the Demigod Assassin. You are the one who defeated Grave Lord Tsarun singlehandedly. No one can compare to that deed."

"That was a weekend thing" muttered Mordecai.

"Exactly. We're all just living in your shadow until you die. And I'm going to do it, and become the next El Cazador."

"You assholes really are annoying" he murmured. "I'd kill ya, but I have to say that you're entertaining."

He smiled. "Good luck Brigadier General. I shall see you again. Maybe you'll earn the title on day. I hope to see that day soon."

He turned and began walking back to the mountain.

"Come on Nightrazor. I wanna take a nap. I had to kill a huge monster and defeat my best adversary in one day. That's freaking exhausting."


	23. Chapter 23: The Cowboy

"So Bellum is now attacking. Should we report that as an act of war?" stated Saprus.

"I don't think so. It's only against one guy" replied Dion. "And that guy even said that he wasn't ordered to."

"I gotta be honest, his bow was an incredible piece of technology" murmured Baldemar. He rubbed his fingers. "I want to take it apart and see if I can design it even better."

"Maybe we'll see him again" proposed Taika. "If Mordecai kills him, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

They were driving deep in the Dirt, heading towards Lynchwood. Apparently the final guy, the who had saved Lilith's ass, was inside.

"Lynchwood. Former Hyperion outpost eventually conquered by the Crimson Raiders" explained Saprus. "I was there when they liberated it."

"On what side?" inquired Baldemar.

"No one's. I was taking a nap in my apartment. Best part was: I didn't have to pay my month's rent since they shot my landlord."

Dion chuckled. "How convenient."

"That's what I said."

Taika looked out towards the town. She could see the bare edge of it, but not much.

"We'll be there in like five minutes" she determined.

"Cool. That gives me plenty of time to finish my bottle of rum" said the Titan sipping it.

"Do you always have a bottle of rum on hand?" questioned Baldemar.

"Pretty much yeah."

* * *

They reached the town and didn't encounter any resistance. Since their Technical was marked like a Crimson Raider vehicle, they assumed they were allies. That assumption was mostly accurate.

"Dusty town, ain't it?" murmured Dion coughing. "It's like I'm breathing the dirt."

"It is in the Dust" clarified Saprus. "Thankfully, I don't have to deal with that."

He tapped his mask. "Not a single speck gets in here."

"Lucky bastard" muttered Baldemar. "Why didn't I make a mask for myself?"

"Probably because you don't need to?" proposed the infected. "I need mine to keep everyone else alive."

"Why is that?" inquired Taika.

"The Plaque is contagious. It lives in my entire body. To take off the suit, I have to take a small amount of the vaccine to prevent it from spreading. Not only does it give the disease to other life forms, but it rots the ground around me."

"Damn. Please don't take off the suit then" stated the Titan politely.

"Wouldn't even consider it."

They reached the center of the town and came to what appeared to be a shootout between two strangers. Given the Western feel of the entire town, that wasn't very surprising.

One of the men's appearances was surprising however. He was wearing a large cowboy hat over his head and a duster jacket. What made him stand out was how handsome he really was, appearing barely thirty in appearance. On his back was a large Jakobs assault rifle with a small scope on it. He had a strange device on his right shoulder that looked like some kind of SDU.

"Shootout at noon" murmured Saprus. He adjusted his hood. "I've been in a few."

Suddenly the clock rang, prompting one of the attackers to draw a pistol.

Before a hatchet slammed into his head.

The cowboy smirked and walked over to the man's corpse, having thrown the axe perfectly.

"Good thing your big head was where I was aiming" he stated in a dry voice. "I thought I missed for a second."

He bent down and extracted the tomahawk, wiping it on the man's corpse before sliding back into the holster on his shoulder underneath his coat.

He stood and lit a cigarette, blowing some of the smoke out of his nostrils. "That was kinda disappointing. He didn't even get a shot off."

He sighed. "And chances are he can't afford a respawn, so now I have nothing to do. Damn it."

The cowboy walked over to the large building in front of him and leaned against the pillar. The building appeared to be the town hall, judging by the look of it. And the giant sign that read Town Hall didn't hurt. Judging by the way the cowboy was positioned, it appeared that he was protecting the building.

"Can we go in handsome?" inquired Taika walking over to him.

He smirked. "Sure pretty lady. But why you visiting, if you don't mind?"

"We're under orders from Lilith" explained Dion.

"Ah? Really? Cool. Who you looking for?"

"Some guy who saved her life."

The cowboy chuckled. "Not many of those. That babe's got better moves than most strippers I've known."

He looked up, tipping his hat away from his face. "You're talking to one of those guys."

"You're Axton?" asked Baldemar.

"Damn right I am. Officially I work for Lynchwood as a 'private contractor'."

He rolled his eyes. "Unofficially, I'm the mayor's right hand man. When he wants someone dead, he sends me."

"Is that why you shot the poor fellow over there?" questioned Saprus gesturing to the corpse.

Axton chuckled. "No. Little bastard smacked one of the barmaids in my favorite pub. I taught him some manners."

He blew out a breath of smoke. "Too bad he died before he got the point."

"Listen man, we need a key to…" began Dion.

"To Kronos Reformatory" completed Axton. "Yeah, I know. The only key I got on me is for that damn place, and I was certain we'd need to get him out of there."

"Who is this him? What's the big deal about him?" inquired Baldemar. "Is he really as…"

"Yes" answered the cowboy bluntly. "He's everything that they've told you and more. I worked with the guy. Maya liked him for some reason, Gaige thought he was weird, Salvador shared drinks with him, and Zero never commented on it. I thought he was a fucking wack-job. But if Lilith wants him out, I know he can help whatever she's doing."

He pulled out a small card, the final piece. "Good luck. Just…try not to get too close to him. He might snap again."


	24. Chapter 24: Kronos Reformatory

"Damn. They really wanted to seal this bastard in" murmured Dion.

They had arrived at Kronos Reformatory, which was placed deep in Thousand Cuts. It was built into a mountainside, with a narrow road with many turns leading up to it. It was actually snowing up there, leaving patches of ice on the ground.

The facility was made of solid concrete, almost like a castle. The wall was two meters thick and had solid metal shards erected on top of them. The gate was electrified and sparked constantly. It was like they were trying to keep King Kong out.

"I guess we just open it with the card" said Taika. She walked over to a small console near the gate and swiped the card.

The gate swung open noiselessly, like it had been recently greased. The courtyard was covered in snow and debris, most of which were chunks of the building. The odd thing was that no one had been up here recently. It was like the damage had been caused by something on the inside.

"What attacked here that made all of this?" wondered Taika.

"Perhaps the man on the inside" replied Saprus.

"How? They didn't let the sick fuck have weapons, did they?" countered Dion.

They reached the foyer of the building and saw that it had apparently been a hospital at one point. Or something similar anyway. The front desk was littered with papers and data, all of which seemed to be results of something.

Taika picked up a piece of paper. _"Subject is unresponsive to any attempts to stimulate inner sadness, love, or happiness. So far we have only found anger and lust as viable emotions for the subject."_

"He really is a sick fuck" murmured the Titan. "Not that I'm much better, but still."

They found another piece of paper, an incident log of some kind. _"Today the subject attacked a maid who attempted to make his bed. He threw her into a wall and began screaming at her about an unknown female. Then for some reason he changed vocal patterns and demanded someone to stop something. The nurse responded that she didn't know what he was talking about. He then proceeded to break his own fingers, subduing himself in the process."_

"Shit" said Baldemar. "Should we really be letting this guy out?"

"No point in questioning it. We have our orders" stated Saprus. "Come on. I have a feeling his room is this way."

They walked further into the hospital, noting that most of the rooms were empty and desolate. It was like the place had only served for one person and they just abandoned everything else.

"Pretty cruel to make a prison out of a hospital" noted Dion. "No wonder he fucking cracked."

"I think he cracked long before this" muttered Taika.

They found a dead body lying on the ground, or what was left of it. It was really just a severed arm and a pile of gore next to it. The arm was holding a clipboard, a freshly written report on it.

"_Today, the subject admitted something to me. He claims that his primary raging attitude is something he can control, that he is the 'inner voice' so to speak. He admits that it would be difficult, but possible. I was skeptical, but after subsequent visits with this inner voice being the primary personality, I can throw in my support. We may be able to reform the subject after all."_

"Obviously that didn't work too well" commented Taika noting the mass of gore.

"Let's just hope something went right" added Baldemar.

They reached the end of the hallway, where a giant iron door was waiting for them.

"This isn't his room" muttered Saprus.

"How can you tell?" questioned Dion.

"It's an elevator."

They pushed the button and noted that, indeed, it was an elevator. It was shaking and sparking, and one of the lights were out, but it was functional.

"What floor would he be on?" wondered Taika.

"I'd try the top" said Baldemar. "There are only three floors. Even if he jumped, he wouldn't die."

"He would if he did it head first" pointed out the Titan.

"Well let's hope that hasn't yet."

They rose to the third floor, fearing that any second the elevator would collapse down on them. It was just as wrecked as the facility, and chances are it would break.

Thankfully, that didn't happen. They stepped off the elevator and noticed that this floor appeared barricaded. There were barriers everywhere, with mounted guns facing towards the other end of the building.

"They had a guard detail on him?" asked Taika amazed.

"Not just that. They were certain he'd get out. They had this entire thing prepared in case he did" explained Saprus.

"Well he's a badass, I'll give him that" said Dion. "Dangerous and psychopathic, but still a badass."

They found various guns and ammo in the barricade, noting with joy that the guards had abandoned their weapons. They were still worried immensely for their safety, so having new guns was a reassuring familiarity.

As they walked to the end of the hall, Dion grabbed the small cross around his neck and began whispering something. It sounded like a prayer.

Baldemar glanced at him shocked. "You're praying?"

"I don't know what'll happen" admitted the Titan. "The idea of dying by the unknown terrifies me. At least in battle I can get on the rush and not care. This though…it's chilling."

"While you're at it, pray for the rest of us" stated Saprus.

"I already did."

They reached the end of the hall and came to a large iron door. It had dozens of caution signs all over it and looked like it had been sealed shut.

Taika waved the card in front of it and it slowly unlocked, many hidden mechanisms opening at once.

"Shouldn't we have knocked?" asked the Titan slightly worried.

"He probably wouldn't hear" answered the infected. "This door is probably soundproof."

The door fully opened and they finally saw what was inside. It was a simple room, with a single locker against one wall and a bathroom unit against the other.

Directly in front of them was a bunk, with someone sitting on it facing them. He was wearing what might count for a vest, with two straps running from his pants to around his shoulders. His pants were shredded and dirty, exposing his knees. His hair was long and unwashed, going past his shoulders. He had on an odd oxygen mask, strapped to his with what appeared to be leather and duct tape.

"Is he dead?" inquired Dion.

The man looked up, his eyes blank. He didn't look like a psycho. If anything, he looked tired and dejected.

"What do you want?" asked the man bluntly. His voice wasn't angry or harsh. It was dry if anything.

"We need your help" said Taika.

"Take a hike."

They all paused.

"Uh…this is not what I was expecting" murmured Baldemar.

The man nodded. "Quite."

Then he leaped forward, tackling him and pinning him to the ground.

The inventor stared at him astonished, before noticing how utterly psychotic he looked. His eyes were flashing red and he appeared to be breathing heavily.

"**IS THIS WHAT YOU WERE FUCKING EXPECTING YA BITCH!?"** roared the man lividly. **"A RUTHLESS MOTHERFUCKING PSYCHOPATH WHO WOULD GRIND YOUR EYES TO DUST WHILE HE'S FLAYING YOUR SCALP WITH A SILVER SPOON?! HUH!?"**

"Uh…yeah?" answered Baldemar absolutely terrified.

The man stood, suddenly calm.

"Well than I'm sorry. That man doesn't exist to help other people. Go home."

He walked back to his bed and sat down again, staring at a spot on the floor.

"Listen, we need that bloodthirsty psycho in your skull" said Dion. "Vladof won't be impressed with a simple display of violence. We need your help. And it's about time you helped out the Crimson Raiders again."

"Help? I helped them enough. I owe them nothing. There's only one person I owe anything, and she left. I have nothing attached to those people. I will die here, and I have accepted this."

The Titan snarled. "Don't be stubborn."

"Stubborn? I just want to retire."

Saprus stepped forward. "We Vault Hunters don't retire. You should know that."

The man paused. "You're right. I was a Vault Hunter long before Hyperion made the monster in my soul."

"Your old comrades need your help. From one veteran to another, get up. There's fighting to be done."

"I don't wish to fight anymore. I only hurt people when I do so, and most of these people I care about."

"Which is worse: to hurt others by your actions, or by your inaction?"

The man stopped dead. Obviously the question had rocked him on the inside. "Why do you need me?"

"Vladof. We're trying to get their help. The leader wants a display of violence that only someone like you could concoct" admitted Taika.

"Indeed. You are correct. No one but me could impress Vladof" said the man. "Well, not me specifically. Krieg could."

"Who's Krieg?" asked Dion.

"Technically, I am. He is the monster in my soul. I resumed being the primary personality though, since years of living peacefully brought me back. I now control him near-completely, but it's still flawed."

"Can you help us?" inquired Baldemar.

The man stood. "Yes. But first you must know the real name of this man before you. I am Frieden."

He stopped when he heard something from outside. It sounded like a vehicle stopping. "Hmm? Do you have any more company?"

"Not that we know of" admitted Taika.

The wall near them exploded, blowing his bunk to the other side of the room and exposing the room to the open air.

"Shit" muttered Dion.

Frieden looked out of the recently made hole and noted the exterior calmly. "Hmm. It appears that we are being attacked."

"By who?" asked Saprus.

"I do not recognize their colors. It's dark red and black mostly."

"Ah shit. Bellum is trying to kill us" murmured the Titan.

"Not you. They are probably here to kill me" said Friedan. "Yesterday I would've let them. But now..."

He tightened his fists. "Now I have a purpose. I will assist the Crimson Raiders in whatever they need me for. It is not right for a man of my skill caliber to rot away. I will do what is necessary to help those I care about."

He rubbed his hands. "Now, I will need a weapon."

"I take it this buzz-axe is yours?" stated Dion holding it up. "I was going to mount it because it looked badass, but if…"

"It is mine. Please hand it over" replied Friedan precisely.

The Titan tossed it over and the psycho caught it smoothly.

Feeling the edge of the blade, Friedan's eyes flashed.

"I've killed a lot of people with this thing. Looks like I'll have to kill a few more."

He grinned, his psychotic tendencies obviously coming to the surface. **"Let's get ready grease junkies. I have an axe to grind against somebody spine."**


	25. Chapter 25: Play Date with Puppy-Kins

Brigadier General Arcum Sagitta calmly slid his bow back into his sheath. "There you go. I just killed him."

The woman beside him glared at him. "You couldn't kill a field mouse. You got your ass owned by Mordecai like maybe five minutes ago."

He glared at her. "It was a tie."

"Your ass got grassed. Stop trying to make it sound better."

The woman was Colonel Doctor Marie Winter, the professional surgeon of Bellum. She also had the routine habit of dissecting every opponent she fought, the main reason she was here. They were attacking Krieg so they could figure out what made him tick like he did. The best way was to kill him and tear him apart.

"You know, I'm not even supposed to be here" said Arcum coldly. "I'm supposed to be at the base right now."

"Well you weren't supposed to be trying and failing to kill Mordecai, so suck it" spat Marie.

"Ugh. I'm going now. You can tear the bastard apart if you want" he stated walking away. "I could care less if you even succeeded you bitch."

"Fuck you too."

She rubbed her hands together, clicking the various bladed apparatuses strapped to her gauntlets. "I'm going to enjoy seeing his insides."

* * *

"Yo Lilith, that asshole's here" said Baskerville walking into the meeting room.

The Siren nodded. "Good."

Stanton Dahl walked into the room, his style and posture perfectly intact. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Nicholas Vladof."

A man followed behind him, seemingly distant from everyone else. He appeared to be an albino and his hair went well to his waist in braids. He wore a simple black shirt and pants, with only a crimson cloak running down his back to make him stand out.

"Mr. Vladof, it's good to see you" said Lilith politely. She extended a hand to shake.

"Enough talk. I was told there would be violence" he replied bluntly. He didn't shake her hand either, but it was more like he hadn't seen it than ignored it.

"Hey asshole, no disrespecting the lady. I'll break your man-parts if you do it again" threatened Baskerville.

"While your threats are amusing, I am rather excited for this showing of slaughter" stated Nicholas blankly. "The notion of someone else doing a cruel and sadistic act that is better than what I can do is an interesting one. I thought my secretary was lying to me when she gave the message."

"Did ya impale her?" inquired the wereskag.

"No. Well, I did with my cock on her desk."

Baskerville burst into laughter. "Man, you said that shit without even breaking character! You're alright!"

"I really don't care what you think of me. I want to see this. I've been waiting all day for this."

Lilith nodded. "Of course. I'd hate to waste your time."

She pulled out a remote and pushed a button.

The table before her lit up and a screen appeared in the center. Aligning it to be facing Vladof, she sat back.

"Enjoy Mr. President, and tell me what you think."

He nodded, snapping his fingers quickly.

An aide shuffled over, carrying what appeared to be a long water jug of some sort.

Nicholas grabbed a small hose next to the device and inhaled something, smoke rising from his nostrils.

"A hookah? Where did you manage to find that?" asked Baskerville.

"I built it" he answered simply.

"Sick. Can I join ya?"

"Go ahead. I always have a few hoses to those who wish to share. Just shut up and let me watch my favorite program."

* * *

Krieg slammed into the courtyard, his axe resting comfortably in his hands. His eyes were glowing red and his entire body was tensed up.

"**WHAT MEAT SACKS DID YOU BRING TO ME TODAY?!"** he roared. **"I PROMISE I'LL BE GENTLE WHILE I BURY THEIR HEADS INTO THEIR ABDOMENS!"**

"_While that statement is nowhere near gentle, you are permitted to do what you like to those men before you"_ said Friedan deep in his subconscious. _"I have let you take control only for this moment to take out these enemies. When this is over, you're going back in your cage."_

"**MASTER IS NOT KIND TO US AT ALL!"**

"_Of course I'm not you psychotic man-child. But have fun while you're out. I'll enjoy watching it."_

Krieg laughed, spinning the axe. **"MASTER IS VERY KIND! MY FINGERS WILL REST SO ACHINGLY SWEET IN THEIR EYE SOCKETS!"**

"_Whatever floats your boat bro."_

The Bellum soldiers before him stared, their guns raised to fire. Obviously that hadn't anticipated him looking or acting like this.

Krieg threw the axe into the air and caught it smoothly. **"COME ON MEAT SACKS! WE HAVE A PLAY DATE AND I'M A REAL WHINEY BITCH WHEN I DON'T GET THE BEST BARBIE IN THE TOY BIN!"**

"_That didn't even make sense and I'm scared."_

The psycho sprinted forward, his axe eating at the ground.

The soldiers fired, but he absorbed the bullets as if he was eating them.

"**YOU ATE THE LAST POTATO CHIP! NOW I'M GOING TO FUCKING EAT YOU AND SEE HOW YOU FUCKING LIKE IT!"** roared Krieg swinging.

His axe cut clean through the soldiers like they were butter. They screamed in agony, enticing him further.

"**YES SCREAM FOR ME PUPPY-KINS! LET ME DRINK THE AUDIBLE FORM OF YOUR DEEPEST AGONY AND LOVE!"**

He got shot in the face, but calmly munched on the bullet that had landed in his mouth.

"**YOU TASTE DELICIOUS! LIKE A PLETHORA OF BACON AND POWDERED DONUTS, ALL ECSTATICALLY ROLLING OVER MY SALTY TONGUE!"**

"_Man, I never realized how much of a freaking idiot I sounded like when I said this stuff"_ murmured Freidan. _"Though it is kinda funny in an odd way."_

Then something sliced into Krieg's torso, stopping him dead.

"_What's this? A challenge from a worthy opponent?"_

The psycho leaped backwards, looking around. All of the soldiers had died, but there was someone new standing in front of him. It was a woman, one wearing a long black cloak over her body. Her eyes were a deep shining green, beautiful orbs in her skull.

"**Those big eyes…"** began Krieg, for once losing his scream.

"**Just like THE STUPID WHORE WHO TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE!"** screamed Krieg.

"_Well that was fun while it lasted"_ muttered Freidan.

The woman blocked his swing with her gauntlets, which looked like they were made of blades. She grinned, seemingly returning the one Krieg was giving her.

"You're far more handsome than I imagined" she said calmly, not even bothered by his heavy panting and mad eyes.

"**YOUR COMMENTS AND SUPPORT ARE APPRECIATED! WE TRY OUR HARDEST TO PUT OUT AN EFFECTIVE MURDER PRODUCT AND ARE PRIVILEGED TO HAVE YOU HERE AT THE END OF THIS AXE!"** yelled Krieg.

"_Damn. That was almost a compliment"_ noted Freidan. _"Maybe he'll make a habit of saying things like that. Oh wait, he tried to decapitate her. Let's hope he doesn't make a habit of it."_

Marie Winter sliced into his stomach, hitting to at least the muscles with what felt like a hacksaw.

"Your muscle tissue is so dense. It's truly a perfect specimen" she murmured observantly.

Krieg grabbed her by the throat and punched her in the mouth.

"**HAVE YOU TRIED OUR OTHER PRODUCTS!? THE LUNGS AND LIVER AND KIDNEYS AND CUTICLES!? THEY ARE ALL 5-STAR RATED AND ARE EVEN BETTER THAN THE MUSCLES!"**

"Hmm. Indeed. Let's try the kidney."

She stabbed him with her hand, cutting clean through his side.

"_Oh shit!"_ shouted Freidan. _"She didn't just strike a lethal wound! That's not good…"_

Krieg grunted, his eyes widening even further. He felt the blood pour onto his skin.

"**I want more…"** he whispered quietly.

He grabbed Marie and slashed her across the chest. **"MORE! MORE! MORE! GIVE ME YOUR SWEET CRIMSON STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED CANDY! I DON'T CARE IF THE SUGAR IS HIGH FRUCTOSE SYRUP AND THE RED DYE CAN ROT OUT MY EYES, I WANT MORE OF IT!"**

"_Oh God, she got him excited"_ muttered Freidan. _"She's going to die violently now."_

The woman chuckled, blocking the frantic strikes the psycho was making. She wasn't bothered by her wounds at all, which were obviously healing underneath her clothes. It sounded like something was stitching her together, like the sounds clothe makes when it's being sewn and rubbed together.

She raised a hand and grabbed Krieg by the throat.

Suddenly a black thread flew from her gauntlet and stabbed him through the neck, punching clean through it.

The thread flared back and sewed through, making a perfect loop like a noose.

"Now die!" she roared tugging it.

She stopped, her arm having lost all functions. "What?! Why can't I move it?!"

Then Marie's eyes widened. Krieg was gripping her arm so hard he was literally crushing the bones together. She couldn't move it even if she tried.

"**THIS ARM IS MINE NOW!"** yelled Krieg ripping it clean off her body.

The doctor screamed in pain and clutched at the bloody stump where her elbow used to be.

"_Damn. She totally deserved it, but still…"_

Krieg raised the forearm above his head, letting the blood pour into the filter of his mask. Slopping sounds could be heard as he apparently began to drink her gore.

"**You taste so good pretty lady"** he whispered.

He crushed her arm in his fist. **"I WANT MORE OF IT!"**

She snarled at him, raising her one good arm. "Bring it shithead! I'm going to tear you to pieces! I want to hear you scream in pain while I dissect your body!"

"_Such naughty thoughts"_ taunted Friedan from inside his subconscious. _"Krieg, go all out."_

"**RIGHT JIMMY CRICKET!"** roared Krieg.

"_Uh…okay?"_

The psycho grabbed his mask and ripped it off, letting his mouth free. He grinned at her, his teeth all jagged. It was apparent he had many wounds to his mouth before, since his jaw was covered in scars.

He leaped forward and began swinging rapidly, seemingly having lost control. It was like having a direct line of oxygen was now making him faster and stronger.

Marie kept dodging, trying to find a space for her to attack. It was nearly impossible to even get close. He was more of an animal than before.

She punched forward, slicing him clean in the face.

Krieg didn't even flinch and kept rushing forward, his face pressing dangerously close to her own.

Than he bit down on her neck hard, digging his jagged teeth into her skin.

She screamed and sliced him across the back of the head.

The psycho let go of her and slashed her again in the chest. Now he had completely forgone words and was fully concentrated on slaughtering her.

She slapped him with her gauntlet and cut him underneath the right eye. He grinned in response and backhanded her.

Marie stumbled and Krieg grabbed her by the one arm.

"_Tear it off"_ ordered Friedan.

Suddenly an arrow sailed into his chest, piercing a lung at least.

Krieg whirled and stared at his other opponent.

Brigadier General Arcum Sagitta stared right back, firing off more arrows.

The psycho grunted in pain and fell onto his knees, finally getting close to dying.

"_Shit, shit, shit. Get up Krieg"_ urged Freidan.

"**Shut up…Jimmy Cricket…"** replied Krieg. **"I'm…tired."**

"Marie, you idiot" spat Arcum walking over to her. 'You let that psycho tear off your arm and he nearly got the other one."

"Shut it you stupid archer!" she yelled. She stood up, holding her wounds. "Let me cut him again."

"Nonsense. We got called back."

"You're joking!"

"No. Our grand General must see us."

"Fuck him! I'm killing this specimen!"

He grabbed her roughly. "Shut up bitch. We are ordered. We follow orders. Especially you. Or should I tell him how badly he kicked your ass?"

"You wouldn't!" she exclaimed panicked. "I'd get kicked out with a bullet between my eyes! Please don't tell him!"

"I won't. Besides, I think his friends are coming" said Arcum.

True to his statement, the four Vault Hunters appeared, all of them pointing guns at them.

"Back up assholes" ordered Dion. "Don't worry Krieg, we'll take over for ya."

"Nonsense" spat Friedan, having now taken control. "They were just discussing how they were going to leave."

"He's correct" stated Arcum. "I have no interest in any of you. I only want to kill El Cazador. Everything else is a waste of arrows."

"Bastard. You didn't have to shoot Krieg so much than" murmured Friedan.

"Force of habit. Now come on Marie."

The archer hoisted her on his shoulder, calmly walking back to one of their vehicles.

"I hope you can hear me Krieg" taunted the doctor. She grinned at him. "Someday I'm going to tear you apart."

"Bring it" responded Friedan. "My buzz-axe will be waiting for you."

* * *

Lilith cut the connection. "So what do you think?"

She stopped, having not expected the kind of reaction Nicholas was having.

The Vladof president was smiling softly, like he was enjoying some freeform jazz. He was smoking the hookah, savoring every breath. He stared at the spot the screen had been, like he could still see the violence he had witnessed.

"Such fierce anger and cruelty" he murmured. "I haven't seen something that beautiful in so long. That takes me back…"

He leaned back in his chair, sipping on the hose.

"What do you want to discuss Miss Lilith?" inquired the president suddenly compliant.

"We want your support" stated the Siren simply.

"Is that man with the axe on your side?"

"Yes, he is."

Nicholas leaned forward, extending a hand. "It's a deal. Watching the violence he'll bring will be worth it."


	26. Chapter 26: Cross the Line Twice

**Now you're all probably wondering: Why am I publishing so many chapters in one sitting? Well the simple reason is that at my current rate of publishing, I'll be finished with this story some time in September. Of next year. Yeah, I plan on doing LOTS of stuff. To accomplish that, I am freaking rushing myself to write more and better, since I work AMAZING under stress. So don't be alarmed or mad because your inbox is flooding with updates (to the ones who followed me or this story). Not to mention this story arc (Yes it's an arc. Think of a mission in Borderlands 2 and you'll get why I said that) is one I LOVED writing and wanted to get out as soon as possible.**

The four newest Vault Hunters were seated in the living room of Crimson Raiders HQ, eating and indulging in some downtime. They hadn't gotten much in so long that it felt awesome.

"Dude, I am so freaking high right now" muttered Dion rolling his head against the back of the couch.

"You haven't smoked an ounce of anything" reminded Taika. She, on the other hand, was smoking a cigarette, one she had obviously hand-rolled.

"I'm getting a high off of Baldemar's raspy ass breath" said the Titan grinning.

"Ah, go fuck yourself" spat the inventor.

"Dude, do your Clones smell this bad or could you not duplicate that?"

"Actually, I was able to duplicate the smell. But that's because this couch is full of beer stains from Mordecai."

Saprus looked up from his book. "How could you tell?"

Baldemar examined one of the stains. "Color matches the mixture of a high-carbohydrate high and cheap booze. I saw a lot of that in college."

"Ha! What college did ya go to?" inquired the Titan.

"I don't freaking remember that. That place kicked me out because I got in a fight."

"Damn. That sucks" commented Taika blowing a breath of smoke from her nostrils.

"Why were you in a fight?" question the infected.

"Some asshole was sexually assaulting this girl on campus and I ripped off his legs. His buddies saw me doing that so I bashed their skulls in with the legs I had obtained."

Dion stared at him awestruck. "Dude. That's like, three times cooler than what I did to get kicked out of school."

"You went to school?" asked Taika.

"Once."

"What happened?"

"I melted a kid's face."

"Jesus!" exclaimed Baldemar.

"I was seven too, so it wasn't that bad! I was traumatized too."

Saprus chuckled. "I have no doubts. You committed your first murder at seven. That's one helluva head start."

"You can say that again. After that I accidently vaporized ten cats, three dogs, fifteen birds and an ostrich."

"Where the fuck does an ostrich fit in there?" inquired Baldemar.

"Petting zoo."

"What sort of sick assholes put an ostrich in a petting zoo?"

"I don't know! That one was funny though. I made fried ostrich! Tasted like freaking KFC. Freaking killing good."

Taika chuckled lowly. "That's kind of disturbing."

"You asked a Titan's life story. We are naturally violent and volatile. It's just part of our make-up."

"I once melted a clown" murmured Saprus.

Dion grinned. "Damn good! I hate clowns! Almost as much as I hate cats!"

"What!? How can you hate cats!?" yelled Baldemar.

"Little balls of piss that throw up shit all over your carpet and act like a fucking king, how can you not hate them?! Those ten cats I mentioned? Three of them were accidents!"

"You asshole! I love cats! Dogs are the bottom rung of evolution!"

"You take that shit back you damn nerd."

Baldemar nearly exploded. "A NERD! I've killed as much shit as you have and you call me a NERD!?"

"Hell yeah I do! Only nerds like cats! Just check the online networks. Dog people go outside, that's why you don't see many dog pictures when you search for them."

"Dogs are shit bags that hump everything that moves and drool everywhere!"

Dion glared at him and rolled up his left sleeve. He pointed to a small tattoo on his upper arm, which appeared to be a series of paw prints.

"Every single dog I ever got, I put its print on me" he said defensively. "When that dog died, I put a halo around the print and name."

He began counting them. "Let's see, you got Rex, Max, Pussykiller, Al Pacino…"

"Wait!" exclaimed Taika laughing. She leaned against the pillar nearby. "Did you really name one of your dog's Pussykiller?"

"Yep."

"Why?" questioned Saprus curiously.

"Because it once ate a cat."

"That's it, I'm going to kill you!" roared Baldemar leaping at his throat.

"Ah! Help me!" shouted Dion trying not to be strangled to death.

"I have the same damn tattoos, but with all the cats I've ever had!" yelled the inventor shaking his newest adversary by the neck. "Schrodinger, Bob, G-Force, Keanu Reeves…"

"Why did you name your cat G-Force?" inquired Taika.

"It once ate a hamster. I figured that was close enough."

They all stopped when they saw Saprus gripping his book in a death grip. It appeared that he looked pissed off.

"Uh…dude? What's the matter?" asked Dion, somehow still able to breath even with a pair of hands around his neck.

"I…love…hamsters" whispered the infected obviously holding off rage.

Every single person in the room widened their eyes.

"Oh shit man, get the hell off me!" yelled the Titan.

"Nonsense! I am using you as a meat shield!" responded Baldemar hoisting the man to protect himself from the inevitable beatdown that was about to commence.

Saprus stood, unlocking his left glove. Some of the Plaque IX began to leak out, making his hand appear black.

"I'm going to show you. Why they call me the Angel of Death" he muttered glaring at Baldemar.

"Oh my God! Dion blast him with your beams or something!" pleaded the inventor.

"You're using me as a meat shield and you want me to help you?!"

"Yeah! Because chances are he'll hit you too!"

"Goddamn it you're right!"

The Titan glowed green and raised both of his palms. "I'm kicking your ass when this blows over!"

"Fine by me! Just please don't let me get killed!"

Taika sighed. "Oh come on guys. Is this really that…?"

"Important? Yes it is!" yelled Saprus. "That asshole's cat ate a hamster! A creature blessed by God himself!"

"Uh, technically priests bless animals" pointed out Dion. "I can show you the verses on the ECHOnet."

"Shut up church boy!"

The Titan glared. "Church boy?!"

He wrestled himself from the clutches of the inventor and flared out his arms. "I'm gonna kill you, Angel of Death!"

"Bring it on, jackass!"

Taika rolled her eyes. "You all are idiots."

"Bitch, shut up!" exclaimed Baldemar. "Stop acting so high and mighty!"

She glared at him. "Excuse me?"

"You're excused, _ma'am_!"

She stood, pulling out a kukri. "Do I look like a ma'am to you?"

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were a guy" taunted the inventor.

She grabbed him by the lapels. "Take that shit back right now!"

"Or what? You'll stab me with your dick?"

They all sorta stood there, each one pitted against one another. It was pretty damn tense.

Suddenly someone threw their arms around Dion, instantly encasing him in a familiar fleshy vice.

"Count Shorty!" yelled Not-So-Tiny Tina crushing him against her breasts. She seemed to do that a lot.

Dion instantly felt all the blood leave his face from shouting from earlier. The blood instead went…well…somewhere else.

"_This is nice"_ he thought. _"Pretty cozy. My head fits nicely. I could stay here."_

Then he realized he couldn't breathe.

"_Okay, not so nice"_ he determined rapidly.

She let go of him thankfully, letting him get precious oxygen.

"So how ya doing Shorty? Long time no see eh?"

Dion took a few deep breaths, then glared at her. "Goddamn it woman, my name is Dion. And I AM NOT SHORT!"

She chuckled and rubbed the top of his head, which she was easily able to do. "You just say that because you're a little Napoleon."

He fumed on the inside, but he decided to give her the argument since he had just gotten nearly thirty seconds of being smothered by breasts. A nice experience, even without oxygen.

Baldemar glanced at the crazy girl quickly. "Hey Tina. Listen, I got something important to settle here."

"Yes. We were just discussing how I was going to use Baldemar's head as a soccer ball" said Taika glaring at him.

"Oh! Sounds interesting!"

Suddenly someone else interrupted the conversation, this one being another female. Unlike the previous one, this one was not as, well, well-endowed.

"My handsome knight!" exclaimed Gaige. She was completely off the ground, suspending around his neck by her arms. Thankfully she wasn't killing him, like what happened to the Titan a minute ago.

He looked down at her blankly. "Am I really your knight?"

She looked up at him surprised. "What do you mean?"

He looked away. "You…looked at the Captain while he was showering. I cannot love a woman who would cheat on me. I didn't really give it much thought at first, but now…"

"Nonsense!" she yelled. "I was curious! I was looking for my knight! And now I found it!"

She nuzzled her head into his chest. "And it's you!"

"How can I be certain?"

"I'll let you see pictures of me naked."

All arguments instantly died inside the inventor's head.

"Wat?" was the only noise that came out of his mouth.

"Gaige, stop pressuring the poor boy" said the Captain walking into the room. He was clothed, something you couldn't underappreciate when you've seen a person half-naked, and had two extremely long pistols strapped to his coat.

"I am not pressuring him!"

"You're around his throat and hanging off the ground."

"It's a romantic thing!"

"You watch too much anime."

"And you watch too little!"

The Captain shook his head. "Nonsense. I am well acquainted with Death Memo, Black Pond, Hellsing Omega, Alliance Powers, and Single Piece."

"You watch Alliance Powers?" inquired Saprus.

The Captain actually blushed slightly. "I was in the mood for a comedy."

"Well it definitely fits the role. I'll give ya that one."

Gaige let go of Baldemar and smiled at him. "Just come by my room to pick up the pictures. Knight."

He looked at her. "I guess that's a good way to determine your loyalty."

"Oh believe me. I'll send you albums of the stuff if you want me to."

The Captain smacked himself in the forehead. "Gaige, stop talking about this. You can't cross the line twice. It doesn't work with you."

"Oh come on! I so can do that! Krieg did it, Salvador did it, even freaking Maya did it a few times! I can do it too!"

"No you can't."

"Shut up! You can't tell me what to do!"

"I'm your boss."

"Fuck da boss!"

Someone knocked at the doorway, silencing them.

"Can you idiots stop being so loud?" inquired Lilith. "Seriously, it's like you're all watching hockey or something."

"I love hockey" murmured Baldemar.

"Hockey is hot" added Gaige.

"That won't convince me of your loyalty."

"Fuck shit!"

Lilith sighed. "Seriously? I asked you to be quiet, and you go right back to yelling?"

"Technically, you didn't request us to" pointed out Saprus.

"Shut up! No one asked you!"

"I know. That's the point I brought up."

Everyone in the room laughed, the tension melting away like flesh on a bandit skull in a sandstorm. Even The Captain managed a small smile.

Lilith groaned. "Okay, shape up morons. We have a meeting to do."

"A meeting? What about?" inquired Dion.

"Important matters" replied The Captain. "Otherwise, Gaige, Tina and I would not be here."

"Are you kidding? I was going to come anyway to see my knight" she said beaming at Baldemar. "Oh, and trust me, I'll be _coming_ a lot for you too…"

"Gaige!" roared Lilith. "Crossed the line!"

"Did it cross it twice?"

"No!"

"Damn it!"

Lilith rolled her eyes. "Just come on. New guys too. We need everyone here."

**Let me explain some of these references:**

**KFC: Kenpachi's Fried Chicken (which in itself is a joke of Kentucky Fried Chicken)**

**Death Memo=Death Note**

**Black Pond=Black Lagoon **

**Hellsing Omega=Hellsing Ultimate**

**Alliance Powers=Hetalia Axis Powers**

**Single Piece=One Piece**

**Cross the line twice: Literary device, involves something so outrageously offensive or disgusting that it becomes funny again**


	27. Chapter 27: DYNAMIC ENTRY!

The Crimson Raiders sat in the meeting room, their newest allies standing against the wall or crouching down. The most important people were seated at the table. Those people included Lilith, Nicholas Vladof, Stanton Dahl, Montgomery Jakobs, The Captain, and Baskerville.

"Aren't we missing someone?" inquired the wereskag.

"Yes. El Cazador" replied The Captain.

"You mean Mordecai" corrected Lilith.

"You know him as such, I know him as El Cazador."

"Fair enough."

"Why do we need him?" asked Nicholas. "I mean, what does he do?"

"He's one of the original Vault Hunters, the very first generation" answered Stanton. "They're veterans and one of the most valuable resource we have."

"Thank you" said the Siren.

The owner of Vladof shrugged, inhaling another breath of smoke from his hookah. "Fine. I do question why your second-in-command is at the table though."

Baskerville grinned dangerously. "I'm not a Vault Hunter, but I'm the authority the Crimson Raiders recognize. I'm a four-star General."

"Odd hairstyle for a military uniform" noted The Captain.

"Shut it! You're just a Captain!"

"Technically, I'm actually a…"

"What up everyone?" inquired Mordecai walking through the door. He was drinking a bottle of booze, like usual, and he had his bird Nightrazor on his shoulder. Strapped to his back was his sniper rifle, and he appeared to have a large machete on his thigh.

Lilith smiled. "Good to see you old buddy."

"Nice to be here" he replied sipping his booze. "Been a while since I was back at Sanctuary. This place has changed so damn much."

"Well can we get the meeting started now?" asked Nicholas.

"Of course."

Lilith stood at the head of the table, pressing a few buttons. A digital display appeared on the table, revealing a map of Pandora.

"We are all aware that the east coast of this continent has mostly been settled by the corporations and us. The most notable examples being Zhelezo for Vladof, The Beatdown for Torgue, and Blackwater Excavation for Jakobs."

"Before this goes further, I have a question" stated Nicholas.

"Spit it out than."

"Why is that fat fuck of a redneck here?"

Montgomery glared at him. "What did ya say?"

"You heard me. You dogs attacked one of my cities in Eden-3."

"Says da man who impaled half his civilians outside of da city walls to keep us out."

Nicholas took a deep breath from his hookah. "That was a necessary sacrifice."

"I watched ya lick blood running from one of da spikes. And it was coming from a child."

"I regret nothing."

Lilith rolled her eyes. "Stop being idiots. You two work together now. So either start getting along or write your names in the Death Memo to kill each other."

"Da what?"

"Even I am confused."

The Siren sighed. "Never mind. Just…try to get along? There are bigger issues."

She tapped the map. "Yesterday we lost contact with our outposts in the Eridium Blight."

"Okay, why do we even have outposts there?" inquired Mordecai.

"To see if shit like this happens. Now we aren't sure who or what attacked us, but we have our suspicions."

"Torgue. I'd bet money on it" said Stanton.

"Torgue? He's an ally" stated Mordecai.

"You all keep saying that, but he's not even here. How can you be sure..?"

"HELLO FELLOW ACQUAINTANCES AND BADASSES!" roared a new voice from the back of the room.

They all turned and saw an immense man standing in the doorway. He was completely shirtless and had on a pair of cargo pants with a huge metal belt around his waist.

"Mister Torgue!" yelled Tina throwing her arms around his neck affectionately.

"BUNKER MASTER TINA!" he returned hugging her back. Thankfully he didn't crush her spine. "YOU HAVE GOTTEN VERY ATTRACTIVE SINCE I LAST SAW YOU!"

She blushed slightly. "Really?"

"Definitely!"

"How's it going Torgue?" inquired Lilith.

"Not too bad! I just recently won a thumb wrestling contest using my pinky toe while wearing sandals!"

Stanton sighed. "Can we get back to the meeting?"

"OF COURSE! I HATE INTERRUPTING IMPORTANT SH*T!"

He sat down, nearly crushing the chair he was in. "So what? These lines and circles are confusing the f*ck out of me! Can someone explain this sh*t before I burst a blood vessel IN MY F*CKING BRAIN!"

"Simple. We're trying to figure what sort of dog attacked one of the Crimson Raider outposts" answered Nicholas, the only CEO who didn't seem to hate the large boisterous man.

"WHAAAAT! SHOW ME THE F*CKERS SO I CAN LOB THEIR HEADS OFF WITH MY BUTTER KNIFE!"

"See? He's completely loyal to us" stated Lilith.

"Or he's just violent" murmured Montgomery.

"Nothing wrong with that" replied Nicholas.

"Of course you think that" jabbed Stanton.

"YOU D*CKHEADS AREN'T TELLING WHERE THE F*CERS ARE AND IT'S P*SSING ME OFF!"

"Torgue, we don't know who or what attacked us. That's why we're having this meeting" explained the Siren slowly growing tired of his yelling.

"THEN WHY THE F*CK DID I SHOW UP!? WHAT'S THE POINT OF HOLDING A MEETING IF WE DON'T KNOW SH*T?!"

"I have tah agree with Torgue on dis one" said Montgomery.

"You two are idiots" spat Nicholas. "We discuss this to narrow down the options. Collective knowledge."

"I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THOSE LAST TWO WORDS BUT THEY SOUNDED REALLY F*CKING SMART!"

"Well now that your stupid arguments, are settled, let's figure this out" spoke Lilith.

"I'd bet Maliwan" said Montgomery.

"Agreed" stated Nicholas.

"Why would they do that? Maliwan is full of pussies" reminded Baskerville. "I'd know. I worked for those assholes for a little while. Good pay, little work, but I had to listen to shitty music all day. Kinda wish I stayed."

"Well I recently burned one of their cities to the ground, so I doubt that statement" said Nicholas Vladof smiling.

"Yeah. Impale a few people?"

"Define a few."

Lilith groaned. "Can you all seriously just shut the fuck up?! We got shit we need to do!"

"YOU HEARD THE LADY! SHUT YOUR DUMB A**ES UP!"

"You were talking too" murmured Mordecai.

Lilith tapped the map. "We have a fleeting suspicion that it involves…"

Something appeared on the table, a message prompt. It appeared that they were receiving a phone call.

"Who's that from?" inquired Baskerville.

The Siren's eyes widened. "The Bellum mother ship."


	28. Chapter 28: A Total Absence of Purpose

Lilith tapped the button, allowing the message call to go through. "Hold onto something. We might be figuring something out."

The display floated into the air, revealing a burst of static for all of them to see. Then it revealed a face, one who was grinning madly.

"Guten tag (good day)" said the face. He had a very heavy German accent, complimented by his blonde hair that was cut in a military fashion. Only one of his eyes was blue though, the other one being hazel. He had a huge scar running down his blue left eye, obviously meaning that he had gotten it replaced with the current one.

"Good afternoon. Now excuse me, but who the fuck are you?" inquired Lilith politely but bluntly.

"Ah, my dear schöne dame (beautiful lady). Ze famous Firehawk ov ze Crimson Raiders. An honor to meet you."

"This would go a lot easier if I knew your name."

"Ah, entschuldigungen (sorry). My name iz Josef Müller. President of Bellum Corporations. You may refer to me any vay zhat you vish."

"Awfully polite for a psychopath" muttered Stanton.

"Did I just hear someone from Dahl questioning me? Zhat's rather humorous. Ze wolf in sheep's clothing speaking to me."

"Stanton Dahl is an ally of the Crimson Raiders" said Lilith.

"It's rather odd how you can be certain ov vho your friends are, schöne dame. Dis world iz odd. Determining vho your allies and enemies are iz such a hard task."

"Why are you calling us? Don't tell me it's just to say hi."

He chuckled. "No it is not. I just came here to admit zhat I attacked one of your bases of operation in ze Eridium Blight."

She glared at him. "You don't see very repentant."

"Repentant? Such a silly word. I've never had such a useless emotion in my arsenal."

Nicholas narrowed his eyes. "Even I feel sorry if I took out the wrong target. Obviously you are eviler than I."

"Oh, Vladof. So good to see you. I assume you appreciated ze gift I gave you."

"Why yes. That platoon of soldiers was excellent target practice for my men. Why they were marching to one of my cities is still beyond me."

"Indeed. They didn't even scratch you, did they? You impress me greatly."

"What do you want?" demanded Stanton. "I hate this bullshit, you acting all casual. You've done nothing but attack us in the past. Why is this different?"

"Different? Who said it was any different?"

They all stopped, stunned by his words.

"You…didn't come to propose a truce?" inquired Lilith.

"Truce? Another useless word I've never used. There's only one thing in this entire world I enjoy."

He grinned madly. "That thing is war. War without need or end. I want only to breed war."

"Ridiculous. You conquer any city you come by, not destroy it. You contradict yourself" spat Stanton.

"Really? You don't understand my long-term goal zhen."

Josef giggled. "I want to control everything, ja. If I cannot control it, I destroy it. Simple logic. But I don't vant to bring order or peace vith control. No, I want to orchestrate war vith my control."

He laughed madly. "I will pit all zhose under my rule against each other, and vatch from afar and enjoy every second of it. Breeding war is not enough. Orchestrating and controlling war…zhat is the power of a god."

"You're insane" retorted Montgomery.

"Are you questioning my sanity Jakobs? Zhen allow me to point something out: Your traditions are based solely on vhat your ancestors zhought vas enjoyable and right. My traditions are zhat as vell, vhich you claim are insane. So, aren't ve all just a little bit insane for following vhat dead people tell us to do?"

The CEO's at the table scowled, obviously displeased.

"CAN I KILL THIS GOOSE-STEPPING MOTHERF*CKER!?" inquired Mister Torgue.

"I am tempting that option as well" snarled Stanton, finally agreeing with the large man.

"I'm not" said Nicholas.

They all stared at him.

"You telling me the great Nick the Decapitator has gotten soft?" said Baskerville.

"No. I believe in a firm philosophy of self-defense. Only attack when provoked. But when you do attack…"

He exhaled, the pipe still in his teeth. "You attack hard and fast."

Josef chuckled. "A cute philosophy."

"So you want war. Great" murmured Lilith. "But we'll crush you. We have you outnumbered."

"And what, my dear schöne dame, makes you think I'm alone in this fight?"

They paused, not sure what he meant.

"Who allied with you?" prodded Stanton.

"A certain female CEO" said a voice from behind the Bellum CEO.

She revealed herself, grinning while leaning over Josef's shoulder. She had long black hair that was in a ponytail that went all the way down to her back. She wore an elegant dress with glowing patterns across it in a futuristic, sleek fashion. She appeared to be an Oriental and she was wearing stilettos with what appeared to be blades for heels.

"Jacqueline Maliwan" growled Nicholas. He took a deep breath from the hookah and glared at her.

"Oh, is that little Nicky over there? How's it going?"

"Not bad you slit."

She sneered. "Such language. Well I guess it makes sense. Last time I saw you, you were sobbing and bleeding on the floor while I drove my stilettos into your father's eye sockets."

He grinned. "I remember that. I was ten, right? Getting old aren't we?"

"I don't even feel age anymore."

"Is that because of the plastic surgery?" inquired Stanton slyly.

"Fuck off Dahl!"

Nicholas chuckled. "Nice one."

"You can fuck off too!"

"Maybe I will. I'll gladly fuck off in you, virgin."

"That's not what I meant! And I am not a virgin!"

"Right. Cause you're a slut" taunted Stanton.

"Damn right she is" agreed Nicholas. For once it appeared that his anger was making him uncharacteristically violent. Or perhaps that's who he really was underneath..?

Jacqueline was pretty close to exploding, but someone managed to drag her away.

"Oh my, you two vere so harsh to my friend" murmured Josef. "Zhat wasn't very nice."

"Friend eh? You fuck her yet?" inquired the CEO of Vladof.

"No."

"Better hurry. I bet your men are doing it right now."

The owner of Bellum narrowed his eyes. "Are you always so childish?"

"No, I'm just pissed. I just met the chick who slaughtered my family and I desperately want to impale her. With my cock or a spike, either one will do. Maybe I'll do both simultaneously."

"TMI man" stated Baskerville.

"Okay, sorry."

Josef sighed. "Vhat atrocious behavior."

"Coming from the warmonger of the planet" said Lilith.

"True enough. But Ms. Jacqueline is not my only ally."

Someone else appeared, someone who looked a lot calmer than the previous one. He wore a simple white collared shirt with a navy blue tie around his throat. His skin was a dark brown and his head was completely shaved. He looked like a normal business man.

"I assume you mean me, Mr. Müller?" asked the man blankly.

"Of course Mr. Tediore. There is no need to be shy."

"Maxwell Tediore" muttered Montgomery Jakobs. "I knew a slimy bastard like ya would be involved with dis.

The owner of Tediore didn't seem to be bothered by the statement. "I do not understand why you find this offensive. I have no personal feelings to any of the people seated at the table you are sitting at. I have allied myself with Mr. Müller here to better my company. Any of you would've done the same."

"I don't support needless war" spat Stanton.

"Same here" agreed Montgomery.

"I only condone self-defense" stated Nicholas.

"I ONLY FIGHT SH*T WHEN I'M REALLY P*SSED OFF AT IT!" yelled Mister Torgue.

"And I despise conflict that can be avoided" added Lilith.

Josef sighed. "So boring, all of you. I was hoping on getting some of you to help me. Everyone but Dahl of course. I'd never work with such spineless cowards."

"Soon as that slut you have walked on, you lost me" admitted the owner of Vladof.

"Same with dat n…" began the CEO of Jakobs.

"JAKOBS! WE DO NOT USE THE N-WORD! IT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE ON THIS PLANET!"

"I was going to call him a nutsack."

"Oh. THAT WORD IS ACCEPTABLE!"

"While your jabbering is amusing, I must get back to my business" said Maxwell. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye, beyotch!" taunted Baskerville.

Josef chuckled. "Oh my. You all are definitely entertaining."

"So, it's war than is it?" inquired Lilith.

"Oh yes. A war without end or reason."

He chuckled. "I'm sure you all are so thrilled. Now you can strike me, because your previous justice has held you back until now. And you call me insane."

He clapped his hands once. "Auf wiedersehen (Goodbye)"

Then the connection ended.

They heard someone laughing from the doorway, obviously pleased.

They all turned and stopped dead.

Krieg was standing in the doorway, his head thrown back in laughter. His eyes were flashing red and he obviously had lost some control.

"**Most excellent!"** he roared in approval. **"I can't wait to destroy him!"**

Lilith smirked. "We'll let you do that Krieg."

The psycho nodded, then shook his head violently.

"Ah, much better" stated Friedan. "Now I'm back to my old self."

Mordecai and The Captain were reaching for their weapons, obviously not trusting him.

"It's all right" urged Lilith. "He's stable. We had a long chat about his condition."

The hunter stopped as soon as she said it. The Captain paused, but retracted his hand from his pistol.

"Now, let's talk war gentlemen" she said leaning forward. "We have a lot to go over."

**BTW, I need some ideas for DLC's (basically sequels and add-ons). Even if it's just like one idea for a mission maybe, I'd be happy to write it. Just think of a pop-culture reference and I can parody it humorously or seriously (you never know). Or just a really awesome mission you want to see. This is the request proposal people! I love writing requests, and this story allows me to do so much with them. So don't censor it or think that your idea is stupid. I'll try my best with what you throw down.**


	29. Chapter 29: I Like War

President Josef Müller turned from the digital display, smiling smugly.

"It's a shame we couldn't get any of them to join us" he murmured adjusting his coat. He wore a long grey jacket with an upturned collar, framing his face. He wore a simple set of black slacks with a leather belt, and he possessed black combat boots. He didn't look like a Nazi, but he carried himself as one.

"You wouldn't want most of those bitches" assured Jacqueline Maliwan.

"I would not advise more partners. That would involve a further division of profits" stated Maxwell Tediore.

"Of course. You two are some of the finest allies I could ask for."

He walked out of the room, followed by his two allies.

"I think I should give some words to my men. They deserve to hear this before we begin the operation."

"A splendid idea" encouraged Jacqueline.

"A lucrative notion" said Maxwell.

They reached the end of the short hallway and came to a large atrium. It was the vestibule of the mother ship, the meeting area of the top men and women of the Bellum army. Before him was the highest levels, the field leaders and captains of the other ships in the fleet.

They all rose to salute, most of them in some abstract uniform. Since he found no reason to restrict them, they dressed in whatever they wished. He was fine with it. It made them more diverse.

"Guten tag gentlemen" he said, his voice being amplified by a microphone in his collar.

"Guten tag General!" they replied all at once.

He smiled. It felt so good to be in power.

"Gentlemen, it has often been said that I like war. I would like to correct that statement, for it is inaccurate."

They all paused, unsure on what he was saying.

"Gentlemen, I LOVE war!"

They all smiled, their confidence in him spiking.

He chuckled. "I love genocides, I love revolutions, I love assassinations, and withdrawals."

He grinned. "Wars across deserts, across oceans, across plains, across hills, across mountains! War over water, over mud, over snow, over air, I love all manner of warfare that is possible!"

"I love it when I tear apart a Hyperion Loader by shooting its individual limbs off one at a time. My hands twitch just imagining detonating grenades right in the legs of a Goliath. I find great joy in detaching a Midget from the shield of a Nomad, and then blowing off its head with my shotgun. A soldier using a Technical to launch blazing saw blades through the air and into the torsos of Marauders is such a delicacy. And there's nothing quite similar to a soldier sprinting from a crashed Technical and then being blasted to smithereens by other Technical Rocket Launchers!"

He took a deep breath to steady himself. "Having Skag corpses strapped to my Outrunner is one of my favorite artistic movements. And there is nothing more erotic than Banshees covered in acid, their pilots screaming in horror, before crashing into the side of a mountain top. When I spy the glimpse of Varkids transforming into their pods before being ripped out violently and smashed into the ground, I must pause to remember to breathe. I still have images of Thief Rats attempting to steal ammunition and loot having their arms ripped off and their spines cleaved in half, which I happily keep in a warm place in my heart."

He smiled maniacally. "I love it when a Psycho embeds his axe in my torso. The shame of having Bruisers pound my arms into dust and shattering my legs with their fists. The utter disgust as Spiderants eat away at my internal organs, rupturing my kidneys and throwing my intestines like confetti. The intense, sensual agony as Threshers tear my body to pieces, possibly even raping me with their tentacles."

He chuckled. "Gentlemen, how can I not love war? War is the single greatest act that man can commit. Better than any statue, more beautiful than any painting, war is all I desire for."

Josef brushed a strand of hair from his face. "Now gentlemen, I must ask you: Is war what you desire? What do you want from this world? Answer me this question, and forever secure what I know. What do you want?"

"War!" shouted the soldiers, all of them. "War! War! War! War!"

He grinned. "Very well. You want war? You shall have war. All the war you can possible imagine."

He adjusted his coat. "But I don't think you, my faithful brothers and sisters in arms, deserve any old war. No, we need the ultimate war! A war that could strike the gods themselves if we aimed too high! Where the very universe will feel the echoes of our missile salvos and grenades! Where our bullets will make mountains on which we will fight on!"

The soldiers yelled their approval, obviously pleased by his statements.

"But what shall we declare war against, my brothers and sisters? The bandits? While they are ferocious animals like us, they are not enough. The beasts? They are completely savage and mindless, but they are not enough. The corporations? Even they are NOT ENOUGH!"

He let madness slip into his voice. "Nothing will ever be enough! We shall declare war against…EVERYTHING!"

They leaped up, caught in the rhythms of his speech. They were like rabid animals, being pulled and controlled by him like an expert ringleader.

He stopped, taking a deep breath. "Gentlemen, I think it's time we finally did this. We have talked so long about war, smiling through our teeth to these 'normal' people so to not arouse suspicion, that I have grown anxious. I have no doubts that you all are too. So we will hide behind this façade of peace no longer. It is time for war gentlemen, and we have been ready for so long."

He grinned. "So gentlemen. What do we attack first?"

**In case you're wondering, yes that was based on the Major's war speech from Hellsing Ultimate. I won't deny that, but you gotta admit it was a pretty awesome speech right?**


	30. Chapter 30: More Waiting

The Vault Hunters, new and old, sat in the living room. Most of them were pretty used to being in that room, others…not so much.

"This waiting sucks" muttered Dion. "I haven't had a drop to drink in at least three hours."

"Ya want some of mine?" asked Mordecai holding out another bottle.

"Well it looks and smells like shit, but sure."

He grabbed the bottle and sipped it. Grunting in pain, he swore. "Fuck this really is shit."

"It's 90 proof."

The Titan looked at him amazed. "How are you not dead yet?"

"Immunity. Mostly."

Krieg (whoops, Friedan now) was leaning against the wall, sharpening his axe. He had the glowing eyes of Krieg, but the calm attitude of Friedan.

"What will happen if we go to war?" inquired Baldemar.

The Captain sighed. "Since I was here when Atlas invaded, I can answer that. It'll be like a well-armed bandit clan is attacking, but now with ships and planes as well."

"Well shit" spat Taika.

"It's actually pretty fun" replied Mordecai. "I was here during that invasion too. Man, I got so much loot…"

"Did someone say loot?" inquired Saprus.

"Yeah."

"Great. I love this idea of war already."

"It'll be fun to give Deathtrap some exercise" stated Gaige.

"You do realize robots are incapable of losing proficiency or getting fat, right?" asked Baldemar.

"What would you know about robots?!"

"I made the Combat Clone program."

She immediately fly-tackle-hugged him. Again.

"You're my idol and my knight! Do what you will with me!" she exclaimed.

"Get a room you two!" snapped Mordecai.

"Fine! Is there a supply closet anywhere nearby?"

"You don't have enough time" clarified The Captain.

"How so?"

"We have orders to follow."

"Shit!"

She looked at Baldemar and smiled. "You got the photos right?"

"I did. I must admire your photography skills."

"Thanks. I try my hardest."

"I wanna vomit" murmured Dion.

"Don't get it on the couch" warned Mordecai.

"Not like you haven't done that shit!"

"I was drunk!"

"You're still drunk!"

"Touché!"

Taika lit a cigarette. "What are the orders Captain? And how did you get them without us noticing?"

"I have a mobile device" he answered simply. "The first sets of orders are for you four, the newest Vault Hunters."

"Spit them out. I wanted something to do" said Dion sipping the bad booze.

"Your mission is to travel to Aegrus."

Gaige sputtered slightly on hearing that name.

"What is it?" asked Baldemar slightly concerned.

"That freak show of a hellhole!? They're going there!?"

"Yes" answered The Captain blankly.

"Is Lilith bat-shit senile or something?! That place is the textbook-fucking-definition of jungle hell."

"It's an urgent assignment. They can handle themselves."

Gaige looked at Baldemar, genuine concern washing over her face. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

He grinned confidently. "Hey, I'm your knight right?"

She shook her head, breaking his arrogance. "This place isn't somewhere you can goof off. It's dead fucking serious."

She hugged him tightly. "Promise me you'll come back."

"I promise."

"Cross your heart and hope to die?"

He crossed over his heart. "Hope to die."

She grinned. "Thanks."

Dion chuckled. "Gaige and Baldie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S…"

"Shut the fuck up!" roared Baldemar leaping over to him.

"This is so familiar!" responded the Titan trying not to get strangle. Twice in one day. New record.

Saprus chuckled. "I figure that this place is dangerous."

The Captain nodded. "I have been there myself. Not a place for weaklings. It's almost a rite of passage for Vault Hunters."

"Awesome" said Taika. "I can't wait to go."

"Well your orders are rather complicated. You have to find an old contact of ours. A Siren."

Gaige looked up. "Maya?"

"Right on the money."

"Damn. I miss that smexy bitch. She had a certain calm that was incredibly arousing."

She shivered. "Damn I wanted some of that ass when I met her!"

Dion sneered, even with a pair of hands around his throat. "That's hot."

"Shut up asshole she's mine!" yelled Baldemar continuing to strangle him.

"Yours! You haven't even tied the knot!"

"Fuck that shit this is Pandora!"

"Knight, please don't strangle your teammate. He might save your ass" reminded Gaige.

"Fine" he murmured relinquishing his grip.

Freidan glanced upwards. "Aegrus huh? I remember when Krieg went there. Wiped his ass with some weird leaf and got a tumor from it."

"Damn. So only use toilet paper huh?" inquired Saprus.

"Definitely. And don't eat anything you aren't sure is not poisonous."

"Solid advice" said Dion. "So how do we get there?"

"Fast Travel. We have it hooked up to an old friend's house on that continent."

"Cool."

Baldemar stood. "Let's get going team. We got shit to kill."


	31. Chapter 31: Are You Ready for Adventure?

"Whoa shit!" roared Dion collapsing to the ground, having taken a trip through space and time. He still hadn't gotten used to that.

He looked around, feeling the floor. "This is a nice floor."

"Indeed" agreed Saprus. He was standing, having had great experience with Fast Travel. "This is polished oak. Whoever lives here likes to keep it nice."

They all eventually got to the end of the Fast Travel Station and looked around. The floor, which had already been discussed as polished oak, was in a hallway with two different ways. There wasn't much there, but the most notable details were trophies on the wall. It looked like some kind of lodge for hunters, especially since the lights were yellow and very warm.

They walked to what appeared to be another room and heard the sounds of a fireplace. It was very warm and sent a refreshing smell through the lodge.

Inside the next room was a living room construct. It had several wooden articles of furniture that were simple but comfortable. At the front of the room was a fireplace made of bricks, full with a gentle fire.

Seated in a chair facing the fireplace was a man. He had the appearance of a cowboy of sorts, but his outfit was notably worn. He was reading a book with a set of glasses on, doing so with serenity. Despite this, he looked dangerous. The large kukri strapped to his thigh helped reinforce this.

He looked up and smiled warmly. "Ah, the newest generation of Vault Hunters. How nice to finally meet you."

He stood and gave a salute. "My name is Sir Hammerlock."

"Oh?" spoke Dion. "Writer of _A Gentleman's Encyclopedia to Hunting_?"

Hammerlock smiled. "I have a fan? That's nice. I will happily autograph your copy if you wish."

"I kinda left it with my other stuff."

"Oh, too bad. But there's no use crying over milk that hasn't even been spilled."

The scholar adjusted his glasses with his robotic arm, which had gotten noticeable more advanced over the years. "What do you all need of an old hunter like me?"

"The last El Cazador" murmured Taika. "The previous one before Mordecai."

"Oh, you know of my old title young lady? It's an honor to be recognized by a huntress. Yes, I gave that man my title. He deserved it. I am growing old. I only go out to hunt occasionally now. Even my robotic upgrades are failing me."

He smiled gently. "But even still I am happy. I have lived a life more full than I could've asked for. To be born with my skills with hunting and writing are gifts. I have used my gifts to better other people's lives. That's all any man can ask for, am I right?"

"Amen to that" said Dion. "But listen, we need your help tracking down a Siren."

"Oh, Ms. Maya I presume? If it's another one, you'll need someone with my skill to track them down, but even I don't have any clues. I only know of two Sirens."

"We just need help finding Maya" clarified Saprus.

"Oh, simple task."

He pointed to a small map on the wall. It had various markers all over it, like he had been tracking something. Being the last El Cazador, that was not surprising.

"She lives in a research facility deep in the jungle" he stated pointing to a small ice blue marker. "She's researching her powers as a Siren and other such things that are beyond my grasp."

"Awesome. I may want to talk to her" said Dion.

"Ah. A Titan. It is an honor to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine. Seeing the Gentlemen Hunter is enough of an honor for me."

"I appreciate your kind words. Now getting to that facility will take some effort."

Hammerlock pushed his glasses back up his nose. "You'll have to traverse a ton of swamp land to get there. She had the unfortunate luck of finding a suitable build site so far away. There isn't much solid ground, so she had to find as much as she needed. That took her awhile."

"I can imagine. This place is half jungle, half swamp" murmured Taika.

"Correct huntress. I assume you have been here before."

"You assume correctly."

"Ah, good. I usually do."

He reached out to a small key rack and grasped one of the sets. "Take my boat. It'll get you there in one piece. Well that's assuming you know how to drive it and fire the defense mechanisms as well."

"Well we're about to figure that out really quick" joked Baldemar.

"I hope so. I'd hate to leave your bodies in that swamp, but finding you would take immense amounts of work on my part that I could be spending reading or hunting. So apologies in advance if you do die."

Dion chuckled. "I ain't gonna die in no godforsaken jungle."

"A lot of brave men and women say that. And many of them die anyway. Not to discourage you or anything. Most of them weren't Vault Hunters. I have complete confidence in you."


	32. Chapter 32: Infinite Nil Blades

"You idiot!" roared Taika. "I told you to take that last right!"

"Don't be such a bitch! You can't drive a boat, so you have to shut up!" ordered Baldemar.

"I would, but I've never driven one of these Fan Boats before!"

"Exactly! So can it!"

They were deep in the marshes in Aegrus, with the inventor at the wheel or helm as it's referred to on a boat. Taika was seated on one of the platoons of the boat, with Dion being on the opposite side. Saprus had manned the turret, which was a Corrosive grenade launcher mounted atop the boat.

So far they had been traveling for nearly an hour, encountering Drifters and Scaylions along the way. Thankfully their gun was effective against these enemies, but it was tough taking them down. Obviously the others weren't joking about this place.

"I wonder why Maya would be out here" stated Baldemar. "This place doesn't seem like a great place to research Titan and Siren things."

"Perhaps there's an Eridium vein where she is" replied Saprus. "She would probably need a fresh source of it to get a better understanding of the subject."

"Whatever she's doing, I hope I can get some answers" murmured Dion.

"Answers to what exactly? You never really explained that bit" said Taika.

"Well, I hope to figure out if I can cure my rage. I'm addicted to violence and anger, and I hope that I can cure it at least partially."

"Good for you" encouraged Baldemar. "But that won't mean you become a pussy right?"

"You kidding? I'd be just as badass even if I couldn't see red all the time. Hell, I'd be twice as badass."

Saprus chuckled. "Never mind that most of your combat abilities are about getting pissed off."

"Shut it!"

Baldemar glanced at the digital map on the dashboard in front of him. "We should be somewhere nearby. Apparently it's pretty noticeable…"

He stopped because he had caught sight of the facility. It looked like a freaking lighthouse, but it was more of a skyscraper skeleton than anything else. It was round and went to above the trees, but most of it was unpainted or missing walls. At the top was a lightning rod, which was probably useful out here.

"You weren't kidding" murmured Taika. "How did we miss that?"

"The trees" explained Saprus. "They're thicker than most people imagine. The foliage also limits visibility."

At the base of the tower was a square building made of solid concrete. It had a dock with a few Fan Boats already there, most of them covered in nets to prevent plant overgrowth. One of them had obviously been run recently, since it didn't have a layer of grime over it.

Baldemar parked the boat and stepped out. The dock was solidly built, but was missing a few boards. Not the worst thing in the world. It was pretty well made considering that it was Pandora.

"I wonder if this was always here or if the Crimson Raiders built it" muttered Dion.

"Unlikely. No use for such a facility out here" replied Saprus.

"You did say that there could be an Eridium vein under this thing" reminded Taika.

"Yes, but unlikely for companies to risk such an investment. This place is incredibly dangerous, even for Pandora."

They walked off the dock and reached the courtyard. In front of them was a set of stairs into the building, but there was a man seated on the steps.

The man was long and thin, almost sickly so. His suit was a deep jungle green with a black visor over his head. He appeared to be napping, especially considering that his face plate was emitting a digital ZZZ image in front of him. Next to him was a huge box that looked like a metal coffin. It was as tall as he was and about two feet wide all across.

Dion stepped forward and the man looked up. A digital ? appeared in front of him and he didn't move.

"Who are you?" he asked simply. His voice was robotic and held no emotion, but he seemed dangerous.

"Vault Hunters" answered the Titan.

"No Vault here, sadly/So depart from this place now/Before I kill you."

Dion chuckled. "Kill me? With what? That coffin?"

"Yes."

They all paused, uncertain on what exactly was in that coffin.

"Listen, we need to talk to Maya" said Taika. "Can we please get through?"

"Persistent ones eh?/I must first ensure something…"

He stood, stretching taller than all of them. "Test all your power."

"A rite of passage?" guessed Saprus.

"Correct."

Baldemar chuckled. "Cool. Bring it twig man."

"My name is Zero" he responded. He reached out and grabbed the coffin with one hand.

Then he threw the coffin into the air, showing no effort at all in his movements.

The coffin flew through the air and exploded, releasing its contents.

"Swords" murmured Taika amazed.

The swords collapsed into the courtyard, embedding into the concrete and remaining there. There were at least a hundred in that one coffin, all of them now covering the courtyard.

Zero leaned forward, than disappeared in a flash.

"Shit!" roared Dion aiming his Dusk.

The assassin fazed behind him and grabbed one of the swords. Slashing him in the back, he dodged to the left and landed on top of the hilts.

Baldemar shot him and he bobbed and weaved out of the way. Leaping backwards, he threw his sword at the inventor before disappearing.

"Get him Roosevelt!" yelled Taika summoning him.

The wyvern flew through the air, but was quickly taken down by three kunai.

"Shit!" shouted Roosevelt crashing to the ground and sputtering out of existence.

Zero appeared again, running across the hilts of his blades. He swung at Saprus in a vertical slice, aiming at his head.

The infected blocked the strike with his gauntlet, which had a massive blade along the forearm. He shoved the assassin away and fired a bolt of Plaque IX at him.

The disease ate into his armor and his visor displayed a [0][0] on it. He disappeared, but the plaque remained, floating in the air as he moved.

"Look for the black cloud!" ordered Saprus firing his gun.

They all began loading him up, doing their best to track him. Despite the fact that they could see him, he was incredibly fast. He moved faster than they thought possible, leaping five feet at a time as he moved. He almost flew through the air as he danced on top of the sword hilts.

He appeared again and kicked Taika in the head. Grabbing her head with his feet, he flipped her onto her back before grabbing one of his swords to strike her.

Dion appeared and punched him in the face with a palm of plasma. He was glowing fiery green and his hair had gone wild again.

Zero flew backwards and smashed into the courtyard. Disappearing again, the residue from the plasma was still on his helmet.

Taika fired her rocket launcher and hit the floor next to the assassin. He reappeared and collapsed, quickly rolling to recover.

"Such skill and prowess/True opponents you must be/To do this to me" murmured the assassin.

"Damn right!" exclaimed Dion. He blasted him with a beam of plasma and barely missed. "Come on! Fight me! Pull yourself together! We haven't even gotten started yet!"

"Correct" muttered Zero.

He sprinted forward and grabbed three swords. He slid one into the crook of his neck, another in his left armpit, and the third in right elbow. Quickly spinning, he gripped another in his left knee, the waist of his suit, his other elbow and in his left foot which apparently bent like a hand.

He spun like a buzz-saw, moving only one foot just as fast as before. He could bounce and dodge just like before, moving like a hip-hop dancer as he did so.

Dion got shredded, but he kept fighting. Trying to blast him, he instead got his hand knocked aside.

Zero readjusted his blades and stabbed him with all seven, hitting him in various spots on his chest.

The Titan collapsed, the swords embedded deep into his ribs and organs. It felt like he had been stung by a swarm of bees, bees with foot long stingers.

Saprus clashed with the assassin, his huge bladed gauntlet, digging into the man's torso. Firing his gun as he went, he didn't let up his assault.

Zero made an :D emoticon and stretched out his left hand.

A sword flew into his hands and sparked with electricity. He swung it, leaving a trail as it moved.

The sword sliced through the infected man's mask, cleaving it from his face.

Saprus gasped and a solid black cloud emitted from his now exposed mouth.

Zero was instantly covered head to toe in Plaque IX, like he had been dunked in it. He swore and began frantically trying to get it off.

The infected fumbled with his mask and threw it away. Reaching into his SDU, he extracted a second one and hurriedly put it on.

The assassin held up a hand. "I surrender."

They all stopped as he hurriedly removed his armor, having figured out that this strain wasn't going away.

Zero panted deeply, seemingly having panicked from the disease. He was now wearing what looked like a slick black cloth material over his skin, like a jumpsuit. It hadn't been affected by the plaque, so he was safe.

"Well done" he said looking up at them. "I accept my loss/I thank you for the battle/it was a good fight."

"Thank you" stated Dion. He had been healed sufficiently, even after being sliced and stabbed with seven blades. "I have never met a swordsman as good as you."

"Thank you."

He began walking to the front door. "You may enter."

He snapped his fingers and the swords all flew into the air, seemingly programmed to do so. They even had small jets on the side to make them fly.

The swords accumulated together and the sides of the coffin smashed into them, sealing them back inside of it.

The coffin fell back to the ground and Zero caught it. Spinning it lightly, he slid a strap onto his shoulder and let it nestle on his back.

"Follow me" he ordered walking inside.

**If you're wondering, I used two different sword styles to augment Zero's. Those are:**

**Mifune from Soul Eater (Infinite Sword Style)**

**Killer Bee from Naruto Shippuden (Seven Swords Dance)**


	33. Chapter 33: Eccentric

Zero escorted the four Vault Hunters into the facility, still wearing his cloth jumpsuit. The coffin full of his swords he left at the front door, instead opting for no weapons. He moved with inhuman grace, as if his movements were programmed into him. Chances are that was possible, since his breathing didn't appear natural at all.

"Are you a robot?" inquired Dion bluntly.

"No" he replied simply.

"Oh. You human?"

"No."

The Titan scoffed. "Mysterious asshole."

Zero ignored him and kept walking.

He reached the end of the hallway and rang a bell on the wall. It appeared to have not been used in a while.

The room in front of him was an immense one, which appeared to run the entire length and height of the tower. It extended far above them with catwalks connecting to small platforms against the walls, and far below them into some kind of mine.

"Zero? What is it?" inquired a voice over an intercom system. It was heavily synthesized, probably to disguise whoever was actually talking.

"Guests" stated the assassin simply.

"How important are they? I am doing something important you know."

"Vault Hunters" he replied blankly.

The voice paused. "I'll be right there."

They heard what sounded like an elevator activate and the grinding of gears. They saw some wires near them being tightened and pulled, indicating where the elevator was going to land.

A simple cage appeared from the mine below, hanging on a multitude of electrical lines. Inside of it was a young woman with blue hair that was up in a ponytail. She wore a simple yellow shirt with black edges and blue jeans. Her arms were wrapped in bandages and some kind of armor, likely to protect her against whatever was in that mine.

The elevator stopped and she stepped out calmly, having apparently done so for quite some time.

"So Zero, would you mind introducing me?" asked the woman.

"We didn't really get to say our names" explained Baldemar.

The woman glared at the assassin. "Damn it Zero, you should at least find out a person's name before you try to kill them."

"I do not see the point of that" he answered blankly.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

She extended a hand. "My name's Maya. Siren."

Baldemar shook it. "Baldemar. Inventor extraordinaire and womanizer."

"You wish" murmured Taika. She shook the Siren's hand. "Taika, professional huntress."

Saprus did the same. "Saprus. Angel of Death."

Maya nodded politely. "Of course."

She turned to Dion and attempted to shake his hand.

"That's not a great idea" he said quickly.

"Why?"

"I'm a Titan."

She paused. "Really?"

He nodded.

Suddenly she exploded with energy, like she had just drank a gallon of coffee.

"Oh my God a live specimen! This is excellent!"

She began circling him rapidly, examining his body closely. "Outstanding physical condition, obvious signs of past usage, but little to no Eridium scars."

Dion looked at her nervously. "Uh…I ain't a lab rat."

"Of course not! It's just…I've never met another Titan!"

She began jumping with joy. "Oh, you have to tell me everything! What's your age, how long have you been using your abilities, the amount of Eridium you've consumed, the effects of being a Titan, oh my there's just so much to do and no time to do it!"

"Bitch. Is. Nuts" whispered Baldemar.

"You may have a point" murmured Saprus.

Maya went over to the elevator and began pressing some buttons.

"Well come on!" she urged waving her hand. "This thing can carry all of us."

They unsteadily walked on, noting how much it shook and rattled. It wasn't exactly the best-looking construction available.

She pushed a large green button and they began traveling upwards.

"This is amazing!" she yelled. "I never thought I'd wake up one day to find a Titan walking into my front door! I've only met a few other Sirens, but never a Titan!"

"Well that's great, but I need some answers" stated Dion.

"On what? I can give you some insight. I haven't been out here staring at trees all day for the last three years."

He coughed. He was finally about to get some answers. He hoped.

"Why am I always so violent? I feel addicted to blood and gore and pain. It freaks the shit out of me."

Maya chuckled. "Honey, that's called coping. Your Titan mind is naturally more susceptible to addictions, as the Sirens are. It appears that you became an addict on violence, which on a crapsack world like Pandora is not the worst thing you could be addicted to."

"Can I cure it?"

She paused, thinking quietly to herself. "No."

Dion smashed his head into the side of the elevator. "Damn. I came this far…did all this bullshit…just for a 'no'."

"Don't be so down" encouraged Maya. "Lilith has an Eridium addiction that she doesn't like to admit. I'm addicted to coffee."

"That explains a lot" muttered Baldemar.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing."

She shrugged. "Anyway, there's no need to be sad about your addiction. Be thankful it isn't on something harmful."

"But it is!" roared the Titan.

They all stopped, not sure what he meant by that.

"I HATE killing things! I don't want to die in combat! I want to die on a small farm on a planet far from here. Maybe have a wife. Have a boy, then a girl. I'd die before my wife and my boy would join the army and my daughter would become a successful doctor."

"I wouldn't recommend that" stated Maya.

"Why?"

"Well, when a Titan or Siren has children, they don't inherit their powers. It doesn't work like that, thankfully. However, they may be born with…other things."

"Are you saying my children would be monsters?" inquired the Titan.

"Well, kinda. I've only met one case, and he was a result of a Titan and a Siren mating. He…"

She shivered. "Let's just say he wasn't human anymore."

Dion sighed. "And now I can't even have children. Great."

"Shame. I bet you wanted to make Tina your baby momma" joked Baldemar.

The Titan smirked. "Yeah, I kinda did."

"That's disgusting!" roared Maya.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

The Siren glared at him. "Tina is like, maybe fourteen! Are you a pedophile?"

"Hell no! Have you seen her recently? Seriously, her tits hit the wall before anything else does!"

Maya paused. "Oh yeah. I have been out here for a few years."

She laughed. "Sorry about that. When you live out in the jungle with only a silent killer for company, days sort of become months."

"Uh huh" said Dion. "You know, you could go outside."

"Outside? Are you kidding? My work is far too important to waste time on such delicacies."

The elevator stopped and she promptly walked off into another room.

"I never imagined she would be this fucking crazy" muttered Baldemar.

"She's just eccentric" defended Saprus.

"Yeah. Crazy" said Taika.

"She's hot" muttered Dion.

The huntress smacked him. "I thought you liked Tina?"

"Actually, I kinda don't. Mel likes her, and I won't cock-block my fellow man."

He grinned. "But Maya…she's single."

"You do remember what she said about Sirens and Titans mating, right?" reminded Baldemar. "Do you want a freaky alien baby?"

"Who said anything about mating? I was just proposing…"

"Hey, you four coming or not?" asked Maya popping her head out of a doorway. "We have many things to discuss."


	34. Chapter 34: Kill the Sound

Maya sat down in a chair, which appeared to be a modified ceiling chair of some sort.

"So Titan, before we continue, do you have any additional questions?" she asked propping her feet up on the desk in front of her. Her office, for lack of a better word, was mostly nonexistent. The left wall was a tarp nailed to the sides of the huge hole it covered and there were several holes in the floor with ply board on top of them. Her desk was a very nice one though. It appeared to be made of mahogany.

"Well, what kinds of powers do Titans and Sirens have? Are they connected in a way?" inquired the Titan curiously.

"Sort of. The Siren powers are normally named after other-worldly things, like Shadow and Light. I'm the Time Siren, with my Phaselock, and Lilith is the Space Siren, with her Phasewalk. I don't know of the others."

She cleared her throat. "The Titan powers are normally named after worldly or 'real' things, like Ice and Flora. What are you?"

"Uh, the guy who first explained it to me said my ability was called Plasma Rage."

"Ah, Plasma Titan. One of the best elemental users. All Titans are naturally able to regenerate, which is why they're so fearsome."

"And the hair color?" murmured Dion shuffling his hair annoyed.

"Oh, Sirens and Titans have odd hair colors. And tattoos. The color is pretty much random."

Maya angrily brushed a strand of her hair with her hand. "I wish mine wasn't blue though. Yours is quite interesting. I'm envious of green."

"I hate it. You can take it."

"Oh. Okay then."

The Siren pulled out what appeared to be a hacksaw and a scalpel.

"Holy shit!" yelled Dion.

"What? I thought you said…"

"I was kidding! Damn bitch, what's wrong with you!?"

She scowled and slid the tools into her desk. "Be careful of what you say. I am a scientist. Scientists are perfectly willing to experiment on any willing subject. We take things very seriously when we're offered something."

"Don't I know" murmured Baldemar.

"Ah. Goodie. Then warn your comrades that I might tear them open if they so much as offer."

"Okay."

The inventor turned. "She's dead serious. I'd probably do the same if anyone offered me a piece of tech."

"You people are crazy" muttered Taika.

"Not crazy. Just eccentric" defended Saprus.

"Now if there are no further questions, I have to ask one of my own: Why are you here?" said Maya.

"We came here to find you. Apparently you've been gone for a while" replied Baldemar.

"Yeah, I haven't been able to radio the Raiders since the communication towers were taken over by the locals."

"Locals?" questioned Taika.

"The asshole savages who attack me because they don't like me."

"So we should get to killing them?" inquired Dion. "Because I was getting antsy waiting for so long."

"Well the problem is that there's three towers. If you attack one at a time, they'll just regroup and retake the ones you leave undefended."

"I would go" proposed Zero.

"When the hell did you get here?!" demanded the Titan.

"I was here before the elevator stopped."

"Impressive" murmured Taika admiringly.

"Your skill is extraordinary" complimented Saprus.

"Yeah, well it's pretty freaking creepy" objected Baldemar.

"Too bad. So sad" said Zero blankly.

Maya cleared her throat. "Now Zero, I'd let you attack, but you can't be in two places at once. They'll use the same strategy against you. Worse, they'd swarm you."

"Good."

"That's a bad thing Zero."

"I don't understand how."

She sighed. "If they want to help, we can split the task. You four can split the job into two teams, and Zero can take his own base."

"Sounds good to me" stated Dion.

"A battle of three/Against many enemies/This will be awesome" muttered the assassin.

"Totally" agreed Baldemar.

"Now I don't want to rush you, but I kinda want to talk to my old friend" said Maya. "I'd go, but I've gotten rusty, unlike Zero. I've been inside the building for the last three years, grinning at Eridium and staring at computers. I'd just get in your way, unfortunately."

"Suits me fine" responded Baldemar.

"If we are going for teams, it would be a good idea to split it to emphasize our strengths and cover our weaknesses" spoke Saprus. "I shall go with Baldemar, due to his higher defensive abilities and my close-range specialization. Taika shall partner with Dion, since she is a long-ranged fighter and he is a tank."

"Damn. I was hoping to go with Baldemar" muttered the Titan.

"Do you wish to die?"

"Uh, not here. I'd rather die in a place that didn't look like primal Hell."

"I agree. That's why I divided the teams like they did."

"Your advice is solid Saprus" stated the inventor. "I was a Legionnaire in the Dahl military. Tactics were my specialty."

"Then I apologize for standing you up."

"Fuck that" answered Baldemar. "I'm a leader, but I ain't an asshole. If ya don't listen to your crew, you'll die. That's the fact of being a military man. I got to Lieutenant Colonel through that advice."

"What happened afterwards?" inquired Dion.

"I quit."

"Why?"

"I got tired of the bullshit. And being a Vault Hunter pays better."

"Nice" murmured Taika.

Zero glanced up at them. "Your conversation/Is a stoppage to battle/I wish it to end."

"Fine. I was thinking the same damn thing" stated Dion. "Let's get going so I can kill stuff."

"Try to stay calm" reminded the huntress.

"Uh, are you going to be my babysitter?"

"I'm going to have to apparently. You're like a five-year-old in a candy store."

"More like a single man in a strip club" joked Saprus.

"You can make jokes?!" roared Baldemar.

"Yeah."

"Damn! That one was nice."

"I'm not as much of a jerkass as you all think I am. I just don't talk often."

"Well that's not too great when most of our communication is shooting or joking."

"I shoot. It's what I do."

The inventor nodded. "And you do a damn good job. So let's get going new comrade. We got shit to kill."


	35. Chapter 35: Holy Fail

They glanced at the docks before them, which was now completely devoid of boats.

"Well it appears someone took our rides" muttered Saprus.

"Shit. They know we're here" murmured Taika.

Dion grinned. "Du…"

"Dion, don't" urged Baldemar.

"Du…"

"No one's in the mood to hear that shit" spat the infected.

"Fine."

The Titan stopped, then grinned. "Dude where's my boat?"

Baldemar smacked him in the back of the head. "Very funny!"

"It was hilarious actually" defended the Titan.

"It was rather humorous" stated Saprus. "But I didn't appreciate it."

"Is there a problem?" inquired Zero. He was carrying two coffins now, both of them tied together.

"We don't have any boats" said Taika.

"Indeed."

The assassin thought briefly. "Walking is a pain/but necessary sometimes/now is such a time."

"Damn it" murmured Dion. "I hate walking in mud. My suit isn't exactly waterproof."

"Clogs?" offered Zero holding a pair of large black boots.

"Where were you keeping those?"

"Docks."

"Docks?"

"They were on the docks."

"Oh. Well, they look like shit, but it'll have to do."

He slipped them on, scowling at them.

"I'm not a dandy man, but I have some fashion sense. These boots fly right in the face of that."

"Oh cry me a river" spat Taika.

He gestured to the marsh before him. "I already did. It's right here."

"So Zero, where are the destinations?" inquired Baldemar.

"North-west, east" responded the assassin. "South is mine. Rendezvous here. Complete mission. No exceptions. Good luck."

He sprinted through the marsh, seemingly barely fazed by the mud and water sinking into his suit.

"Man I wish I had moves like that" murmured Dion.

"Moves like Jagger?" proposed Taika.

"Yeah."

Saprus pulled out another pistol, accompanying his SMG. "Let's go Baldemar. We'll take the east."

"Right" stated the inventor. "Good luck Taika."

"Why aren't you wishing me luck?" demanded the Titan.

"You don't need it."

"Well your confidence in me is well-placed" stated Dion. "But I'm still kinda mad."

"If you're mad, you can get the first kills" offered the huntress.

"All right! You know how to make me excited Taika! Yahoo!"

He jumped into the water, sliding a shotgun to accompany his SMG. "I've been waiting all day to do this."

He began sprinting through the marsh, yelling in joy. "DION KOOOORMOOOS!"

Taika smacked herself in the forehead. "Did he just pull a Leeroy Jenkins?"

"That was exactly what he did" explained Saprus.

"That was awesome" murmured Baldemar.

"Oh my God, slow down you moron!" yelled the huntress running after him.

The infected chuckled. "Promise me you won't…"

"BALDEMAR RODRIGUES!"

Saprus sighed. "Goddamn it."

* * *

"Dion you fucking idiot, stop running!" yelled Taika.

"DION…!"

"If you shout your name again I'm going to imbed my machete in your ass!"

He stopped and unconsciously rubbed his backside. "Okay. I'll stop yelling."

"Well, it looks like we're here."

The radio tower was a large building stationed in the swamp. The tower was still functional, since it was sparking and lit up, but it didn't look like it belonged to the Raiders. Considering how there was a flag over it that had a strange helmet symbol on it that pretty much made it obvious.

"Well let's go" said the Titan. "I'm etching for a fight."

"Hold there sirs!" exclaimed a voice.

They stopped and looked at the source of the voice. It was an oddly dressed savage wearing tattered wooden armor over his frame. He also, even more oddly, had what appeared to be a potted plant on his head. Inside the plant, with even more oddity, was a swallow.

"Uh…who are you?" asked Taika.

"I am Sir Allen, Di!" answered the man.

Five more soldiers came out, all of them with the same weird armor.

"And we…are the Knights Who Say Di!"

The two Vault Hunters glanced at each other sideways.

"The Knights Who Say Di?" repeated Dion.

"Yes, indeed! Di!" declared Sir Allen.

"Uh…listen…we're trying to get this radio back to working order" explained Taika. "So can you gentlemen step aside and…"

"Never! Di, Di, Di!" roared the knight.

Dion sighed. "Great. Should we shoot him?"

"Wait! Me thinks we can work something out, Di!"

"And that would be?"

"We need you to do something for us. Di!"

Taika shrugged. "Uh, sure. What do you need?"

"We require you, to retrieve…"

Sir Allen straightened. "A bush!"

Dion rubbed his temples. "A bush?"

"Di, Di, Di! Yes a bush!"

Taika sighed. "Okay, why not? What kind of bush do you need?"

"Sir Shootalot shall show you, Di! Sir Shootalot?"

"Of course Sir Allen, Di!"

"Di!"

One of the soldiers came up, who also had a potted plant for a helmet. He also had a large gun in his hands, obviously from his nickname.

"I shall guide you to this shrub, Di!" exclaimed Sir Shootalot.

"Uh, okay" murmured Dion. "I guess we'll go along with this."

* * *

"So you want us to get a shrub?" inquired Baldemar.

"Indeed! Seng!"

The two Vault Hunters were being escorted through the jungle with a company of natives, the Knights Who Say Seng. These knights had coconuts on top of their heads and pranced oddly about. Needless to say they were certainly insane.

"Where exactly is this shrub?" asked Saprus.

"It is across the River, Seng!"

"The River!"

"Seng!"

"Seng!"

"Hmm" murmured the inventor. "Why haven't you gotten it yet before?"

"The bridgekeeper! Seng!"

"The bridgekeeper?" repeated Saprus.

"Indeed! Seng!"

"What's the big deal about a bridgekeeper?" questioned Baldemar.

"He challenges you with three questions. If you answer one wrong, he throws you into the river! Seng!"

They reached the river and quickly noted why they were so afraid of the river. It was at least a hundred foot drop. The only way across was a small rope bridge.

"Well shit" muttered Baldemar.

They walked over to the bridge and saw a single man. He appeared to be smoking something and was leaning on the support for the bridge.

"What up?" asked the bridgekeeper. "Listen, if ya wanna pass, I gotta ask ya three questions. Pain in the ass, but part of the job."

"I'll go first" said Saprus.

"Sure. What's your name dude?"

"Saprus."

"What…is your goal?"

"To get to the other side of this bridge."

"Funny. And…what is your favorite color?"

"Uh…jasmine."

"Cool. You can pass bro."

The infected shrugged and began walking carefully on the bridge.

"Next, or whatever" murmured the bridgekeeper.

Sir Tom walked forward. "I shall go, honorable bridgekeeper. Seng!"

"Okay. What…is your name?"

"Sir Tom, Seng!"

"What…is your goal?"

"To fetch a shrub for our decorative purposes, Seng!"

"What…is the reason the sky is blue?"

Sir Tom stopped dead. "Uh…I have no idea."

The bridgekeeper calmly snapped his fingers and the man flew into the ravine.

"SENG!" screamed Sir Tom before he crashed into the bottom.

"I'm beginning to see why you're afraid of him" murmured Baldemar.

Sir Hubert stepped up next. "I shall go, and hopefully not die. Seng!"

"What…is your name?"

"Sir Hubert, Seng!"

"What…is your quest?"

"To retrieve a bush…"

"It's a shrub!" exclaimed Sir Danish.

"Of course. A shrub, pardon me. Seng!"

The bridgekeeper nodded. "Indeed. Now, what…is your favorite color?"

"Blue, wait, no red, I mean…"

He was promptly thrown over the ledge.

"Next" said the bridgekeeper inhaling more of his cigarette.

Baldemar stepped forward. "Yeah, I'll do you stupid shit."

"What…is your name?"

"Baldemar Rodrigues."

"What…is your quest?"

"To get a goddamn shrub for these idiots."

"What…is the temperature range of a thermonuclear explosion?"

Baldemar grinned. "We talking fusion or fission?"

The bridgekeeper paused. "I was unaware of a difference."

The inventor snapped his fingers and the bridgekeeper flew into the ravine.

"Stupid damn bridgekeeper" muttered Baldemar. "Let's get going."

* * *

"Get down, Di!"

Dion and Taika crouched behind a large tree root, Sir Shootalot beside them.

"What's the matter?" inquired the Titan.

"The terrible beast is ahead" stated the man.

"The beast? Awesome" murmured Taika grabbing her sniper rifle.

"Fools! This beast cannot be killed my mortal weapons! Di!"

"Than what do we kill it with?" asked Dion.

"Hmm, Di."

Sir Shootalot snapped his fingers. "Brother Mayo! Di!"

"Of course" said a man appearing beside him.

"How long was he here?" questioned Taika.

Sir Shootalot ignored her. "Brother Mayo, please consult the Book of Ornaments, Di."

"Of course" said the man. He was wearing a white priest robe that was completely spotless and holding a large golden book.

"I feel like we're in some shitty B-movie or something" murmured Dion.

"Ah, Chapter 3, verses one through four. _And the Lord said unto thee, "Bring together thine enemies into one place so that I may smite those sons of bitches, yo home dawg.'_ Amen."

"Amen, Di" muttered Sir Shootalot. "Now, please give forth the Holy Tomahawk, Di!"

"Of course."

The priest extracted what appeared to be a golden axe with a crucifix shape. He handed it to Taika reverently, bowing his head as he did so.

"So uh, does this thing have a special trigger or something?" she inquired examining it.

"Yes it does, Di. Brother Mayo, please consult the Book of Ornaments."

"Of course."

The priest examined the book. "And the Lord said unto thee, _'First thou must raise the Holy Tomahawk above thy head, keeping they elbow at 90 degrees. Not 85 degrees, nor 95 degrees, but exactly at 90. When you throw, you must first count to four. Not five, for that is that good, nor three, unless you are counting towards four. Six is just too damn high yo. Once the number four, being the fourth number, be reached, than throw the Holy Tomahawk towards they foe, and decapitate that dickhead in my holy ass name.'_ Amen."

"Amen" murmured Sir Shootalot. "Now, please do as the book says."

Taika sighed. "Fine."

She stood up and glanced at the clearing in front of them. In the center was the bush, which appeared to be some kind rosebush. Prancing about the thing was a small rabbit.

"A rabbit" muttered the huntress. "I'm killing a rabbit."

"But not just any rabbit, Di!" exclaimed Sir Shootalot. "It is…"

"Oh shut up" snapped Taika throwing the Tomahawk, having counted to four.

The axe spun through the air and smashed into the rabbit's head, decapitating it instantly.

The rabbit's body quickly spasmed and twisted into a new form. Tentacles burst from its body and a mouth appeared in its chest, screaming in pain. It was like it had an octopus eating through it from the stomach out.

"Wow. That's one dangerous rabbit" murmured Dion.

It stopped moving and Taika sighed. "It's dead right?"

"Oh most definitely. Di" replied Sir Shootalot. "The shrub is ours!"

"Great" said the huntress rolling her eyes. "Can we use your radio tower now?"

"Of course! Our tower is going to look the best! We'll show those homosexual chumps who say Seng that we look better than them!"

* * *

**In case you're wondering, a good chunk of this chapter was a HUGE reference to Monty Python. Oh, and I have a feature that I think they should add to Borderlands 3.**

**Dual-Wielding**

**Occupies 1 SDU slot and can be used or overlooked **

**Gain the ability to fire two guns**

**-25% Reload Speed**

**-25% Movement Speed **

**Automated Hip-Fire Accuracy**


	36. Chapter 36: Long Time No See

"So how did it go?" inquired Maya leaning back in her office chair. She was sipping what appeared to be a coconut cocktail, complete with a bendy straw and a little umbrella.

"You didn't tell us the natives were freaking crazy" said Dion.

"Actually, I did."

"Well they listened to reason" stated Baldemar.

"Oh good. They called me a witch and tried to throw me into a river."

"Why?" inquired Taika.

"Apparently I was made of wood or something. It didn't make much sense to me."

Saprus shrugged. "Fine. Has Zero come back yet?"

"Yes" replied the assassin stepping into the room.

"How did it go Zero?" asked Maya.

He held up what appeared to be a shattered flower pot. "It was abnormal/They used these pots for helmets/They did not suffice."

"You killed them?!" exclaimed Taika.

"Yes."

"But…they were harmless! Little insane and possible cultic, but harmless!"

"Harmless means nothing/True enemies wear sheep's wool/Can never be sure."

"He's got a point" defended Dion. "I wanted to shoot them, but NOOOO! I have to restrain my violence."

"They were open to negotiation, and it still worked out" snapped the huntress.

"Whatever you say, _Mom_."

Maya chuckled. "You all remind me of the old crew. I had to play Mom all the time. Especially for that black-suited pain in the ass next to you."

"Pardon?" questioned Zero.

"You always wanted to kill everyone we met. Honestly, you were worse than Krieg."

"Ah, the psycho man/A bit odd, shouted too much/But a great ally."

"Yeah, I kinda miss the old gang" murmured Maya. "Axton went to Lynchwood, Krieg locked himself up, Gaige traveled to Tiberius Outpost, and Salvador went with Brick on some quest."

"They were looking for Brick's sister" reminded the assassin.

"Really?"

"Yes."

The Siren raised an eyebrow. "Damn. Where did they go?"

"Unknown."

"Hmm."

Maya shrugged. "Oh well. Knowing those two, they'll be fine. Now Zero, is my radio hooked up now?"

"Yes, I just finished/The wiring was easy/It can be used now."

"Awesome. Thanks."

"Welcome."

He strode out, still carrying his two coffins on his back. No doubt he was going to defend the front door like before.

The Siren slid over to a computer monitor and clicked a few buttons. Crossing her fingers, she pushed a large green one.

"Hello?" said a voice from the computer. "Seriously, is there anybody there? I really want to hear something besides my voice because I'm getting real tired of it."

"Hello? This is Maya" said the Siren.

"What? Holy shit! Those guys actually got it working!"

"Who is this? Am I on Sanctuary's signal?"

"Yeah, you are. Name's Baskerville."

"Yo what up Baskerville!?" exclaimed Dion.

"Hey, is that Dion? Tell that greenette I said yo."

"I can't help my hair color you asshole!" shouted the Titan.

Baskerville chuckled, his face slowly coming onto the monitor. "Funny. Now, I don't know ya Maya, so I'll just hand it over to Lilith."

He stood up and walked away, a small female replacing him in the seat.

"Nice to see you again Maya" stated Lilith smiling.

"Same to you. I was going insane out here."

"Speaking of crazy how's Tannis?"

Maya became downcast. "She…she didn't make it. She got jungle fever and died a year ago."

Lilith gasped in shock. "You're joking."

"I wish I was" murmured the Siren. "She was odd, but she was good company."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't know. I should've tried to contact sooner, but I fell into a depression."

Lilith sympathetically stretched out a hand and put it on the monitor. Maya did the same, their palms touching.

"It's okay Maya" whispered the elder Siren.

"I know. I'm fine. I've been through worse."

She smiled, a small tear cascading down her face. "Besides, I had Zero here to help me. He doesn't talk much, but I know he cares."

"Ah, him. Glad to see he's still kicking."

"Oh, he's doing amazing. What's with the others?"

"We still haven't gotten contact from Brick or Salvador, unfortunately" answered Lilith. "Mordecai's been helping out around wherever he's needed. Axton and Gaige are helping our two largest cities out."

She smiled. "And we let Krieg out."

Maya gasped. "Really? He got better?"

"Much better. It's amazing Maya. I've never seen such a large change. He still has his psychotic fighting style, but he's doing normal things. Just the other day I found him looking up funny cat photos."

The younger Siren grinned like a little kid. "What happened?"

"He promptly screamed something to me about duct tape and pancreases and shattered the monitor."

Maya giggled. "That sounds like him."

"Yeah, you should see him sometime."

"Well I hope to do so. I'm really happy he's better."

"Are the new guys there?"

"Oh yeah. They're a big help. Remind me of the old group."

Lilith nodded. "It was like freaking double déjà vu when they came on board, believe me. But I need to speak with them."

"Sure."

Baldemar walked in front of the monitor. "What's up?"

"Listen, we need you all to get back here immediately."

"Oh? Is there something that needs to be killed?" inquired Dion.

"A bit. We're planning our first move against Bellum. We need you here."

"We shall be there" said Saprus.

"Good. We'll also need you to be there Maya. And Zero."

Maya nodded. "Understood. I'll stay on the line until the meeting's ready."

"Good. New guys.."

"You could call us Vault Hunters" offered Taika.

"Well, you're talking to a retired one. And a not-so-retired one sits next to you. It's pretty awkward."

"Fine. Call us whatever" said the huntress.

"Okay than. Now get back here ASAP. Even if you are new, we need you to hear what's going on. You're our single best resource."

Dion grinned. "Awesome. Let's hurry up and get back. I miss Sanctuary after this weird jungle shit I just went through."

**So that's the Siren Contact Arc (It's not catchy, but the chapter titles are supposed to make up for that). I hope you all liked it. Drop a review on what you think and favorite/follow this story to improve its popularity and get even more people reading it, would ya kindly? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!**


	37. Chapter 37: Preliminary Strike

**This now begins the next arc in the story, the Liberation Arc. I split this one in two and will update shortly. Hope you enjoy.**

**And if you're wondering, I'm dividing this stuff into arcs to make them feel more like individual missions. I did this because I decided updating more than five chapters was overkill. So no more of that. Probably. **

The Crimson Raiders sat in the meeting room in Sanctuary, having assembled again. This time, Tina, Gaige and The Captain weren't there. The CEO's of their newest allegiances were though, all seated at the table.

Lilith smiled at the people before here. "Gentlemen, nice to see you again."

"Again? It was barely two days" reminded Stanton Dahl.

"I like comin' here" said Montgomery Jakobs. "Da people are friendly and dat diner sells sweet iced tea like my grandma used ta make."

"This city is interesting" murmured Nicholas Vladof, his hookah set up beside him. He took a breath and sighed. "So why are we here?"

"We need to wait for the rest" reminded the Siren.

One of the monitors to the side activated. "Vice Admiral Wolfenstein, reporting in."

They turned and saw The Captain on the monitor.

"Wolfenstein?" inquired Dion.

"Oh, you have never heard my name. Yes, I am Wolfenstein."

"Cool name."

"Thank you."

"Good to see you" said Lilith.

"To you as well."

A fiery redhead popped out beside the tall man on the monitor. "Gaige reporting, ya sexy babe!"

The Siren smirked. "Hey Gaige."

The eccentric schoolgirl glanced at Baldemar. "Hey Knight."

"Hello, my lady" replied the inventor.

"Take your stupid romance elsewhere" ordered The Captain.

"Yeah, it's rather annoying" agreed Nicholas.

"Ah fuck off all of you!" roared Gaige.

"Feisty little one" murmured Stanton smiling. "I like her."

"Don't get any ideas" warned Baldemar gritting his teeth.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Lilith rolled her eyes. "Unfortunately, we have a few more we need."

"Already here" spoke Maya from another monitor.

"Right behind her" added Zero, who was indeed right behind her.

Another monitor flashed to life, revealing a screen filled with smoke.

"General Axton reporting" stated a voice through the smoke. They could make out a cigarette and an eye in the smoke, but that was it.

"Good to see you Axton, theoretically" joked Lilith.

"Yeah. I got addicted to nicotine. Sorry about that."

"Cigarettes. Such uncultured trash" muttered Nicholas. "I prefer a more filtered feel."

"Whoever that guy is, he's a douchebag."

"I run the Vladof corporation."

Axton paused, his eye registering shock. "Jesus, you look younger than I thought. A lot less passion in your voice too."

"That's for the commercials. I'm quite serene most of the time."

Montgomery sighed. "Bull. Where was dat serene mothafucker when ya impaled my men?"

"I got angry."

Axton chuckled. "That's awesome."

A fourth monitor activated, holding a drinking man. "Mordecai, reporting. What up?"

"Good to see you Mordy" stated Lilith.

"Ditto. Am I late?"

"No, you're right on time. And with you here, we can start the meeting."

"What up Tina and Krieg?" reminded Baskerville.

"Well Tina doesn't need to be confused with details, and Krieg…"

She sighed. "He's stable, but not good with planning."

The wereskag nodded. "True. I guess we're okay than."

"Right."

Lilith stood. "First of all, I'm glad we are all together. We can finally get some real strategy going on."

"Indeed" commented Nicholas. "What is going on? Have we been attacked?"

"Three of our outposts have been assaulted as of this hour. We're certain they can be defended, but we're going to have to support those areas against future attacks."

"What outposts?" asked Mordecai.

"Rocko's, Jessup's, and Cithara's."

"Shit. No wonder you're so confident. Those three are the best soldiers we got on the frontlines."

"Rocko? Wasn't he just a tool for Brick?" inquired Maya.

"He was, but there was a reason he was his second-in-command" reminded Mordecai.

"And Jessup. That was that private at the gate last time I was here" said Axton.

"He too is strong" stated Lilith.

"And Cithara?" questioned Zero.

"You don't know him. He's a professional."

Montgomery lit a cigarette. "Well, what areas are they in? Where are we sending reinforcements?"

"Thousand Cuts, Southern Shelf and Arid Nexus."

Stanton nodded. "I will gladly give my troops. There's no need for the others to sacrifice their men."

"Nonsense" spat Nicholas. "My men will take the Southern Shelf."

"My guys can go to da Cuts" stated Montgomery.

"Then that leaves me with the Nexus" said Stanton.

"Good. I'm glad you all agreed so easily."

"Same" added Mordecai. "I'm grateful they're all working so well together."

"I'm reasonable for the most part" explained Nicholas.

"Dat's debatable" murmured Montgomery.

"Are you ever going to let that go?" inquired the CEO of Vladof.

"No."

"Oh well."

Wolfenstein cleared his throat. "I must ask, what is our next move? I have found a replacement for my position, and I am willing to go back out to fight."

"That's good" said Lilith. "You're one of the best fighters we got."

"Oh, are you going out?" asked Gaige. "About time! You deserve a break from the boring-ass paperwork!"

"I was fine with the paperwork" he explained calmly. "But my services are needed. It would be wrong to not lend them."

"You're so loyal Captain" murmured the schoolgirl admirably batting her eyes. "I wish I could be just like you."

"No you don't" he said coldly.

"Yeah, I don't" she admitted. "If I was like you, I wouldn't have tits."

"That's not a subject you discuss with this kind of company" he reminded.

"Ah, fuck em!"

Nicholas chuckled. "How amusing."


	38. Chapter 38: A Tale of Ice and Rap

**Up first, the much-beloved second-in-command Slab, Rocko!**

"Goddamn sun in my face, feels like I'm in a daze. Feet aching in my boots, my sore-ass back and glutes. Ah man."

Rocko strode from the cave in the mountain, his black hair in long dreads. His skin was a dark shade of brown and he had a small moustache and beard on his face. On his arms and chest were white tattoos, which appeared to be some kind of tribal pattern. He wore a simple tan shirt over his chest that didn't have sleeves and a pair of long black pants. He also had a pair of combat boots and gloves. On his back was a large cylinder with an incredibly long chain wrapped around it, like an oversized fishing reel.

He began walking down the stairs, throwing practice punches. "My belly is empty, I got the munchies, gonna eat me some breakfast, of peaches and Captain Crunchies!"

He grinned. "That was a good one dogg."

He reached the bottom of the first set of steps and paused. There were people at the base of the mountain he had slept on, his private quarters. There were four of them, something he noted with disdain.

"They brought some heat" he noted coldly. "Looks like my breakfast's gotta wait, I got some bitches who trying to hate!"

He leaped down the stairs and landed on the same platform they were on. When he did so, he was able to get a better look at them.

They all had a black style on their clothes, but varied wildly per individual.

The lead man stepped up. He was wearing a long black jacket with a purple sash wrapped around him. He also had purple gloves, boots, and a purple eyepatch over his left eye. His hair was black and unkempt, going well past his shoulders. His skin was incredibly pale and his visible eye was black.

"Are you Rocko of the Crimson Raiders?" inquired the man blankly.

"Hold up bitch, that ain't how you talk to me. It should go 'Are you Rocko the Badass?' you read?"

The man didn't even react. "I came here to capture or kill you."

"Okay, you got it wrong again, so I'll remind ya. You refer to me politely, or I'll kick your ass raw. Yo."

"God, this guy is just painful" murmured one of the other men. He was huge, at least seven feet tall and had to weigh close to a car's weight. His fists were covered in large metal gauntlets and he had a similar pair of boots. His hair was orange and curly on his head, complimented by his green eyes.

"Painful? Bro, I don't even know you dude. It ain't right to judge, that's rude."

"And the whole Badass title?"

"That ain't a lie ya fool. That's my name cause I rule."

"Man, he looks bad, he smells bad, and he has no rapping talent" murmured the man.

"Oh now you went too far man. I wasn't gonna kill ya, that wasn't my plan. But insulting my rhymes, and my class, that's way too far man, now I'm gonna beat yo ass."

He smiled. "That was a good one."

Another one of the soldiers sighed. It was Arcum Sagitta, his bow in his hand. Around his neck was a white scarf, blowing simply in the wind. He looked as stoic as usual, but now appeared to be bored.

"Calm yourself Jorr. This guy isn't worth the trouble" said the old hunter.

"What you saying, you cool playa? Your style is solid, but your insults are blah."

"Blah? I do not believe that is an adjective."

"This ain't the time for a vocab lesson!" exclaimed Jorr.

"I agree with the orange hoodrat. Rap's an art form man, and not something to pick at."

"Hoodrat?" repeated the large man. "That's it…"

The head man raised his hand to stop him. "We came here to take him alive. I hope you all are aware of that."

The person in the back nodded. It was impossible to tell if it was a man or a woman, since the person was all covered up in clothes. "I understand."

"Zane, shut up" ordered Jorr. "Your dumbass probably didn't even hear half the shit."

"It's actually Dane" reminded the clothed person.

"Damn. You know, you two should wear like a different scarf or shit to help the rest of us."

"I knew it was Dane" stated Arcum.

"As did I" said the lead man.

"No one cares about you Sine! You can shut up!"

Sine glanced at him. "Whatever. We're here to do business. Go on."

Jorr grinned. "With pleasure."

"Now hold up yo, don't be rushing. I can tell by your act, you be…"

"Shut up!" roared the giant man leaping into the air.

He smashed down with his fist into the courtyard, cracking the stones and throwing up dust.

"Idiot" rebuked Arcum. "We're supposed to capture him."

"He's alive" stated Dane. "I can sense him."

The dust settled and revealed Jorr had his arm in a tight grip by Rocko, who didn't even seem bothered by the turn of events.

"Not bad fool, but you'll need to do better!"

The Badass threw him aside and chuckled at his opposition. "What's next?"

Arcum fired a series of arrows from his bow, using a trigger built into the string to release them without drawing.

Rocko grabbed a large rock and raised it to block the shots, throwing it aside when the swarm was done.

"My skills are unmatched, my enemies be weak. My hands are strong, and my talent is sleek. Bring it ya fools!"

Sine walked forward. "I'll do this."

Rocko paused. "Who are you guys? Come on, I at least deserve that shit."

"We are the top assassins in Bellum's army" explained the lead man. "I personally am Major General Sine."

"Hmm. Good to know."

Rocko crouched down. "I think it's time."

He grabbed one end of the chain and unfurled it rapidly, wrapping it around his arms and torso.

"Watch out Sine!" warned Jorr. "This guy isn't to be messed with!"

Rocko flicked his arms and the chains sprouted icicles across them, forming porcupine-like spikes across them. He stood awkwardly, the spikes all across his body.

"I've never seen that stance before" murmured Arcum.

Rocko grinned. "Well it's time to step it up! Bring out your heat! I got mad moves prepared, and I'm on the edge of my seat! Yo!"

Sine reached into his jacket and extracted a long sword. "Fine than."

He glared at him with his one visible eye. "Eye of the Owl."

His eye changed color to an inverted grey one, with a white center and completely grey outside.

"Let's begin" stated the Major General.

He sprinted forward, his eye seemingly analyzing everything in front of him.

"You're fast!" complimented Rocko. He spun on his feel and slashed at him with the ice, the chains adjusting themselves all over his body as he did so. They moved like a chainsaw over him, allowing him to concentrate on moving.

Sine easily blocked the strikes, calmly dodging and intercepting his moves. His eye was moving so fast it was hard to catch, apparently seeing everything at once.

Then Jorr came in, raising his fist to strike.

Rocko blocked the swing with some difficulty, sinking into the courtyard with the force.

Arcum fired an arrow, but it was quickly deflected with the moving chain on the Badass's body.

"Even with all of us, we still can't hit him" murmured the hunter.

Dane walked forward. "Allow me."

He grabbed his huge hood and threw it off, revealing his face. It was covered in stitches all across it, so much so that his real skin didn't even seem visible. One side of his face had crimson markings all over it, while the other had navy blue ones.

Suddenly the blue ones overtook the other side, growing like a cancer over it.

"Let's go" he said grinning. This time his voice became different, slightly higher pitched and more carefree.

The stiches on the left side of his face exploded, letting an odd water-like substance to flow out. It was colored sky blue and moved similar to steam, floating in the air against him.

He whipped his arm out and a stream of the substance appeared. Wrapping it around Rocko's arm, he tugged him towards him.

"Nice job Dane!" complimented Jorr.

"It's Zane at the moment. I'm the blue user" clarified the mysterious man.

"Well shit how am I supposed to know?"

Rocko landed near him and slashed him with the spikes. Crouching down, he expanded them ten times as long as before, becoming a human thorn bush.

Zane was caught in the spikes and grunted. The blue marks quickly went away and were replaced by red ones. As he did so, the stitches on the left sealed up and the right stitches opened up. A new fire-like material emerged from the cracks, which was blood red in color.

"Raagh!" roared Dane punching him in the chest.

The ground threw up a huge cloud of snow dust and blinded them all.

Dane snarled. "The fucker's gone. I can't spot him."

The blue markings overtook his face. "Don't worry Dane. I'll fine him."

"Fine, whatever" muttered the man under his breath. It was like he was talking to two people inside of his head. In reality, that wasn't far from the truth.

Rocko was hiding behind the nearby rock ledge, not even out of breath. He sighed.

"They're so hating, it really ain't chill. I'm getting tired, I had my fill."

He smiled. "Let's go all out."

Zane pointed. "He's over there!"

Sine nodded. "Good work."

The lead man grabbed the glove on his left hand and threw it off. On the top of his hand was another eye, this one black as well.

He raised it up to his face and the eye widened.

"Eye of the Hummingbird" murmured the lead man.

A blue aura surrounded him and wrapped across his body like flames. It stopped at his back and sprouted wings, expanding to barely two feet.

Sine sprinted forward and flew into the air, gliding gracefully but quickly across the gap.

Rocko chuckled and snapped his fingers.

Instantly a pillar of ice appeared in front of the lead man as if it had always been there. Sine stopped and scowled.

"Damn. That was close."

The pillar got larger and larger, the snow seemingly sprouting more ice onto the surface.

"You all didn't understand what you got yourself into" stated Rocko. "I'm not just any Badass on this planet. I'm one of the Titans, the Ice Titan."

He grinned as the tower became level with the mountains. "And now I'm about to show ya why ya don't mess with a Titan."

He leaped over to the tower and slammed his fist into it.

The tower split into infinitesimal pieces and exploded outwards, seemingly raining ice crystals.

Sine was caught in it and smashed back into the courtyard, thousands of shards in his chest. Even with his odd ethereal armor on, he was bleeding immensely.

"Shit!" roared Jorr.

Zane ran over to him and the blue markings covered his face again. Raising one of his arms, he placed it on the lead man's chest.

"Hold on. I'll fix you right up" said the split-personality man.

"I'm still here fools!" roared Rocko flying forward.

Arcum twisted his bow 90 degrees and the arrow quadrupled in speed. He aimed carefully and closed one eye.

"Piercing Shot" he whispered.

The arrow smashed into the Titan's chest and sent him reeling backwards. It was similar to having a train hit you in the chest but in the space of a centimeter. Basically a really powerful shot.

Sine managed to sit up, the wounds in his chest now sealed. "Thank you…Zane."

"You're welcome boss" said the blue man. He quickly shifted to red. "Now let's get this motherfucker."

"Aye" agreed Jorr.

"Your words are tough, but your skills are rust!" shouted Rocko. "I'm about to turn your bones clean into dust!"

Jorr intercepted his flight pattern and threw him into the courtyard. Only to notice that a chain had been wrapped around his foot.

The assassins looked around them. Somehow, the Badass had staked his chain all across the courtyard in a huge web.

Ice slowly grew over the chain, indicating that it was going to sprout spikes and Rocko grinned. "Time to die!"

Sine hurriedly removed his other glove and aimed it at the Titan. "Eye of the Raven!"

Rocko paused, his eyes wide. It was like every muscle in his body had given up on him.

The lead man clutched at his hand/eye, which was now bleeding slightly. "Damn. That outta do it."

Suddenly a knee smashed into his head, sending him off the courtyard and tumbling down the mountain.

"Hilarious!" roared Rocko.

Jorr leaped over the edge and grabbed Sine. Turning while still sliding down the slope, he threw his commanding officer back up to the courtyard.

"Damn it!" yelled the giant slamming his gauntlets into the mountain. Getting a good grip, he threw himself upwards and back to the proper level.

Dane caught Sine and looked at him. "Shit. His jaw is broken."

The lead man had tears in his eyes, which was a fairly common reaction to getting kneed in the head and thrown down a mountain. His gums were bleeding profusely and he could barely speak.

"What are we going to do?" inquired the split-man.

Arcum sighed and reached into a small quiver on his back. Pulling out a blood-red arrow, he loaded it into his bow.

"We're going to take him down" said the hunter calmly.

Rocko chuckled and ran forward, ice growing over his limbs like armor. "Come on and try it! Bring it you little shits!"

Arcum aimed, and quickly fired into Sine's chest.

The lead man gasped as pure energy flowed through his body. His jaw snapped back into place roughly and instantly stopped bleeding. He sat up and quickly removed his eyepatch. His other eye was just the same as his other one, except that it had a huge series of scars around it.

"Eye of the Vulture" he murmured activating it.

Black lightning coursed over the Titan's body and flowed into his skin. He screamed in agony and collapsed to the courtyard, jittering and spasming. He tried to scrape the stuff off but that only made it worse.

Rocko felt like his skin was melting off and flowing into his bones. It was like being stabbed over and over again by barbed wire in every direction, or being caught in a river of broken glass. It was completely unbearable.

"Jesus" muttered Jorr. "The Eye of the Vulture. Brings unimaginable physical agony to any who get caught under its gaze. While the Eye of the Raven brings mental trauma and can be broken, the Eye of the Vulture cannot. I wish I had something like that."

Sine grunted and clutched at his eye. It was bleeding profusely like it had been stabbed. "No you don't."

He stood up uneasily, having nearly been killed twice. "We're leaving. Jorr, grab the Titan."

"He's still spasming" stated the giant.

"Then knock him out and grab him. We have to get back to HQ. Our mission was a success."

Dane grinned, the red marks growing over his head. "Fucking aye we succeeded. We captured one of the Raiders top guys. And not only that, he's a Titan. Our intel didn't even come close to how valuable he could be."

"All the better that we got him" said Sine stumbling. Arcum quickly caught him and supported him. "Let's go home."

**If you're wondering, I based this fight off the Taka vs Killer Bee one from Naruto. Each of those four guys are unique though.**

**Dane and Zane= Sakon and Ukon/ Ichigo and Hichigo **

**Sine= Sasuke Uchiha/Itachi Uchiha **

**Jorr= Jugo/Yammy Largo**

**Arcum Sagittari= Uryu Ishida/Legolas **

**And Rocko is a Titan, I'd like to confirm that. Why he worked with Brick for so long is a reason all it's own. **

**Rocko= Toshiro Hitsugaya/Killer Bee**

**And if you're wondering why I added this fight, it's because I didn't want to add another OC to introduce the enemy OC's. It would just be easier to add onto existing characters. You never actually saw Rocko fight before, so I gave it my best shot. Let me know what you thought. **


	39. Chapter 39: Swiss-Army Suit

**And now for everyone's favorite guard, Jessup!**

Jessup leaned back in his chair, inhaling a large cigar. He was seated in a small trailer on top of a large mountain top in Thousand Cuts, which was decked out with loot he had obtained over the years. He was wearing a long white cloak over his body that draped across him like a sheet. On his head was a large straw hat with a small metal hook at the top and a razor metal edge. He looked similar to a Chinese monk, but that was as far from the truth as possible.

"Fuck these are some fine cigars!" he exclaimed. "Man, I'm so glad I raided those ass-hats in Opportunity. Fucking Hyperion, trying to stay here like cockroaches. I should put them out of their misery and shove my katana in their eye sockets."

He sighed. "But I won't, because I'm lazy as shit."

He chuckled. "And I love it."

Jessup glanced at a small light bulb next to him. It was his alarm sensor, which would detect any who got near his trailer. He had it set up in case anyone tried to sneak up on him.

"What the fuck" he muttered. "Guess I gotta kill some stuff."

He reached to a large wooden device and strapped it to his left arm. Grabbing his katana, he walked over to the door.

"And three, two, one…"

He lifted his leg and kicked down the door.

"What up assholes?!" he asked grinning.

Then he stopped because there was no one there.

"What the fuck fellas? I got all dressed just for this."

He sighed. "If you're hiding, come out. I hate wasting my time. It's valuable, sorta kinda."

Something fired a shot at him, which looked like a sniper round.

Jessup blocked the bullet with his katana. "Okay, don't even try to snipe me. Just come on out."

"Okay mister!" cried a voice.

He leaped to the side as a huge blade appeared in his vision. Sliding across the ground, he raised the wooden device.

"Eat this!" he roared firing the device.

Dozens of shuriken flew from the device and whirled in a storm ahead of him. His target dodged however, revealing her looks.

"Damn. You're fast kid" complimented Jessup.

The woman landed, adjusting herself and her weapon. She was maybe fourteen, and a foot shorter than him. She was wearing a long red cape over her back and black armor, complete with a hood. She was carrying a massive scythe that appeared to be some kind of technical piece of machinery, with multiple handles to use to grip. The other end also had a gun barrel, making it a multi-use tool.

"Thanks mister. I really am a big fan of your work" she said smiling innocently, despite the large weapon.

"Really? Nice to meet a fan" he stated reloading the shuriken thrower on his arm.

"Then you probably want to meet me" added a second voice. This one belonged to another woman, Colonel Doctor Marie Winter. Even though she was supposed to be missing an arm, it was perfectly intact and attached on her body. She still had her bladed gauntlets and her hair in a braid, no worse for wear.

"Another fan? Is this going where I think it's going?" inquired Jessup grinning slyly.

Marie chuckled. "You naughty little boy."

"Boy? I see how it's going than. I like your attitude bitch."

"Why are you calling Ms. Winter a bitch?" asked the red-cloaked girl.

"I call all women bitches. Nothing personal. Bitch."

The girl giggled. "My name's Rosalign Rubity."

"Pretty name for a bitch" murmured Jessup.

"Do you always insult those you meet?" inquired a third person walking forward. This one was a male wearing a long grey overcoat and fedora. Resting in his hands was a large shotgun, with at least 16 barrels in a circular pattern, similar to a double barrel revolver. He was chewing on a huge needle, one that was about half a foot long and thinner than a hair.

"Yeah, I kinda do" responded the target shrugging. "Sorry about that. And who are you?"

"Lieutenant General Ciruolo of the Bellum army" answered the fedora man. "We four are here to capture you. Or kill you if we're unable to do so."

"Well that's a great goal Double Bubble, but…wait four? Where's the other guy?"

Something slammed into Jessup's ribs, sending him flying backwards.

"I'm here" answered the fourth man calmly stepping out from behind a tree. He was holding a long staff with a crook at the end, where it had previously held a small blue ball. The ball digistruct back into it rapidly, spinning ever so slightly.

The fourth man was wearing a simple red robe over his body with a huge metallic device over his left arm and shoulder. It was full of these balls, seemingly the container for them. His hair was golden and his skin was deathly pale. "Name's Lane."

Jessup landed and inhaled his cigar. "A shotgunner, a scythe-master, a grenadier-monk, and a doctor. I love Pandora."

He threw off his cloak, revealing more devices on his body. He pressed a few buttons and crouched down. "Well if you dicks are gonna try and kill me, you better freaking bring it!"

Devices on his wrists and ankles exploded, making him fly forward. He sliced with his katana, spinning in the air.

Rosalign caught him in her scythe and threw him, letting her weapon twirl in her hands. Bracing the bladed end on her shoulder, she fired with the gun barrel on the other.

Jessup rolled and a small pouch on his back released a set of caltrops around the girl. Landing on his knee, he flicked a switch on his right shoulder and fired a rocket.

Ciruolo fired his shotgun and hit the rocket before it got his teammate. Turning, he began firing it full-auto at the target.

The target leaped and was about to slash him when a blue ball slammed into his chest and exploded.

Lane digistructed three grenades into his palm and tossed them, twirling his staff with the other hand.

Jessup pressed his chest and a shield appeared around him, absorbing the damage. He landed smoothly and released the shield, knocking them all away from him.

"Man, you bitches are good" murmured the target. "I haven't gotten scratched, but I've had to use almost a quarter of my toys. I thought this would've ended by now."

He reached into his hat and grabbed a small spool of wire. Clicking it into a device on his wrist, he attached it to the hook on top of the hat.

He then threw his hat off his head and tossed it like a saw blade.

Rosalign ducked under it and fired another shot. He easily blocked it with his hat and retaliated with a long overhead slice. Aiming with his other device, he fired another rocket.

Lane stepped in front of the rocket and took the blast head on. Grabbing Marie Winter, he tossed her towards the target.

Marie slashed him with her gauntlets, spinning lightly on her feet.

Jessup backhanded her across the face and fired a shuriken directly into her leg. Gripping her by the hair, he raised his hat up to slice off her head.

Ciruolo threw Marie out of the way and began firing from the hip.

Jessup dodged and crushed a small orb in his hands, releasing a huge cloud of smoke around him.

The four Bellum assassins backed up, regrouping and reloading.

"He's fast" murmured Lane.

"I'm jealous. He has more toys than I do" murmured Rosalign.

"His equipment is most extraordinary" agreed Marie.

"Irrelevant. Let's kill this asshole" spat Ciruolo. He slid in another clip into his gun, slamming it shut.

"Ding a ling!" roared Jessup smashing into their group. Spinning with his katana and hat, he propelled himself straight upwards and fired a rocket down.

Rosalign was instantly knocked out and let go of her scythe-rifle. Ciruolo lost his shotgun and was lying on the ground bleeding from his upper torso.

Lane narrowed his eyes and digistructed a grenade into his staff. Gripping it tightly, he smashed it into the target's head.

Jessup slid across the ground bleeding from his left eye, seemingly now destroyed.

"Fuck that hurt!" roared the target. "That was messy, but it sure was awesome!"

He licked the blood running into his mouth and pressed a button on his katana. The blade split along the thin edge and became a scissor-like shape.

He stabbed forward and instantly lopped off Lane's arm, the force of the two blades acting just like the scissor it was.

The grenadier screamed in agony and clutched at his arm.

Jessup spun and lashed out with his right foot. Then the propulsion system on the boot activated and broke Lane's jaw and sent him flying away.

"Come on! Pick up your balls ladies!" roared the target. "What use are you if you can't even get me tired? I've had more exhausting naps."

He stopped when he felt something slid across his torso.

"Bye" whispered Marie flicking her arm.

The bladed gauntlet split down to the ribs, shredding his skin and muscles like they were paper.

Jessup collapsed to the ground, bleeding profusely.

Marie grinned. "The poison is working marvelously. I was hoping on using it for Krieg, and I'm glad to see it works."

"It won't kill him right?" inquired Ciruolo standing up.

"No. He's fine. I'll seal him up to prevent him from bleeding out though."

"Good."

The man in the fedora grabbed Rosalign and hoisted her onto his shoulder. "Let's go. Lane, can you stand?"

"Yeah" he answered tying a tourniquet onto his severed arm. "Marie, can you repair my arm?"

"Oh most definitely. I did my own and yours is a far cleaner cut."

"Thanks."

Ciruolo sighed. "Let's get going. Our mission was a success."

**Now this one I actually didn't base off any fight that I can think of. Some of these characters are new ideas as well.**

**Lane= ?**

**Ciruolo= ?**

**Marie Winter= Medusa (Soul Eater)**

**Rosalign Rubity= Red (RWBY)**

**And Jessup, I decided to make him like that since he's no longer a boot-licker anymore. He's fully embraced being a badass. **

**Jessup= ?**

**Let me know how you felt about this one. And yes, there will be more of both of these guys in the future.**


	40. Chapter 40: Parry

Lilith slammed her fist into the table. "Son of a bitch!"

They all jumped at her outburst.

"Something the matter?" inquired Stanton Dahl.

"I just got a report from our outposts that had been attacked. Rocko and Jessup have both been captured."

"What about Cithara?" asked Mordecai.

"He's okay, somehow. I thought at least Rocko would've lasted."

"Where are they being taken?" questioned Nicholas Vladof.

"Some prison ship in orbit. The _Iron Penitentiary_."

"Ah shit. Bellum's got somma my men on dat ship" stated Montgomery Jakobs inhaling his cigarette.

"Same here" added Stanton.

"My men can't be captured alive" said Nicholas proudly. "They go down fighting."

"Well that's well and good, but we have people to rescue obviously" interrupted Lilith.

"Send the new guys" advised Mordecai.

"They have proven their competence" agreed Stanton.

"Their skills are most satisfactory" said Nicholas.

"Dey can get shit done" spoke Montgomery.

Baldemar smiled. "Just point us in the right direction."

"I can hack into the _Iron Penitentiary_'s systems and configure a Fast Travel to hook up there" said Gaige. "I'll be over shortly."

She waved cutely. "I'll see ya there Knight."

"I guess we will" said Baldemar.

"Ugh, can you stop rubbing your girlfriend in my face?" asked Dion.

"You got Tina."

"No I don't."

"You just wish you did" murmured Saprus.

"Shut the hell up! What do you know!?"

Stanton chuckled. "Amusing."

"Boring" murmured Nicholas. "I want to watch something get slaughtered."

"Wanna check some of my diaries?" inquired Friedan. "I recorded a good chunk of Krieg's later battles for use from the medical staff that were attempting to rehabilitate him."

"How did that go?" questioned Wolfenstein, The Captain.

"Not too bad. I have attained near-complete control over him. I have to let him out occasionally though."

"I'm grateful to have such a powerful ally" stated The Captain. "It is better to be friends with a dangerous man than his enemy."

"I wrote that line" stated Nicholas Vladof.

"You did. I read it. Good book."

"Thanks. The original manuscript was made in blood. Partially my own, mostly of prisoners of war."

"Ironic, considering how it was about ending war as soon as possible."

The CEO of Vladof burst into laughter. "Yeah, I thought it was freaking hilarious."

Montgomery smirked. "You're funny when you aren't decapitating people."

"Actually I'm funnier" objected Nicholas. "I can show you if you let me go kill that goose-stepping, sig-heiling motherfucker Josef."

"And we will" promised Lilith. "I want a piece of him though."

"I just want the head" said Vladof. "I'm putting it right on my fireplace. Alongside that whore Maliwan too."

"I want Tediore's" murmured Montgomery Jakobs.

"I'll take the organs" said Baskerville.

"You are all free to take those things" offered Stanton Dahl. "Let's just concentrate on getting our men out of that prison ship."

* * *

"Screwdriver" stated Gaige holding out her robotic hand.

Baldemar handed it over, her designated assistant for this operation.

"Wrench."

He handed it over.

"Kiss" she said extending the left side of her face.

He grinned and planted a small one on her cheek.

"Thank you" she replied continuing her work.

"It was a pleasure."

"How is it going?" inquired Captain Wolfenstein.

"If you weren't being so goddamn anal about it, I'd be done right now" she spat. "Though I kinda like anal."

"Good to know" murmured the inventor.

"Shut up" ordered Dion. "That shit's just disgusting."

"Anal or our conversation in general?" asked Gaige.

"Both. So shut the hell up!"

"Grouchy. You really want to get into Tina's pants, don't you?"

"Why is everyone saying that!?" yelled the Titan.

"Cause it's true" muttered Saprus.

"It better not be you fucker."

They all turned and saw two familiar faces in the doorway.

"Holy shit Mel and Del" murmured Taika. "What are you two doing here?"

The twins were dressed in their typical garb, but it was obvious they were related. They also were carrying two large swords on their opposite shoulders, the saw-blade claymores. Apparently they weren't bothered by this, since they had armor plating on their shoulders just for that purpose.

"I came to help with smuggling supplies to help the Raiders" stated Del.

"I came here to kill shit" explained Mel. "Del's here for sightseeing."

"Fuck off" spat the younger brother. "We are one of the best combatants that can be used in battle, but that's not our primary usage."

"It's good to have you here" said Captain Wolfenstein. "Both of you."

"Yeah. I wish my beloved was here though" murmured Mel.

"Please. She's not into you" commented Del. "You ever read that book?"

"I did. I don't see the similarities."

The younger brother sighed. "You are an idiot sometimes."

"Yeah, I kinda am" admitted Mel.

Gaige exclaimed victoriously and slid the panel on the Fast Travel Station back into place. "It's good. You have to use it in ten minutes or the ship will move out of place."

"Out of place?" repeated Taika.

"I had to make it so that it configured to a coordinate that the ship travels to, since connecting to the ship itself was impossible. You'll technically appear in the middle of space, so bring a helmet."

"And what makes it that we won't land in the middle of a closet and get stuck?" asked Dion.

"I made it to teleport you above the ship, so you'll fall onto it. Trust me, my math is solid."

"It is" defended Baldemar. "I checked it myself."

"Good" said Saprus. "Ten minutes, correct?"

"You got it, masked dude."

"Let's get prepared" stated Taika. "I can't wait to do this thing."

**So that's a few things there. Baldemar/Gaige is mostly canon by now, but Dion/Tina or Mel/Tina is still being debated. **

**Oh, and The Captain is named Wolfenstein. Useful fact. **

**One more note: The reason Lilith was so surprised is because Jessup and Rocko are the equivalent of Level 61's. That's why they had to be swarmed with such high-level fighters.**


	41. Chapter 41: Heavy Metal King

"Yo guard, can I get some water?"

"Shut up."

"Ah man, that ain't cool. What kinda fucked up prison doesn't even give their inmates a goddamn toilet to sip out of? Seriously, I'd take that if you offered."

"Shut up, I said!"

"Oh blow it out your ass! I'm the one who should be pissed off. You captured me, remember?"

The guard groaned and stormed off.

"Hey, where you going?" taunted Jessup from behind the bars of his cell. "I haven't finished talking to you!"

"Stop being such an idiot" spat one of the other prisoners in the block. It appeared to be a member of the Dahl military. "You're going to get yourself killed."

"I'd like to see them try" stated the Raider. "Even without my katana, I can still kickass."

"Yo bitch, don't be testing the line" said Rocko from inside his cell. "These bitches ain't foolin', you really will die."

Jessup smirked. "Fine. I'll shut up."

He glanced at the other prisoner. "What's your name?"

"Sergeant Valentine of the Dahl Space Corps" replied the man.

"Nice. I'm Jessup."

"I know. The Raiders talked about you."

Valentine pointed to Rocko. "You too."

"What they be saying? Don't tell me they be hating."

"No, they admire you both. Apparently you're top resources."

"Probably why these cock-lickers wanted to capture us" muttered Jessup. "You hear me bitches!? Why don't ya come in here and take what you can get! Come on, I'm sagging right now!"

"Shut up!" snapped Valentine. "These guys dissected a prisoner right in front of us last time there was a smartass like you!"

"Dissected? What kinda sick fucks they let run this ship?" inquired the Raider.

"Some crazy-fuck doctor" muttered the Sergeant. "She's freaking psycho."

"Thank you for saying so, Mr. Valentine."

They all stopped as Colonel Doctor Marie Winter walked in, this time without her bladed gauntlets. Instead, she was carrying a tool bag in her fist with a large mat under her arm.

"Brought your BDSM kit?" inquired Jessup cheekily. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me."

She smirked. "Good."

She rolled the mat across the floor and put her tool kit down. Opening it, she slowly began placing various tools to the side of the mat. There were hacksaws, scalpels, drills, needles, tongs, gouges, and all manners of equipment that looked more in place at a morgue than a hospital.

"Something tells me she isn't gonna take our temperature" murmured Jessup.

"That's correct" she replied examining one of her scalpels. She glanced at Valentine. "Bring him."

Two guards walked over to the cell and opened it. Grabbing the Sergeant, they threw him onto the mat.

Valentine glared at her. "Looking good snatch."

"Ah, someone's blushing" she murmured pulling down her blouse a little more.

"Shut up" he snapped turning his face away from her bosom.

"Oh don't be embarrassed. You can stare at it. Well, until I rip out your eyes of course. Tell you what; I'll cut you a break. I'll let you keep your eyes last. That way you have something comforting to stare at while I dissect you. Deal?"

"Bring it slut. I can take anything you dish out."

She grinned. "I bet you can."

She mused to herself as the man was strapped to the ground. "Which place should I cut first? The legs maybe? I usually work from bottom up, but I feel like changing it up today."

"Try his arms!" offered Jessup.

"Fuck you!" roared Valentine. "I hope she dissects you next! In fact, I wouldn't mind being killed as long as she does it to you!"

"Oh don't be ridiculous" stated Marie. "Of course I'm going to dissect him. We have to figure out how he got so strong, so they're letting me take him apart. Same with most of the men here."

Valentine grinned. "Fine by me. Go on ahead."

She nodded. "Of course. Now, what should I cut?"

A soldier tapped her on the shoulder.

"What is it? Or do you have an idea on what I should get at first?" she inquired hastily.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but there appears to be a problem" he said awkwardly.

"So is there a problem or does it just look like it? I'm kinda busy here" she said impatiently.

"Ma'am, I wouldn't be interrupting your important inquiry if it wasn't important."

"Good point."

She sighed. "Damn it. Oh well."

She snapped her fingers. "Take Mr. Valentine back to his cage. But first…"

She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.

Valentine spat to the side after it was done. "You taste like blood and cum."

"Owned!" roared Jessup.

Marie smirked. "Goodbye test subject. I hope to see you again."

She grabbed her tools and quickly slid them into her bag. Rolling up the mat, she departed promptly.

"Well that was freaking close" muttered Jessup.

"You got that crap right man, I thought the shit had hit the fan" said Rocko.

Valentine was leaning on the wall of his cell, panting slightly. "Shit, I didn't act like it, but I was freaking terrified. She never uses morphine, and she loves it when you scream as she takes out your organs."

"Sounds like my kinda lady" muttered Jessup. "Or maybe Cithara would prefer her."

"Yeah man" agreed the rapping Slab. "That crazy SOB, would love that insane C."

"Whose Cithara?" inquired Valentine.

"One of our top guys" answered the Raider. "One of the craziest and coolest motherfuckers you'll ever meet."

"Thanks for the compliment" murmured one of the guards.

Jessup's eyes widened, then he grinned. "Damn. Took you long enough."

"Of course. I had to wait for the Vault Hunters to make a distraction for me to do this" whispered the guard.

"Didn't know about that, but that's good. When do ya strike?"

The guard reached down to the ground, and calmly moved one of the tiles in the floor. Reaching inside the floor, he extracted what appeared to be a guitar case.

"Right now" said Lupus Cithara standing up. He put the case to his shoulder like a gun, removing his helmet in one motion.

He waved his black hair out of his face, shuffling the red prayer beads on his neck. His face had two tattoos on it, blood red tear lines running from under his eyes all the way down to his neck. Along both of his eyebrows were piercings made of some kind of bones, one on each side. His eyes were bright gold and his skin was deathly pale. He looked like some kind of metal singer that had decided to add some color to his outfit instead of opting for all black.

He braced the guitar case and grinned. "Pow, pow, pow."

The end of the case exploded and released a huge bullet of air right into a guard's back. He collapsed and exploded, like a grenade had been fired into him.

Lupus kept firing, not even bothering to aim. He turned and fired again, using a huge torrent of sound waves to knock them down.

Once the cell block was clear, he removed the object from its case. It looked like a specially adapted guitar, since it had a huge blade on one side near the base. He slid it onto his shoulder calmly and grabbed one of the fallen weapons from the guards.

"SMG" he murmured. "It'll do. Gotta let my baby rest."

"What song you thinking of right now?" asked Jessup grinning.

"Uh…"

The guitarist paused, stroking his chin calmly. "I'm thinking of that song from _Gun Sex_. You know my third album. What song is it, goddamn it? Oh yeah! 'Flechette Cocktail'! That's what I got in mind!"

"Nice. I love that song" said Jessup.

"Thanks. I made it when I got in a bar fight on Eden-4."

"Listen, this conversation is just sublime" stated Valentine sarcastically, "but I really want to get out of here."

"Oh, course. I was ordered to rescue all you chumps."

Lupus threw off the guard uniform, revealing his true outfit. It was a long black jacket with metal straps running all across it with a similar pair of pants. He really did look like he belonged in a metal band, complete with his guitar case on his back.

He strode over to a counsel in the middle of the room and slammed the biggest button he could find.

All the doors to the cells opened and the prisoners stepped out.

Suddenly the door at the end of the block was forced open and someone came rushing in.

"Booyah!" roared Dion holding two SMG's in his fists. "Come on!"

He stopped, noticing the dead guards. "Uh…"

"Well you must be the new Vault Hunters" said Lupus leaning on the console.

"I'm one of them, yeah. Who are you?"

"Apologies. Lupus Cithara, otherwise known as the Heavy Metal King."

He lit a cigarette and exhaled a bit of smoke. "Sorry about stealing your thunder kid. I was ordered to make sure these guys got out. To be honest, we weren't sure you would get here. We weren't taking chances."

"That's just great" spat Baldemar. "We try to be cool and we get showed up."

"Don't be offended. Rocko and Jessup are my cargo" explained Lupus. "You all still have to rescue everyone else. I was sent just to make sure they got out."

Jessup chuckled. "I hate to be an ass, but shouldn't we help the other prisoners? I mean, that shit ain't right."

"Sorry dude, can't allow it" said the guitarist. "We gotta go."

Rocko strode in. "We're helping them."

"Holy shit you're a Titan!" yelled Dion.

"Yeah. What about it?" The Raider paused. "Oh. You're a Titan too."

"Hell yeah I am!"

Dion rubbed his forehead. "Damn! I never thought I'd meet another so early! What's your type? How have you been doing with your addictions?"

"Whoa kid, just chill. This really ain't the place for that, you dig?"

"Well he's not what I expected out of a Titan" murmured Saprus.

"Course I ain't" replied Rocko.

"Listen, we gotta move" stated Lupus. "I have to get these guys to a pod. You all can clear the rest of the ship."

"What should we do?" inquired Taika.

"Well you could take over the ship and make it for the Raiders, but this is a prison ship and not that useful" said Valentine. "So the best option is to load up any vehicles you can and scuttle it in space."

"How do we scuttle a ship in orbit?" asked Baldemar.

"Blow it the fuck up" answered Jessup.

"Yeah" agreed Lupus. "Good luck new guys. Hope to work with ya as equals sometime. Who knows? I am still a Vault Hunter."

He slid a new clip into his stolen SMG. "Come on you two. I got a mission to complete."

"Fine" murmured Rocko.

"Fuck, I was hoping on killing that bitch doctor" spat Jessup.

"I loved writing that song" said Lupus.

"You wrote a song called 'Bitch Doctor'?" questioned Dion.

"Yeah" replied the guitarist. "My fourth album, _Whore Plaque_. Five of the songs got Gold, the rest getting Silver. One of my best works."

"Well that's nice, but don't you have somewhere to go?" inquired Taika.

"Course ma'am." Lupus snuffed the cigarette on the console. "Bye, bye now."

Then he walked off with his two mission targets in tow.

**If you're wondering what Lupus looks like take Ulquiorra Cifer (Bleach), Azuma Genkaku (Deadman Wonderland) and Nergal (Behemoth) and combine them together. Yeah, pretty interesting right?**

**Oh, and his artistic style is almost exactly like Cannibal Corpse with some Celldweller mixed in. Needless to say I'm having fun writing this guy. **


	42. Chapter 42: Will You Be My Valentine?

"That was total bullshit" spat Dion. "We get sent to clear the ship, and Lilith sends in another guy without even telling us? That's crap."

"It's tactics" explained Baldemar. "Send in a primary force as distraction, than use a covert agent to do the most important objective. The primary force then does the secondary ones after the agent's cover is blow."

"Why didn't she tell us though?"

"Well the chances of us getting in contact were low to impossible" said Saprus. "The fact that we did probably was not meant to happen. That doesn't justify why we weren't informed about it though."

Taika shrugged. "No point in complaining about it. We just continue with the mission. We still have our objective, secondary as it might be."

Saprus nodded. "Indeed. There must be a master control somewhere that we can open all the cells. And it probably has the controls for the escape pods."

"Any good ship would have one" said Baldemar. "Remember that Diffusion Symbiosis?"

"Yeah. This time I won't charge in and get sucked out into space" stated Dion. He glanced back in his memory to that time. Man that was kinda fun. Getting sucked out into space when he was clearing the Diffusion Symbiosis was number 7 on his Top 10 Things That Nearly Killed Dion list, right behind a hamburger milkshake and before a rubber band strapped to a goat.

"Good. That was funny when you did that though" commented Taika.

"It really was" added Saprus.

"You all suck! I nearly died!" roared the Titan.

"Hence why it was so funny" jabbed Baldemar.

"Yeah it kinda was" murmured Dion. "I was laughing when I did it too."

Saprus chuckled. "Can we go now?"

"Course."

Sergeant Valentine walked forward, mounting a large machine gun to his shoulder. "Let's go."

"Wait, they left you?" inquired Baldemar.

"I'm not that important" he answered honestly. "But I can help ya'll. Let's get to that main bridge. I know this ship inside and out from my spies."

They began walking down the hall, the prisoners arming themselves up as well.

"Get to the escape pods" ordered Valentine. "I'll get them working in a moment. Meet up with Lupus when you get there. No doubts he's already there with his cargo."

"You know that guy?" questioned Dion.

"As of five minutes ago, yes. I've heard his music though. He's pretty good. A strange mix of death metal and techno. Pretty brutal stuff to listen to."

"For example?"

"Well his best songs are 'Eviscermasturbation', 'Mutilation of The Plaque' and 'Oral with a Shotgun'. They're just as brutal and disturbing as they sound, and they're freaking awesome."

Taika nearly vomited. "That sounds disgusting."

"That sounds like some damn good tunes" stated Dion.

"Interesting music" murmured Saprus.

"I'm more of a country rocker" commented Baldemar.

"Well it's good stuff. Got tons of awards on Promethea for how downright gross it can be" explained Valentine as he walked further into the cell blocks. "I got all of the albums on my SDU."

"Can I borrow them?" inquired Dion.

"If we survive this shit" muttered the Sergeant. "I'm pretty sure the warden figured out what's going on."

"Warden? What's he like?" asked Baldemar.

"His name's Lane. He's got some weird grenade shit that apparently uses gravity. He was one of the guys who kidnapped Jessup."

"How powerful is he?"

"Well he did lose an arm, but he succeeded in his mission. Not to mention that crazy bitch doctor managed to sew it back onto him."

"If my previous experiences are worth a damn, he'll be on the main bridge" said Saprus. "Now the doctor, I have no idea. If our luck is bad, they're both there. If our luck is good, only the warden will be there."

"How's that bad?" wondered Dion. "That means there's more people to kill."

"Those two are incredibly powerful. Way out of your league. The fact that they captured Jessup and Rocko is proof on how powerful they are" explained the sergeant.

"They didn't get Lupus though" pointed out Taika.

"That's because Lupus was hiding. They couldn't find him so they left."

Baldemar smirked. "Pussy."

"Well he is rescuing them" defended Taika.

"He's still a pussy for avoiding the battle."

"Agreed" added Dion.

"Can you all just shut up already?" inquired Valentine. "The bridge is coming up."

They stopped when they reached a long hallway running vertically down the entire ship. Looking down, they noticed that directly in their path were dozens of soldiers in barricades.

"Well shit" muttered Valentine. "They're in our way."

Dion grinned. "So many people to kill and it's not even my birthday!"

Baldemar joined him, hoisting a large electric assault rifle he had picked up. "Wanna go, best buddy?"

"You bet pal."

Valentine sighed. "I guess I'll step with ya."

Taika loaded her sniper rifle and summoned Roosevelt. "I'll hang back here."

"As will I" said Saprus bringing out a corrosive SMG.

"Good. Now…let's go!" roared Dion. He charged up his arms and began firing beams down the hallway.

"Right!" agreed Baldemar summoning his Clone. This time it had an assault rifle equipped, with the pistol hooked to its hip.

Saprus blasted a soldier with Plaque IX and quickly shot him in the head. When he did that, the soldier exploded into a cloud of the disease and spread it to those around him.

"Mutation noted" he murmured. "Probably should get that checked out."

Taika kept firing her rifle, than glanced over at Roosevelt. Giving a swift nod, she crouched down.

"Everyone! Hit the deck!" she ordered.

"What?" asked Dion glancing back at her.

The wyvern landed on the floor and reared back its head. Opening its jaws wide, it fired a huge beam that covered the hallway. Needless to say the soldiers in the way practically disintegrated. Which was also a bad thing since Dion was still there.

"Oh shit!" shouted Valentine. "He isn't dead is he?!"

"THAT WAS AWESOME!" exclaimed the Titan standing up from the floor. His suit was smoking and the left arm sleeve was completely gone. Even still, he didn't look injured at all.

The Sergeant stared at him wide-eyed. "Who is this guy?"

"Our tank" answered Baldemar. "There's a reason we let him go first."

"Fuck yeah there is!" shouted the Titan. "Come on Roosevelt! Fire another beam! I can take it!"

"You're lucky you survived that one" said the wyvern blankly.

"And?! Come on! Try it again!"

Roosevelt slammed its head into the wall. "My lady, I am surrounded by idiots."

"I know that feel Roosevelt, believe me" replied Taika.

"Same here" murmured Valentine.


	43. Chapter 43: Bullet For My Valentine

Warden Lane stood in front of the monitors on the main bridge of the Iron Penitentiary, in full attire. Strapped to his back was his canister of grenades, complete with the dispenser system hooked up to his left arm. He also had his arm back where it belonged and didn't seem any worse for wear.

"Colonel Doctor, it's odd how you leave right when we get attacked" he said snarling. "Is there a connection?"

Marie Winter, the woman on the monitor, grinned. "No there is not. I simply had ot get back to our great leader. I'm done with those prisoners. Besides, I can't risk myself getting killed in a riot, which is apparently what's going on."

"And the reason you shut off the Fast Travel hooked up to my ship?"

"Oh, that was our leader's doing. We didn't want any of the prisoners from getting our base. Or the Crimson Raiders from finding out where it was. We couldn't allow that sort of thing, you understand."

"And you didn't destroy the escape pods because…?"

Marie Winter glanced at him confused. "What do you mean? They are destroyed."

"Bitch, I can read my own damn ship. They're all there. Granted they're still under my control, but they are all functional."

Marie scowled. "Shit. Something's gone amuck."

"I have a ship full of rebelling prisoners and now you saw something's amuck?"

"Oh please. We figured that sort of thing would happen. Why do you think we stationed a man as powerful as you on that ship?"

Lane growled. "This is bullshit and you know it. We went through all this effort to capture Rocko and Jessup and now you abandon the ship? What are you planning?"

"Me? I am planning nothing. Oh but there is one detail you should be aware of…"

* * *

Dion threw a soldier into a wall and promptly blasted a hole in his stomach. Throwing his body aside, he began pumping the gun into the rest around him.

Taika landed a critical hit and reloaded her sniper rifle. Pulling out her machete, she slashed a mook across the chest.

Baldemar fried a Bellum warrior with his electrical gun and slid in a new mag. Sighing, he flicked several buttons to fully reload the device.

Saprus blasted another man with a bolt of Plaque and let him wither in a pool of agony. Calmly grabbing the fallen man's gun, he slid it into his SDU.

"So they barricaded the door" muttered Valentine.

"Is it a problem?" inquired Taika.

"Well do any of you have any explosives?"

Dion pulled out a grenade. "Will this do?"

"Got any more?"

The Titan extracted five.

"Perfection" said the Sergeant grabbing them. Wrapping his belt around them, he placed the bundle on the foot of the door.

"You all may want to get back" advised Valentine backing up.

They moved away from the door, than something on the other side of the door exploded.

"What up assholes?" asked Warden Lane walking out of the bridge. Spinning his staff, he tossed another grenade right at them.

Dion took the blast dead-on and kept shooting. Grunting in effort, he bashed the warden in the face.

Lane backed up and digistructed a grenade in his palm. Gripping it tightly, he let it exploded right there.

The Titan flew into the ground, slamming his head against the wall. He was bleeding ever so slightly and was dizzier than a sidewinder on a carousel.

"Fuck" he murmured. "That was the harshest high I've ever had."

Saprus grabbed him and helped him back to his feet. "You okay?"

"Well I feel like I got blended into a protein shake, but I think I'll do."

Baldemar emptied his gun at the Warden, noting his powerful shield. It was like trying to hit a steel wall.

Lane threw a grenade at him and digisustrcted antoher. "Is this it? Is this really all the new generation has? I had thought you'd at least make it interesting for me."

Dion snarled. "Shut up."

The warden glanced at him curiously. "Oh?"

The Titan was panting from the recent wounds, and smoking from the explosions, but he stood tall.

"Never…underestimate…us!" roared Dion. His eyes glowed bright green along with his tattoos. "Let's kill this motherfucker!"

Baldemar nodded. "Aye!"

He summoned his Clone to the side and braced a shotgun along with his assault rifle. It wasn't like he was going to miss at that range.

Saprus blasted Lane with his Plaque IX and raised an Incendiary Maliwan pistol alongside his Corrosive Dahl SMG.

Taika pulled out her huge Torgue Rocket Launcher, grinning madly.

"Oh shit!" shouted Dion. "She's got that face on!"

She chuckled lowly. "I love my job."

Then she fired.

"This shit is so familiar!" exclaimed Baldemar sliding into cover.

The rocket exploded violently against the warden's shield, sending it collapsing down. He grunted in pain and glared at her.

"His shield is down! Load that bitch up!" ordered the huntress.

"Yes ma'am!" cried Valentine unloading his machine gun.

Lane raised a huge grenade in his hand, one that was three times as large as the other ones. In other words, the size of a beach ball.

"Boom" he murmured crushing it in his fist.

The hallway expanded outwards as it took the force, denting the walls and floor. It looked like a giant ice-cream scoop had swooped in and taken a chunk out of the hall.

The Vault Hunters and Sergeant were lying a good distance down the hall, reeling from the blast. They were all alive, for the most part, but it definitely had hurt something awful.

Lane walked calmly towards them, not even scathed by the blast. His shield was still down, but he didn't seem injured.

"Your words before were hollow, weren't they?" inquired the warden.

Dion looked up and smirked. "No."

Lane stopped, then looked at his feet. At least thirty grenades were under his boots, all of the pins pulled.

"Well shit" he muttered.

"I hope you like grenade spam you bastard!" roared Baldemar.

The grenades blew, tearing Lane to pieces. There wasn't even any chunks through the air, since they burned him down to ash and even beyond that to atoms.

"That actually worked" muttered Dion.

"Spamming grenades is always a good idea" pointed out Saprus. "It's an undeniable rule of battle."

"Well I'm glad it did something" said Valentine. "Now let's get this shit working."

He strode into the bridge and looked around. "Okay, the master controls are…here!"

He grabbed a switch and threw it.

"Now the prisoners are out. We just have to get the escape pods working and…"

"Hello gentlemen" spoke Colonel Doctor Marie Winter from the monitor.

"Hi bitch. Your little friend failed' taunted Valentine.

"Failed? Oh there was no doubts. But our great leader is not worried about that. We got a report that Lupus Cithara is on board that ship right now. Along with Rocko and Jessup, and the newest generation of Vault Hunters. Now what would be the most tactical and logical option?"

Saprus's eyes widened from behind his mask. "We gotta get out, now!"

"Why?" inquired Dion.

"They're scuttling the ship for us!" roared the infected. "They're going to kill all of us in one blow!"

"Correct" said the doctor grinning. "You have one minute. Goodbye."

Valentine instantly threw the switch to the escape pods and grabbed the microphone to the intercom.

"Attention everyone, get your asses to the escape pod! To all the Bellum idiots, your asses are about to be blown up! Drop your shit and get out of here! Fuck our fight; we need to get out of here right now!"

He slid his machine gun into his SDU and began running. "Get moving! One minute and we all die!"

"We got space suits" defended Taika sprinting alongside him.

"You do? Perfect!"

He reached over to a nearby air-lock and opened it.

"Get in!"

"What about you?" asked Baldemar.

"Don't worry about me! You all need to go! You'll slow me down anyway! Just go!"

He threw them into the airlock and smiled softly. He didn't look like a guy trying to survive anymore. "I'll try to hold off the explosives so the others can get out."

"Don't be an idiot Valentine!" shouted Dion.

"I'm not. I'm just a brave, stupid motherfucker' he answered smirking. "Sorry Dion, but I won't be able to get you those albums. See ya on the other side, whatever the hell that is."

He sealed the door quickly, offering one final smirk before leaving.

"Valentine!" roared Dion smashing his fist into the door. "You idiot!"

He sighed and looked at his feet. "You brave, stupid idiot."

"We have to go" urged Taika. "Otherwise his sacrifice will be in vain."

"Agreed" said Saprus. "I hate leaving him, but we must."

The Titan nodded and slid his helmet from his SDU. Placing it on his head, he tightened it down.

"Let's go" he said feeling a tear slip from his eyes.


	44. Chapter 44: The Mockingbird

"Glad to hear that it went well" said Lilith sipping a glass of water.

"Well? We nearly lost our new guys and three of our most valuable resources" spat Baskerville. He actually looked rather ticked off, which was fairly unusual for him.

"But they all got out."

Dion marched in, clearly pissed off. His eyes were actually glowing from rage, and his tattoos were beginning to light up.

"You seem mad" murmured the Siren.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us Lupus was helping?" he demanded. "If I had known that, I would've gotten to that bridge ASAP instead of fucking around in the cell blocks! And if I had, Valentine wouldn't have…"

He snarled. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Baldemar stormed in with him. "Stand down Dion. This shit ain't worth it."

"Fuck off. Valentine died because of this bitch right in front of me."

Baskerville snarled in warning.

"Screw yourself Pup. Your little girlfriend got a man killed."

"That's part of the chain of command" defended Baldemar. "I've had to do the same."

"Well I haven't" spat the Titan. "I never leave a man behind. Not once."

"What are you talking about?" inquired Lilith. She looked legitimately surprised by his statements, like she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Lupus had already secured Rocko and Jessup when we got there" said Taika walking in. "We wasted a good ten minutes trying to find those two and he already had them under his wing."

"Why was Lupus there?" asked the Siren.

"Don't you know?" snapped Dion.

"No, I don't. He's supposed to be back at his post."

They all paused.

"Are you saying he went rogue?" questioned Baskerville.

"It's beginning to look like it."

"Well fuck!" roared the Titan. "Now I don't even know who to be angry with now!"

Lupus suddenly walked in, carrying his guitar case. The man also had his prayer beads and long coat intact

"You'll do!" yelled Dion pulling out his shotgun.

The guitarist opened his case and placed his guitar against the Titan's neck. "Stand down. Don't blame me for Valentine's death."

"Why shouldn't I? Why were you at the ship?"

"I did your damn job for you and you're yelling at me?"

"You got Valentine killed! He stayed behind to let your dumb ass out!"

Lupus snarled. "Bitch, I was ordered to do that. I thought you knew."

"A three-way communication error" murmured Saprus. "Something isn't right. Someone wanted to screw us up."

"Oh you're all correct" said a voice from the doorway.

They turned and saw Captain Wolfenstein was holding what appeared to be a sack. He was covered in blood and his right arm was dripping with gore.

"What happened?" asked Lilith.

"I caught this thing here messing with our equipment" he answered. "Apparently he sent the orders to Lupus to go with the mission. Because of this piece of shit, we lost Valentine."

"The sack?" inquired Dion.

"No."

Wolfenstein threw the sack to the ground, revealing that it was a curled up person. The person was a boy, barely twelve. His hair was pink and he wore a long burlap shirt over his body. He looked like an orphan and vagabond, since he was clearly unwashed.

"This little shit did all this?" murmured Baskerville. "He looks more like a doormat than anything else."

"I apologize for what I caused" said the boy standing up. He revealed his eyes, which were completely white.

"An apology doesn't get you out of this you bitch. This ain't a playground" spat Dion charging up his left fist.

"You're correct. Dion, take his head" ordered Lilith.

The boy chuckled. "Do you even want to know who sent me?"

They all stopped.

"Continue" ordered Wolfenstein. "Or I'll tear out your pancreas and consume it."

The boy chuckled. "My name is Mockingbird. I'm from Bellum."

"Well I heard enough. I'll take your pancreas now" said the Captain far too calmly. His eyes changed to crimson red, similar to Baskerville's.

"But I have information. Imagine what I know. I'm everywhere in that company."

Lilith snarled. "What do you want, you little shit?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just safe travel."

"We're not taking you back to your people. At best, we'll drop your ass in the Southern Shelf butt-naked."

"Well I guess that'll have to do" murmured Mockingbird.

"Start talking" demanded the Siren.

"My great leader wanted me to lead as many people onto that ship as possible. That's why I did it the way I did. By sending in Lupus and distracting the Vault Hunters by not changing their orders, I guaranteed that they'd be there longer. So when the explosives went off, we'd get all of them in one shot. The fact that they escaped via airlock was overlooked. I warned him, but my leader didn't listen to me."

"You didn't get me either" snapped Lupus.

"Of course. Your man, Valentine somehow managed to delay our explosives. All the prisoners escaped, and we didn't take a single one of you. And we lost Mr. Lane."

He pouted. "You Vault Hunters are too strong."

"You don't play fair" defended Baldemar.

"True enough."

"How did he trick you Lupus? I only give orders by word of mouth" stated Lilith.

Mockingbird grinned. "Want me to show you?"

They looked at him curiously. What could he possibly do that would justify what he did?

The boy shifted uncomfortably, jittering ever so slightly. His skin bubbled and his hair expanded outwards, changing color as it did so. He screamed in pain and grabbed at his head, his fingers and arms breaking and repairing themselves in the same motion.

When he looked up, it looked like two copies of Lilith had appeared on the other side of the table.

"Holy shit" murmured Baskerville.

"So that's why they call him Mockingbird" muttered Wolfenstein.

The fake-Lilith grinned. "Indeed." He even had the same voice as her, right down to the same tone and pitch.

"This is surreal" murmured the real Siren.

Mockingbird shifted, then returned to his normal form. "I apologize for what I did. I was trying to have some fun."

"You consider this fun?" questioned Saprus.

"Oh, loads of fun. What reason besides having fun is there for anything in this world? Everything else is kinda stupid. This love of war or peace on either side is just so boring. I prefer a simpler approach. As long as it's fun, I'll do it. It doesn't matter how sinful or pure or even logical it is. I will do anything to have fun. I joined Bellum to see how it was. While this last assignment was fun, I must admit that I know how this is going to go. War is not fun. I found that out a year ago. So you can count me out."

Lilith smirked. "And what makes you think we'll let you live? Your abilities are incredibly dangerous."

"You're correct. But whoever said that it is I who stands before you?"

They all paused and Mockingbird exploded into a puddle of blood, staining the floor.

"Holy shit!" exclaimed Baskerville.

Wolfenstein snarled. "I knew it. He substituted with a clone here while I was beating him senseless. I'm amazed he did it though."

"Can we take his word on staying out of the war?" asked Lilith.

"None whatsoever. He changed his story three times while I talked to him."

Baskerville grinned. "You eat any organs of his?"

"I was tempting it."

Taika glanced at him. "You're a wereskag too, aren't you?"

"How'd you know?"

The huntress smiled. "Your teeth."

"Ah. Yes, I am similar to Baskerville."

"Not too similar" said Baskerville. "I'm smart, sexy and badass. You're about two of those things."

"Which ones?" questioned Wolfenstein.

"I don't fucking know!"

The Captain chuckled. "Fine. What shall we do now?"

"First, we're cleaning that puddle of shit off my carpet" said Lilith glancing at the pile of gore. "Second, we're increasing our guards. I don't want anyone getting to any sensitive equipment without full ID checks and confirmation from three different sources, myself included. Third, I want some goddamn tequila."

Baskerville grinned. "Understood ma'am."

Wolfenstein bowed. "Of course."

Lupus sighed. "Sorry ya'll. I should've seen that shit from a mile away."

"It's not your fault" objected Dion. "You had no idea. And neither did any of us. I hope I meet that piece of shit again so I can kill him myself though. For Valentine."

"Same" agreed Taika.

"I think we all do" added Saprus.


	45. Chapter 45: Drowning The Sorrow

"Give me a double. No, a triple" murmured Dion leaning dependently on the bar counter. He was nearly pass-out drunk by now, but he hadn't reached it. He was attempting to, needless to say.

Mad Moxxi smirked and placed another whisky shot. "Here you go cutie."

"Leave the bottle" he said handing her a wad of cash.

She chuckled. "Of course."

He gulped down the shot and began drinking straight out of the bottle, barely breathing.

"Damn. Haven't seen a man drink that much in a while" she mused aloud placing her elbows on the bar and supporting her head with her hands. "Any of your ladies giving you trouble?"

"I don't have any ladies" he muttered "What I got is a ton of problems."

"Well I figured that cutie" she said smiling. "No man drinks like that unless he hopes to pass out."

"Kinda what I'm going for" he stated dryly.

Someone joined him, shifting himself to get in a comfortable position on the stool.

"Oh, you're new" said Moxxi leaning forward proactively. "What's your poison handsome?"

"Bourbon" answered Lupus Cithara adjusting his guitar case on his shoulder. He still had his prayer beads and his long coat on, with his piercings in as well. He looked rather out of place, but so did a good chunk of the bar occupants.

"Classy" complimented the barmaid. "Just the drink?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Ma'am? Finally, a gentleman. There are so few of you nowadays."

She poured a shot of the brown alcohol and slid it over to him. "Here you go."

He nodded in thanks and sipped it.

"Why you here?" inquired Dion.

"Trying to write a song" replied Lupus.

"A song?"

"I write songs based on experiences I've had. I won't go into details, but they usually involve pretty tragic and brutal things."

The Titan nodded. "I know. I've heard about you. The Crimson Motherfucker right?"

"You even know my stage name. Yes, that's me."

"Shame. I was hoping on getting your albums. But…"

The Titan sighed. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Fine. I really don't wanna talk much either."

The guitarist poured another shot and kept going. "God, I haven't wrote a song in so long. My audience is getting pissed. It's been at least a month. You ever know what it's like for people to expect something out of you and you can't deliver, no matter how hard you try?"

"More than you'd imagine" murmured Dion.

"It sucks. I never should've become a musician."

"You fight pretty well for a musician" said the Titan.

"That's because I was born on Promethea."

"Damn. No wonder."

Lupus shifted his guitar case. "Built this baby myself. Makes art and kills motherfuckers. The perfect tool for a guy like me."

He glanced at the SMG on his hip. "Not that I don't mind getting other guns."

Dion took a huge gulp of whisky. "Man, I don't want your freaking biography. I'm trying to drown my sorrows."

"Whatever. Coming to a bar to get drunk is like driving a car to burn gas money. Sure it does what you are asking, but that's not what it was really meant for. You go to bars to meet other people."

"Well than I don't want to talk to you than" spat the Titan.

"Still mad at me? That shit wasn't my fault."

"No, I ain't mad at ya. I can't be angry for more than two hours. I just think you're an asshole in general."

"Touché" murmured the guitarist. "You got me. I am an asshole."

"Least you admit it."

"I can't deny what I am. No point."

Dion nodded. "Fine. I still hate your guts."

"That's cool. I could care less. I'm just trying to write some music."

The guitarist sipped his bourbon. "Goddamn it it's not working."

"Need some material to write on?" inquired Moxxi sensually leaning towards him.

"You probably shouldn't offer" said Lupus blankly. "I'm just as likely to kill you and make a song out of that."

She smirked. "I'd like to see you try."

"Oh don't tempt me. I can make a song out of practically anything at this point. Just need some inspiration."

He grinned. "But a woman like you…damn I could write some fine-ass chords from that."

"Smooth" murmured Dion cheekily.

"I never hide what I think. I get paid too much to hide my thoughts" explained the guitarist.

"You have to explain the tattoos though" said Moxxi leaning forward. "The ones under your eyes I mean. Are they tears?"

"Supposed to be" he stated rubbing one of them. "Tears of blood. That happened to me once. Really began to weep my own blood from my eyes. Hurt like a bitch."

"Why?"

"Not sure. I think it was a disease I had when I was a child. But they looked good on me, so I kept it."

"Got any more?" asked Moxxi grinning slyly.

He chuckled. "Not in the places you're thinking of."

"God I wanna hurl" murmured Dion. "Everybody's talking romance around me and it freaking reeks."

Moxxi calmly grabbed a bucket from underneath the bar and handed it to him. "Make sure to aim" she advised. "I hate mopping this place up."

He nodded and set it in front of him. "Thanks for that."

Lupus sighed. "I'm kinda jealous of you Vault Hunters. You all get to go out and kill shit and get loot and earn cash. And I'm stuck defending some asscrack in the Arid Nexus."

"You could join us" reminded Dion. "I hate ya now, but I'd probably warm up to you."

"Maybe. I go where I'm needed. They need me guarding the middle of fucking nowhere, I'll guard the middle of fucking nowhere."

He gulped another shot of bourbon. "Hopefully you four get something interesting. I gotta head back tomorrow to stare at freaking dust."

"Ha" spat Dion dryly.

"Ha yourself" snapped the guitarist narrowing his eyes.

Baldemar than showed up, sliding next to his teammate.

"You cool?" he asked slightly concerned.

"Drunk but fine" replied the Titan blankly. "Don't try to stop me."

"I was actually going to join you" said the inventor. He glanced at Moxxi. "I'll have an ale, pretty miss."

"Coming right up sugar" responded the barmaid walking to the back of the bar.

"I thought you were dating Gaige" murmured Dion. "Flirting with Moxxi will get your dick cut off."

Baldemar shifted uncomfortably, protecting his crotch from an invisible adversary. "I wasn't flirting. I was just being nice."

"That's being nice? I hate to see how you actually flirt" said the Titan chuckling.

Lupus smirked. "If you get killed by your old lady, I'm writing a song about it."

"Oh she's not old" chimed in Dion. "She's like…twelve."

Baldemar grabbed him by the throat and began to shake him violently. "Gaige is perfectly legal for me!"

"Are you sure?" inquired the Titan cheekily.

"Okay, this time I'm seriously going to kill you!"

"Bring it!"

"Boys, no fighting in my bar" stated Moxxi extracting a pistol from her ample bosom. It was a pink gun with multiple hearts on the surface, and it appeared to be an Incendiary.

"Whoa now" murmured Dion. "You wouldn't shoot me, would ya?"

She smirked. "Well you are incredibly cute. Tell you what, I'll shoot you in the chest so not to mess up your adorable face."

"Well I appreciate that" he said. "Now I kinda don't want to get shot Baldemar, so…"

"Fine" muttered the inventor letting him go. "I still don't appreciate that comment. I'm not even sure I'm going to date Gaige."

"Pussy" muttered Lupus.

"It ain't that!" yelled Baldemar. "I just…I had a fiancé once. Two year relationship, I was in love and seeing stars and shit. Then one day I walk in and find her in bed with my best friend."

"Damn!" exclaimed the Titan. "Did she like, try defend herself or something?"

"She did but it was all bullshit. I left and never saw her or my best friend again."

"I'd say that sucks, but I've heard worse" murmured Lupus.

"I didn't ask for pity. I'm not sure I want Gaige since I don't know if she'll be loyal to me."

Dion sighed. "My friend, let me shed some wisdom on you. She came after _you_, not the other way around. She wanted to prove herself to _you_, without asking you to do the same. That in itself should tell you everything you need to know."

The guitarist nodded. "Yeah man. I don't know shit about this situation, but your buddy's got a point."

Baldemar sighed and looked at Moxxi. "What do you think miss?"

She smirked. "Asking me for relationship advice? That's new. No one's ever done that."

She adjusted her hat for a moment. "As an expert lover of all types, I've had tons of experience. Normally the most loyal member of a relationship is the male. I can testify that I have cheated numerous times myself."

She smiled. "That doesn't mean Gaige will cheat on you. I hate to say it, but most guys are intimidated by her. Robotic arm, giant robot minion, probably insane. Those aren't exactly popular search options on dating sites."

"Really?" inquired Baldemar. "All that stuff actually turned me on."

"TMI" murmured Dion.

"Sorry."

"Anyway" interrupted Moxxi, "girls can get pretty _heated_ over their men when they care about the relationship. It's natural of course. We like to make sure our meat is safe."

Dion smirked. "Really?"

"Out of your league greenette" mocked Lupus.

"Screw you. I can bag Tina if I wanted to."

"But you won't. Because you're a bitch" stated Baldemar.

"Says the guy who wasn't willing to have sex with Gaige, the biggest nymphomaniac that may have ever visited Pandora!" yelled the Titan.

"I wasn't afraid to have sex with her! I wanted a legit relationship!"

"Now who's the one being a bitch?"

Moxxi chuckled and began wiping the counter. "Boys will be boys."

**Aaaand I finally got Moxxi in the story. Decided it was about time. And don't even ask about Claptrap. I got my own plans for that little sugarball. **


	46. Chapter 46: Little Bit of a Cluster F

**First day of school ladies and gentlemen! I hope it treated you well! If it didn't, well let's hope that this story helps you feel better. **

Lilith was analyzing data quickly on the main bridge of the _Crimson Falcon_, the Crimson Raiders newest flagship. In reality it was the _Diffusion Symbiosis_ with a fresh layer of paint and primer. It was the command center for them now, since it had taken a while to get it back to 100% capability. Now it was the equivalent of Sanctuary, minus the civilians.

"Status report Mordecai" she ordered swiping her hand to the left, allowing the monitor before her to flash to his signal. She was in front of at least twenty monitors, all of them wired to her hands, eyes and voice. It was complex but allowed her to work insanely fast. Since she was a Siren, she had little difficulty in doing using the machinery due to her high intelligence. It would be fun if they weren't in the middle of something.

"Doing fine Lilli" said the sniper through his com-link from down on the planet. "Bellum keeps sending waves and waves of guys after me, but that's no big deal. No heavy armor or anything so far. I'll keep the Highlands clear so you can concentrate on the other positions."

"Good. Hold position for and keep me posted."

"Of course."

This time, Bellum and its allies Tediore and Maliwan were now attacking them on all fronts. They had gone after virtually everything on the continent, something that no one had anticipated to do so early. The others were scrambling their troops to support them, but they had to hold the line for the moment.

"Status report Wolfenstein" she said simply.

"Tiberius Outpost is holding" replied the man calmly. He was actually on the monitor unlike the others, but had donned weapons for the occasion. His two pistols were now clearly visible, as well as a Jakobs sniper rifle on his back. "Gaige is providing technical assistance to keep the automated defenses up, with Mel assisting her with the shield. Del is currently holding off foot soldiers in the lower tunnels of the city. I myself am going on the topside to snipe critical targets."

"Understood. Proceed with your plan. Inform me if they start sending in something you can't handle so I can throw down support."

"Roger."

She glanced at the map. Tiberius Outpost, Sanctuary, Lynchwood, Overlook, it was all under hellfire. Thankfully they hadn't lost anything yet, but that didn't mean it would last.

"Tina, status" she spat.

"Hey whad up Lily-buns?" inquired the psychopathic child over the radio. Distant sounds of explosions were heard and what sounded like screaming. She was in Overlook constructing munitions due to its close proximity to various mines in the area. "I just got done making those fine-ass esplosives you needed to support all the other boobs out there. Krieg's been here and I think he's having fun."

"How would you say that?"

"Well, just sneak-a-peak into his com would ya? I can't really describe it."

She calmly pushed a button and hooked into the psycho's radio. "Friedan, report. How are you?"

"**I WILL ORGASM INTO YOUR SPLEEN AND SCREAM IT OUT OF YOU!"** roared Krieg over the radio, obviously oblivious to his superior on the line. It was also obvious that he had been fighting the soldiers and that he was the one who was causing the screams and explosions in the background before. And finally, it was obvious that Friedan was not in control at the moment.

Lilith paused and returned to Tina's network. "Okay, he's having fun."

"I told ya girl! Anyways, I got the craaaaack. And thank goodness you didn't send that bitch-ass Mel here! I swear to Cthulhu if he sends me another love letter I am going to shank him in the balls!"

The Siren chuckled. "Okay. Keep me posted."

"Roger that!"

She tapped into a signal she hadn't exactly known for so long. "Status report Lupus."

She heard some heavy bursts of sound coming through the com, like the sound a megaphone would make next to an exploding hand grenade. Than it stopped for a brief moment.

"Not too bad ma'am" answered the guitarist. "Bellum ain't got shit to send against me ever since I hooked up these loud speakers across the Nexus. They can't get guys anywhere if their HUD's keep shutting down from the sound. No problems at all."

He sighed. "But goddamn it I can't think of a song. I got a new verse, but I can't think of anything that rhymes with amputation."

"Sensation?" proposed the Siren.

He paused. "That's freaking genius. 'Severing, mauling, amputation/I can't deny this sensation'. Jesus that's powerful! Thanks!"

She disconnected smiling slightly as she did so. He was entertaining despite being so odd.

"General Axton, status" she spoke into the monitor.

"Not doing so good ma'am. Lynchwood can't hold off for too long. My turrets are eating them up like a fat kid through chocolate, but I'm running out of batteries to keep them running. Pretty soon you'll have to colony drop me."

"Not a chance. I'm sending reinforcements your way" she said swiping her hand. She reached another channel and tapped it.

"New guys, I got an assignment for you" she stated into the monitor.

"About fucking time!" roared Dion. "Where we going?"

She chuckled. "Lynchwood. The man who saved my life needs some help."


	47. Chapter 47: Tower Defense

Dion walked calmly through the streets of Lynchwood even as buildings burned around him, holding his Dusk in one hand and a new Bandit assault rifle in the other. He glanced around at the ashes and debris surrounding him serenely.

"I love the smell of death in the morning" he murmured grinning.

Baldemar chuckled, holding his newest Torgue shotgun. "Me too."

Saprus was beside them, wielding both a Corrosive Vladof pistol and an Incendiary Maliwan SMG. "Try not to admire it too much. I prefer a city with live people."

"Same here" stated Taika joining them. Strapped to her back was a long Dahl sniper rifle, but in her hands was a large Jakobs pistol.

The Titan chuckled. "Don't worry. Without live people, I can't drink."

He calmly pulled out a large rock of Eridium and absorbed it quickly, shuddering slightly.

"God that's the stuff" he murmured. "So glad I got another dose."

"That stuff is like crack" reminded Saprus.

"Well that's true with Sirens, but for me it's an energy boost" stated the Titan. "We Titans don't get addicted to it. We just like using it before a big match."

He sniffed the air deeply and grinned. "So let's go. I feel a slaughter up ahead."

They ran through the streets, towards the spot where Axton was supposed to be.

"Can you see him?" inquired Baldemar.

Taika flicked her goggles on, looking across the city. "I can see a heat signature over there."

They reached the eastern wall and saw that it had at least a dozen large turrets mounted on it. They were firing into the approaching Tediore soldiers with bullets and rockets, using Slag rounds as well to amplify their effectiveness. Needless to say they were doing amazingly well.

They saw someone fast-walking through the street, carrying a large Bellum assault rifle in his fist. In his left hand he was holding a giant pouch filled with what appeared to be batteries. He had at least a dozen aides around him, all of them shuffling off whenever he ordered.

"Get this to the west wall" commanded Axton handing an aide the bag of batteries. "Tell them to be tactical. Make sure those bastards can't get to cover, and if they're in cover, arm the turrets that can blast them apart."

He glanced at another aide. "What's the status on the air strikes?"

"Sir, Miss Tina is ready, but she has to be given exact coordinates. She requests that you do it."

"I'll give that little bitch some coordinates. Hand me the radio."

The aide palmed him the device and the commando ran on top of the wall. Standing on the edge, he began yelling into the radio.

"Listen Tina, I'm pointing right where you need to fucking hit!" he yelled. "Stop being so goddamn difficult and do as I say! Grids 4A to F, right now!"

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the silence of the non-existent please in your sentence" said the bomber. She was apparently enjoying herself, as she couldn't suppress her giggles as she said so.

"_Please_ deliver the fucking bombing onto Grids 4A to F before I march over to Overlook and beat the ever-living shit out of you!"

"Okay Mr. Axton!"

Suddenly a huge salvo of missiles detonated right in front of him, sending him flying off the wall. He smashed into the ground, ruffling his hat but not losing it due to a convenient string hooked under his jaw.

"Bitch" he muttered standing up. "Least she delivered."

He glanced at the Vault Hunters. "Good, you got here. Listen, I can handle three walls, but the east wall is going to go down first. I need you to defend it at all costs."

"Understood" said Baldemar nodding.

"Now you can call in airstrikes with this radio" stated the Commando. "But don't expect Tina to be that helpful."

"Let me see that" replied Dion palming the radio.

He calmly put it up to his ear and pressed the button. "Hey Tina, it's me."

"Count Shorty!" she yelled into the radio.

He snarled. "I told you to stop calling me that."

"And I asked if I had to shank a bitch, remembah?"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever. Listen, I going to need your fire support in defending the east wall of Lynchwood."

"Ah, but that buttwad Axton is there" objected the bomber.

"I am not a buttwad!" roared the commando. "I don't even know what that means!"

"Listen, it's for me" said the Titan trying to throw his charm on.

Tina groaned. "Okay. Only for you Shorty. Just give me a buzz and I'll drop some fine-ass ladies off for ya."

"Roger" he stated sliding the radio into his pocket.

"Glad she's cooperating for you" muttered Axton. "Anyway, get to the eastern wall. Don't worry about stuff sneaking behind you. Just keep Tediore from breaching."

"Understood" replied Baldemar. "Let's get going team."

They moved quickly through the streets of the city, dodging the carts of ammunition and batteries being delivered every which way. It looked like they had prepared for something like this judging by the sizable amount of the stuff that was being carried.

"Good thing Axton was here" said Taika. "Otherwise they'd never have survived this long."

"True" agreed Saprus. "I see no other way that they could outlast Tediore without his turrets."

"Tediore is infamous for dropping cheap disposable soldiers and loaders to do their dirty work" added Baldemar. "I worked for them for a little bit and quit. Shitty pay, no benefits, and they treated you like shit. Thankfully that means these soldiers are cannon fodder."

Dion grinned. "Awesome. Wave after wave of enemies? I love Tediore already."

They reached the east wall and quickly noted that it was half-intact at best. Several sections were burning, missing or exploding. The turrets there were slowing down or down for the count, with very few Crimson Raiders left defending it.

"Reinforcements!" cried one of the soldiers.

"Alright!"

A Crimson Raider came running over, bandages all across his arm and torso. "Good, you're here. Listen, we need to get the wounded out of here before they start throwing more back at us. You all are the final line. But we did set up something for you all."

He pointed to a part of the wall, revealing a huge turret gun. It was currently unmanned and appeared completely full of ammunition.

"Called it" stated Dion grinning.

"We also have all the ammunition we could spare scattered across the wall" explained the soldier. "Also, we set up an automatic grenade launcher over there."

Saprus glanced at it. It looked like a regular turret, but it had a huge cylinder on the side full to the brim with grenades.

"I'll take that" he said walking towards it.

"Good. Now we need to get going. Good luck Vault Hunters, and happy killing."

Dion leaped onto the turret and cocked it. Throwing the safety, he licked his lips and his eyes began to glow green.

"I'm going to enjoy this way more than I should" he murmured grabbing the controls.

Baldemar knelt down behind a portion of cover and loaded his Jakobs assault rifle. Sending his Combat Clone to the side, he took a deep breath and got ready.

Saprus sat in the seat of the grenade launcher and examined it. It would continue to fire until it ran out, a true automatic. He chuckled.

"I don't get excited that often, but I feel like a little kid right now" he muttered palming the triggers.

Taika laid prone on the highest point of the tower and loaded her Dahl sniper rifle. Adjusting the scope, she sighed.

"Girl, what did you get yourself into?" she asked herself looking down the scope.


	48. Chapter 48: Punching

"Raagh! Get some! Get some!"

Dion whooped in joy and threw his hair out of his face, never ceasing his shooting. The turret didn't kick at all, meaning that his accuracy was near perfect and killed anything that got near it. The field before him was sticky with the blood he had shed, as well as his partners. But he really didn't care about that detail. He just wanted to see more.

"DAKKA! DAKKA! DAKKA!" he yelled grinning excitedly.

Saprus adjusted his aim and fired another volley of grenades, blasting the Tediore bots into pieces. Turning, he released a second volley right into an incoming patrol.

"Most satisfactory" he noted calmly.

Taika precisely hit another head on a Tediore captain, sending him flying back off his vehicle. Reloading quickly, she fired at least five shots into an incoming Badass Loader.

"Can't seem to get your head screwed on straight, can ya?" inquired the huntress coldly.

Baldemar destroyed the closest EXP Loader before it got too close and turned to the next. His Combat Clone was using its assault rifle to destroy the targets as well, moving just as accurately and rapidly as its original.

"Double trouble motherfuckers!" yelled the inventor grinning.

Something slammed down onto the field from orbit, clicking various parts and adjusting itself while it stood.

"Oh shit!" roared Baldemar. "Super Badass Loader! Dion!"

"On it!" replied the Titan. He grabbed the radio and placed it to his ear. "Tina!"

"Don't worry Shorty. I got ya covered, my ho" stated the bomber.

A huge missile slammed into the large Loader, puncturing through its left side and blowing off half its body.

"That'll do" said Saprus aiming the grenade launcher at the injured robot. He began unloading the grenades, sending shrapnel and smoke throughout the battlefield.

"Ha! Are you all shooting? I can't even tell!" taunted Baldemar.

"Thanks Tina" said Dion.

"No problem Shorty!"

He snarled and slid the radio back into his pocket.

"One of these days…" he murmured resuming his shooting.

"You'll what? Get the balls to ask her out?" inquired Taika over the com-link.

"Shut!" he snapped. "She's Mel's girl!"

"You keep using that term. I don't think that term means what you think it means" muttered Saprus.

"Shut up you masked jerkass!"

The infected chuckled and kept firing the grenade launcher.

Dion scowled. "I feel like the entire universe is against me."

"Well, all those guys in front of you are" clarified Baldemar.

The Titan grinned. "They'll do."

He pushed the triggers, unloading more bullets across the field.

"Never enough dakka!" he cried with his glowing eyes coming back slowly.

Baldemar pulled out a small grenade and tossed it over the wall. It hit the ground and exploded, releasing what appeared to be a black hole. All the soldiers were instantly sucked into it before it exploded again, releasing flames across the field.

"Singularity bitches!" he shouted firing his assault rifle.

A large white and blue object flew across the battlefield, slicing through soldiers and burning the ground with flames. Then object than landed beside Taika, fluffing its digital wings.

"Most entertaining my lady" said Roosevelt releasing a small bit of smoke from his nostrils, despite the fact that he physically didn't possess nostrils.

"Glad you're enjoying it" muttered the huntress getting yet another headshot.

"I must charge for a little" stated the wyvern slowly disappearing into digital codes and numbers. "I shall return shortly."

"Have a nice nap" she said scoring a critical hit.

The field became clear suddenly, all the soldiers and loaders finally stopping their assault. It was like they had just stopped sending them.

"Why do I get the feeling something really bad is about to happen?" asked Dion.

"Because stuff like this is typical?" proposed Saprus.

"Yeah, that's about right."

Something large and heavy smashed into the Titan's chest, throwing him from the turret and onto the ground.

He looked up and blocked the next strike, using his superior strength to his advantage.

The large man grunted at him, his fist having been stopped. The man had long curly orange hair that was chaotically spread over his head, accenting well with his red and black armor. On his hands and feet were metallic coverings, giving his physical strikes much more power.

"I am Jorr" spat the man. "And you are dead."

Dion pressed his palm into the man's head, charging it up quickly.

"I don't think so!" yelled the Titan firing the beam.

Jorr flew backwards and slid to a halt, using his metallic gloves to slow himself down. He sprinted back towards him, fist raised to strike.

The other three Vault Hunters began firing at him, but he barely seemed to notice. His armor was nearly impenetrable, reflecting and absorbing the bullets without even slowing him down.

Jorr smashed into Dion, throwing him into a building with great force. Turning, he ran at Saprus and leaped onto the wall.

The infected dodged his strike and let go of the grenade launcher. Unlocking his glove, he fired it into the giant's chest.

The Plaque IX hit and began eating him, but it was similar to sprinkling water on a raging fire. The giant grabbed him by the arm and threw him to the base of the wall, denting the ground where he had thrown him to.

"Saprus!" yelled Taika. "You bastard!"

"Yeah, that's me" said the giant leaping up to reach her.

Baldemar fired a rocket right into Jorr's chest, stopping his flight and sending him back to the ground.

"Idiots. I can't be stopped by you" taunted the giant. "I'm way beyond your skill set. The only one I acknowledge as a superior is Rocko, and he isn't here is he? You're all going to die."

Dion picked himself up from the building, dust and dirt falling from his clothes. "If I'm going to die, it isn't going to be from an orange-haired piece of shit like you. I'm gonna die from something a lot cooler and more attractive, like that crazy bitch doctor or that whore Maliwan."

"Then you'll have to kill me first. And you haven't even scratched me."

The Titan charged himself up again, glowing bright green from his tattoos. "Bring it than dick! Put your money where your mouth is!"

Jorr slammed his fists together, throwing up sparks with his gauntlets. "Fine. I'm going to plant my fist into your throat."

He sprinted forward and slugged him, spinning lightly on his foot. He kicked the Titan and threw him aside, slamming his foot back into the ground hard enough to crack the rock.

Baldemar appeared alongside his clone, tossing grenades rapidly. They tugged the giant straight into a wall, smashing him against it and knocking his breath away.

Roosevelt appeared and slashed him with his claws, igniting his clothing and breathing fire.

Jorr grabbed the wyvern and cracked its spine in half. It instantly disappeared, fading into the wind.

The giant stepped out of the wall, cracking his neck.

"Okay. Not bad" he murmured. "You all may be worth something. But you're absolutely nothing compared to me."

He clicked two buttons on his wrists, charging up his gauntlets and boots with electricity. They began emitting sound waves, pulsing the ground around them.

Then he ran forward, spinning in the air for a large kick.

Dion blocked the strike, but was quickly pushed into the ground from the force of the sound. It was like a concert speaker on steroids mixed with a grenade.

Jorr hit the ground and pushed him away, blasting him further with a burst of sound.

Taika suddenly appeared, holding her large machete. Slashing him across the back, she raised her Jakobs revolver and fired into the base of his neck.

The giant stumbled and stomped down, releasing a nova of sound around him and knocking her away. Spinning, he caught her with the back of his foot and threw her upwards.

He jumped forward and gripped her by the shoulders. Head-butting her with in the nose, he threw her straight down into the wall. Then he adjusted himself and flew down onto her, hitting her with a body slam.

Taika felt like she had her spine snapped in half, blood exploding from her mouth.

Saprus ran over to him and fired point-black into him, spreading fire and corrosion on the giant's body.

Jorr backhanded him away and grabbed him with his other hand. Throwing him off the wall, he leaped and prepared to smash him with his foot.

Dion intercepted him and grappled him under his arms. Spinning, they both flew to the ground headfirst.

The Titan let go and the giant slammed into the dirt, burying up to his sternum in the rock.

Jorr collapsed, his boy going limp in the dirt.

"Did you think I was done!?" roared Dion grabbing him by the ankle. He then threw him into a vehicle nearby, burying him in the metal. Then he raised his palm and fired a beam, detonating the van.

Baldemar ran over to Taika, checking her vitals. "Shit. She's completely out."

He withdrew a vial of medical gel and injected it into her neck, letting it begin the healing process.

Saprus stood uneasily, adjusting his mask.

"Damn. His punches and kicks have the force of a bull" muttered the infected. "I'm sure he ruptured my suit somewhere. Stay back until I can fix it, all of you."

Even as he said that, several puffs of Plaque IX leaked out from around the seams on his back and chest. He hurriedly began to repair them, applying what looked like a bottle of glue to them.

Dion sighed and collapsed to his knees, exhausted. "Goddamn. He's heavier than a truck. But that last blow should've…"

"Done absolutely nothing?" proposed Jorr stepping out of the debris.

They all stared at him astonished. His armor looked slightly singed, but no worse for wear. His hair didn't even look harmed in the slightest, and he didn't have a single mark on his skin.

"You all are good. In the future, I would've loved to fight you as equals."

He clicked his gauntlets back into place, having had them slip slightly on his arms. "But I have to kill you, since those are my orders. I'm sorry about that. Goodbye."

He pressed two more buttons and the sounds emitting from them doubled, cracking the dirt underneath him. He raised one of his arms.

"Now you die" he stated running towards them for a swing.

Something smashed into his gauntlet, splintering it instantly into pieces.

Jorr widened his eyes before another fist hit him in the head, knocking him off his feet.

Another large man was standing between them and the giant, his fists wrapped in similar gauntlets. Instead of simple metal with speakers attached, they had what appeared to be explosive augmentations to them.

Jorr roared and swung at him, the sound exploding around him.

The man raised his fist and punched clean through the gauntlet, shattering his hand and going right past it to his stomach.

Jorr was pushed further into the dirt, blood flying off his mouth.

The man stood tall, grunting and snapping his neck.

"Yo" said the man turning back to them. "Name's Brick. Who's the toughest guy here?"

Dion glanced at him curiously. "Uh, that would be the one you just slammed into the dirt."

Brick's eyes widened. "You're kidding right? This thing was the toughest?!"

He sighed. "Goddamn it! I came all the way back here and I get this?!"

A large Loader landed in the area, clicking itself together and snapping its parts. It appeared to be a Super Badass Loader, with the same weapons and color scheme.

"Ah screw it he'll do!" said the man running towards it.

He leaped into the air and punched it in the leg, fracturing it from the explosive force.

The Loader collapsed and Brick slugged through its chest, hitting what appeared to be a battery from the amount of electricity it released. Then he grabbed its head, gripping it with both hands.

"RAAAGH!" he roared crushing it like a grape.

Brick threw the scrap of metal aside and sighed. "Man, this sucks! I did all this crap, expecting a big 'Welcome Back' party and I just get some weaklings. It's like they're trying to piss me off."

"So you're the legendary Slab King" noted Baldemar.

"Huh? Yeah I am" said Brick. "Whacha want?"

"Well we're glad you're here. You see Tediore is attacking this place."

Brick grunted. "Tediore. Those sonsofbitches are here? Wow, I did miss a lot."

He scratched the back of his head, which was completely bald. "I was kinda lost for a while. I thought these Loaders were just repainted Hyperion bots. But no, I get Tediore. This is more disappointing then the new _Space Wars_ trilogy."

Axton suddenly appeared, holding his two assault rifles. "Shit, what happened? I heard an explosion I didn't recognize. Are you all..?"

He glanced at Brick. "Holy shit. When did you get here?"

"Nice to see you too Slab" stated the man grinning.

"Oh, well it is cool to see ya Brick, believe me. We're getting our asses kicked. You here to help?"

"Is there stuff to punch?" inquired the large man.

"Plenty."

"I punch it. Where am I punching?"

"North wall. The final assault is on that side."

The commando turned to the four new Vault Hunters. "You all are too injured to help. Let me get a medical team to you."

"Nonsense" spat Baldemar standing up, slightly stumbling as he did so. "I can still fight."

"So can I" objected Dion.

Saprus stood confidently, even though he still had parts of his suit open and leaking Plaque.

Taika managed to sit up, having obtained consciousness again. She grabbed her sniper rifle and reloaded, nodding in agreement.

Brick chuckled. "Man, these new guys are total badasses! They're our replacements, eh?"

"Supposed to be" spoke Axton lighting a cigarette. "They got the same hardheadedness. And the same heart."

He blew some smoke from his nostrils. "But no. Brick and I can handle the leftovers. You all deserve a rest. Nice job."

Brick nodded. "Let's go than! Time to show these new guys what being badasses really means!"

**Yep. Brick's back.**


	49. Chapter 49: As the Dust Settles

President Josef Müller sighed and adjusted his coat, a nervous habit. "So ve didn't gain a single inch?"

"Not one great leader" said the aide. "Unfortunately, all of our battles were lost."

"I was expecting failure in Overlook, Tiberius Outpost and Sanctuary, but how did ve fail in Lynchwood?"

"Well sir, the Raiders sent their newest recruits to their, the same ones who released Krieg from Kronos Reformatory."

"Zhat doesn't explain anything" spat the CEO.

"Well, it appears that the one known as Brick has returned."

Josef grinned, something that the aide hadn't expected.

"You're joking" stated the CEO keeping his mad smile.

"Uh…no great leader. Our operative Jorr has confirmed it."

Josef began to giggle to himself, cupping his hands over his mouth as he did so. "My God, dis iz too perfect. I'm tempted to shout Jackpot."

"Forgive my lack of vision, but how is this a good thing?" inquired Jacqueline Maliwan. She was now wearing a futuristic black dress with glowing golden bands across it, appearing like a computer circuit board.

"Is it not obvious?" countered Maxwell Tediore. "Brick is one of the strongest Vault Hunters who has ever come to Pandora. By using his DNA, we can begin to synthesize various compounds to use on our own soldiers."

"Completely accurate, as usual Herr Tediore" said Josef. "Imagine ze sort of supplements ve could make from zhat rich specimen. I imagine ze Good Doctor of my army iz skipping through my ship as ve speak, giddy like a schoolgirl."

* * *

Colonel Doctor Marie Winter skipped lightly through the halls of the Bellum mothership, fluffing her black cloak around her body. Her boots clicked with every step and she had a smile ear to ear.

She reached her medical bay, the one where she actually healed people in and not where she dissected them, and stepped through. Seated in one of the cots was Jorr, with bandages wrapped around his head, chest and arms. Even while under such heavy padding he appeared to be fuming.

"Hi handsome" she said sliding into her chair with the back in front of her, her usual manner of seating. She calmly slid her glasses on as well, placing them on the bridge of her nose and leaning forward.

He said nothing, which was unusual. He normally yelled at her for flirting at him since he despised her.

"Wow, you really are mad" she murmured checking his vitals. "Or did Brick punch you hard enough to knock out your jaw?"

"Fuck you bitch" he snapped.

"Well that's more like it" she giggled examining the charts. "Damn. Couple of ribs, the sternum, a few vertebrae, all fractured. Ruptured spleen, major liver damage, not to mention the massive contusions on your back and chest."

She chuckled. "You got your ass kicked."

"Shut up" he ordered sternly. "I know that. But your little wonder-gloves didn't do shit against him. His fist plowed clean through the damn things like paper. I couldn't block or attack back."

"Well they weren't meant to fight against him" she objected looking at his arm. "Damn. He snapped at least ten bones in your arm and hand. Was this the one you blocked with?"

"Isn't that obvious?"

"Just making sure" she responded jotting down the information.

She mused to herself for a few minutes. "Brick's abilities are due to an extreme durability that we still barely understand. Some of this think he's made of diamond or something. Along with his great strength and explosive proficiency, he's nearly unstoppable up-close."

"Which is why I have to defeat him" spat Jorr.

Marie grinned. "Good thing I was already planning what we're going to do."

She reached into her coat and grabbed a sheet of paper. She placed it on the clipboard and showed it to the giant.

"You see, if his skin is hard as diamonds, the only way we'll ever be able to puncture it is with sufficient sharp force" she explained pointing over the schematics.

"Ya lost me."

She sighed. "In idiot terms, we have to punch through his armor."

"Okay, I got ya."

"Now the best way to do that is with a knife, or in this case, incredibly precise blasts of air."

She withdrew something from a small box nearby, calmly sliding it onto her fist. It was just like Jorr's original gauntlet, but now appeared more sleek and futuristic. It only fit on her when she adjusted it slightly and made sure it wouldn't slip.

"Now normally you detonated sound in a nova around you" she explained clicking a few buttons. "That worked well when you were fighting multiple people. But this thing is designed like a laser cutter. Observe."

She lifted a large rock up, revealing that it was a chunk of bedrock. Then she raised her gauntlet and pressed her fist into it.

A gouge appeared in the rock from the end of her hand, like she was using an ice cream scope on it. She punched clean through it and grinned at him, the rock floating in mid-air around her fist.

"The best part? No noise and they can't tell until you punch them. Or him in this case. I'm sure you won't abuse this ability on common cannon fodder."

"I won't" said Jorr. "That'll do perfectly."

He chuckled, even though it hurt his ribs terribly. "I'm going to enjoy using that."

"Yeah, I can't wait to see if it works" she said sliding her glasses back up her nose. "I've got a few toys to use against Krieg. I'm planning on spending a _long_ time dissecting him…"

She licked her lips. "And I'm going to enjoy it _so_ much…"


	50. Chapter 50: A House Divided

Lilith smiled, leaning back in her captain's chair as she calmly twirled a pistol in her hand. "Nice to see you Brick."

"Nice to be back" said the large man. He had gained a few tattoos on his body, mostly on his arms, and now had a metal choker around his neck that gave him an even more intimidating appearance. On his back was a large Torgue shotgun, no doubt handpicked by him. It was beside his sledgehammer, the same one had had taken from Sledge, the first great pioneer in punching things to death on Pandora.

"Where were you all these years anyway?" she asked throwing the pistol in the air and catching it again.

"With Salvador, looking for my sister" he stated bluntly. "Well, that's what we were doing. Than we switched to figuring out where the Vaults where cause we got bored. I think he's still doing that."

She smirked. "Couldn't stop Vault hunting? We did hire a whole-nother generation to do that for us. And now we have a third to do it too."

"I got bored" he defended shrugging. "Besides, I'm sure my sister's alright. She's got her big brother's spirit. Not to mention I taught her how to punch."

"That would do it" stated Mordecai. He was leaning on the wall with Nightrazor perched nearby. The falconer was calmly sipping some booze in his fist, his head laying back against the metal.

"Glad to see you got a replacement for Blood" commented Brick.

"Yeah, Nightrazor is just as good as Blood was" replied the sniper sipping the booze. "I miss her though, but I moved on. We got too much crap going on to hold onto crap like that."

"Agreed. I'm sure you've been informed about Bellum" said Lilith glancing back at the large man.

Brick nodded. "I'm grateful someone finally wanted to get this shithole planet. But we won't let them, right?"

"Of course not. Bellum is just like Atlas and Hyperion. Worse actually, since they want to kill everyone, not just the bandits or us."

"Which is why we're stopping them right here" spat Mordecai.

"I can punch them right?" inquired Brick.

"Them, along with Tediore and Maliwan" answered the Siren.

"Perfect. They'll do."

The sniper on the wall sighed. "Man, when are we going to retire? We've been on this crap basket of a planet for ten years. You think we'd just let the newer Vault Hunters do this shit."

"They don't have the same experience" elaborated Lilith. "We guide them and they do the work."

"Not in my case" said Brick.

"Come to think of it, I haven't retired well either" murmured Mordecai. "I still hunt and kill stuff."

"I can't" explained the Siren. "If I go out anymore, my Eridium addiction will come back. Up in Sanctuary or this ship, it's not so bad. But on the surface, I can smell it everywhere."

"Well you're forced to" stated the sniper. "I should retire. Hand over my title of El Cazador, and settle down somewhere. Maybe make a place where other Vault Hunters can learn how to do this shit. I mean, we haven't even gotten off-world yet to explore the Vaults we saw. Since we haven't told anyone else, no one knows about them."

"Maya knows" reminded Brick. "And all the second generation."

"Yeah but they don't have the resources" reminded Lilith. "I think we have to trust the next generation will have to do that."

"Kinda hard to. Space ships do work, but they take forever and we don't have any fuel" murmured Mordecai.

Lilith paused. "Wait. Wasn't there another Vault on Pandora?"

"Yeah, the planet core" stated the sniper. "We just assumed it was the source of Eridium due to the high concentration."

"What if it's something else? Like a space ship or something?"

"That makes my head hurt just thinking about it" muttered Brick rubbing his temples.

"Makes sense why everyone's coming here than" said Mordecai. "If it's revolutionary space tech, than any sane person would want it. How could they find out about it though?"

Lilith snapped her fingers. "Hyperion! They did tons of research into the Vaults. It's possible they uncovered not just the Warrior, but also whatever this core Vault is."

"If they did that, then that info was lost when we blew the space station up" spoke the sniper.

"That was fun" chuckled Brick.

"Not entirely. It is possible they sold that information when they were still intact" stated the Siren. "But who would they sell that to?"

"Me."

They all turned and saw Stanton Dahl standing in the doorway of the ship, grinning. He was wearing a long red shirt with an open collar along with a black bandana. He also had a set of gloves on with two septagrams, or seven-pointed stars, on the back of his hands.

"Whose he?" asked the berserker.

"Stanton Dahl. President of the Dahl corporation. He's a friend. I think" said Lilith.

"Oh I am still your ally" assured the CEO walking forward. "I must admit though, I didn't come here for the stupid land. There are plenty of planets with land. Nor for the Eridium, that stuff isn't worth my time. I came here for that core Vault. Only myself and Hyperion knows about it."

"I thought Hyperion disbanded" spoke Mordecai.

"Oh no, they're just gone for the moment" stated Stanton. "They did flee Pandora, but they are very much active in the universe. I am keeping them at bay because I am threatening to reveal all the data of the Vault to the other corporations, and you can imagine what would happen if I did that."

"I'd be just like the golden days of Pandora" murmured the Siren. "Millions of people would try to come here and die. Not to mention the corporations would try to get to it first."

"Indeed. I don't want to see more corpses pile up on this planet" said Stanton. "So I'm keeping the information to myself. Not even my vice-president is aware of it."

"I get the strange feeling that you're here for a specific reason" assumed Lilith.

"Oh yes. I am here to propose something."

Stanton smiled. "I want the Crimson Raiders to help my company find that Vault. We split whatever we find."

"What if it's just a giant tentacle monster?" inquired Mordecai, reminiscing about the Destroyer.

"Ha!" barked Brick.

"Well if that's the case than we can kill it together" said the CEO. "But if it does turn out to be secret space technology of some kind, like what Hyperion described to me, well…"

He chuckled. "We split it evenly. I assure you that I have no intention on turning on my closest allies."

"I assume you don't want to inform the others" supposed Lilith.

"Do you want the likes of Vladof or Jakobs to get that kind of technology?" countered Stanton.

"I see no reason not to trust them."

He laughed coldly. "Just because they're your allies doesn't mean they like you. We do have companies to run. The needs of the many outrank the needs of the few. The ends justify the means."

"Machiavelli" murmured Mordecai.

"Who?" inquired Brick curiously.

"Philosopher. Asshole" stated the sniper simply.

"True enough. But his words are wisdom" disputed Stanton. "Vladof, Jakobs, even Torgue to some degree go by this system. I prefer a different approach."

He adjusted his bandana and slide. "I prefer to yield maximum profit with minimal repercussions. While they rarely care about the consequences, I have learned that reputation is possible the most important factor when you want to get something, so getting pinned as untrustworthy or sneaky will get you less allies and less resources. In short…"

He grinned. "I can't afford to listen to Machiavelli's advice."

Lilith thought quietly for a moment. "I had no reason not to trust you anyway. I won't tell the other companies, but I am telling the Vault Hunters."

"Of course. They are free to hear about it. They are the ones who are probably going to find it" he said brushing a strand of hair from his face. "But if we do find some spacecraft, what do you recommend we do with it?"

"Well I want to get people off this butthole of a planet" replied Lilith. "Not all of us are here by choice. We should let people decide if they stay or go."

"Fair enough. But what planet do you wish to go to? Some of these people are wanted criminals after all."

The Siren thought about it. "We'll settle our own planet."

Stanton smirked. "The chances of you finding a planet capable of supporting life and far enough out of the corporations' space is nil."

"We'll find one. I'm sure."

The CEO shrugged. "Sure. I'll help you even. I think it's about time the Raiders had their own planet. We at Dahl have dozens, with a few more possibilities in storage. I'd happily give you all of them. But I can't give you my ships, so we best hope that the Vault does contain what we think it does."

Mordecai nodded. "Let's hope Bellum doesn't figure out information. They'd use that technology to breed further war. Imagine warmongers like them having access to instantaneous space travel. It'd be like they were everywhere at once and we couldn't stop them."

"So Pandora truly is the most important planet at the moment" murmured Stanton. "We have to stop Bellum at all costs. I could care less about Tediore of Maliwan, but they are our prime objective."

"Just leave it to us" said Brick confidently. "We'll destroy those guys way before they ever find that Vault."

"We better" said Lilith. "I can't wait to get off this planet."

**Does the center Vault contain something besides a giant monster for once?! Can the Vault Hunters trust Stanton Dahl?! Will they beat Bellum to the Vault?! Why am I asking you these questions that you don't know the answers to?! Reply back to any of these questions!**


	51. Chapter 51: The Face of the Black Wraith

The four Vault Hunters sat in their own quarters onboard the _Crimson Falcon_, having earned a permanent spot on the ship. They had a separate part of the ship all to themselves, complete with bedrooms, bathrooms, lounges, kitchens and any utility they needed. It was basically the luxury part of the ship, but that was a little bit of an overstatement. It had a homey kind of feel that they all liked, since most of the stuff had come from Pandora.

"Man, I love this couch" murmured Dion rubbing the surface. "I mean, it looks like something out of a bad college movie. Every time my hand swipes across it, it changes color from white to green and back to green again."

He chuckled. "And it feels like two dozen people have sat on it despite being new."

He settled himself even deeper. "Awesome."

"I'm more excited over the food" said Baldemar. "They got all my favorite beer and Nutella."

"What's Nutella?" inquired Saprus.

The inventor stared at him for a solid ten seconds. "You're joking."

"No I am not. What is Nutella?"

Baldemar dramatically flew towards him and slung an arm around his shoulder. Flaring out his other arm, he began to sing, "I can show you the world…"

"Oh my God don't sing that" murmured Taika. "I had enough Disney when I was a kid."

"I don't mind" said Dion. "I kinda like Disney stuff even now. Tell Tina and I'll murder you violently."

"I thought you were going to let Mel have her" reminded Baldemar.

The Titan sighed. "Goddamn it I can't decide. Someone help me decide."

"Blog about it" proposed Saprus. "If anyone knows the answer, it's random strangers over the net."

"I get the feeling you're mocking me" muttered the Titan.

"Oh I am."

"Screw you!"

Baldemar stood up, having suddenly remembered what he was going to do, and reached into the one of the cupboards of the nearby kitchen. Pulling out a small jar full with a blackish solid, he grabbed a knife and walked back to the couch. He then plopped down, unscrewed the lid on the jar, slid the knife into the brown matter and took a chunk of it out.

"I want you to try this" he said holding he knife with the hazelnut/chocolate mixture on the tip.

"Uh, I would, if I didn't have this mask on" reminded the masked man.

"Can you take it off?"

They all looked at him, suddenly hoping for an answer.

"Yeah. I've kinda been wondering what you look like" said Taika.

"So was I" added Dion.

Saprus sighed. "Hold on. I just have to take some medication to make sure I don't kill you."

He reached into a pack on his chest and reached inside. Pulling out what appeared to be a syringe, he screwed in the needle and tapped it. Nodding his head, he plunged it into a small orifice in his left glove. Injecting the clear fluid into his vein, he groaned slightly.

Once it was empty, he tugged it out and slid it into another pouch on his hip. Then he sighed and reached for his mask.

"Try not to be too stunned" he said chuckling dryly. "I haven't been out of this thing in a few months."

"Don't worry. We won't judge you" said Taika.

"Yeah. We can't since we got Baldemar's ugly ass face on our crew" joked Dion.

"Bitch" spat the inventor.

Saprus clutched at the goggles and slid them off, revealing his black eyes. The skin around them was incredibly pale, but also surprisingly delicate. He removed his helmet and exposed his grey hair, which was in a tight braid on top of his head like a bun. Flicking his wrist, he took his hair out of the sphere shape, revealing that it fell down to past his shoulders like a jagged metal curtain. Then he gripped his breather and with a moment of hesitation ripped it off.

They all gasped.

His face was beautiful, like an angel in true form. He looked like he was in his twenties; even with the aging hair, but in essence he looked ageless. His skin was a mesmerizing shade of marble that seemed to cast a radiance about him. But even still, it was obvious where the disease had affected him. His eyes had deep circles around them that almost appeared rotten, with similar ones around his temples. His lips were completely grey and appeared to be lack blood. Even after all those features were calculated in, it was nearly impossible to believe that someone like that existed underneath the mask.

"…wow" murmured Dion. "Just…damn."

"Man, I'm kinda jealous…" muttered Baldemar.

Taika reached out and touched his cheek, feeling that it was ice cold. He flinched slightly, but let her do so.

"You look…sad" she said looking at him.

He glanced at her, emotions finally showing on his face. He gave her a small smile, revealing that his teeth were pure white. His gums appeared black though, contrasting with the white heavily.

"I am alright" he assured her clasping her hand. As he spoke, he sounded like his throat was permanently dry, as if he was speaking with sand down it.

"How old are you?" inquired the Titan.

"I am 62" he answered simply.

Baldemar's eyes widened. "Damn. You look…damn…I thought you were like 19 by the way you look."

"Are you a vampire?" asked Taika itching towards her knife.

The infected chuckled, a grating noise emitting from his throat. "No. For some reason, I always looked like this. And I probably will until I die."

"That won't be soon will it?" questioned Dion. "Cause I like having you as a teammate. You're a nice guy."

"Don't worry" he replied smiling. "The Reaper will have to work to get me. I'm healthy as a horse, even with the disease in my body. It isn't killing me, despite the signs you may see here."

He pointed to the areas around his eyes and temples. "Mainly here. But I will survive."

"Why did you want to open the Vaults on Pandora anyway?" inquired Baldemar. "I mean, you're 62. What kind of goals do you have?"

The infected smiled gently. "I hope to find a cure for this disease. The only reason I want to do that is because I want to join beside my wife without this in my body. I couldn't bear the thought of my body being a basis for this debilitating disease. I'd rot away everything I touched even when in the grave. If I ever want to die peacefully with my wife, I must get this out of me."

"Wow. That's…sad" murmured Taika cupping his face again. She seemed to do that as a comforting thing more than a romantic one.

"No. It is what I wish" he responded brushing her hand softly off his face. "I do not see how that is depressing. It's my final goal in life."

"Man, I feel ya" muttered Dion. "All I want to do is find a way to stop being what I am: a psychopath."

"Krieg tried the same thing" reminded Baldemar.

"And he didn't exactly do that too well, did he?" countered the Titan. "Man, I don't know. Maybe I'm just destined to keep being what I am. I guess that's not so bad. We are who we are."

"Nobody can do a better job being you than you" encouraged Taika.

"And what is it that you want to do?" asked the inventor. "You once mentions the Vaults, but I get the feeling something deeper is involved."

She smirked. "Damn right it is. I'm going to surpass Mordecai and be the first female El Cazador."

"You think they'll change the name cause you're a chick?" inquired Dion.

"I agree. It would be sensible for them to do so" said Saprus.

"No. I don't want them to" she said grinning. "I just can't wait to see the day. I read stories about the different El Cazador's throughout history. The most famous was Sir Hammerlock by far. Mordecai, I didn't hear about him till about five years ago. He was incredible to read about, and seeing him in action…"

She sighed happily. "I just hope I can compare to legends like that one day. To be written down in history and remembered as a great huntress. That's what I want."

Baldemar nodded. "That's an awesome goal."

He leaned back in his chair. "In case anyone's interested, which I doubt, I want to improve the universe with my inventions. I have so many good ideas that I want to see them all thrown into society. I like helping people. It's in my blood."

"Does shooting them count?" questioned Saprus.

"There are lots of ways to help people. Improving their health, repairing their stuff, killing dangerous people. Those are all ways I help people."

"I agree" stated Taika.

"While I don't like it, he's got a point" said Dion.

"I like to think killing the people I do helps others' lives" spoke Baldemar. "When it's bandits, it's really easy. If it's someone like Tediore or Bellum, that makes it even easier. I only feel bad if I kill innocent people."

"So do I" murmured the Titan. "But only afterwards. If I rampage, I don't feel guilt during it."

"I understand that" agreed Saprus. "I feel the same way. I tend not to hurt innocents, but if I have to, I will."

"I can't stand doing such a thing, but I have done it" muttered the inventor. "It sucks, but we all do things we regret."

Dion nodded. "Man if that ain't true."

"I wish that didn't apply to me, but it does" murmured Taika.

"Same here" confirmed the infected.

Someone walked into their living room quickly, one of the few people with a key to their barracks.

"Sup?" inquired Lilith. "Nice couch. Saprus, you're kinda hot."

He chuckled. "Thank you."

"I mean, in a weird tragic way. You're like an emo fangirl's dream."

Saprus smirked. "I guess that's true."

The Siren glanced at all of them, noting how casually they were lying about the furniture. "You liking your rooms?"

"Loving the amount of Nutella you gave us" said Baldemar holding up the jar.

"Oh yeah. I love that stuff."

"I don't get what the big deal is about that shit" murmured Dion. "It's fine, but I prefer bacon grease."

"Like on your toast and crackers?" inquired Taika curiously.

"Why not?"

Lilith scowled. "That sounds unhealthy."

"But magically delicious!" objected the Titan.

The Siren shrugged. "Not my kind of thing I guess. Anyway, I did come here besides asking how you're all doing."

She stood slightly straighter. "Now listen. We need to get to the planet core of Pandora."

"A Vault?" guessed Taika.

"Was it that obvious?"

"Well that's the only damn thing this planet seems to have" murmured Dion. "What's in this one?"

"Well supposedly some sort of spaceship."

"Or it could be just a giant monster. Like the last two" muttered Baldemar.

"Likely" stated Saprus. "I would place my bets on that. The ancient Eridians seems to love doing things like that."

Lilith laughed. "Yeah, we kinda began to assume the Eridians were just throwing monsters into prisons just for the heck of it. But we did find a few Vaults with treasure in them. This one is in the freaking planet core."

She sighed. "Unfortunately we don't have a way in there. The core can crush us into liquids just by being there, not to mention melt us into a puddle. We have to find a way in that won't kill us."

"And in the meantime?" asked Taika.

"We have an assignment for you in the Western Sands. We're sending you with Mel and Del. There's a Maliwan base we need to destroy and you all are the best ones to do it with."

"Awesome. I wanted to fight with those two" stated Baldemar.

"I hope Mel doesn't think I want to date his girl" said Dion. "He'd probably kill me if he did."

"Possible" murmured Lilith. "Either way, you have until tomorrow. Good luck."

**You guys tell me. Which would you rather see: Tina hooking up with Dion, the guy who has a belligerent affection towards her; or Mel, the guy who loves her without a doubt? I can't decide, so please give me some insight. I'd love to do either option really. It doesn't matter to me, but I want to hear what my fans want.**

**Oh, and the pop culture references of course:**

**Nutella: Pretty good hazelnut spread, usually used on toast**

**"I can show you the world": Aladdin**

**"Magically delicious": Lucky Charms**


	52. Chapter 52: A Diamond in the Rough

"Man it's freaking baking here" muttered Baldemar wiping his brow.

"Dude, I feel like I'm in a broiler or something" agreed Dion.

Saprus shrugged. His suit had air-conditioning since he usually spent long periods of time in it. He was wearing a large hat on his head to repel the sun from his eyes though.

"Stop your bitching" ordered Taika. Unlike the rest of them, she was used to this sort of heat. She was a professional huntress after all.

"My people…may have lived in these conditions…but I don't freaking see how!" exclaimed the inventor collapsing. "Just leave me…I can't…go on…"

"Stop being such a crybaby" snapped the huntress.

"Fine…I'll…be a…corpse than…" he said before pretending to pass out.

Dion quickly joined him, collapsing onto the pavement dramatically.

"Never thought…I'd die….like this" murmured the Titan. "Have to….have…final…sip of rum."

He pulled out a bottle of Captain Morgan Freeman rum and sipped it. Then he smiled. "Now…I can die…"

Saprus glanced at Taika. "Is it really that bad?"

"No it isn't. These two are just too used to being indoors" murmured the huntress.

They were in the city of Oasis, the primary settlement in the Western Sands. It had been rebuilt once the Raiders had finally began to settle elsewhere and was fairly full of people. The thing was, it was still just as hot back then as it was now. This however made solar power one of the primary forms of energy collection, making it incredibly easy to live there. Needless to say that also meant it had to be incredibly hot for those electronics to work.

"Come on. We're supposed to meet Mel and Del in that diner. And they have AC" said the huntress.

Dion crawled onto his belly and began to drag himself. "Come….on…must…get to….AC…"

Saprus sighed and grabbed him. Hoisting him onto his shoulder, he began to carry him.

"You two are hopeless" muttered the infected.

"Shut…up…" gasped the Titan exaggeratedly.

"Okay stop being drama queens!" snapped the huntress. "God you're like high school bitches or something!"

"I slept with a few of those" said Baldemar standing up. He apparently had decided to give up on looking like a sissy. He had actually thought it was fun until he actually began to get burned.

"I'm not….exaggerating…" murmured Dion. "Really…dying…Titan…not meant…for heat…."

"Shit" spat Taika. "Get him to the diner, quickly!" Apparently he really wasn't kidding and he was dying of the heat. She kicked herself for doing that, but now was not the time.

They dragged the petite Titan into the courtyard, where they noticed an odd statue. It looked like an emaciated man holding a wrench crouching down. He was apparently shaking hands with a small robot, who appeared surprisingly familiar.

"Is that a CL4P-TP bot?" wondered Baldemar.

"How would you know that?" asked Taika.

"I rebuilt a few in my youth. I thought they had all gone out of commission."

"Still…dying" reminded Dion.

"Right. Sorry!" said the huntress dragging him further.

They reached the diner and quickly walked inside. It was half empty at best and an overall layer of dirt and dust was on the floor. Needless to say the place was everybody's favorite since it didn't bother trying to appear fancy.

The guy behind the counter sighed as they walked in. He was wrapped in cloth all around his face and neck, leaving only one eye to the air. His clothing was very loose on his body and rather ragged, but he didn't appear to be hot at all. "Holy crap, did one of you idiots get dehydrated? Seriously, it's a desert. You get dehydrated, you die. It's not that hard to remember."

"Just shut up and get us some water" ordered the huntress sternly.

"Fine, whatever" murmured the man reaching behind the counter. He apparently had done this a few times before since he had multiple bottles of water prepared.

The Vault Hunters collapsed into a booth, laying the Titan across one of the seats. He flopped down like a dead fish, panting slightly as the air-conditioned air washed over him.

"God you look like a bitch in heat" murmured Baldemar cheekily.

"Shut up" snapped Dion. "I feel like I'm dying."

"That's just because you're too much of an idiot to drink water" explained the man walking over to him. He handed him a water bottle and adjusted one of the AC vents. "Just relax and cool yourself down landlubber."

"What?"

"Sorry. Old pirate term. Anyway, I'm Mercer, owner of this diner. You gonna order something?"

"I'll take some mint iced tea" said Baldemar.

"Lemonade" stated Taika leaning in the chair.

"I'm good" responded Saprus.

"Cool. Just make sure your buddy doesn't die. I don't want the cops here again" explained Mercer walking back behind the counter.

As he began to mix the drinks, he glanced back at them. "I hear you are the newest Vault Hunters. Gotta say, only three of you have my confidence."

"Screw you" spat the Titan. "I'm not meant for heat. It messes up my body."

"You know, there are ways to stop that" replied Mercer. "I wear this outfit since it keeps me cool. No idea why, but it does."

"I think I might just take that idea" said Dion. "Know any place where they sell them?"

"A few. But you better cool off first" advised the owner.

He walked back and handed them their drinks. "Gotta say, it's nice to see new faces doing the Raiders' work. I'm sure you all are doing fine. I met the last generation a while ago. Damn good guys and girls. You all remind me of them. Kinda."

"Thanks" stated Baldemar sipping his tea.

"What's with that statue in the center of town?" inquired Taika. "Who's that man? And what's a Claptrap going there?"

"Oh that? We put that there a while ago" answered Mercer leaning against a pillar. "That dude was a guy named Shade. Guy was crazier than a pair of hogtied Sand Grubs, but he did do this town a huge favor. He dug all the way to Hayter's Folly nearby and connected the town to the spring. Gave this town nearly unlimited fresh water so the Raiders could use it. He died when he had finished it, since he had gone completely insane by then, but he helped us a lot."

"And the Claptrap?"

"Oh that little shit? Well, he made sure the town was running right when Shade was building. They were a team apparently, and both of them died on the same day. I met that Claptrap. I felt like my brain was bleeding, but he had a way of insulting a person while complimenting you…."

Mercer shrugged. "Anyway, they both sacrificed themselves to make this town livable, so we made that statue to honor them. To be honest, I think that was a nice touch. Looks cool too, all bronze and copper and shit. Really makes the town feel like a real city."

The owner shook his head. "God, I'm reminiscing in bullshit. Sorry about that."

"Naw, it's cool" stated Baldemar. "But listen, we need to find these two guys. They look exactly alike and they're about five foot…"

"Oh Mel and Del?" guessed Mercer. "They left to go scout out that Maliwan base the Raiders are talking about. I was wondering why they left without ya, but I guess they had good reasons."

"Shit. Where is the base?" inquired Taika.

"About two clicks north. You gotta take a sandskiff to get there. But first, I'd recommend your greenette buddy outta get some new garb to survive."

"Agreed" stated the Titan.

Saprus stood and handed over the money. "Thank you for your troubles."

"Ah naw, keep your money" said Mercer. "Vault Hunters go free. Well except Krieg, Brick and Salvador. I figured out really quick not to let them eat free."

Dion grinned. "Ya might want to revoke that on me."

"Well water is free no matter who you are. City law" explained the owner. "Now get out. I got plenty of thirsty customers who came here for greasy food and bad service. And good luck."

**Well that's Claptrap and Shade's part of the story. Or is it? *dramatic sound effect* (Yet again with the rhetorical questions, right? Drop a review for what you think)**


	53. Chapter 53: Planning Double

The four Vault Hunters were now riding a sandskiff through the desert, having dressed in more appropriate clothing for the occasion. All of them had decided that the desert garb typically worn by the pirates wouldn't arouse suspicion, since pirates tend to not mess with other pirates. Or at least that's what the store clerk said. It sounded like genuine advice.

Dion adjusted the cloth around his mouth, having dressed himself in pure white. He liked the color since it went along with his suit. Out of all of them he was the most wrapped, though Saprus didn't count because he was wearing a biohazard suit. It was a good idea, since his skin was by far the most delicate.

"Why did Mel and Del go on without us?" he asked his teammates, having opted to stand on the deck of the sandskiff with his guns in hand.

"Reconnaissance" replied Saprus. "Why they didn't do this before is beyond me though."

"Probably had to wait for an opening" stated Taika. "The wise hunter does not rush into scouting his prey. He waits for when it is resting or eating before he does such a thing, as every other time the beast is on alert of other predators."

"Maliwan runs on weekly security checks. The day immediately beforehand they have the highest amount of personal. The day immediately afterword, their security is the least effective. They must've been waiting for that and they didn't feel like waiting any longer."

"I feel like you know that from experience" said the infected calmly.

"I did work for them for a little while. I was a mercenary for the first few years of my life. I've been employed by almost every major munitions company. I know tons of company secrets that none of them wanted me to know. There's a reason a good chunk of them want me dead. I'm surprised they didn't come after me when they joined the Raiders."

"Who has the bounty on you?" inquired the huntress.

Baldemar chuckled. "Dahl. Apparently they had bigger things to worry about."

Dion laughed. "Man, lucky you. I'm wanted by Tediore. They probably still want to kill me. I am convicted of manslaughter."

"I am still wanted by Hyperion" stated Saprus. "I am apparently their property, since the Plaque IX was originally discovered by them. And technically, the catalyst they used to change the brain-shivers into the Plaque was theirs. So they're pretty justified."

"People aren't property" defended Taika. "That's where they're wrong."

"I agree. But what are you wanted for miss?"

The huntress chuckled. "Poaching and trespassing. Jakobs didn't appreciate me hunting some of their favorite animals. I thought it was incredibly fun."

Dion smirked. "Of course you did."

Their conversation was quickly interrupted by a large beam smashing into the starboard bow. It wasn't a laser of any kind, but more like a light beam. Whatever it was, it shut down their sandskiff and left them dead in the water. Or sand in this case.

"Shit" spat Baldemar sliding towards the engine compartment. He undid the cover and began examining it.

"It appears that the central battery is fried, alongside the central computer that runs the engine. It's not just an EMP, it's like they just sapped the electricity straight out of it."

"You can't fix it?" asked Saprus.

"Unless you got a new battery and a way for me to reinstall the main computer's programs back, no. Have to admire the technology of that beam though. It isn't Maliwan, unless they developed it in the span of time I was gone from."

Something flew into their field of vision, a small white object. It looked like an aerodynamic flat object made of a wood-based byproduct.

"A paper airplane" murmured Dion. He caught it and calmly unfolded it.

On the airplane was a simple message written in pencil. It read: Look up.

The Titan glanced upwards.

The sandskiff had been stopped in the valley of two large cliffs, in what might've been a ravine when this place was still an ocean. Hanging above one of the cliffs was a small flag with a large M and D on top.

"I guess that's them" said Taika.

"But how are we supposed to get up there?" inquired Baldemar.

Suddenly a rope ladder appeared next to the sandskiff, attached to a small cave farther up in the cliff.

"Well I guess that'll do" murmured Dion grabbing the ladder. He began to climb, having slightly difficultly since the ladder was hanging in the air instead of against a surface.

Once he reached the top, he was greeted by a familiar sight.

"Yo, what up?" asked Mel leaning against the cave wall. He was dressed in similar desert garb but was now carrying his large broadsword with him. The cave had been outfitted with recon gear, including a map of the area with various markers posted on it.

"Not much man" replied the Titan sitting down.

"Good to see you. We were wondering when you'd show up" stated Del. He was examining a crate of weapons, studying them closely and analytically. He still had his sword with him, but was apparently trying to put some explosives into his plan.

The rest of the Vault Hunters appeared, sitting in a circle with the twins.

"I assume you've done some recon on the base" stated Taika.

"We have. We've been waiting for a good opportunity to present itself to attack."

"Discuss the plan" urged Saprus leaning forward.

"We decided that the best way to do this was a stealth infiltration" explained Del. "Standard demolition operation. Attach explosives to the foundation and blow them, collapsing the entire thing. The problem with that theory is that the soldiers can easily rebuild it. We must first destroy their resolve to maintain a base out here."

Mel grinned. "War's fought in the mind, my bros. If we make them shit themselves just thinking about being here, we won. First thing's first, we have to give them a reason to be afraid."

"I assume you have a plan for that as well" said Baldemar.

"We do. But you probably won't like it" murmured Del.

"I don't like a lot of things. Doesn't mean I don't do them" stated Dion. "Bring it on."


	54. Chapter 54: An Offer You Can't Refuse

Lieutenant General Ciruolo strode through the Maliwan base, angrily munching on a cigar. He had been pissed off ever since Josef Müller had station him onto this artsy-fartsy piece of crap base. They played freaking poetry on the loudspeakers. It was like they wanted to make him angry.

"Call me prejudice, but I hate these people" he muttered. "Art and beauty don't mean shit in this world. They're just distractions from what really matters. They try to personify their instincts and desires into something that they can visualize, but it doesn't matter. They exist even if you ignore them, so I see no reason to make them obvious. If you can't tell what your dreams are without seeing them, then you don't deserve to know your dreams."

He rubbed the stock of his shotgun, desperately wanting to kill something. He didn't understand why that bitch Jacqueline couldn't just send one of her worthless generals here. He was a valuable resource, not some kind of idiot who they needed to shut up.

"Perhaps it's because I couldn't capture Jessup without assistance" he murmured to himself. "Or even more since he got away eventually. Technically, I failed."

He growled. "If they think I'm just going to rot away and die in this sand trap, they got another thing coming."

He sighed. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I don't even know anymore."

He gritted his teeth and tightened the grip on his shotgun. "But if I have to listen to one more second of _Hamlet_, so help me God, I am going to FUCKING MURDER EVERYONE HERE!"

The various Maliwan personal stared at him, suddenly terrified of him. He was well aware that they admired him because he was strong, and they probably thought that he was the strongest in the base. He liked that idea. It made it easier to yell and boss them around.

A technician came up to him. "I get the strangest idea that you are displeased with our music selection."

"That's a fancy way of saying that your music pisses me off" he snarled walking forward. "Play some goddamn Rolling Stones or something."

"Rolling Stones?" repeated the technician. It was like he had begun speaking Chinese to him or something.

"You know something classical but still good. Guns and Roses, Rolling Stones, Elton John. I'd even take Jimi Hendrix or Metallica at this rate. But for the love of God, please stop playing that sissy poetry shit."

"I am unaware of the subject medium of which you speak" stated the technician calmly.

"Of course you are."

Ciruolo sighed. "Whatever. I'm going outside."

He stepped out into the main courtyard of the building, tossing his cigar butt into a nearby trash receptacle. He mentally smacked himself. It was a trash can for God's sake. He was using their language. That was not a good sign.

He paused when he saw something approaching the door to the courtyard. It looked like a collection of four people. They were wearing standard desert attire on their bodies and carrying various guns.

One of the guards called them out, demanding to know why they were here and who they were.

"We're Vault Hunters of the Crimson Raiders!" replied the lead man. "And we've come to challenge you."

* * *

"We're Vault Hunters of the Crimson Raiders!" exclaimed Baldemar. "And we've come to challenge you."

"This is a horrible idea" muttered Dion.

"We're going to die" agreed Saprus.

"Please. The arrogant hunter never refuses a challenge" said Taika. "This is Maliwan we're talking about here."

"Besides, they got us hooked up to the respawn system" reminded the inventor.

"Yeah, but dying hurts. I'd know" stated the infected. "I've died at least ten times."

"Twenty" added the Titan.

The gate opened up in front of them, interrupting the conversation. A single man stepped out, one wearing a long overcoat and holding a huge shotgun. He looked rather livid, even though he was dressed stylishly.

"Why in the name of God should I accept your offer?" inquired the man. "I can shoot you right now and take you all down."

"Is that really the kind of attitude you people have? That you won't accept a challenge?" taunted Baldemar. "I thought Maliwan was better than this."

"I ain't from Maliwan" spat the man. "I'm Lieutenant General Ciruolo from Bellum. These pussies couldn't even put up a fight against guys like you."

He grinned. "But you're right. I ain't the kind of man who backs away from a challenge."

He whirled around and began walking back into the courtyard. "So come on in. I wouldn't mind having a good fight. But they are sure as hell not playing goddamn poetry when I fight."

* * *

"You think they're doing okay?" inquired Mel.

"They'll be fine. We're the most important part of this current operation" stated Del sliding further along the pipe.

The twins were deep in the sewer systems of the base, having wedged themselves into a pipe barely two feet wide. Thankfully they were incredibly skinny and could do so with relative ease. It was taking a while, but they would get their eventually.

"What if Maliwan just shoots them?" asked the older brother.

"Then we continue with our current plan and try to demoralize them later."

Mel sighed. "I guess you got a point."

They crawled in silence for a few moments, Del having taken the league.

"You think the Titan is gonna take Tina from me?" questioned Mel.

"Jesus, I knew you were going to ask that" muttered the younger brother.

"I'm just saying. I mean, he's not that attractive, right?"

"In a woman's mind, attractiveness is secondary to long-term personality" explained Del. "If he can't support her emotionally or financially, she's not interested in a real relationship. Physical attraction only leads to sex and not much else with that."

"So I shouldn't worry?"

"Oh no. You're screwed."

Mel swore. "Come on. I'm not that bad am I?"

"I never really approved of your relationship to begin with" stated Del. "It was half lust, half hormones. Even now it's not that different."

The older brother snarled. "Like you know how I feel about her. I love her you know."

"If that's the case, than why does she hate you?"

"I don't freaking know! What am I supposed to do?! I've tried all my ideas and not a single damn one works!"

"Has it occurred to you that perhaps the key to affection is to give her some space?" inquired Del glancing back at him.

"Huh? How would that help?"

"Women don't like to be rushed in general. Love isn't something you can force a person to be into. Besides, there are other fish in the sea."

Mel scoffed. "This is Pandora we're talking about here. There aren't exactly a lot of people visiting."

"You never know. The Raiders are trying to make some cities. Cities mean people. People mean bitches."

The older brother laughed. "True that."

He sighed. "But…I really do like Tina. I mean that."

Del paused. He had always assumed his older brother had just fallen head over heels over some bitch because of raging hormones.

"If that's the case, I'll put in a good word for you" he promised sliding forward.

"You mean it?" inquired Mel.

"Yeah. She likes me for whatever reason. Not the way you're thinking though."

The older brother grinned. "Thanks man."

They kept sliding along the tunnel, trying to not think about the horrific smell surrounding them.

"So like on a scale of 1 to 10, how attractive is that Titan guy?"

"I'd strangle you, but there's no room for me to turn around" threatened Del.

**Yet again, conflict over Tina. Question: Is she really worth it? I know, stupid question. It's Pandora. It's either cold turkey or whatever warm body you can find out there. Of course she's worth it. **


	55. Chapter 55: Shut Up Hannibal

The courtyard in the Maliwan base was now cleared for battle, having the various valuable items removed and replaced by pieces of cover and ammo boxes. They obviously took this challenge thing seriously due to the amount of detail they were putting into it.

Lieutenant General Ciruolo was seated on a box of ammo, his shotgun on his lap. He was chewing on a lit cigar in his mouth, appearing fairly patient for such an aggressive guy.

"I am so glad they stopped playing that gay poetry shit" he said waving at his four opponents. "Seriously, you ever actually listen to that shit? Half angst, half fluff. If I wanted shitty music, I'd watch MTV."

"They don't put music on that anymore" stated Saprus calmly.

"Then why is it stilled called Music Television?"

Dion shrugged. "Your guess is just as good as ours. I prefer my Pandora account."

"Really? That any good?" inquired the general. "I mean, it is named after this butthole of a planet."

"Well you'll find a lot of shit you don't like, but it does give you the occasional good stuff. It's a crap shot, but you'll find something new in like an hour."

Ciruolo nodded. "Really? I might want to try that. You know after I'm done killing you."

"You know we're hooked up to the respawn system right?" asked Taika.

"And? I ain't accepting another challenge. Kill me now or never."

"So if we fail and come back...?" began Baldemar.

"I'll just shoot you."

Dion smirked. "I guess we won't fail than."

The Lieutenant General chuckled at his comment. "Confidence is key. But to be honest, this isn't going to be easy. Just because my ass was dumped in this culture shithole doesn't mean I'm weak. My superiors are douchebags, that's it."

An aide appeared beside him, holding a clipboard. "Sir, all munitions supplies and tactical protection have been deployed onto the battlefield."

"Awesome. Keep not playing your music while you're at it."

"Sir, I do not understand why you have made this request, but it will be followed with the highest efficiency and proficiency."

"Kinda roundabout way to describe not playing music" murmured Dion.

"Dude, it's freaking crazy around here" agreed Ciruolo. "Seriously, I barely understand half the words they use and I'm pretty sure they make a few of them up."

The Lieutenant General stood, unlocking the safety on his shotgun as he did so. "Well I think we can go. Good luck."

He paused. "Wait, you can respawn. Even if I kill you, you'll just come back. If that's the case, don't bother coming back."

Baldemar nodded. "Same to you."

"Oh I don't respawn. Bellum doesn't believe in respawning. Neither do I, so I opted out of it when I got here. Now let's get started."

He raised his shotgun and fired, ruffling his coat as he did so.

Saprus opened his glove and released a cloud of Plaque IX, degrading and eroding the general's clothing. He raised his Corrosive and Incendiary firearms, both of their elemental effects activating the bullets.

Dion roared as his Plasma Rage took over, his hair blowing off his face. He fired both palms forward, releasing two pillars of energy.

Taika summoned Roosevelt and slid to the corner of the battlefield. Bring her sniper rifle to her cheek, she began shooting at the general with timed precision.

Baldemar activated his Combat Clone and tossed a series of grenades. His Clone raised its custom Assault Rifle and started to unload lead down the field, his mechanical eyes having near-perfect accuracy.

The general didn't even break his shield, calmly walking forward while shooting. He whirled and nearly blew Saprus's head off, assessing the next shot instantly. He spun on a heel and hit Dion straight in the chest, sending him flying.

Roosevelt slammed into him, making the general stumble backwards. Then a sniper round burned through the shield, hitting his shoulder.

"Goddamn it!" he roared turning towards the sniper.

Dion sprinted into his field of vision and punched him in the face, tearing through the shield with the blow. Spinning on his feet, he began a rapid series of plasma strikes.

"You're dealing with me now" stated the Titan growling in his throat.

Ciruolo backhanded him and fired into his chest, blowing a hole in it. He paused when he noticed that his opponent was regenerating rapidly, his organs and skin already forming back into place.

"Jesus. Just like the reports" murmured the general.

Dion grinned and fired a shot point-blank into him, sending him skidding backwards.

Saprus shot another bolt of Plaque IX and hit the general's clothes, instantly eating away at the fabric.

Ciruolo swore and threw off his overcoat. Even when he did that, a speck of the disease clung to his boot. He tried to stomp it out, but that only agitated the decomposition of his body.

"Get him!" roared Baldemar reloading his assault rifle and raising his Torgue shotgun with it. "His shield is down!"

Dion deactivated his Plasma Rage and leaped back, raising his elemental guns. He began to back up slowly, his shield rapidly reforming itself as he moved.

Ciruolo clicked a small button on the butt of his shotgun and his gun began to shudder, seemingly charging up. Then he fired, releasing all 16 slugs at once.

The Titan slammed into the wall and collapsed, blood pouring from his mouth. It was like he had been hit with a sledgehammer right in the sternum. He could feel his ribs being fractured in his chest and he was certain a lung was gone.

"Dion!" yelled Taika.

"Stay back!" he ordered. "I'll respawn anyway!"

He spat what looked like a chunk of his ribs. "Goddamn…"

He glanced to his left and saw one of the Maliwan soldiers trying to sneak into the battle. Snarling in anger, he raised his Dawn and shot him.

The soldier collapsed and the Titan breathed in deep. His chest began to heal itself, punching back outwards from where it had previously been dented.

Baldemar slid over to him and loaded a large Bandit SMG. "This is going to sting" he warned aiming carefully.

Then he began to shoot Dion in the chest rapidly, loading his chest with bullets.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" shouted the Titan. Then he realized that the bullets were actually healing his body, somehow patching up the wounds alongside his normal regeneration.

"Uh…what kind of bullshit science are you using?" inquired Dion.

"I have no idea" admitted the inventor.

Saprus glanced back at them, having been given the task of holding off their opponent. "We need both of you to get back up! We can't win without you!"

Dion nodded, standing up and stumbling. He cracked his knuckles and began to glow green. "Okay then. Thanks for the heal."

"No problem" replied Baldemar reloading the SMG. "Now let's kill this asshole. I think the others are getting close to hooking up the explosives."

* * *

"Red dead fed med, men ten fen gen" murmured Mel casually hooking up some explosives. "Get bet het let…"

"Lew few mew pew" continued Del doing something similar. It was a game they had played since they were children. You spoke four words that sounded very similar with only letter difference, then changed another letter of that word and spoke another series of four. It could literally be continued indefinitely if you were smart, but it could be pretty short if you didn't know anything that would suffice.

"Peg meg leg keg, ked head wed red…goddamn it!" spat the older brother. He had just repeated a word, the only rule that you couldn't break.

"Ha! That one goes to me" stated the younger brother victoriously.

"Oh shut your trap! I don't spend all day lugging boxes across the freaking desert! I actually work!" objected Mel defensively.

"Spying on Tina doesn't count as work" argued Del.

"You clearly don't know how I spy on people" muttered the older brother.

"That's mildly disturbing."

"Yeah. It's pretty exhausting if you catch my drift."

The younger brother glanced at him. "I don't even want to know."

"Ya, you really don't."

* * *

The four Vault Hunters were lying on the ground, most of them bleeding and exhausted. Dion was completely out of it, his suit torn and burnt in dozens of places. The others weren't fairing so well, all of them on the last drops of their life.

"Wow, this is pathetic" spat Lieutenant General Ciruolo. "I bet you expect someone to come in here and save you like last time? That's not how it works this time."

He sighed. "Damn it. You all are the newest generation of Vault Hunters. The first ones were pretty good, and the second ones were even better, but you guys took two steps backwards or some shit."

They all glared at him angrily, but he was right. They could barely move at all due to their injuries. Any second they'd bleed out and die.

"What is with you all?! Have you lost the will to fight!?" yelled the general. "What is wrong with you!? Are you tired of fighting because this shithole planet drained it out of you!? Well tough shit! This life is full of pain and misery, and you won't solve anything if you lay around and cry like bitches! The first generation paves the way for you ungrateful fuckers, and the second one made sure you had a place to rest your fucking tired ass so you could take over for them! You dare spit upon the sacrifices of those who came before you!? YOU UNGRATEFUL COCK-SUCKERS!"

Ciruolo actually seemed to be getting rather pissed off at their defeat, his fists clenched so hard that his knuckles began to bleed. "THIS ISN'T A GODDAMN KID'S SHOW! You won't get your asses rescued by your knight in shining fucking armor because you bitch hard enough! No Vault Hunter worth his dick on Pandora ever gives up! EVER! Did the first generation complain when they had to sleep on top of the corpses of all the bandits they killed?! No! They wrapped up snug and had a fitful night of sleep so they could do the same damn thing the next day! Did the second generation ever think, 'hey, let's just stop doing this shut for free and let Hyperion mow us down like grass'? FUCK NO THEY DIDN'T! They brought the fight right up to Handsome Jack's face and blasted his skin off!"

He took a deep breath. "And now you're hear, thinking that you can just rely on those guys, the same motherfuckers who time and time again sacrificed everything for this shithole of a planet?! They aren't the stars of this story you cock-gnawing boot-lickers! You are the stars this time around! It all falls on you to fight against people like us! Stop trying to humanize us, stop trying to show mercy! We stepped onto your yard! Blow our asses up! Kill us all! Prove to every damn doubting douchebag out there that you CAN DO THIS!"

He began to pant, having exhausted himself from his speech. He glared at them, still not critically injured. "So what will you do, eh? Will you die like dogs and hide in some hole when you respawn? Or will you fight like Vault Hunters and prove that you deserve to even survive on this planet?"

"…hey you…" spat Baldemar standing up. Even though he was near dying, he didn't look ready to die. He stumbled towards the general, not even holding a weapon anymore. "I…I got something…to say to you…"

Ciruolo waited, his glare not faltering.

Baldemar stopped right in front of him, breathing in deeply.

Then he slugged him in the face, the blow being enough to throw him to the ground.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" roared the inventor infuriated.

The general looked at him astonished, as if he hadn't expected that kind of reaction.

"YOU THINK MY CREW DOESN'T KNOW THAT!? I'm sick and tired of motherfuckers like you underestimating us just because we're new to this planet! Well guess what, we belong here like all the other assholes that came to this planet! We ain't leaving just because some bitch-ass douchebag thinks we aren't worth our salt! Even if we have to put a bullet in every single fucking one of you assholes, including that goose-stepping, neo-Nazi Josef Fucking Muller that runs your company, I'll throw in two just so you all will SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Ciruolo grinned, even though he was now in the dirt. "So what? Words are hollow. Prove to me that you can back that up."

He stood back up and flared out his arms. "Come on then! Kill me already! Show me what you can do Vault Hunters!"

Taika stood up, helping Dion to his feet as well. They both grabbed their weapons, loading them with bullets.

"Finally you're up" spat Saprus. He chuckled dryly and stood up himself, throwing the dirt off his suit. "Man Baldemar, you really got us in a pickle didn't you? We could've just left and never come back, but now we gotta do some work."

"Yeah, that's kinda pissing me off too" agreed Dion grinning. "You talk too much Baldemar."

"Oh shut up!" snapped the inventor. "Says the guy who never shuts his freaking trap!"

"Yeah, you gotta point" murmured the Titan. "I do talk too much."

Taika loaded her sniper rifle and summoned Roosevelt. "Well I can't be El Cazador if I just give up, now can I? I'm with ya all the way Baldemar."

"I put my faith in you" said Saprus.

"I guess you're cool enough for me" joked Dion.

"Shut up" ordered Baldemar smiling. "Come on. Let's finish our job."

"With pleasure" commented the Titan.

**I did that just to prove something: These guys really are the replacements for the last two generations. They aren't some add-ons or something. They are the third generation. I wasn't sure it was necessary, but it really did drive in the nail, didn't it? Comment on what you thought about that or anything in general. **


	56. Chapter 56: ATM Splitter

Ciruolo stood in the center of the battlefield, his chest filled with wounds. His right arm had been severed from his body and he was missing a good chunk of his clothing from the burns, corrosion, electricity, explosives, disease, gunfire, plasma and laser beams that had assaulted him. Quite a lengthy list, isn't it?

"Damn…" murmured the general. "Not bad…"

The Vault Hunters were back in the dirt, this time just on their knees from exhaustion instead of near-death. Their guns were smoking and empty, having wasted all their ammunition trying to kill him.

The general sank to his knees, not even bothering to try and halt his wounds. He grinned up at them, seemingly approving of what they had done. "You guys…got a pair…"

He flopped to the ground, stopping his movements completely.

The Maliwan troops flooded in, running to their boss desperately. They were hoping to rouse him apparently, hoping against hope that he was still alive.

Then they shifted their attention to the Vault Hunters, aiming their guns at them.

"Shit" spat Baldemar. He didn't have any ammo left and his Combat Clone was still cooling down.

An explosion detonated right underneath the courtyard, causing the troops to sink into the new hole in the dirt.

"Hi dead people!" roared Mel walking from the crater. He had his sword activated and was holding a mass amount of grenades. Then he began throwing bombs and swinging his blade in every direction, seemingly going on a rampage.

The Maliwan soldiers quickly returned fire, since apparently they could fight back.

"Do you think you can succeed with only two fighting soldiers?! We're going to tear you to shreds!" yelled the Maliwan captain tauntingly.

"Lesser people have tried" stated Del calmly. He was doing something similar to his brother, albeit in a far more calm and professional appearance.

"That's not even that intimidating you…"

"Tried…and they died" finished Mel. He grinned psychopathically. "You make this too easy for us bush-whacker!"

He then raised a large detonator. "Guess what I got?"

"Move!" ordered the captain.

"Sorry. I lied. I already pushed it" stated the older brother chuckling.

The building behind the troops exploded, knocking them to the ground. Most of them died on impact while others were filled with large chunks of shrapnel and began to writhe in agony. These people took at least ten minutes to succumb to shock and eventual death. This amount of vigorous detail is only to serve an example to the general community: Don't play poetry on your loudspeakers or a set of psychotic twins will blow up your building. Or something like that.

Baldemar stood up, shaking the dirt out of his clothes. "Okay. I think that'll do."

"Yeah" agreed Mel. "I freaking hope so. If they come back after all that, we might just have to build a wall around them."

The rest of the crew stood up, exhausted from their battle. They stared at the burning building, almost as if it was a burning memorial.

"That was fun!" exclaimed Dion. "Can we do it again?"

"No!" roared the other three Vault Hunters.

"You all suck!"

* * *

Baskerville was now sitting in the captain's chair of the _Diffusion Symbiosis_, his feet propped up on the desk as well. He was eating what appeared to be a turkey leg, hopefully anyway, and was drinking a large jug of a strange brown fluid.

"Nice work yawl" he complimented, the combination of the fluid and meat slurring his words. "Damn good job."

"What are you drinking?" inquired Taika curiously.

"Brown gravy" answered the wereskag casually. He then took a huge gulp of the concoction, grinning as he did so.

"Damn, never thought of doing that before" murmured Dion. "I've tried other weird shit, but never drinking gravy."

"It's really good. Not gonna give you a drop though" countered Baskerville.

"Fine. What about our money?"

"Oh right."

The wereskag slid over a large briefcase. "Enjoy."

They grabbed the case and opened it swiftly.

"Uh…where's the money?" inquired Baldemar.

"It's there."

Taika reached inside and pulled out a small white piece of paper. "This is a check."

"Yep."

"Where are we going to cash in a check?"

Baskerville paused. "Shit. Didn't think of that."

He stopped to think about it. "Damn, damn, damn. Where would we ever find a functioning ATM?"

A monitor flashed to life nearby, showing a black mask in the display.

"Zero! Perfect timing!" yelled the wereskag.

"Is it?" inquired the assassin calmly.

"Yes! Listen, do you know where we can find an ATM anywhere?"

"ATM you say?/No such knowledge I possess/except for one case."

"Can you tell us?"

Zero conjured a :l emoticon on his visor.

"Don't be a dick!" roared the wereskag. "Just tell us already! Lilith handed me a check to pay these guys and we don't know where any ATM's are. And since she's over in Sanctuary talking to Maya about some Siren shit, we can't just get her to fork over the cash."

"While this is a chore/I will discuss this with you/For I can answer. An ATM is/Located in HJ34/Owned by Tediore."

"Shit" murmured Baskerville. "Really?"

"Yes."

"That's no big deal" said Dion. "Maybe we'll fight some interesting people there."

"I have business there/A target that needs killing/Your help would be nice" stated Zero.

"Awesome. We get to work with the crazy awesome swordsman" commented Baldemar.

"Where is this HJ34?" inquired Saprus.

"I can hook up the Fast Travel to Zero's camp" explained Baskerville. "Good luck with him. That asshole never liked me for some reason."

"You were too flashy/to be my combat partner/no offense meant dude"

"None taken. Dude."

The assassin nodded. "Good. Be here soon. Out."


	57. Chapter 57: Angel Hunter

**Sorry for the wait, I had a bunch of shit going at home. Ain't life a bitch? Anyway, please continue reading.**

The four Vault Hunters stared out at the city before them, noting the various attributes. It looked like something you'd assemble with blocks, since every single edge was square and straight. There were no variations at all, with only height being the primary difference. It was all a dull grey color with blacked out windows everywhere. It wasn't exactly a very significant city at all.

"Of course Tediore built this thing" murmured Dion. "It's boring as shit."

"Minimalist aesthetics" argued Saprus. "By using simple shapes and colors, it provides a more robust style."

"It's squares and grey" countered Baldemar. "Not appealing at all."

"Agreed" said Taika.

"Irrelevant" spat Zero. Out of all of them, he was easily the most serious. He had a single coffin strapped to his back, but now had a large sniper rifle in his grip. He was lying prone on the ride where they were camped at, looking through the scope and providing necessary recon.

"Enemies minimal" he murmured studying the environment. "Boring."

"We still taking the main route?" asked Taika. She was a professional huntress, similar to him, and would understand this kind of terminology.

"Yes. It is open/Getting inside is easy/The rest, not so much" replied the assassin.

"Duly noted. Who's the target?"

"My job, not for you/My targets are mine to kill/You do your own thing."

"Sounds cool to me. We got a cash to check anyway" said Baldemar. "I can't believe we're going this far just for a stupid check though."

"Money is money" reminded Saprus. "And I like getting paid."

"When we get back, I'm kicking Lilith's ass" muttered Dion.

Zero stood, cocking his sniper rifle in one motion. "Go."

He then disappeared, blending into the environment seamlessly.

"Come on people. We got money to make" urged Baldemar. "Money we already earned, but try not to think about that for too long."

They walked towards the external wall, noting how the guards were marching mechanically across the top. It was obvious that they were automated defenses, since Tediore didn't pay for people to do simple things. They only hired people for specialist positions like engineers or captains. These were Loaders, things that they shipped off a factory line and built by children. In fact, they even stole the Loader designs from Hyperion, only upgrading it slightly to provide less vulnerability for more firepower.

"Oh, see that lady wearing black?" sang the inventor, marching slightly as he did so. He had learned a bunch of songs when he was in the Dahl military, which was usually only sang when doing something boring. Like marching for example.

"She makes her living on her back!" completed Dion, who knew the song well. He had learned it out of curiosity and loved it.

"Second verse!"

"Same as the first!"

"But a little bit worse!"

"Can you two idiots stop singing?" inquired Taika. "We are trying to sneak in."

"Not exactly" stated Saprus. "We're the distraction for Zero."

"Oh. Well in that case, sing away boys."

"Oorah!" declared Dion. "The army says that right?"

"Yep" answered Baldemar. "Most have their own version, but that one is universal."

"Sick. What shall we sing now?"

Bullets began to fly past them, eating the dirt around their bodies.

"The song of war!" replied the inventor summoning his Combat Clone.

"Aye!" agreed the Titan activating his Plasma Rage.

Saprus aimed at the wall and fired a bolt of Plaque IX. This time the disease ate into the concrete, beginning to clear a hole for them.

"Most impressive" he noted calmly. "It would appear that the disease is becoming even more potent."

Taika slid to a crouch and took out a Loader on the wall by shooting it right in the optics. Turning, she began firing a rapid series of sniper shots throughout the wall. She licked her lips as the bots crumbled, getting a mild high from the sight.

"God, death is such a narcotic" she murmured.

* * *

Zero sprinted over the roofs of the buildings of HJ34, his invisibility cloak wrapped tight around him. He leaped at least fifteen feet with each jump, sometimes more if he propelled himself on the side of a wall. He had a destination in mind, and knew the shortest route to there. Even with the coffin on his back, he could move just as fast as five years ago.

"Wind on my visor/Sun bearing down on my back/This is truly fun" he murmured under his breath. He didn't need to worry about giving himself away due to the invisibility, but it never hurt to make sure. He could still be hurt, since he wasn't in another dimension or something crazy like that, and would take all damage normally.

He leaped from the top of a huge skyscraper and hit a low flat building, noting the courtyard below him. It appeared that he was in the center of the city and he was standing on city hall. His target would be close by.

"Where…" he began before something hit him right in the chest.

He smashed into the courtyard and rolled into the shadows. His invisibility coat was gone, but his suit could still disguise itself in darkness.

"Infrared, only possibility" he murmured trying to determine how that person had shot him. "Where are they?"

Someone landed in the courtyard, shuffling the red cloth around the person in a huge whirling pattern. Out of that cloth he could determine a huge blade of some kind, almost a yard long and a foot thick at the base.

"Come on out mister" urged Rosalign Rubity spinning her scythe in one hand. "I only want to dismember you. I really am a big fan of your work and I'd love to surpass you."

"There you are" muttered Zero. He slid his sniper rifle onto his shoulder, calmly aiming at her head. He didn't want a fair fight, he'd lose that one. He needed to kill her immediately with overwhelming force.

Suddenly she whirled and fired a shot out of the end of her scythe, knocking the gun out of his hands. Pumping the action, she began a rapid series of shots in his direction.

The assassin sprinted out of cover and grabbed the coffin on his back. Pushing a few buttons, he slid to a stop and slammed one end of it down.

"So mister, what are you bringing to play with today?" inquired Rosalign smiling gently.

"A special weapon/Meant to kill you certainly/with no exception."

"Oh. Can I see it?"

He pushed the final button on the coffin and the exterior exploded, revealing the basic infrastructure of the coffin. It was a small podium with a single sword mounted onto it. The sword appeared rather odd, like it was a giant knife of some kind. It was completely black and had a blood red tint along the edges.

He grabbed the handle of the blade and raised it. "Bring it."

Rosalign grinned and spun her scythe, her cloak spinning with her. "Right mister!"

Zero planted his feet in the ground and swung the sword, the sword glowing dark red for a moment. Then it exploded in a shockwave of energy, releasing what looked like a wave of blood.

The wave smashed into Rosalign, knocking her off her feet.

"Obsidian blade/lunging upwards into sky/piercing the heavens" he whispered recently to his blade.

"Wow mister!" exclaimed Rosalign standing back up. "That was amazing! What do you call it?"

"Angel Hunter" he replied simply. Then he swung again, not even sparing her another word.

**Before you evne ask, yes. That's Getsuga Tensho from Bleach. Ichigo Kurosaki's Shikai, or the one he had before all that crazy Fullbring and Quincy shit happened. I liked it the best. Before you comment, it's pop culture. I can reference it all I want.**

**Oh yeah, and Taika is a bit of a sadist. Kinky right? As Gaige would say anyway...**


	58. Chapter 58: Purchase Required to Read

"See that lady from the south?!" sang Baldemar marching through the streets, melodramatically waving his gun. They had gone through several verses of that song and were clearly enjoying themselves immensely.

"She makes her living with her mouth!" finished Dion, whirling his guns in his hands as he did so. He too was having tons of fun, especially considering the amount of things they had killed.

"See that lady overseas?" began Saprus calmly, not even raising his voice slightly. He was mildly familiar with the song and saw no reason to not sing along.

"She makes her living on her knees" completed Taika grinning slyly, not even bothered by the sexual implications of the song. She had hunted a lot with men before and the comments they made didn't bother her in the slightest. And they were kinda funny in a way, so that was nice.

They stopped when they reached their destination, the bank. It was obvious that it would have an ATM unit somewhere inside, or at least more likely than the dozens of other places they had unsuccessfully checked.

Dion calmly strode forward and kicked down the door, holding up his guns. "This is a robbery!" he announced into the store. Only to notice the huge crate of explosives strapped to the center of the room he had just stepped into, which had been conveniently hooked up to the door he had also just kicked down.

"Well fuck me" he muttered before being blasted off his feet and slammed into the pavement a few meters away.

"You okay?" inquired Baldemar.

"I think I broke bones in my ass I didn't even know I had" commented the Titan standing up and rubbing his sore backside. "But otherwise I'm cool."

Taika scanned the bank analytically, making sure there weren't any more surprises. "Be careful. I get the feeling they rigged this place."

"You don't say?" joked Saprus dryly.

Dion walked forward, still smoking slightly. "I'll go first. I can regenerate. Kinda."

He stepped forward, not really bothered by the prospect of getting blown to cinders. He had once regenerated from having both his legs and an arm shot off, not to mention the internal spine disintegration and half-skull removal. The reason all that had happened? Well, let's just say never to cheat on a crazy bitch and leave it at that. On second thought, just don't cheat ever.

He stepped on an off-color tile and a huge blade appeared in his field of vision. Raising his left arm, he took the huge scythe blade in the forearm, digging to the bone and stopping.

"Ow" he murmured absently yanking the blade out of his arm. "That kinda hurt. Hit me with a few more of those and even I won't last long."

They kept walking forward, the Titan talking the brunt of the traps. This included multiple blade traps like the scythe one before, a few grenades, two large hammers, a pit fall, and what appeared to be a shotgun hooked up to a treadmill.

"Why didn't we just send your Combat Clone first?" inquired Taika lowly, not wanting to distract Dion from taking damage without dying.

"Don't say a word" replied Baldemar chuckling. "This is kinda funny in a sadistic way."

Dion finally reached the ATM of the bank, the only functioning one anyway. He looked like crap, especially considering how he was covered in blood and ash.

"I'd like to make a withdrawal" he stated collapsing against the machine. He sank to the floor and clutched desperately at it to stay up, but failed that and hit the floor.

"Good day sir/madam. Please insert a credit card or input your code to continue" chirped the ATM cheerfully with a synthesized female voice.

"Fuck" murmured Dion. "I don't have a card."

Taika calmly stepped to the machine and withdrew a small plastic card. Sliding it into the machine, she typed into a few buttons and the machine dinged. Placing the check inside the slot, the machine whirled for a few minutes before depositing the money.

"Whoa. That's a lot of money" muttered Baldemar.

Taika counted it quickly, whistling as she did so. "And boys, that's how you get paid."

"Awesome" said Dion standing up He had sufficiently recovered from his repetitive beatdowns over the course of the last five minutes and could finally move again.

"You okay?" inquired Saprus. Even though his voice was drier than a desert in a drought, he had levels of concern layered in his speech.

"Ya, just kinda hungry" replied the Titan stretching his now reattached left arm. "Regenerating really takes it out of you. Tons of protein and shit required."

The radio strapped to the Baldemar's belt buzzed and a voice came through. "Squad. Need help."

"Zero? What's going on?" asked the inventor.

"This adversary/is more fearsome then I thought/I am on the ropes."

Dion scoffed. "Tough assassin got into a fight he couldn't handle. Kinda glad we're the reinforcements this time."

"Hurry" urged the assassin. The sounds of blades connecting and other various battle noises echoed over the radio before it was promptly cut off.

"Come on team" ordered Baldemar cocking his gun. "Maybe we'll get loot for this too."

"Is that all you think about?" questioned Taika.

"Loot and my girl Gaige. That's about it."

"Sounds like a solid plan" murmured Saprus. He obviously approved judging by his tone.

"The three things needed in life: bacon, bullets and bitches" stated Dion. "You can buy all three with loot. Sorta kinda."

Taika shook her head. "You guys are unbelievable. Discussing this in front of a lady."

"I saw you lick blood off your machete" noted the infected.

"Fuck you! I was in the mood!"

"That's what she said!" yelled the Titan cheekily.

"It's funny cause she did!" added Baldemar.

The two began a hysterical feat of laughter before the huntress pulled out her machete and waved it in front of their faces.

"Shutting up now" murmured the inventor.

"Ditto" chimed Dion.

Taika snarled and sheathed the huge blade. "Get moving you idiots. I swear I have to babysit you wherever we go."

"Oh come on! Baldemar's not that bad!" objected the Titan.

"Me? You're the psychopathic man-child of this group!" argued Baldemar.

"I resemble that remark."


	59. Chapter 59: Let's Get Dangerous

Zero grunted and slid across the ground from the most recent blow he had received, several areas of his suit having been ruptured. His newest sword, Angel Hunter, was still charged, but that did little. This girl could dodge it mid-swing and keep the assault up even when he was trying to hit her. She was more than a worthy adversary for him.

Rosalign smiled at him, her scythe rifle on her shoulder. "Wow mister. You really are as good as Mrs. Maliwan said you were. I'm so glad I listened to her and never let you have a fucking chance."

The assassin snarled and began running forward. He swung his sword, releasing a huge blast of energy from the blade.

The girl leaped upwards and swung at him in one motion, hitting him in the shoulder. He spun and grabbed her by the scarf harshly. Tugging it cruelly downwards, he slammed her into the ground.

Rosalign gasped as the situation was rapidly reversed, then stared in horror as he raised the blade.

"Delete" he whispered before he swung, the energy blast detonating right in front of her eyes.

Then it stopped, the blast never having escaped his sword.

The girl grinned. "Well mister. I think your sword is out of charge." Then she shot him in the chest, making him fly backwards.

Zero hit the ground and grunted in pain, clutching at the hole in the center of his torso. It was dripping a pitch black liquid and making him glisten with it. It was not a good sign. He couldn't even stand now, the pain was too intense.

Rosalign calmly walked over towards him, her scythe blade kicking up sparks as she dragged it against the ground. Spinning it in one hand, she gave one final giggle. "Goodbye mister!"

A second blade caught the blade and stopped it, preventing it from killing the assassin.

The girl stopped, only to stare at the newest assailant in front of her. It was another female, one who looked just as fearsome as the ambiguous assassin before.

Taika elbowed her in the face and kneed her in the groin. Obviously this girl intended to fight dirty. Grabbing Rosalign by the hair, she threw her aside and raised a revolver.

"Bitch" snapped the huntress firing it into her back.

Rosalign dodged the shot and fired in return, spinning as she did so and running despite her injuries. Those dirty blows had hurt a lot, but not as much as gunshots would.

"Hot damn!" exclaimed Dion walking in. "That was some cool shit you just did!"

"Thanks" replied the huntress simply. "Now can you please go Titan and kill her?"

"Oh, right. Just gimme a second. That regeneration wore me out."

Dion snapped his fingers and began to glow slightly. Then he quickly got shot in the face, disintegrating his skull instantly.

"Dion!" exclaimed Baldemar panicked.

The Titan collapsed to the ground, dead. Then he began to disappear, transforming into data that would eventually go to a New-U Station and allow him to respawn.

"You bitch!" roared the inventor.

"Oh please! He'll respawn!" yelled Rosalign.

"You better not" murmured Saprus firing a bolt of Plaque IX.

The girl leaped out of the way only to be fly-tackled by a digital wyvern. Roosevelt slammed her into the ground and bit into her shoulder.

"Get her my lady!" urged the wyvern even with a full mouth. "Just hit both of us!"

"Roger!" responded Taika firing into them. Roosevelt grunted in pain before disintegrating into data, but Rosalign took the shots fully.

The girl felt blood explode from her mouth and coughed it up. Standing back up, she narrowed her eyes, dropping the innocent look.

"Let's get dangerous" murmured Rosalign who suddenly looked a lot more threatening.

She slammed her blade into the ground and mounted the weapon like a motorcycle. Then she fired, the gunshot propelling her forward through the stones.

Taika dodged the kick she lashed out with, but was hit with the back of her fist instead. Ducking and bobbing, she began attacking back with chops of her machete.

Rosalign caught the blade and clawed at her face, tearing deep into her cheek. Hitting down to her teeth, she hooked her fingers through the flesh into her jaw and yanked it loose.

The huntress screamed in pain as her jaw was dislocated, falling to the ground and holding the broken part. Only to be kicked in the face by the girl and pinned by her foot.

The girl didn't do any wisecrack or taunt, instead swinging instantly at her neck.

Baldemar's Combat Clone dove in and took the shot, exploding into data as he did so. This proved enough of a distraction for Taika to move out of the way, applying some healing oil to her torn face.

Saprus slid at Rosalign and pushed his palm into her forehead. Grunting coldly, he fired a bolt of Plaque IX point-blank into her skull.

Rosalign took the shot, but her skin didn't rot or anything. She grinned right back at him and slashed him in the suit, rupturing it across his torso.

Saprus swore and backed up, hurriedly shying away from his comrades to prevent them from dying.

"I applied the vaccine to your plaque on my skin" explained Rosalign. "It doesn't affect my body."

Baldemar grunted, the final Vault Hunter to still be standing. "Damn. You're even tougher then that Ciruolo guy."

"Of course I am. I take my job seriously" spat the girl.

Then she ran at him, her scythe blade fully extended to slice him.

Baldemar deflected the blade with his assault rifle and bashed her in the head with the butt of the gun. Pulling the trigger, he began trying to hit even as she dodged him.

Rosalign flipped and fired back, causing him to take the shots in the chest and stop his shooting.

Baldemar summoned his Combat Clone, who quickly shuffled off to the side somewhere.

"Oh no you don't!" roared the girl flying towards the bot. Then she was hit by a black energy blast from the side and knocked back.

Zero stood up uneasily, the hole in his chest having stopped bleeding. His sword was also apparently recharged as well, and he didn't appear so dead.

"Let's finish this" he muttered weary.

"Yeah" agreed the inventor.

The assassin gripped his sword and swung again, hoping to hit his opponent while she was down.

Rosalign dodged and fired at him, running forward as she did so.

Baldemar blasted her with his shotgun and stood his ground, not even bothered by the threat of her blade.

The girl dashed to the side and hit him in the back, knocking him to the ground. Stomping on his body, she propelled herself forward and clashed blades with the assassin.

Zero locked blades with her and stared into her eyes, which were far more angry and concentrated then before. She wasn't the bubbly little girl from before. She was the top assassin of Maliwan, the fearsome Crimson Blade.

But he wielded a blade as black as midnight.

His sword Angel Hunter detonated, sending her flying backwards.

Rosalign slid to a halt, then felt a cold blade stab her in the gut.

Taika was barely off the ground, both of her hands now clinging to the machete she had imbedded in the girl's stomach. She grunted in satisfaction, even though her cheek was still healing up. "Got you."

The girl hurriedly looked up and saw the assassin sprinting at her, his blade already charged up.

"Oh shit" muttered Rosalign trying to move. The huntress's grip was like iron though, and made it impossible for her to dodge.

Zero swung the Angel Hunter, the energy blast cutting through her body from her shoulder down to her waist in a diagonal slash.

The assassin grunted as her body fell to the floor, panting slightly as well. "Farewell Crimson Blade/for even red suns must set/for engulfing night."

"Yeah, rest in peace bitch" spat Taika rubbing her cheek. "Goddamn, I've never had someone break my jaw like that."

Baldemar stood up, shaking off his daze as he did so. "Man that was tough. You weren't kidding Zero."

"I never kid."

Saprus walked back towards them, his suit now intact again. "Apologies. I wasn't willing to risk your safety to win."

"No problem. It was the wisest decision" stated the inventor. "Well, we done here?"

"I am" replied Zero.

"Good. Now let's go pick up Dion from the New-U Station. I'm sure he's pissed off by now."

**Please review on what you thought. And before you even ask, yes. Pretty much all the Bellum/Maliwan/Tediore employees who helped capture Rocko and Jessup are going to die. Usually painfully. Isn't that something to look forward to?**


	60. Chapter 60: The Decapitator

**Apologies for the long wait, I got caught up in school (don't we all?). By the way, I have been working on a project that will replace both my Dead Island stories and the Skyrim ones by combining the main ideas of both. Please voice your opinion of that in the reviews page. By the way, this new story will be about Dark Souls. Think accordingly in your reply, and enjoy the update.**

Taika lay across the top of the watchtower, her hat tipped to cover her face from the glare. Even though it was freezing cold out here, it wasn't a good idea to get sunburn. They were high enough in the mountains to where the clouds did little to cover the destructive rays of moon, which could bake a man if unprotected.

"Holy fuck my balls are freezing off!" yelled Baldemar rubbing his shoulders together.

Dion shrugged. "I'm cool." Because of his Titan blood, he produced more body heat then he'd ever need. He was actually melting the ice around him casually, something he hadn't planned on doing but was kinda fascinated with.

Saprus didn't feel the need to mention that his suit was also heated, something that would no doubt piss off Baldemar more. He did have a fur edge to his hat and collar though, since it seemed festive enough, but he was toasty warm at the moment.

The four of them had been recently deployed to the Southern Shelf by Lilith, who apparently knew of an assault by the enemy. She had placed them under the command of Vladof, something that they weren't too comfortable about. Sure he made good food and had even better vodka, but he was unstable. Only someone like him would build a fort in the middle of the tundra. It was an important place though. It was guarding a valley that lead into the city of New Stalingrad, Vladof's first settlement on Pandora. The town was central to weapon production for the Vladof army and was the military base where all of them were deployed. They had chosen the Southern Shelf for the simple reason that it reminded the leader of his hometown. It was clear to see why that was so.

Nicholas Vladof walked towards them, wearing a crimson suit over his body with no warming elements added. In his hands was a small tray with five mugs positioned on it. These mugs were filled with a clear liquid that could be mistaken for water, but that was not even close to what they were. It was his signature vodka that his uncle produced, a staple drink of the cold tundra that would heat up a person's body to withstand the chill. Or at least it did a good enough job to where people wouldn't freeze to death.

Baldemar quickly took a mug and gulped it, gasping from shock of the sheer power of the drink. It felt like he had taken a gunshot to the face. He had experienced that before, but not at such a magnitude.

"Heh, virgin" murmured the CEO grinning. He was so used to vodka it tasted like water to him, but that was because he had sucked it out of a sippy cup since he could walk. Hey, sometimes stereotypes were accurate.

Dion took it and grinned, enjoying the burning sensation it gave on the roof on his mouth. "Nice stuff. Good strong spirit. Tell your uncle he's got a satisfied Titan."

"I would if he wasn't so busy" explained Nicholas casually. "A shame too. I miss him."

Taika glanced at him and gave a salute even though she appeared to be napping. "Good afternoon sir."

"No need to salute me" he stated handing her a mug. "You were one of my finest soldiers Ms. Taika. I never let any of my best salute me, since they're equals."

"You seem far happier then you were at Sanctuary" noted Saprus, who hadn't taken a mug of vodka for obvious reasons. Even though he liked vodka, he couldn't drink it with the mask in the way.

"Oh, that's because I'm in the cold" replied the CEO leaning against the chilly stone of the wall. "I love the cold. It makes me feel so alive. I can't stand hot climates. I felt like I was boiling inside Sanctuary."

He rubbed his face, the white skin of his hands looking no different than the patches on his face. "I am wondering why Lilith sent so many people though. She didn't just send you four you know."

As if on command, two people strode out of the guard tower near them, wearing clothing standard for tundra. Well one of them anyway. The other was shirtless except for two straps that ran down from his shoulders to his pants.

"**I CAN FEEL MY PANCREAS GROWING ICE CROPS!"** complained Krieg rubbing his arms together.

"It's your own fault" stated Maya harshly. "You had to go shirtless."

Friedan took over the body for a moment to reply. "It's because he tears all the clothing anyway when he shifts. You know that as much as I do Maya."

"Yeah" murmured the Siren sadly. "I'm glad the real you showed up though. You really are a nice guy."

"Thanks" said Friedan. It might've been the cold, but it appeared that he had a small blush on his face.

"What up Krieg?" asked Dion, the symbolic equivalent of the psycho at the current generation. He might as well have been the replacement for Krieg, since they both shared sociopathic and psychotic tendencies. Needless to say they got along perfectly.

"**THE GROUND IS TRYING TO STAB ME IN MY ANKLES!"** exclaimed the psycho side of the man.

Friedan took over to give the explanation. "He says that the snow hurts his feet. He is barefoot after all, the idiot."

"Damn. I wish I knew what the felt like" joked the Titan. "I melt the snow under my feet. It's awesome."

"**CAN I'S HAVE SOME OF YOUR WARMTH**?!" begged/yelled the psycho pleadingly. It would've been cute if he wasn't wearing a mask and his eyes were full of bloodlust.

"Hell no! I need my warmth!" snapped Dion.

"**GREEN-HAIR IS NO FAIR! I RHYMED!"** roared Krieg.

"Green-hair?" repeated the Titan.

"His nickname for you" murmured Friedan assuming control. "Don't be offended. He once called Salvador 'Bacon-Makin' when he cooked breakfast for us."

Maya laughed, apparently having remembered the incident. "Oh my God he got so pissed off. He threatened to rip off your arms and beat you with them."

"**BACON-MAKIN WAS A MEANIE DUNDERHEAD!"** yelled Krieg.

"No explanation needed" said Friedan cheekily.

Nicholas glanced out, having spotted something in the distance. "Ah shit."

Taika turned her head, her eyes instantly assessing what she was seeing. "Is that..?"

"It looks like Bellum" murmured Saprus analytically. "What are we going to do?"

"I'm going to have a chat with them" said the CEO calmly.

They all glanced at him. 'Having a chat' sounded about as out-of-character as the bloodthirsty CEO could get, with only 'bird watching' and 'drinking tea' being close replacements.

"Uh…did you mellow out over the years?" inquired the huntress.

Nicholas chuckled. "Just watch."

He walked over to the edge of the wall and stood there, in clear view of the others. Even if there was a sniper in that crowd, he had a strong shield wrapped around his body that would prevent such a thing from killing him. He hated bodyguards, so such a thing was necessary.

The Bellum troop stopped in front of the gate, the captain stepping forward. "Nicholas Vladof, head of the Vladof corporation, step out immediately!"

"I don't take orders" spat the CEO nastily. "State your business."

The captain coughed, a nervousness overcoming him. Or it might've been a cold. It was freezing out here after all. "You captured a battalion of our soldiers a while ago. We know they're alive. Hand them over at once. Basic wartime honor dictates that you return our soldiers."

Nicholas giggled, a girlish thing that made him appear even more frightening. "Honor? I have Bellum lecturing me about honor? How odd. Did honor dictate you to capture Rocko and Jessup or shoot down your own ship?"

"I want my soldiers back" snapped the captain. "Hand them over now."

The CEO chuckled, brushing a strand of hair from his face. "Gentlemen, you really are quite rude. You want your friends back, but yet you've been stepping on their bodies and disrespecting them immensely."

The captain paused, interpreting what he said. Then he glanced at his feet and gasped.

A face stared right back at him, buried underneath the ice and snow. It was clearly a human skull though, one that was frozen and horribly decomposed.

"My God" murmured the captain recoiling in disgust.

"They made great stones for the courtyard, don't you agree?" inquired Nicholas casually, not at all bothered at the inherit cruelty of his actions. It didn't even seem to affect him at all, something that made him far more unsettling.

"Monster!" cried the captain. "This is downright disrespectful for basic human rights!"

"Human rights? Please. I killed them before I did that" argued the CEO. "They were lucky. The bodies I used to pave my streets in New Stalingrad, those Maliwan fuckers, weren't so lucky. I really had calmed down when I captured them. Normally I should've impaled them and left them alive out here, but I was too tired to do that. Besides, they make really gorgeous imagery don't they?"

He grinned. "However, I am out of character. I am referred to as the Decapitator aren't I?"

He paused, glancing at the stone railing beside him. It had a single spike where his hand was, with a space of about a foot to the next one and then another. "Hmm. I never noticed how boring this was. Just spikes on the wall are bland. They need some decoration."

He chuckled. "Good thing you all arrived."

The captain took a step back, then felt something at the back of his neck. It felt like a string of some kind, which cut ever so slightly into his skin.

The Bellum troops looked around, the strings having formed a complex web around them. Without exception, the strings were all at neck height and dug into their skin.

Nicholas snapped his fingers.

The strings tightened and flared, slicing through bones and skin. Blood flew through the air as dozens of soldiers lost their heads, collapsing to the ground dead.

Krieg had a huge smile ear to ear, leaning almost completely over the railing. He probably would've fallen to the ground below if his grip on the edge wasn't like iron. Blood skyrocketed up to him and smacked him in the head, causing him to lick at it with his elongated tongue.

"**THE MEAT SYMPHONY SCREAMS SO BEAUTIFULLY!"** he roared approvingly, lapping up the blood he couldn't reach with his hands.

Maya whistled. "Damn. I'd say that was cruel, but it is Bellum. They do deserve it."

"Of course they do" snapped Nicholas. "Don't be ridiculous. This is war. The other side deserves whatever you dish out against them. Past offenses and wrongs mean nothing in war. We fight for all kinds of reasons. 'I can't stand that guy', 'I won't forgive him', 'I want him dead', but it doesn't matter. What matters is that we fight. And if you want to fight, then fight with all of your strength and show no mercy, ever."

He clasped his hands together. "Now, I think we should begin our decorating."

He reached to his belt and grabbed his ECHO communicator. "Sergei, grab the heads of those soldiers and place them on the spikes on the wall. Any extras, well, toss them. As for their bodies, well…"

He grinned sadistically. "Make a forest."

"Understood sir."

Nicholas sighed contently. "Well that was enough violence for now. I'm feeling famished. Who wants dinner?"

**If you're curious, the 'make a forest' line is a reference to Vlad the Impaler. He used to impale hundreds of people and erect the poles into the air, forming a literal forest of spears and bodies. Just think about that for a moment.**


	61. Chapter 61: Love and Time

Major General Sine was standing on top of the mountain, using his left eye to stare ahead of him. Since he had Eye of the Owl activated, he could see anything ahead of him for 500 meters perfectly. It was a useful ability to say the least.

"Well he killed them" he noted blankly. "We expected that though."

Colonel Doctor Marie Winter nodded, relying on her partner's long-range sight to inform her of the details. "Is my guy down there?"

"Krieg? Yeah. They all went inside though."

"Damn. When should we attack?"

"We have to make sure those new Vault Hunters don't interfere" explained Sine. "That's how Rubity got killed. We can't give Maya or Krieg a chance to attack us or call for aid."

"Of course. I need to kill that psycho. He's going to be such a good subject" murmured Marie licking her lips sensually. "God, I can't wait to cut him to pieces and take him back to my lab."

The General ignored her and kept gazing. "I think Maya and Krieg are going out to talk. Now's our chance."

He then leaped off the flat top of the mountain and began to slide down, not at all bothered by the steep angle he was faced with.

* * *

Maya and Krieg walked out of the dining hall casually, the Siren lightning a cigarette in one motion. Unlike the simple ones Axton smoked through, these were more elegant and long, with a small symbol placed on the butt to distinguish it from others. Also unlike Axton, Maya didn't smoke a pack of day. Only at meals and during stressful times.

"What were you going to say Krieg?" inquired the Siren blowing the smoke out of her mouth casually. She had noticed that the psycho appeared nervous, which was unusual for him. Or it could be that he was cold. He still refused shoes or a shirt, which was mildly concerning.

Krieg anxiously rubbed his hands together, his eyes averted at his feet. He had a small blush on his face that he REALLY hoped Maya wasn't seeing right now, or if she did, he hoped she would assume it was the cold. He was so goddamn nervous right now with the thoughts running through his head.

"_Okay, so you know the plan"_ thought Friedan internally.

"_**WE HAD A PLAN?!"**_

"_Yes we did you idiot. Do you remember it?"_

"_**OF COURSE JIMMY CRICKET! PLANS ARE MY BITCH!"**_

"_Good. Now first we tell her…"_

"_**THEN WHAT?!"**_

"_You really didn't listen. Then we ask if we can move in since we don't actually have a house. After that it should run itself."_

"_**WHAT IF SHE SAYS NO JIMMY CRICKET!? THE PRETTY LADY ISN'T A PART OF YOU! HOW CAN YOU KNOW SHE WILL SAY YES?!"**_

"_Because I do. Leave that to me. Just say those words and I'll…I'll…let you eat that bacon custard I make."_

Krieg stopped dead, the psycho actually calming down for once. _**"YOU MEAN IT JIMMY CRICKET?!"**_

"_Of course. I'll add all the ingredients. Ham, eggs, jalapeños, ketchup, mustard, motor oil, and of course bacon. I'll make a whole pot of the stuff if you just go with what I just said. Got it?"_

The psycho nodded inside his skull, not mimicking the action on the outside. _**"OF COURSE JIMMY CRICKET!"**_

"_Good. Now, go."_

Krieg straightened up (in the real world) and Maya glanced at him. "Something the matter?"

"**Danger…"** murmured the psycho. He sniffed the air, recognizing the scent. He whirled around and looked up to the mountain.

"_It's that Doctor"_ groaned Friedan. _"Goddamn it. The little bitch couldn't let me do what I needed. Krieg, murder her."_

"**I'm going to beat you to death with your own coffin!"** roared Krieg grabbing his buzzaxe.

Maya noticed what he was doing and turned. Swearing, she threw her cigarette to the side and removed her gloves. "Making a lady take off her gloves. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

Marie Winter leaped off the mountain slope and slammed into the outer wall of the fort. Propelling herself forward, she spun elegantly and raised a leg to kick.

"Hey sexy!" she yelled smashing into Krieg, the back of her boot slamming into his forearms above his head.

Krieg threw her aside and swung his axe, grinning behind the mask. He was definitely going to enjoy this.

"**WHO PUT BOUILLON CUBES IN MY SHOWER HEAD?! I'M GOING TO BLAST ME SOME SPEED METAL AND MOW YOU DOWN!"** roared the psycho running forward.

"That's the spirit!" yelled Marie adjusting her cloak. As she did so, she revealed that she now had devices on her legs like the ones on her arms, meaning that every limb was now dangerous. She raised her arms offensively, licking her lips suggestively as well. "Let's play a game…"

"**I FUCKING LOVE GAMES!"** shouted Krieg. **"TIC TAC TOE, HANGMAN, PIN THE TAIL ON THE MIDGET! WHAT ARE WE PLAYING?!"**

"Doctor…" murmured the doctor spinning on her heel and slashing him in the head with her bladed leg.

Maya glanced up at the mountain, tracking the second opponent. This one didn't look that excited or angry, not in the slightest. He looked like he was analyzing her calmly, noting everything that she did.

"Hmm, kinda handsome" she muttered. Then she raised her left arm and snapped her wrist, the blue glow intensifying for a split second before detonating.

Major General Sine leaped forward, dodging her Phaselock. As he did so, he removed his left glove and revealed the black eye on the back of his hand. "Eye of the Hummingbird."

The ethereal armor appeared around his body and allowed him to slow down his descent. Slamming into the courtyard, he slid towards her with an elbow ready to strike her head.

Maya ducked underneath the strike and fired a bolt of energy behind her. Spinning to catch up with him, she began firing off bolts like bullets from her hands almost casually, seemingly doing it with minimal effort.

Sine rolled and bobbed, moving in almost like a bouncing ball. Think Sonic the Hedgehog and you had something similar to the movements he used.

"Eye of the Raven!" exclaimed the general unveiling his other hand.

Maya stopped dead, caught in the illusion. It felt like she was drowning in salt, slowly drying her away into nothing. She also couldn't breathe, making her feel like she was truly drowning. She vomited, collapsing to the ground and grasping at her chest.

"Shit…how did…Rocko break it…?" she murmured clutching at her temples.

Krieg noticed her dilemma and sprinted over frantically. Sliding on the ground, he struck her once in the face. This broke her free of the illusion, the pain jarring her back to the real world.

"**Sorry about that pretty lady!"** exclaimed Krieg. **"Now go fill up your murder bags!"**

"Thanks" said the Siren standing back up.

Marie snarled, revealing two huge blades along the underside of her forearms. "Get your filthy hands off my man, you slut!"

Sine smacked her in the head, knocking her back. He appeared rather agitated at her behavior, not to mention exasperated.

"Sine, what the hell?!" roared the doctor.

"You fight Krieg, I fight Maya. That was the plan" snapped the Major General. "Don't be an idiot."

"Fuck you! That little whore is taking my man, my subject!"

They both stopped, having been wrapped in twin Phaselocks from the Siren.

"What the hell?! What's she doing?!" demanded Marie panicking slightly.

"Will you shut up you idiot?" ordered Sine.

Krieg chuckled, gripping his axe as he did so. **"So long birthday bear!"**

The Major General tore clean through the patch over his left eye, electricity turning the cloth into ash.

"Eye of the Vulture" he whispered as blood poured from his eye socket.

Maya screamed in agony as she was overcome with the black lightning, her body breaking into violent spasms.

"**Pretty lady!"** exclaimed Krieg. He turned to face his opponents, only to get a blade to the head from the now free doctor.

"We just keep doing this don't we?" murmured Marie spinning and kicking her opponent, grinning as she did so.

Sine walked over to Maya, clutching at his eye in pain. "I was hoping to not use this, but I guess it doesn't matter now, does it?"

He raised his left arm, the blue aura of the Hummingbird Eye intensifying. "Time to die."

Maya blasted a Phaselock at the ground, throwing herself into the air. This also had the benefit of discarding the black lightning on her body, meaning that she could move freely again.

"Crap" muttered the Major General closing his bleeding eye. "It takes at least thirty seconds to recharge. Gonna have to settle with the other abilities."

He drew his long sword and sprinted forward, the blue aura giving the blade an even sharper edge.

Maya landed on the wall of a building and threw a ball of energy. This ball detonated like a grenade, exploding with a gravitational force equivalent to a freight train. In other words, a Phasebomb for all intents and purposes.

Sine landed form the impact and his eye rolled in confusion, his equilibrium completely shot somehow. He kneeled down, disoriented as shit.

"As the Time Siren, my abilities allow me to speed up or slow down time around a target" explained Maya arrogantly, seemingly not caring about the obvious detail that she was explaining her moves. A general bad idea no matter who you are. "That bomb accelerated your body for those brief seconds. I bet it feels like jet lag, and that's probably the closest description to what happened."

Sine grinned, opening his other eye. "Good to know. Eye of the Vulture."

The Siren dodged, but quickly noticed how the trail of lightning followed her. Whenever he gazed at with his eye, it would appear with only a second delay. It was like a tracking laser of sorts, except this one jittered and sparked as it moved.

"Explaining your moves is a horrible idea" stated the Major General calmly. "Don't think that because you're a Siren means that you're above that rule. Even idiots can figure out your moves if you give them field instructions about them. It's…"

Maya smiled cheekily at him, even when in the middle of her dodge. Then she teleported right in front of him, grabbing at the back of his head with her hand.

Pulling him backwards, she raised her other hand to his face. "You weren't listening to my field instructions then. I control time, acceleration and deceleration. That includes myself of course. But I don't need you to explain your powers. It's obvious…"

She placed her hand over his Vulture Eye, smiling evilly as she did so. "Your power is in your eyes."

Then she gouged out his Vulture Eye, tearing the thing right out of his skull.

Sine screamed and bucked in agony, but Maya didn't let him go.

"You bitch!" he roared, trying to escape her grasp.

The Siren grinned, showing a side of herself she normally didn't. "It's a good thing Krieg can't see me right now. I'll be honest, I love seeing violence. It's exhilarating."

She raised her bloody hand and made it begin to glow. In the center of her palm grew a small orb of light that spun slightly and revolved into itself.

"Later" she taunted detonating the orb.

The last thing Major General Sine saw was a huge flash of light before his body was accelerated two thousand years per second, turning him instantly to dust and even into molecules.

Maya sighed, her body returning to normal from her violence high. It disgusted her how she loved doing that, but it had been a while…Withdrawals due stack up after all.

"**BACK TO THE IMPORTANT PLOT CHARACTER!"** exclaimed Krieg blocking a strike from the good doctor with his forearm, only shaving the hairs from the blade.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I think it's cute" admitted Colonel Doctor Marie Winter. She unhooked another device on her arm and revealed a whirling blade at the end of her knuckles, similar to a blender. Holding it up to her face, she nearly got cut from the blade but didn't seem to be bothered.

"Let me give you a haircut my lovely" she said smiling dangerously.

"**MAKE SURE TO GET MY ARM HAIR!"** roared Krieg running to meet her.

"_What is she trying to do?"_ thought Friedan quietly. _"Is she trying to make him feel something for her? It's not going to work. Krieg doesn't feel like that. Or…not in the way she thinks anyway."_

The doctor swiped at his stomach, tearing multiple lacerations in his gut. Deactivating the mechanism, she hooked the blade into his neck and pulled him close to her.

"You look so kissable when you're covered in blood" she mused licking her lips.

Krieg's eyes widened and he shoved her away. **"THIS IS MY NO-NO SQUARE!"**

He then proceeded to chop the doctor four times in the torso, tearing through her clothes and revealing bare skin.

"**NOW YOU GOT ONE TOO!"**

"_Wow Krieg. I didn't…you…you think like that?"_

Marie smiled, even though she was now bleeding. She removed her shirt, exposing what might have counted as an undershirt in a base, uncultured society, like Northern Manhattan.

"What do you think?" she asked teasingly, not at all bothered that her exposed stomach was covered in blood.

Krieg hooked two fingers into his mask and ripped it off, revealing his grinning face. **"What an amazing chest Gwynevere!" **

"_Krieg…you like Maya…" reminded Friedan. "Do not give into temptation…" _

Then she activated a huge device on her back, six metal appendages coiled around and flared to life. She now looked like an amorphous humanoid spider. This also torn apart the rest of her clothing on her upper torso, but her now draping hair quickly covered up anything indecent. No fanservice to any of you!

"**More like Quelaag"** murmured the psycho, showing a remarkable commentary on the physical appearance of his adversary.

"_Krieg, how long did you play Dark Souls?"_ inquired Friedan unconsciously.

"_**Camel."**_

"_Camel?"_

"_**Camel equals celery. Celery equals eleven. Eleven equals UFO. UFO's fly. Time flies."**_

"…_I think you injured our brain."_

"_**Injured from LOGIC!"**_

"_Sure, let's call it that."_

Marie crawled forward on her new spider legs, apparently excited by the way this was turning out.

One of the legs spat a ball of water at him, which he dodged relatively easily. Then he noted that the water was hot enough to make the snow boil underneath it and turn immediately to a gas.

"Isn't that just hot?" inquired the doctor provocatively. "It took me so long to get this tech working, but I'm glad I can show it to you before you die."

"_Heh. Krieg, you heard her. She made all that just for you. Pay her back."_

"**RIGHT JIMMY CRICKET!"**

He ran forward, swinging in a huge arc.

Marie calmly blocked the strike and retaliated with three of her own, the spider legs shredding his side.

"_Whoa. I underestimated that design."_

Krieg, ever the instinctual one, leaped to the side and swung again. Only to get it blocked by a single spider leg. Sliding even more, he kept getting his assaults deflected or repelled.

"_Goddamn it. Krieg, take off the mask."_

The psycho nodded, jumping back to gain some room. Reaching up to his mask, he was stopped by six blades embedding into his torso.

Marie grinned as her tech arms impaled him, hoisting him off the ground as well. Blood poured from the wound and down to her head, painting her chest and face with the crimson fluid.

"If only you could see yourself right now" she murmured smiling. "Your agony looks so beautiful, like a transcendent god."

"_Krieg, Krieg!"_ roared Friedan inside the psycho's skull. _"You can't die!"_

"_**Why?"**_ spat the psycho. _**"You know me well enough Jimmy Cricket. This is the end for both of us. I'm…I'm sorry."**_

"_No! Don't you remember what we talked about?! That house with sunflowers?! The litter of kittens?! Our marriage with Maya?! What about all of that?!"_

"_**But…what can I do…? I can't fight anymore Jimmy Cricket."**_

"_Leave it to me."_

Krieg sighed, a small smile on his face. _**"Of course. Thank you…Friedan."**_

Marie glanced at him curiously. "Hmm? Are you still alive?"

The psycho sighed again, then locked eyes with her.

"Goodbye Marie Winter" said Friedan slicing her in the face with his axe.

The doctor gasped, the tech falling off her body. Collapsing to the floor, she hit the snow and lay gently.

Friedan stood, ripping the blades out of his stomach. He knew that they would heal, but he would have to remove each one slowly or risk rupturing more organs.

"Crap…the blood loss is…a lot worse…" he murmured clutching at his chest. "Damn it…"

Maya ran over to him and grabbing him by the shoulders. "Krieg? Are you okay?"

"Yeah" said the psycho.

Then he felt teeth sink into his neck from the back.

He whirled around and threw Marie Winter off his body. She looked up at him, smiling gently even though she was bleeding.

"I love you, you know?" said Marie smiling at him. "You're a man after my own heart."

Friedan glanced at her coldly, removing his mask to make it easier for him to breathe.

Then he plunged his axe into her torso, planting it firmly in the middle of the ribs. "Don't be ridiculous. You're just like me Marie. You don't understand love at all."

Then he split her diagonally, ending her life instantly.

"You don't mean that, do you?" inquired Maya curiously. "What you said about love, you were joking right?"

He glanced at her. "I would be lying if I didn't think that. I don't understand love in the slightest. But…"

He gripped his axe, a natural instinct when in a stressful situation. "I love you Maya."

The Siren paused, not sure how to respond in the slightest.

Then Friedan stepped forward, planting his lips on her own. He had a white knuckle grip on his axe, but that was out of nervousness instead of anger.

"**Hot damn Jimmy Cricket!"** roared Krieg inside his skull. **"Wow, it's really nice in here. All spacious…HELLO! I'M A KITTY, AND I SAID HELLO!"**

The psycho smiled as he broke the kiss, his teeth still sharp but not as threatening. "Sorry about that."

"No" replied Maya shaking her head. She appeared pleased, a small grin on her face. "Don't apologize."

They turned when they saw someone dragging a body across the snow, a person very familiar to them. It was Nicholas Vladof, hauling one of the Bellum corpses from earlier. This corpse was half naked and had several lipstick marks over the neck and face.

They stared at each other for ten solid seconds.

"I didn't see anything" he said decidedly.

"Same" repeated the two Vault Hunters.

**The noise you just heard was the sound of dozens of Maya/Krieg supporters going 'Ah' simultaneously. The other sound was the rest of us going 'WTF Nicholas' as well. **


	62. Chapter 62: Hijack

The four Vault Hunters stood on a huge platform in the middle of the Dust, a seemingly random placement for such a thing. It was about thirty feet long and ten feet wide, with a small set of stairs keeping it off the dusty ground. Other than that, it had literally no other details. It looked like a random platform in the middle of the desert, which it was.

Dion was snoring slightly, having been dragged on a sled for most of the journey. He had gotten drunk back in Oasis (which he apparently did a lot of) and they had decided to just drag him along. It was easier than trying to wake him up. Not to mention he constantly complained about the heat, and it was usually impossible to complain while unconscious.

The Titan stopped snoring, waking up from hearing some odd noise. "Whoa. How long have we been going?"

"It's tomorrow" answered Baldemar.

Dion looked around frantically. "Tomorrow? Where the fuck are we?!"

"The Dust."

"Why the fuck are we in the DUST?!"

"Apparently we're meeting Mel and Del out here. And someone else" replied Taika. She had a poncho draped over her shoulders loosely, making her appear similar to a certain zombie-killing crossbow-wielding redneck. The huge Jakobs rifle made her appear even cooler then that man though. If such a thing were possible, it was clearly obvious from this example.

The Titan sat up and groaned, rubbing his stomach in pain. "Man, I'm so hungry. Being drunk really burns it out of you. I feel like I could eat at Arby's."

"What's wrong with Arby's?" inquired Baldemar defensively.

"Have you ever actually tried to eat there? The toiletries had better taste then the food."

"Some people would disagree with you" pointed out Saprus.

"Fuck some people!" roared the Titan.

They all stopped when they saw a huge, well, something approach the platform. It looked like a giant centipede, except it was moving completely in a straight line. It was jet black and a bit square, like a rounded rectangular prism. A huge column of smoke was blowing from the top and arcing around ina corkscrew pillar above the object.

"Is that…a train?" murmured Baldemar.

"Never seen a train like that" countered Taika.

"Just because you haven't seen something doesn't mean it doesn't exist" argued Saprus.

"It looks fucking awesome is all I know" stated Dion.

The object got closer and revealed itself to be a train, as evidenced by the pillar above the front compartment. The long winding tail behind this was the different cars, all of which were black. Despite the huge bulk of the entire thing, it was moving incredibly fast.

"Uh…how are we going to get on that?" inquired the infected nervously.

They glanced down when the platform began to shift, rising slightly. From the back grew a few spoilers similar to rocket propulsion systems. Out of the sides came a set of wings that stretched out flat, like a plane.

"Oh shit" muttered the Titan. "I know where this is going."

Taika chuckled. "You have got to be kidding me."

Baldemar knelt down and gripped the surface of the platform. "You're going to want to hang on. That thing's going at least 85, and we'll need to do higher to catch up."

"Oh man" murmured Saprus anxiously.

The platform flew forward, the rockets at the end propelling it insanely fast. They went from 0 to 60 in almost 2.4 seconds, an impressive statement to say the least.

"Who has the time to design something like this?!" demanded Dion gripping tightly onto the platform.

"Why did they design it?!" countered Taika.

"Who cares? It's fucking awesome!" roared the inventor. Obviously the sight of a well-designed machine had the excitement level equivalent to Dion sighting a tray of bacon. Basically he really liked it.

They zoomed ahead, catching up with the train rapidly. As they got closer they began to make out what exactly this thing was. The train was designed simply, mostly made of scrap metal fused together by welding and screws. It didn't move gracefully or purposefully, it moved fast. Nothing more and nothing less. The wheels were practically screaming in agony as they were ground to dust, but even that did not slow the thing down in the slightest.

"You'd think the conductor was running from something" noted Saprus calmly; not at all disturbed that he was clinging desperately to a 90-mile-per-running platform in the middle of a desert chasing a train. Wow, is that seriously what was going on?

The side of the train near them opened and revealed the interior of the train car. It was just as simple and badly put-together as the outside, but it was a welcome sight inside.

"I really hope I can catch something!" yelled Mel from inside the open train car, wearing a large cartoonish cowboy hat. In his right hand was a long lasso that he was winding around his head, fitting the overall cowboy look he had obviously aimed to make of himself.

"Get them inside the car you idiot!" demanded Del, who was crouched next to him, a huge gun in his hands. He was reloading it, indicating that he had been shooting something before they had opened the car.

Mel threw the lasso and snagged Baldemar first. Throwing his arm back, the inventor sailed into the car and smashed onto the floor.

"Ow" he murmured slightly in pain from the harsh impact. "I think I broke my kidney."

"You can live on only one" reminded Del. "Come on. We got tangos on board."

As soon as he said that, a trio of soldier appeared from the tail of the train car, all of them wearing Bellum colors.

"It's the twins!" exclaimed one of the men.

"Kill them then!" ordered another one.

Baldemar rapidly summoned his Combat Clone and stood up, the two instances of him firing their weapons.

"Get the others inside!" he instructed to the twins. "I'll keep you two clear!"

Del nodded and removed a grappling hook from his belt. Stuffing it into the barrel of his gun, he took aim and fired.

The hook lodged itself into the clothing of Taika and gripped something snug. He pulled her into the train car hurriedly, hoping to get the other two as quickly as possible.

He was about to tear the grappling hook out of her clothing when she smacked his hand rapidly.

"What is it?" he asked rushed.

She snarled. "Let me remove it."

He stopped when he realized that the hook had lodged itself through her shirt and snagged on her brassiere, the main reason it hadn't torn. That was probably why she appeared to be slightly in pain and exasperated.

Del blushed and turned away to offer her some decency. "A-a-a thousand apologies ma'am."

She smirked and gently removed it from her clothing. "There you go. I'm fine if you make moves like that, just give a girl some warning."

"Naw, little bro is into other things" stated Mel still spinning his lasso. "Like sock puppets."

"Fuck you!" yelled the younger brother extremely irritated.

The older brother chuckled and lassoed (it's a word believe it or not) Saprus into the train car, tucking the whip into his belt. "Close the door!"

Del pushed a button on his gauntlet and the train car closed up, returning to its normal state.

Baldemar popped the head of the final soldier and glanced back at the twins. "Okay. Now can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?"


	63. Chapter 63: Train Robbery

Jacqueline Maliwan stormed through the halls of the Sünde Gott, the chief mothership of the Bellum corporation. Her dress was crimson red with specks of orange appearing like flames, which is exactly how she felt right now. No, actually she was completely and utterly fucking pissed, if she had been asked.

She charged straight into the main bridge without even paying the guards a look, shoving them aside to get further into the room.

"Josef, what the fuck are you doing?" she demanded stomping her left heel, sparking the ground with the knife blade on her stiletto.

The CEO looked up from his chair calmly. "Drinking tea."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh really? What kind, Earl Grey?" she inquired sarcastically.

"I get the feeling Ms. Maliwan is exasperated" noted Maxwell Tediore blankly, his thin frame seated next to Josef. He was sipping tea as well, simple black tea with a small bit of sugar and milk instead of cream. He was still wearing a suit and tie and didn't appear that unordinary, typical for his company.

Jacqueline pointed out to the horizon through the main windows. "Why is there a whole battalion of troops out in the Dust? You know that territory is under my supervision."

"And look how far that's gotten you" murmured Maxwell. "You failed in conquering Tiberius Outpost."

"Says the dumb shit who couldn't even capture Lynchwood" spat the female CEO.

"They had Brick" defended the leader of Tediore.

"My enemy had Gaige and Wolfenstein" pointed out Jacqueline.

"Herr Tediore, Ms. Maliwan, please calm down" urged Josef calmly, holding his hands out to try and calm the situation. "Please, I can explain why I did this simply."

"You better. I'm tired of your roundabout bullshit" stated the female CEO.

"Of course. Now would you like some tea or…?"

She raised her leg and planted the knife on the bottom of her shoe at his heart. "Start talking."

He chuckled, not even slightly afraid of her threat. "Of course. Forgive me."

He sipped his tea, infuriating her more. Before he could get a torso full of steel, he began to speak.

"Those Crimson Raiders have something very valuable to me" explained Josef looking out at the horizon, even with a knife against his sternum. "I have to get it."

He glanced at her and sipped his tea again.

"That's it?" she inquired.

"That's it" he assured.

"So let me get this straight. You sent two battalions of soldiers, fifteen helicopters, and twenty trucks just for something you want?" she asked hardly believing her ears.

"He also sent two Sand Sharks" reminded Maxwell calmly.

Josef chuckled. "Well, they did steal it from me. I'm actually rather livid right now. I really want my stuff back. And in a matter of hours, I will."

* * *

"So what are we hauling exactly?" questioned Dion walking further down the train car towards the head car, his guns tucked under his elbows.

"Not sure" admitted Mel calmly, his sword positioned on top of his shoulder. "The conductor isn't exactly saying. He's not much for talking."

Suddenly the car they had just been in was jettisoned, making them fly even faster than before.

"What the fuck is he doing?" asked Taika.

"Speeding up" noted Del. "We do have people behind us."

"Attention mi amigos!" exclaimed the intercom system of the train. The person on the other end sounded like a middle-aged Truxican man with a diet of large amounts of red meat. "Bad guys incoming! Get ready!"

"Roger that mysterious voice!" yelled Baldemar kneeling to a crouch. "Bring them on."

Out the rear of the car they saw a huge number of trucks approaching them, all of them Bellum.

"Oh man" murmured Saprus. "Our guns won't damage those things."

Del reached into a nearby crate and pulled out what looked like an engine on a stock. "Take this. Me and my brother mounted anti-vehicle weapons onto these things. Nearly unlimited rounds and perfect accuracy."

"There wasn't a thing I didn't like about that sentence" stated Dion. "Gimme."

They all grabbed the huge weapons and began firing from the back of the car, the kick of their rifles being relatively minor compared to what it was supposed to feel like.

"Red one!" exclaimed Mel. "Red one! Red one! Red one!"

"They're all red, shut the hell up!" snapped Del.

Dion chuckled, enjoying the sibling rivalry. He never had any family and it was relatively new to his ears except for the shitty cartoons he managed to get on his butthole of a home planet.

"How did you build these things?!" demanded Baldemar excited. He was practically hopping with his gun, shooting and killing even with the messed up aiming. "It's like I'm holding a brand new motorcycle, except this thing kills people ON PURPOSE!"

"Well you see you simply remove the SDU system from the vehicle and installing it at 65% power, then adding 2.4 kilograms of lead…" began Del.

"NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE MATH!" roared Mel in anger. "I am going to burn down a school just to compensate!"

"What schools? We live on Pandora" argued the younger brother.

"I'll go to Eden Prime just to fuck some colleges up!" snapped the older brother.

"Waste of a trip. Eden Prime's got some pretty hot women" stated Del calmly.

"I already told you I want only Tina."

"And she wants nothing to do with you."

"Shut the fuck up!"

Saprus was chuckling to himself, clearly amused. "You two are absolutely full of these things aren't you?"

"Hell ya! We're like the Marx Brothers, but in color!" exclaimed Mel hooking his arm around the shoulder of his younger brother.

"Let go you idiot!" shouted Del. "We still have enemies up the ass trying to kill us!"

"Good point!"

"Mi amigos, I am ejecting the next train car!" announced the intercom speaker. "You have ten seconds to get to the next one or I shoot you out too!"

"That fucker!" swore the younger brother. "Come on!"

They sprinted across the train car rapidly, desperately trying to reach the other side before they were violently jettisoned across the burning desert. Not a pleasant thing believe me.

As soon as the last foot touched the next car, the first car exploded off the train and smashed into one of the enemy trucks, sending it to Hell along with it.

"Why is he getting rid of all the train cars?!" questioned Baldemar.

"He's gaining speed" explained Del. "He's going to need it. They won't give up the chase."

"New amigos, come to the front!" announced the intercom.

"Guess that's us" murmured Saprus.

"You and Baldemar go!" ordered Taika. "Me and Dion can hold the fort!"

"Yeah! More violence!" cried the Titan excitedly.

The inventor and the infected (two nouns starting with the letter i. How odd) ran up the train cars, hoping to reach the front as soon as possible to rejoin their comrades. They'd obviously need the assistance, but this guy was driving, and it's always good to listen to your driver. As any person who has drank large quantities of alcohol and had a designated driver will tell you.

Baldemar opened the door at the front of the train and stopped dead.

There was an incredibly short man in a huge chair, peering over an oversized control scheme. He was rapidly yanking levers and pushing buttons with a rate that would make a programmer jealous. He had his hair in long dreadlocks with a red cloth tying it into a ponytail to keep it from his face. On his thighs were two shotguns that appeared to be Bandit made, evidenced by the sharkskin patterns on them as well as the teeth marks.

"Mi amigos, glad you made it" said the man not even bothering to turn around. "Name's Salvador. Second generation Vault Hunter. I really need your fucking help right now."

* * *

Jacqueline Maliwan was seated semi-comfortably in a red velvet chair, a cup of green tea with honey in her hand. She had relaxed since her bitch fit but was still rather anxious about what was going on. She hated having her territory invaded by someone she didn't approve of, and she didn't like Muller. Not one bit.

"What exactly did they steal from you?" she asked sipping the concoction in her hand.

"Oh, something valuable" murmured Josef dismissively.

"You didn't answer her question" stated Maxwell Tediore blankly. He too was growing tired of his leader's roundabout ways and overall lack of seriousness.

Josef chuckled. "You two are so aggressive towards me. You allied with me remember? Let me explain something to you: I don't need to explain myself to any of you."

The two CEOs stopped, offended by his statement.

"I beg your pardon" snapped the female CEO.

"I hate to point out obvious facts, but your army is relatively unimpressive" snarled Maxwell, showing an aggressiveness even he didn't know he had. "All this time, our troops have been the one's doing the grunt work. Sine, Rosalign Rubity, and Lane were all our troops. Not to mention the failures of your own Marie Winter and General Ciruolo. All this time, you haven't done a single thing to further our cause."

"And yet, both Jorr and Arcum Sagitta are still alive, and they are both my troops" stated Josef calmly.

They were both practically fuming in anger at this point, growing tired of his stupid games.

"If you don't give me one good reason to remain in this alliance, I refuse to work with you" explained Jacqueline.

"Same. I see nothing profitable in this anymore from my perspective" said Maxwell.

The Bellum CEO sighed. "Fine. But I cannot say this aloud or my troops will hear."

He grabbed a small pad of paper and began writing with a pen. Making sure no one else was looking, he showed the two CEO's.

Jacqueline's' eyes widened in shock. "What?...How?"

"How…interesting" noted Maxwell, showing surprise atypical to his behavior.

Josef grinned. "Have I convinced you?"

"Most definitely" said the Maliwan CEO. "I can't wait."

"The profits of such a thing are hard to consider, even by my level of mathematics" murmured the Tediore CEO. "This will truly be interesting."

**Aaaaand, that's it. I finally got Salvador. Now I'm only missing Marcus, Scooter, Ellie, and a few miscellaneous Not too bad for a simple fanfic. Drop a review if you please on what you thought. **


	64. Chapter 64: I think I can

Salvador kept pushing and pulling various apparatus on the dashboard of the train, his eyes moving faster than it seemed possible. He may have been a steroid-addicted, rugby-loving kind of guy, but he was quick on his feet.

"This artifact was buried underneath mountains of paperwork and red tape in that Bellum base" explained the Truxican man calmly. "Not to mention the mines and the solid two miles of fucking bedrock they used to keep it underground. Christ, when I think about how long I had to dig for just to reach it…"

"So that's why you haven't kept up with the others" stated Mel leaning on his sword.

"Pardon me for having to dig through shit for the last four years" murmured Salvador. "I was helping Brick, but this was a ton more important. Now that I have it, I'm heading back. But first I have to get this thing back to the Raiders."

An explosion detonated next to the train, nearly rocking it off their course. The momentum didn't even slow the train down, but did get close to tipping it over.

"It must be very important if Bellum is willing to go to such lengths" noted Saprus calmly.

They heard something that sounded like a hurricane from behind them, roaring over their own engine.

"Uh…what is that?" inquired Baldemar nervously.

Taika's eyes widened, seemingly recognizing the noise. "Sand Shark."

She ran to the back of the train, hoisting her new anti-vehicle rifle. She seemed panicked and flustered, almost afraid.

"Shit" muttered Salvador. "All of you get to the back! That thing will destroy our ship in seconds!"

The others didn't even question his logic, sprinting to the back to defend against whatever this thing was.

"So, exactly what is a Sand Shark?" questioned Dion.

"A big damn ship" answered Del. "Designed to go through any terrain at all, with no exceptions. It also has some of the toughest firepower I've ever seen."

They reached the end of the train and quickly saw what a Sand Shark was. It looked like a small dorsal fin maybe five feet tall in a triangular shape. Other than that, it didn't look like much of anything.

Taika was breathing heavily, almost panicking just by the sight. She was holding her gun tightly, trying not to seemingly burst out of fear.

"Is that it?" asked Baldemar.

The dorsal fin rose upwards, spearing into the air and stabbing the sky. It stretched to twenty feet and began to reveal the real body of this Sand Shark, a round metallic surface. Then it kept rising, the metal surface splitting the ground to expose more of its main body.

The mouth of the beast emerged, tearing into the sand and dirt in front of it. It was a mass of spinning blades and edges in a circular fashion, running all the way to a red hot core in the center that burned it all to ashes. The back end was full of pipes emitting steam and exhaust from its internal engines, roaring with a mighty fury that would've cowed ancient dragons.

"Holy. Shit" spoke Mel amazed.

"That things almost as big as Sanctuary" murmured Baldemar.

Dion was just chuckling, raising his rifle and firing. "Man, I was hoping to kill something big today. This will due."

"Aim for the core!" advised Taika. "The body is invulnerable from our bullets!"

"Aye!" exclaimed Del shooting rapidly.

They began firing their huge rifles, the shells flying all around them. The Sand Shark kept coming, seemingly taking no damage at all from their bullets. Even still, it wasn't firing any weapons or other such things.

"What kind of firepower does this thing use?" inquired Baldemar.

"Technically, none. The Sand Shark uses its force and power as a weapon, no missiles or bullets" responded Taika. "The reason it's so formidable is that it is nearly impossible to destroy."

"Mi amigos, I got an idea" stated Salvador over the intercom. "But it's a really bad one."

* * *

"Why are they accelerating so much?" questioned Jacqueline. "They won't be able to turn before they hit the cliffs off the edge of the Dust."

"Hmm, why indeed?" wondered Josef. "It doesn't make much sense."

Tediore was analyzing the map of the Dirt, his professional eyes missing no details. Then he sighed. "I just figured out why they're doing this."

* * *

"Three, two, one, jettison!" roared Salvador pushing another red button.

The last train car of the train blasted off and smashed into the Sand Shark, causing the teeth to grin against the hard metal surface. It may be an unstoppable chunk of metal, but it had just met something akin to its hardened skin. It would take a while to digest and that would slow it down.

"Next one!" yelled the Truxican man pushing more buttons.

"Uh Sal, we're getting close to that edge!" advised Mel slightly afraid of the consequences. The Dirt had a large cliff that separated it from the next island, with a space of at least fifty yards in between the two. And they were rapidly approaching it.

"Just the plan" stated Salvador grinning.

* * *

Jacqueline noted the rapid discharging of train cars confused, her head cocked to the side. "Are they trying to destroy the Sand Shark with those train cars?"

"No, they're trying to jump across the gap" said Maxwell blankly.

Josef was giggling to himself, simply amused by the situation. "I can't wait to see this."

* * *

"Trains do not fly, period" stated Dion confidently.

"Not true. Given the right circumstances and speed, a train can theoretically stay in the air for at least a few seconds" argued Baldemar.

"I'm not looking to make the motherfucker glide" explained Salvador. "Just enough momentum to get to the other side. The island ahead is ruled by Jakobs, and I've already called them for air support. But my job is to get it on that side."

The Truxican man glanced at the various dials. "I'm going to need to get more speed. Hang on."

He activated a blue button and suddenly an explosion rocked the underside of the train, launching them upwards and forward.

"Reaching Mach 1 speed" he murmured gripping the controls tightly.

He pushed a green button and the train shed a bit of its armor, speeding itself even further.

"Begin firing the emergency boosters!" ordered Salvador.

"Right!" exclaimed Mel hopping into the next train car. Sitting himself into a large seat, he pulled two joysticks on the handle grips. Then he grinned and pushed the buttons on top of them.

Two huge cannons revealed themselves from the boxes that stored them, having been mounted to the train car interior. Then they began discharging, the force of the shots pushing the train with its recoil.

"What you got bitches!?" taunted the older brother grinning. "Oh yeah! What you got?!"

"Let me have a turn!" yelled Del.

The other Vault Hunters hugged the floor, the speed becoming impossible to deal with while standing up. It was akin to a rollercoaster at this point, but completely forward and with all the nausea.

Salvador grunted in anger, the systems telling him that he still didn't have enough momentum. He gritted his teeth against the acceleration, trying to keep his thoughts coherent.

"This is the end man!" yelled Baldemar. "My only regret is that I didn't get to bag Gaige more!"

Dion whooped in joy, his smile still intact even with the receding skin. "It's been an honor gentlemen! This is one of the coolest ways I could've died, and I ain't even mad! I get to die on a speeding train with my best buds right beside me! See you all at the bar in the sky!"

Saprus grunted, glancing over at Taika. "Goodbye…El Cazador."

She smiled softly, nodding her head. "Goodbye to you as well…Black Wraith."

Salvador gripped his controls even harder, splitting his nails. "Fire EVERYTHING!"

"Come on baby!" screamed Mel flipping a switch on his seat.

The guns fully unloaded their magazines in an instant, literally lifting the train off the ground with the force.

Then they were over the cliff, flying through the open air between the islands.

"I believe I can fly!" sang Mel overjoyed at what was happening. "Sing it with me!"

The train began to descend, approaching the waves that swelled below them.

"Motherfucker!" roared Salvador infuriated. "Come on puta, lift that puto culo of yours off the fucking ground."

Then they smashed into the island surface, sliding into relative safety. Well, at least until they flipped and kept flipping over and over again.

* * *

The two CEOs glanced at Josef, expecting him to do something. But he didn't show any signs of anger or anything. He just calmly sipped his tea as if he had just witnessed someone crossing the street and not a robbery at Mach 3 speeds.

Then he crushed his cup in his hands, covering his pants with tea and blood from his hand.

They stared at him shocked, amazed by his fury. His face was contorted in rage, his fist gripping itself even with the shards of porcelain embedded into the flesh.

"God…fucking…damn it" spat Josef gritting his teeth so hard they began to bleed. "That's it. No more mercy. No more hesitation. I'm going to show them why I'm a force to be reckoned with and not some boisterous idiot who sends his troops to slaughters. Be ready Tediore and Maliwan. You're about to see what I'm truly made of."

* * *

Taika crawled out of the wreckage of the train, having healed herself to modest health with a few kits in her knapsack. She still had a shard in her stomach, but she would live long enough to get hooked up to a New-U Station at least.

"Baldemar, Dion, Saprus!" she yelled. "Anyone there!?"

"I am" murmured Baldemar standing up, his arm covered in burns. He sighed and sank to a knee, already pulling out a medical kit.

Dion threw a chunk of rubble off his body and revealed that nearly all of his jumpsuit was gone, leaving only his undergarments on. His skin was regenerating from what looked like getting peeled off and turned to ash, as evidenced by the color of his remaining clothes and hair.

"I think I got baked" he joked panting. "Man, I'm so hungry after that. Anyone got anything to eat?"

Saprus emerged from the rubble, ripping off his suit as he did so. He was leaking huge clouds of Plaque IX and the debris around his body was melting away from him. He frantically pulled out one of his syringes and injected it into his now open wrist.

"This suit can no longer contain me" he said calmly his breathing down. "I will have to get my spare back in my quarters. I have enough syringes to keep me from melting you all though."

"Holy fuck that was cool!" yelled Mel emerging from the wreck. He had a chunk of shrapnel embedded into his eyebrow and it was bleeding into one of his eyes, but he was still grinning madly.

"Only you would say that" murmured Del standing beside him, his right arm hanging uselessly to the side. "Man, this really hurts."

Salvador suddenly appeared, holding a small wooden box in his hands. He appeared burned and bleeding, but still triumphant.

"I got it" he muttered amazed, as if he himself couldn't believe what he had done. "Four years of searching and research, and I finally got it."

"What did you get?" asked Del. "What did we risk so much to get? That was nearly all of our supplies back there you know."

The Truxican man nodded, smiling to them all. 'Believe me, this is worth it."

He then ripped the box apart, revealing the object inside.

It was a luminescent cone with a bright grey and purple color scheme that seemed to float in his hands. Even as it stood still and did nothing, it emitted power that made it seem like it was divine. It tempted the mind with promises of treasures unknown and all inner desires, like a carnal mirror into the soul.

"The Vault Key" said Salvador grinning. "And with this, we can get to the planet core."

**Oh shit. They got the Vault Key. And now Josef is pissed off. This is going to be fun!**


	65. Chapter 65: Discord

The Vault Key hovered in the center of the table, held in suspension. Around it sat the leaders of the 'good guy alliance' or the people that were easier to cheer for. You know, they tended to avoid slaughtering innocent orphans and using puppies as footballs, so they were a bit more likable then those other guys.

"HOW THE F*** DID YOU FIND THIS?!" roared Mister Torgue.

Salvador grinned. "Time. Took a fuckton of it too."

"Glad to have you back" said Axton clapping him on the shoulder. "I miss the short plucky member of our group. Or was that Gaige?"

"Nice to see you too puta" spat the Truxican man grinning. "Still smoking yourself to the grave?"

"You know it" murmured the commando lighting a cigarette. "Considering my profession, dying by these things is half as likely as getting shot in the face."

"Aye" agreed Maya, who also smoked. She mostly did it when she was stressed, which didn't include now, but she still did so.

"Hey Maya, when did you get that ring?" asked Salvador curiously.

The Time Siren glanced at her left hand, where a small steel band was wrapped around her ring finger.

"I…found it" she concluded. Even still, she blushed slightly as she spoke.

The Truxican man grinned, seemingly seeing through her disguise. "Oh, I get it."

"Holy shit Maya's getting married!?" exclaimed Gaige hopping over to her. "Who's the lucky guy? Is he handsome? Does he have money? Is he good with kids?"

"It's me" answered Friedan from the other side of the room, a similar ring on his finger. He looked up at her and gave a small smile through his mask.

The mechromancer stopped. "WHAT?! When were you two EVER interested in each other?!"

"Always" pointed out Zero blankly. "It was always there/Sometimes sight is not enough/To see the real truth."

"Oh shut it mysterious haiku man!" yelled Gaige. She glared at Maya. "You better make me your maid of honor at your wedding or I will kill you!"

"I was actually going to ask you after the meeting" said Maya smiling. "I wouldn't want my best friend not coming to my wedding."

The mechromancer literally jumped in joy, her fists clenched in front of her face cutely. "Oh my God this is so exciting! Maybe me and Baldemar can join in and have a double wedding!"

"Say what now?" inquired the inventor, who had been zoning out thinking about some new idea in his head.

Dion grinned at him. "Hey, can I be your best man at your wedding?"

"The fuck are you talking about?"

Gaige glared at him fiercely. "Don't you know _sweetie_, we're getting _MARRIED_. Isn't that right?"

Her gaze would've curled milk and rotted wood, so he quickly nodded yes.

She hopped into his arms and hugged him tightly. "Oh, I was just messing with you sweetie! I had no doubts in my mind!"

"Of course not" murmured Saprus chuckling.

Baldemar gave a pleading glance at Dion, just begging for aid.

"Hey, she's your funeral" stated the Titan smiling slyly. "Women are too troublesome for me."

Suddenly Mel slid in from the doorway, a huge bruise over the left side of his face.

"My darling, please don't be mad!" begged the older brother backing away slowly.

Not-So-Tiny Tina strode in, her face red with rage. "I've told you for the last time Mel, I am not interested!" Her voice was dangerously low, meaning that she well and truly pissed off at this point.

"But if I could just…"

"No!"

"But maybe…"

"No!"

"B…"

"Not a chance in all the seven hells in this world!"

She grabbed him and began to shake him violently. "Do you get it yet?! Huh?!"

Then she noticed that he appeared to be enjoying her shaking in a way that even she knew wasn't that innocent. He had a glazed look in his eyes and a small smile that hinted at why he was enjoying it so much.

"You dirty pervert!" she screamed throwing him into a wall.

"Tina, please stop trying to kill my brother" pleaded Del. "He really is a good guy."

"Bullshit!" roared the destructive young lady. "That hubbajub nearly got a hard-on just from me strangling him!"

"Only from you darling" said Mel smiling softly.

"I'm seriously going to kill you now!" she yelled running at him.

Dion stepped in between them, blocking her path.

Instantly Tina turned back to her inner child. "Oh, Count Shorty!" she exclaimed in her normal high-pitch voice.

"Hey Tina, how's it going?" he inquired casually, not really bothered by Mel's plight.

"Oh nothing much. I woke up, had a gloriously refreshing breakfast of croutons and strawberry tarts, learned basic geometry, rewrote Hamlet in crayon and proceeded to…"

"Can you all please SHUT THE HELL UP!" roared Lilith from the head of the table. "God, we're trying to discuss what to do with this damn thing!"

"Isn't it obvious? Use it" stated Montgomery Jakobs. "I don't see what's so hard about it."

"The problem is we don't know where the Vault really is" explained Nicholas Vladof, smoking his hookah next to him. "We know it's at the core, but currently have no way to get there. Digging to the core would take years, and that doesn't even calculate the conditions. I'm not sure how we're supposed to reach it."

Lilith leaned forward, tapping a button on the table. "This is how."

A large sphere appeared in the center of the table, a digital map of Pandora. It revealed a cross-section of the planet, a large V symbol in the center.

"We have uncovered a tunnel off the Trash Coast, buried underneath nearly a mile of seawater. Apparently it used to be aboveground millions of years ago when the Eridians still existed. But now it makes it really difficult to get to."

A white line drew itself from the V to the crust of the planet, appearing off the edge of the Trash Coast.

"We have reason to believe that this tunnel can safely take us to the core Vault. We'll have to do an excavation process, but we can do it."

"Where did you get this information?" inquired Maya.

"I had it" replied Stanton Dahl smiling softly, an odd look on his face. "I bought it off Hyperion."

"Why are you smiling?" asked Montgomery nervously. He looked like a shark, grinning in front of prey.

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just…"

Then Stanton calmly placed a small device on the table and detonated it.

The entire room stopped dead, the device making them immobile. It was like all of their muscles had shut down at once, refusing to listen to their commands.

"Relax, it's not fatal" said Stanton grinning, walking around them triumphantly, enjoying the looks on their faces. "It's a special gas I developed to be used in combat. Completely shuts down the signals that your brain sends to your muscles, better than any anesthetic. Lasts for ten minutes at a time. Plenty of time to do what I need to do."

He sighed. "But I'm sure that's not what you want to know. You're all wondering, 'Why?" I'm sure. Well it's simple. You all are the losing side. I won't ally with the losing side. I despise losing. I won't get rid of the foothold I have on this planet again. Josef has offered me the chance to join him, and it would be stupid not to. I wish I could bring some of you along, but that's irrelevant. To prove my worth, I have to help him on his quest."

He reached across the table and easily grabbed the Vault Key, spinning it in his hand. "I think the key to the Vault will do."

Then he crouched down and opened the computer on the side of the table. Removing a computer chip, he placed it on his gauntlet.

"And what's a key if you don't know where it goes?" he asked rhetorically, mocking them by his tone. "I think that'll do for now."

Stanton pulled out a pistol, a Bellum design. "You know, I'm really tempted to use this. But Josef explicitly told me not to. And I won't disobey a man like him. So goodbye."

He then walked out of the room, moving with the same grace that he always possessed but now accompanied by arrogance.

**Bet you didn't see that shit coming, did ya? Heh heh, I love my plot twists. Of course if you thought it sucked I guess I should work on it, so drop a review on what you thought. **


	66. Chapter 66: Normality

"What are you saying? Subbing is universally better" stated Baldemar. He was seated calmly on the couch, a jar of Nutella and some crackers on the side table to his left.

"But dude, there are some really good dubs out there!" argued Dion. He was munching on a bacon and cheese sandwich and defending the minority in his argument.

"There's no doubt, but a majority are better as the original language. Look at Dead Snow…"

"Agreed, but have you ever seen Cowhand Pebob? Gold standard of dubbing."

Baldemar shrugged, biting into the hazelnut cracker lazily. "Yeah, but…"

"But nothing. I mean, sure that one Peroxide dub…but one bad dub does not spoil the entire batch…"

"I'd just like to throw in Single Piece" murmured Saprus, who had his suit off due to having taken his medicine. He was watching the TV which had a soccer game on. Or football to all the other people in the universe.

"He's got a point" stated the inventor. "Good original, but it really varies since so many damn people edited it through translation or dub."

"Yeah. There have been some shitty dubs of that one, but also good ones" muttered the Titan. "Damn, that one can go either way."

"Tie" parlayed Baldemar.

"Tie" agreed Dion. "Now let me bring up Hellsing…"

"Oh, no question…"

"How are you two able to argue after what the hell just happened?" questioned Taika, sharpening her machete. She wasn't so angry at them as much as irritated.

"People naturally float towards normal behavior" explained Saprus. "It's not surprising. When my wife died, I had to return to my house and sleep in my bed for a week before I truly accepted it. It's similar to PTSD, but more short-term in this case."

"Yeah, I'm all sorts of fucked up" joked the Titan grinning. "I'm licking my palms and jerking off to MLP porn in my basement with Cheetos under my finger nails."

"Dude, I had PTSD" objected Baldemar.

"Did you do any of the things I just say?"

"Uh…"

"Don't answer that" ordered Saprus sternly.

"I wasn't intending to."

The inventor paused, the ring of a phone distracting him. "Sorry. Gotta take this."

"Ah, you gave Gaige a custom ringtone" joked Dion. "I think I know that song. Cherry Pie by Warrant?"

"Shut up!" snapped Baldemar blushing beet red.

"Ah, little Baldy took a girl's virginity" mocked Taika. "That explains the blood on your sheets a week ago."

"For your information, she wasn't a virgin."

"As if that wasn't obvious…" murmured Saprus. He didn't mean it as an insult, but more as a joke.

"Well…it was her first time with a guy, but her hymen was gone so…"

"Can you just answer the damn phone!" barked the Titan. "God, no one wants to hear about the adventures of Roddy Piper and his trusty side-fuckbuddy Pink Glove!"

"Dude…what the hell is wrong with you?" asked Taika. "I know what those terms mean…and…what the fuck?"

"What? Those are all perfectly acceptable terms for modern conversation!"

"Bullshit they are!"

"Everyone shut the hell up!" shouted Baldemar. "I'm calling my girl."

He flipped open his phone and pressed it to his ear. "Hey baby."

"Hi baby!" roared Dion leaning over the couch. "Wanna fuck!?"

The inventor reached around and smacked him across the face, knocking him to the floor. "You asshole!"

"Ooooh, is that so?" inquired Gaige from the other side. "Well I was gonna ask for a date, but if that's the case, I'll be there by 8."

"Score!" yelled Dion from the floor.

"She meant me you idiot!" snapped Baldemar.

"Ya never know. Once you go green, you never go back" joked the Titan gesturing to his hair.

"True that" said Saprus, pointing to his dark green patches underneath his eyes.

"Brotha!" shouted Dion in his best imitation of a New York City gangbanger. Given that he was maybe 5' 4" and wore a white suit with green hair, it didn't exactly work.

They bashed fists, seemingly enjoying themselves.

"So make sure to bring that toolkit from last time…" stated the inventor who was still talking to his girl over the phone.

"Wait, what's this toolkit?" inquired Taika.

"It's chock full of NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" yelled Gaige over the phone.

"Easy babe. It's just some stuff we use" responded Baldemar.

"Oh, kinky" commented Dion.

"You mean you don't use stuff?"

The other three Vault Hunters paused awkwardly.

"Uh…not really…" replied Taika.

"Never" said Saprus.

"Not really my cup of tea. Mainly since I'm more of a coffee guy, but still…" mused Dion.

They were interrupted (thankfully) by someone walking into their quarters. It was Baskerville, who appeared rather agitated. He had on a long grey jacket over his body with fur over his collar, wrists and coat tails.

"Dude, you make fur WORK!" complimented the Titan. "I can't wear it, but damn it looks good on you. No homo."

"Thanks. Anyway, we got urgent business" answered Baskerville leaning on a pillar.

"Oooh, is that Baskerville?" asked Gaige over the phone. "Tell him I said hi! And make sure not to fuck Lilith too hard! She is very delicate and she may…"

"Shut up!" snapped the wereskag. "God, you don't think I know all that? I did read her doctor's report. Granted I absolutely ignored it when I…"

"Moving on" interrupted Dion awkwardly.

"Yeah, sorry. Listen, we know a way to get the Vault Key back."

"Then what are we waiting for?" questioned the inventor impatiently. "About time you upper brass got some idea on what to do. You don't expect us lower class soldiers to get all the good ideas, do you?"

"Due to your lack of intelligence, we never expected anything of you except to shoot people" insulted the wereskag without skipping a beat.

"Is that anyway to treat a lady?" inquired Taika cheekily. It was obvious she honestly didn't expect him to treat him specially.

"No. Treating women differently is sexist" clarified Baskerville. "Anyway, the Fast-Travel is configured. Just…be ready to kill some stuff."

"Oh, I love killing things" said Dion. "It's my third favorite activity. Right behind drinking and raving."

"You looked like a raving type" commented Taika. "I could see you plastering glow-stick fluid all over your chest and snorting Pixie sticks."

"Ah, good times" murmured the Titan. "Good times…"


	67. Chapter 67: Crazy Train

**To my loyal fans (and by extension Violent) I apologize for not having updated in a while. Due to the fact that my Internet has been cut off from lack of money I will not be able to update as often as I'd like (and before you even ask Violent, yes I won't be on Skype as often). I do not know how long this will continue or how severe this will be. I apologize for this inconvenience, but believe me it sucks just as bad for me too. Anyway, I can update at this moment at least. Have fun reading.**

The train spiraled through the ice, the new landscape unfamiliar to most of the people there. This train was outfitted to plow clean through the material without slowing down, similar to the one Salvador used that one time in the Dirt. Ah, good times.

All Vault Hunters, new and old, stood in the train. At the front of the car stood Salvador and Mordecai, who were talking about something in Spanish. The sniper has Nightrazor on his arm and the Gunzerker was hefting two immense shotguns under his elbows. They both talked like they were comrades, which wasn't too far from the truth since both of them were Truxican in origin.

Gaige and Baldemar were seated on a bench, the young girl's head resting on his chest. He was twirling one of her pigtails half-absently while she did the same to his dreads. They both seemed to be lost in their individual activities, noting the design and structure of their different braids.

Saprus and Taika were both discussing something casually, the infected now wearing his mask again. The huntress was concentrating on their conversation, but every so often glanced at Mordecai, or El Cazador in her eyes. It was probably out of admiration more than anything.

Dion and Baskerville were eating something that might've once been a pig, or at least that's what everyone hoped it was. It was half-cooked at best and blood poured down their mouths, but no one commented on that. No one wanted to comment. To his credit, Dion tried to avoid the bloodiest bits. Usually.

Krieg and Maya were in the back, the psycho laying his head in her lap. She was playing with the long sloppy hair he had obtained while in the Reformatory, smiling gently. Every time she slightly tugged on it he let out what sounded like a growl but was more akin to a purr, like one a cat would give while being stroked. The psycho's eyes never once gazed at anything else, perfectly content to be with this woman.

"**Pretty lady…is nice…"** he murmured simply, the mask still pressed to his face to prevent excess oxygen from reaching his mouth.

Maya nodded, cupping his face with her other hand. He let out a noise that could've been a grunt of pain, but let her continue. It was like physical contact was new to him and he was slowly adjusting to it, which wasn't too far from the truth.

Brick and Wolfenstein were both taking a nap, one of them snoring incredibly loudly. The berserker's lungs were akin to a jet engine, shaking the bed with every breath. The werewolf didn't so much as take a whimper of air, his body still and collected. Both of them had their weapons over their chests, thankfully with the safeties in the safe position.

Axton and Zero were casually leaning on the side of the train, enjoying the silence they both had between them. The commando has a cigarette in his lips and was flicking the lighter on and off again to watch the flame flare up before dying down and repeating it. The assassin had his head tucked down and was reading a small book. It was written in kanji characters and he was probably the only one who could read it on that train.

Lilith was reading a large handwritten book, a new gas mask over her mouth. Her mask seemed rather modern and sleek compared to Saprus's or Krieg's, with far less edges or missing spots. It was curious to why she had to wear it, but it was probably a stupid question to ask why someone needed a gas mask if they were already wearing a gas mask.

Lupus Cithara was seated on the floor, his hair hanging down along with his head. He was strumming his guitar occasionally, murmuring some solemn verses as he did so. He didn't so much as a guitarist as he did a monk, further emphasized by his loose robe and prayer beads.

Rocko the Badass was shining his metallic knuckles on his gloves, taking very precise care with it. He still had his reel on his back, but now he had a large metallic necklace around his neck. To any who would recognize it, it was the symbol of the Slabs. The organization had been disbanded long ago, but its two leaders still lived.

Jessup adjusted his straw hat casually, fingering the steel band that marked the razor edge of the accessory. On both of his arms were metallic devices that held dozens of new gadgets, all of which he had personally installed. He probably wished he was murmuring obscenities right now, one of his favorite activities.

They were en route to the Dahl base near the Southern Shelf, a secondary continent that had drifted towards the main one a few months ago. It was a wonder they had found it so quickly. They had finally decided to stop screw around and brought literally everyone along. They would do this thing now or never, and now was a lot sooner on their agenda.

"Holy mother of fucking Jeff, this dick-licking shitworthy son of a douchebucket train has been running since the beginning of goddamn time!" yelled Jessup, letting go of all his built-up swear words all at once. "When is this spunk-drunk cum dumpster gonna get there?!"

"ETA thirty minutes" answered Zero simply, not even looking up from his book.

"Dick-licking split-kicker!"

"Split-kicker? Gonna add that to my next song" murmured Lupus strumming his guitar. "Split-kicker, split-kicker. I could manage it, totally."

"Shut up ya douchenozzle! You haven't written a goddamn verse in so long, I think your pen was developing freaking leg cramps!"

"Ya" muttered the guitarist slightly saddened. "It's true."

"You seem angrier than usual" commented Lilith not even looking up. "What happened to the quiet grunt we had outside our doors?"

"Well there's a really good fucking story behind that" said Jessup leaning over the seat dramatically. "Ya see, things really went to shit when Roland kicked the can, so me and a bunch decided to punch out after we nailed Jack's limp dick off our planet. I had enough of this shit so I kinda went on vacation."

"You were slaughtering entire cities when we found you again" replied the older Siren.

"It was relaxing" defended the pseudo-monk.

"Whatever. Why did you accept our offer of working with us again?"

"Ugh…I guess I felt bad. You guys gave me hot foot, a bunk and plenty of girls, so I figured it was rude to just never see ya again. Guess I thought I owed ya."

The pseudo-monk flicked his wrist and revealed a huge blade out on the underside of his arm, similar to a sickle. "And now, I got a whole ton of new toys courtesy of Gaige. I'm gonna kick some meatbag ass."

Lilith nodded. "And what about you Rocko? Figured you would've tried to keep the Slabs together."

The rapper glanced at her. "Not really my style, if you catching my drift. Most of the boys back home, man they don't even lift. But the main reason is, I couldn't comprehend. Leading them boys, without Brick over my head. That man saved my life, give a home and some rest. Down in my books, Brick is one of the best."

"So you didn't want to lead a social revolt with Brick gone like what I did when Roland died?" inquired Jessup. "No offense Lilith."

Rocko shook his head. "Naw aw man. If you wanna rebel so bad, that's great for you. But leaders like Brick are both far and few. I ain't a leader, I was just born to rap. And fight and kill and take a shitton of naps."

"Amen brother" said Brick from his bunk, raising a fist to the sky.

Lilith chuckled to herself and pressed a hand to the com-link on her ear. "Scooter, how you doing old buddy?"

"I'm doing perrty good!" yelled the redneck mechanic. "Hot damn, this baby handles like a dream come alive! Sal and Ellie gave this thing more presents then an alpha bitch cheerleader at the senior prom, where she happens to be dating the star quarterback and having an illegitimate child who actually turns out to be from the socially unaccepted nerd! *long breath* Damn that was a long metaphor!"

She smiled. "So you like it?"

"Hell ya I do! This train would make my Uncle Lenny proud! Granted, Uncle Lenny was a Hodunk and probably couldn't count all of his fingers even if he numbered the damn things, but still he would've liked it. By da way, what's a rave-inn?"

"I think it's pronounced ravine" corrected Lilith. "It's a deep hole in the ground, like a valley. Why do you ask?"

"Well, cause we just passed a sign that said summin about one of those rave thingies. And apparently it's dead ahead."

The Siren's eyes widened. "We're approaching a ravine?!"

"Uh, yeah da sign said summin like that."

"Scooter, hit the big button!"

"Which one!? They're all kinda big! I'm short-sighted remember?"

"The one with the bunny foot on it!"

The mechanic paused for a bit. "Oh, that makes sense. Rabbit's foot means luck. Well, I hope it's got some luck!"

Something below the train detonated, launching the thing clean off the ice.

"Uh, are we airborne?" inquired Dion nervously.

"Man, this seems to happen to use a lot" murmured Saprus dryly.

The train smashed back onto the ground, swerving slightly on the smooth surface. Then the spiked wheels dug into the ice and kept propelling them forward.

"Heh. Perfect" mused Gaige. "I do make a good train."

"The boost was my idea" reminded Salvador.

"Yeah, but you nearly flipped last time. I made it stable."

Axton chuckled. "She's right ya know."

"Oh shut your freaking trap!" roared the Gunzerker.

Mordecai shook his head, trying to clear the vertigo he had gotten during that experience. "Damn, being drunk was not a good idea. I feel like I just had a root canal."

"Tell me about it" said Jessup leaning against the wall. "Fucking truckers, I'm seeing two Rockos, and that's an ugly sight."

"Hater" spat the rapper.

"True dat" commented Lupus, who didn't even look shaken by the jump. Judging by his attitude, nothing short of a gunshot to the head would upset him.

"Ah go fuck yourselves!"

Lilith ignored them and kept in contact with Scooter. "We stable?"

"Yes we is, Lily. Our course is straighter then our buddy Jessup's cock right now."

"Damn right it is" murmured the pseudo-monk. "Wait, what the fuck did he just say?!"

"Ignore him" said Rocko.

"We nearly ready?" asked Brick from his cot.

"Getting close Brick" assured Lilith. "Get your fists ready."

"Lilith, my fists are always ready" replied the berserker.

"Yeah, he sleep-punched me once" muttered Lupus. "That was a real splitting headache."

"Punched ya pretty hard?" asked the Siren.

"No, he cracked my fucking skull open."

"Ha! I get it!" shouted Jessup. "That was….a pun or some shit right?!"

"Clearly you don't read much" murmured the guitarist.

"The fuck you just say?!"

"Nothing."

"Hmph. Stupid emo guitarist bitch."


	68. Chapter 68: Avengers Assemble

Josef Muller chewed on the small mint in his mouth, rolling the treat with his tongue. He wasn't nearly as angry as he was a few days ago, seemingly having calmed down significantly. "Ah, these are damn good mints, ja."

"Thank you" said Stanton Dahl. He was seated in a fourth seat at the war council, his grin like a shark. "My company tries our hardest to make premium products."

"Premium my foot" snapped Jacqueline Maliwan, clacking her heels against the table for emphasis. "My company has twice the quality in all of our products."

"Well Ms. Maliwan, I only have half of your money" replied the Dahl CEO sharply.

"Heh" chuckled Maxwell Tediore, himself chewing on one of the mints as well. He appeared to be amused by the sharp comment towards the female.

"Oh shut up!" roared the Maliwan CEO. "It's not like you care a damn about quality!"

"I don't" stated the Tediore CEO simply. "I'm a numbers man."

"Please gentlemen, let's get back to the topic at hand" said Josef peacefully. "We are all very grateful my friend Mr. Dahl finally saw our light of reason at the end of his tunnel of turmoil. Your help will be instrumental to our victory on Pandora and all future worlds."

"Of course Mr. Muller. I will happily assist" responded Stanton gracefully.

"Good. Now for the primary matter."

He pointed out the window, noting the snowy landscape before him. "This tower is your headquarters, which unfortunately, is now being attacked by nearly all of our foes. They will be here in less than twenty minutes."

"Why are we still here?" asked Maxwell simply.

"Patience. I have an idea. It is true my armies have suffered great losses, with nearly all our specialists being wiped out. Thankfully, we still have three of our most valuable."

Three people stepped from the shadows, all of them bowing.

Arcum Sagitta had his bow tucked under his arm, his scarf wound tight against his neck. "My masters."

Jorr had his arms crossed over his chest, the new gauntlets adoring his wrists. "Sirs."

Dane/Zane had his hands clasped in front of his face, similar to a priest in prayer. "Good afternoon, ya bitches."

Josef smiled. "You three are our final means of defense. You, out of all our specialists, are the best of the best."

"We understand. We shall eliminate the newest generation of Vault Hunters" stated Arcum simply.

"Oh no, that's a horrible idea" spat the Bellum CEO.

They all paused, unsure on what to do.

"So what we gonna do?" asked Jorr bluntly.

Josef grinned, his smile almost splitting his face. "Something much more…productive."

* * *

The train stopped right outside the base, the building dwarfing it in size. It was as big as a luxury liner in terms of ground space, with a single tower stretching well above the other buildings. It was fairly impressive, even though it had only been built recently.

"Nicholas, Montgomery, Torgue, you all ready?" asked Lilith as she stood up.

"Ready to bring violence" answered the Siberian man calmly.

"Hell ya! Let's kick some ass!" yelled the redneck.

"OF F***ING COURSE I'M READY! LET'S TEACH THESE BASTARDS A LITTLE R-E-S-P-E-C-T!" roared the testosterone junkie, or Torgue for those who didn't understand the metaphor.

"Good. Mel and Del, status."

"My brother has just been knocked unconscious by Tina, so I have taken over" replied Del slightly exasperated. "While difficult, I can suffice without him, mainly since he only ogled at Tina anyway while he was conscious. We are preparing aerial strikes at this moment, waiting for your say-so. Or if you die we're blasting it to kingdom come. No offense."

"Good, just like I ordered."

"Make sure you come back, Lily-cup!" exclaimed Not-So-Tiny Tina. "If they kill you, I'm gonna shank em! No one takes my bitch without my say-so! YOU HEAR ME JOSEF?! I WILL…"

She was cut off and Del quickly took the phone back. "Sorry about that. Anyway, all systems are a go."

"Roger."

Lilith adjusted the gas mask, the one required to prevent an accidental transformation due to the Eridium in the air. "Well ladies and gentlemen, I guess this is goodbye."

Baskerville smirked. "Ya really think so sweetheart? You think this is it?"

"Fuck no. Let's go kick some ass."

He nodded, flexing his arms and turning them into claws. "Yes ma'am."

"Let me show you how a real wereskag hunts, pup" taunted Wolfenstein unclasping the sleeve to his left arm. As he did so he revealed that his arm had transformed into a massive claw even bigger then Baskerville's, the features a bit more human as well.

"Oh boy, there's so much stuff to punch!" yelled Brick extremely excited, bobbing on his feet like a kid in a game store.

"Right behind ya boss" said Rocko turning his left arm into an icicle spear.

"There's plenty for both of us" stated Mordecai pulling out his sniper rifle. "Let the best man win."

"I intend to" murmured Zero drawing his sword.

"Krieg, go all out, would you sweetie?" asked Maya gently.

"**OF COURSE PRETTY LADY!"** exclaimed the psycho. **"I'M READY FOR A PICNIC, AND I BROUGHT EXTRA SOUR CREAM!"**

Axton lit another cigarette, his rifle slung over his shoulder. "This might be my last meal. Least it tastes good."

"Nonsense!" roared Salvador hoisting his shotguns. "You better not die, or I'll kill your dumb ass!"

"Same goes to you, Knight!" shouted Gaige. She was riding on the shoulders of a huge robot servant, a Deathtrap.

Baldemar grinned. "Got it. Get all dirty for me and don't wash it off."

"That's fucking gross" murmured Dion. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, censor what you say."

"Fuck censorship!" yelled Jessup, his hat perched precariously on his head. "Censorship can suck my throbbing, purple, swollen cock!"

"Gonna scalp me some bitches" muttered Taika loading her sniper rifle.

Saprus whispered something in response and cocked his guns, his gauntlet ready to open for a blast of Plaque IX.

Lilith turned and activated her Siren wings, smiling behind her mask.

"Come on. We have a Vault Key to steal back."


	69. Chapter 69: Ha, 69!

The Vault Hunters strode into the Dahl headquarters, slightly surprised by the surroundings. It looked almost exactly like the regular buildings they had seen from places like the Southern Shelf and Sanctuary, with similar methods of architecture and color schemes, but new. There were no signs of decay or destruction anywhere, making it appear uncannily similar but only so similar.

"Too quiet" muttered Axton nervously, his cigarette lightly perched on his lips.

"**NIPPLE SALADS!"** screamed Krieg at the top of his lungs, his buzz-axe roaring to life as well.

"BIG TITTY BLOWJOB MODELS!" yelled Jessup getting into the vibe.

"Too loud" murmured the commando covering his ears.

They all stopped when a huge garage door opened in front of them, the first building that they had seen when entering. The doors were at least twenty feet wide and could easily accommodate a few tanks.

"Watch it" ordered Lilith raising her hands, letting her powers take root.

The door fully opened and outstepped a large clothed man, almost six feet tall. Only one person recognized him.

"You that sucka who jumped me!" shouted Rocko.

"He jumped you?" inquired Brick.

"Ya, him and a bunch of his homies. Didn't stand a lick of a chance."

"Well that's not fair" murmured the berserker. "Let's teach this ass some manners."

The man removed his hood, revealing himself to be none other than Zane. This time his entire face was a blue color, unlike the usual red and blue shade, meaning that the other side of him was somewhere else.

"Good afternoon" said the blue side smiling gently. "I am Zane, one of the final defenses against your little invasion. May I please ask that you depart peacefully?"

"**These words…they're so strange…"** muttered Krieg confused. **"What does 'peacefully' mean?"**

"Yeah, no" snapped Lilith. "We're taking that Vault Key back. It was ours before you stole it."

"And then you stole it" reminded Mordecai.

"Shut up you fucking falconer!"

He chuckled dryly. "You're killing me Lily."

Zane shook his head. "I apologize, but we cannot. We need that Vault Key. May I interest you in something of equal or lesser value to take?"

"Yeah, your life" spat Jessup. He spun his arm, a huge chorus of blades whistling as they exited their sheaths in his armor. "No returns."

"Hmm. How unpleasant" murmured Zane. "Oh well. Too bad."

With those two words, two other things happened at once.

A huge arrow smashed into Jessup's head, splitting the thing in two and cleaving it from the neck up. He began to digistruct, a precaution that only he had done due to his intense paranoia of alien abduction. Don't ask.

Rocko flew into a nearby building, a flash of black and orange immediately following him. It happened so fast that it was impossible to tell which happened first.

The rapper landed inside the building and turned to his attacker. Just in time to get a fist in the face. Instead of a bruise however, this fist tore down to the bones and severed his jaw on the left side.

He grunted in pain and tried to attempt a stab himself but his opponent slugged him right through his hand, the force tearing his arm into two pieces all the way down to his elbow joint. Then the hand left the groove of his arm and stabbed him in the neck, rupturing his windpipe. He was a Titan, but it would take at least half an hour to recover from such a fatal blow, especially considering how much pain he was in.

"Jessup!" roared Mordecai surprised.

"Rocko!" exclaimed Brick.

The two new opponents revealed themselves, each of them proudly brandishing their weapons.

"El Cazador, an honor yet again" said Arcum drawing his bow.

"You're next" taunted Jorr licking the blood off his gauntlets.

The falconer dashed forward, Nightrazor flying off his shoulder and circling above him.

"Center shot!" yelled Mordecai leaping onto a building and firing in one motion.

Brick cracked his knuckles and stomped forward, his eyes filled with tears of rage. He dodged the first punch and threw his opponent across the street, splitting concrete from the impact.

"I'm gonna kill you" he snarled denting the ground as he walked. There was no clever hints or happiness in his voice. He was dead serious. He despised it when someone kicked the asses of his own men, especially when those people bragged about it.

Lilith turned to Zane. "Shit, he's trying to split us up. But now it's only us against him."

"Only him?" repeated Zane. "Curious, how you think your odds are still good. The only reason we sent so many people after Rocko and Jessup in the first place was because I couldn't do my proper duties due to an illness. But thanks to the now-deceased Doctor Marie Winter…"

"**Sorry about that!"** chirped Krieg not sorry in the slightest.

"…now I can properly do my real talents."

Zane then began unclasping the buttons on his cloak slowly, not at all bothered by his opponents.

"Fuck this waiting! Deathtrap, kick his ass!" ordered Gaige sternly hopping off his robot.

The huge death robot surged forward, its claw glistening with electricity. It appeared almost excited at this new target, as if it hadn't had combat in years. In truth, this wasn't far from accurate.

Suddenly a flash of blue appeared and Deathtrap disassembled himself rapidly, falling to pieces against the snow.

"The fuck!?" screamed Gaige in horror and shock. He hadn't been hurt or anything, it was like someone had removed all of the screws in his body.

The dust settled and revealed that over ten different people were standing around the pile of debris that was Deathtrap, various tools in their hands. All of them looked like Zane, with the same markings and the odd leather skin.

The original Zane smiled gently, his Glasgow grin now infinitely more disturbing. "I can replicate as many times as I need to. I am endless as the sea as long as I have bodies to inhabit. Before I couldn't do so, since my body wasn't producing the necessary proteins to support many clones, but now I can with relative ease."

"You asshole I spent weeks getting him back to fighting shape!" yelled the young schoolgirl. She raised a Bandit SMG, the magazine nearly the size of her head. "I'm gonna kill your dumb ass now!"

"Fucking aye!" agreed Baldemar summoning his Combat Clone. This time he had an emblem on his back with a medical symbol plastered there, making him look like a combat medic.

Zane chuckled. "Very well. Let's see how well you all can stand against the likes of me."

He spread his arms and the ten clones of him began to multiply, their skin splitting and allowing more creations to emerge from their gaping maws. It was akin to one of those Russian dolls with all manner of smaller dolls stacked inside, except these clones were perfect copies of one another. Soon there was at least a hundred standing in the courtyard, all of them grinning like the original.

"Many enemies/standing on this field of war/I grow excited" said Zero crouching down, his sword parallel to the ground in his typical samurai stance.

"Well shit, this is gonna be fun" stated Maya igniting her hands.

"**TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! AND TOMORROW, MAYBE MCDONALD'S!"** yelled Krieg at the top of his lungs.

"And I just ran out of cigarettes. Oh man" murmured Axton extracting a small SDU from his belt. "Time to show them your stuff old girl. Make papa proud."

"Bring it on, pendejos!" shouted Salvador raising his shotguns high. His eyes were turning a deep red color and he began to drool onto the ground, his rage seemingly coming back to him.

Wolfenstein and Baskerville both transformed, their bodies spasming as the inner skag revealed itself. Baskerville still had his black fur and multiple gaping mouths plastered across his head, but Wolfenstein's was a bit more elegant. His fur was a silver-grey color similar to metal and his mouth was completely closed as he transformed. Flicking his fur, he revealed that it actually was metal as it sparked when each individual hair struck each other, creating flares of fire from his back. They both roared however, their transformations complete.

"Let's go Baskerville!" roared Wolfenstein flicking his claws.

"Roger that!" answered the young wereskag excited, his breath panting the smell of blood from so many meals.

Dion grinned, stepping into an offensive stance, the sheer rage of his allies flowing into him. "Man, I've never been this excited. This feels so…awesome." His hair rose upwards, his eyes sparking with life. He slammed a foot into the ground and splintered the ice, roaring as his power began to multiply. "I'm ready to skin a fucker's face with my teeth!"

Taika smiled, summoning Roosevelt beside her. Then she flicked her wrist and summoned a second wyvern, this one a bright red color of code instead of blue. "Nidever, are you okay?"

"Yes my lady" answered the red wyvern, accompanying his blue-coded brother.

"You made another?" inquired Saprus.

"Yes I did" said the huntress smiling proudly. "I'm one proud mama."

He chuckled and unclasped his left gauntlet, Plaque IX floating around his hand. He raised it, his eyes growing black as well. This time his Plaque had tints of blue amongst it, making it appear almost ethereal in a way.

"The Black Wraith has arrived" he said calmly, his voice ominous in the snow.

Lilith stood amongst them, feeling almost out of place. Then she remembered that she was the leader, the precursor out of all of these people. She flared out her arms and her fiery wings exploded from her suit, baking the snow with heat and melting the ice.

"Let's kick some ass" she ordered charging forward.


End file.
